Moving age

[kinsaka]

I am a former marine and I know I drive hard ruled house, and my son wants out. Whats the legal age of moving? He is 16 right now, what should I do?

[Nadril]

Why exactly does he want out? Just saying your tough is a realy general sentance.

[kinsaka]

He is tired of me saying genral parent things like no calls after 10 no leving after 8. He is going throught the phase I went through of wanting out.

[insane]

He is tired of me saying genral parent things like no calls after 10 no leving after 8. He is going throught the phase I went through of wanting out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No leaving after 8:00pm is quite strict. I know when I was 16 my parents trusted me enough to let me stay out as late as I wanted - since there was nothing much for me to rebel against, I stayed a good kid. The more you compress your son's desires, the more he will want to rebel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The way I see it, as soon as he gets out, he'll be living quite wildly, unless you start giving him some freedoms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As for when he should move out, I can't really see him being financially ready for this at 16, or 18 for that matter.

[Greatsilverwyrm]

You'll find that most of us here are under the age of 24 or so, a very large majority under the age of 18. You may find better advice elsewhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You could send a PM to Sunli, though, perhaps she'll give you access to a different board that would most likely be of better assistance to you.. she'll know what you're talking about.

[WutangFlu]

if u let him go now he'll do whatever he wants and he'll get into alot of deep **** ya know... drugs, sex, gangs, all that crap some teens think are cool. in 15.10yrs.. i'd know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

u have control over him (in the U.S.A) until their 18, a legal adult.

[dwarfie76]

I am a former marine and I know I drive hard ruled house, and my son wants out. Whats the legal age of moving? He is 16 right now, what should I do?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Explain to him that your rules are really in order to ensure consideration of others rather than to impose arbitrary restrictions on him and offer him independence in line with the effort he's willing to put into looking after himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If he has a job, start allowing him out later according to the amount he's able to put away in a savings account - that sort of thing. If he shows you that he's capable of acting like an adult, you start letting him feel like he's being treated accordingly. Sit down with him, discuss the concessions that you're willing to make and what you expect of him in return. I'm sure that if you're both fair in your expectations then you'll be able to come to an agreement pretty quickly. After all, living at home is a pretty sweet deal, even if your ex-marine father does run a tight ship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If all else fails and he decides he really wants out then there's nothing much you can do except make sure he knows that, as your son, he has your unconditional love and will always have a roof over his head and food on his plate if he wants to return.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The other thing - depending on your situation - is if you have a bungalow, loft or basement that could be converted into a more independent environment. Where he could be more independent, but you'd have the reassurance of knowing that he was still under your roof.

[Mercifull]

if u let him go now he'll do whatever he wants and he'll get into alot of deep **** ya know... drugs, sex, gangs, all that crap some teens think are cool. in 15.10yrs.. i'd know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

u have control over him (in the U.S.A) until their 18, a legal adult.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thats rubbish, my parents were very liberal with me at that age. Letting me stay out late etc and i never did any of those things. A good parent will have brought up their children well enuf to be mature even when staying out late

[Rizla]

He's 16 and you won't let him out past 8 o'clock? No wonder he wants to move out, try treating him like an adult instead of controlling him like some sort of dictator, he'll respect you a lot more for it.

[Guest]

you are legally responsible for him until he's 18...you can let him just go but any [cabbage] he gets into will more than likely come back as parental neglect on your part.

[MPM]

As said before, you are legally responsible for him untill he is 18. The day he turns 18, he can legally move out of the house without you agreeing to it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are three ways around it that I know of, and ages depend on the state.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Way out 1: You consent to him marrying someone. Dont think thats likely though. 16 is a bit young for marrige. Also, in some states, that does not give the legal right to marry someone. Then again, its very possible for a 16 year old to have a child, as is most of these cases.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Way out 2: He marries someone without consent. In arkansas, you can marry someone at the age of 17 without parental consent. However, you are still under the control of your parents after. Still considered a minor.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Way out 3: Emancipation. Scary thought. From the sound of it, your divorced? Imagine your child divorcing you and going away. Thats basicly it. Dosnt happen often because it requires court time and lawers and other junk like that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Might I suggest a few changes for him? I'm 19, and was raised this way, and it worked well enough for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Curfue: at age 16: 10:00 It is a bit earlier than many kids around that age. but, I had to put up with it for a year. That is a good time for learning how to manage time to not get in trouble.

 

 

 

If he misses curfue even by a minuet, take a couple days away that he can stay out that late. Make sure he knows he is responsible for the time, and not to blame anyone or anything for being late. Weekends he gets an extra hour out to enjoy himself.

