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RuneScape news, humor, opinion, guides, and stuff

Entries in this blog

 

Local Blogger Resurfaces after Mysterious Disappearance

Troacctid, a popular blogger on Tip.It who was previously thought to have either been abducted by aliens or eaten by wolves after her unexpected disappearance several years ago, was spotted alive and well this week at a local gaming store.   "What? My blog? Oh, right, yeah, that's a thing that I used to do! So you're a fan, huh? HYT!" said Troacctid. "Yeah, I'm pretty much off of that game. But there were some good memories for sure."   The former blogger denied having mysteriously vanished. "Wh

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

The News in Brief

The oldest tree in RuneScape, an appropriately-named Elder Tree near the resting place of Guthix, is turning 0.009 years old this week. No celebration is planned.   The Keldagrim Black Guard still refuses to release information on the four prisoners recently arrested on suspicion of spying and treason, spurring more protests from Dwarf Rights activists. Reports conflict as to whether the prisoners were exiled, executed, released, or kept in custody. None of the four has received a trial.   The a

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

The News in Brief

A group of environmental activists has organized a picket to protest druidic activities in Lumbridge Swamp that they claim threatens local wildlife. "What many people don't realize is that wetlands are an important part of the ecosystem," said a spokesman. "This incursion disrupts the hunting grounds of the R.O.U.S. population and jeopardizes the habitat of several rare endangered species of eldritch horrors from the demon realms."   An interfaith luchador tournament turned to chaos when Gludd,

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

An important meeting for the Guardians of Guthix

Kaqemeex: Hello everyone.   Chaeldar: Hi!   Fiara: Hello.   Death: Hi.   Juna: Hey.   Valluta: Good morning.   Kaqemeex: You all know why we're here, of course. We have to discuss how best to honor Guthix's memory.   Valluta: We must remain at our posts. Guthix tasked us to protect this world, and we shall.   Juna: Of course. But the world should remember Him. How can we spread the tragic news with dignity and respect?   Death: I could kill the Easter Bunny.   Fiara: Yes! Perfect!   Kaqemeex: Ok

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Breaking news: Guthix wakes, hits snooze button

Ardougne, 24 Moevyng 170   The earth trembled today as the great god Guthix, one of the most powerful beings in the known universe, was roused from a centuries-long slumber. It quickly stopped trembling, as Guthix immediately went back to sleep.   According to witnesses, Guthix, responsible for singlehandedly ending the God Wars that nearly destroyed the world, did proclaim unto his followers: "Just ten more minutes, mommy."   "He also said something about needing his rest, and that the cabbage

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Religious advocates call for the teaching of "alternatives" to Evolution of Combat

Varrock, 34 Novtumber 169   The widely-accepted Theory of Evolution of Combat has come under fire from fundamentalist Saradominists, who seek to introduce what they call an "alternative theory" to Gielinor's Combat Academies.   "There are a lot of things Evolution of Combat can't explain," said Geoffrey Quack, a representative. "For example, if blue crabs evolved from heim crabs, why are heim crabs still around? And it can't be a coincidence that the banana