 

 

 

And he gets an extra hour added to his weekend time every year. This worked for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Responsiblitly: Do not give allowence. I don't beleive in it. Basicly you giving your kid money for living there, and you already pay his room, board, bills, and everything else. Make a list of things he needs to do every week and how many times. Make sure the list is fair and dosent require too much of him. He should be able to wash dishes abou 3x a week, clean his room(not to military standards. Allow some clutter.), Vacume the rooms he uses such as the livingroom, bedroom and hall. And have a part of the bathroom he has to keep clean.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For extra spending money: Make him get a job. Only 20 hours or so a week because I've learned that more isnt very good. Give him a car. Not a brand new one. One of the 500-1000 dollar cars you can buy anywhere that runs well. He has to keep gas in it. You will need to keep up on repair for it. Eventually, require that he pays his part of the insurence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm out of thoughts for now. Obove anything else, talk to him. Find some time that you and him can just sit down and talk about stuff so you can learn about what makes him do things.

[____]

I find things work better when:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You give them a moderate allowence (below bare-minimum to live on) HOWEVER, they have to pay for all their things out of it (board, petrol (if they have a car), clothes, etc).

 

 

 

Rather than you being the bill-master it falls on them early to be responsible with their money. If they appear to just be wasting it - cut it back severely and REFUSE to give them any more than the agreed. When / if they get a job, then you cut back the allowence so it is just the difference between their pay and what it was before (ie: the original allowence).

 

 

 

Although, this doens't come free - chores like usual. I know a few people are like "paying them for things they should do normally? what the!" but treat it like any other job if they have to pay for their own stuff. If they get sloppy, make it reflect in their allowence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And buying them a car I disagree with. Works better if they only get a car when they can afford to run and maintaine it.

[terley]

well im only 17 myself, so im thinking you'd benifit from an opinion from someone of your son's age.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My father's a sergeant (police officer) and he too keeps me in, but lets me out most times because he basically trusts me, my brother on the other hand steals from my mom, has thugish mates and is generally cheeky and arrogant so I suppose in comparisant im an angel :wink:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I think your talking about moving away from home, not curfew's.. :lol:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well when he's old enough to leave home all you can do is be happy for his decision, unless he can't leave home, but still hates being at home.. Just give him space, be flexible with what he can and can't do..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GSW's right though, maybe talk to another adult.. Im just too young :cry: ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just asked my mom.. 8)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She said it depends how many people there are in your family, if theres only him, maybe make his bedroom more of a place he can call his own.. Give him more space, but it also depends on how much you trust him.. Let him cook more of his own food etc..

[Striker6]

Dont let him go, lock him in his room an increase punishments children are there to be told what to do when to do it, if he disagrees bring out the belt.

[Bubsa]

Gee, kinsaka, can you hear us all back there in the 50s?

[db26]

Gee, kinsaka, can you hear us all back there in the 50s?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Haha. Funny cause it's almost true...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think you need to loosen up a bit. Has he given you any reasons for you to impose such stirct limitations on him? Or are these just your rules so that you don't have to later impose these limitations on him for doing something wrong (a punishment before the crime, to prevent the crime situation)?

[BlackFalcon]

USA- it's 18 to move from home. Unless your parents are divorced like mine. Then at 14 you are given the choice of which parents you live with. Sorry if it's a repeat didn't read all the posts.

[E_K]

when i was young, around 1st grade, my father married this woman who grounded me for every little thing i did. it kinda put into my head that i am a bad person so i started acting it out. that only lasted like two years at which time they got divorced and i was treated like a human again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

when i was 13-14 my dad and i got an apartment with his girlfriend and both of them worked alot which left me with alot of time to myself. it felt like i was just kinda living in the same house as them but i completely had my own life, some days i wouldnt even see my father. i cooked my own meals and did my own laundry, got up and went to school everyday on my own because everyone was gone before i had to get up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i'm 19 now and i go out all the time but wherever i am i leave at midnight, its just the time i set up for myself. i have never gotten into any real trouble and don't do anything that i could get into trouble for. i think that being raised with a lot of time to myself and lots of space, chosing what i wanted to do and when has made me a much better person than i might have ended up if i was raised in a very strict house, this of course is based on what i have seen with other people i know. in life there are no guarantees though so nobody here can truely tell you how to raise your son.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i myself am going through a similar situation with my girlfriend, she hates her parents but doesn't have a real reason, i think its just because they don't give her the space she needs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ps. i liked the basement idea

[weezcake]

My parents were very trusting of me. As long as they knew where I was, they'd let me go out as long as I want. But the brought me up never to do anything stupid-- I never stayed out too late and was always with friends if I ever was out late.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The question is: do you trust your son?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Legal age is 18. He's an adult then and legally you don't have any control over him. You two should probably work on a compromise so he doesn't move out so early.

[kinsaka]

well I use to trust him. But he got into Marijuana and I dont want him going through that. I might show him how he would end up if he smokes again. Ill just show him some pics of me when i was a hippie! Im gonna slacken and let him stay out till 10. He thanks you guys.

[soda711]

tell him he can only mve out of the house if he gets a job and is responsible enough to pay his own bills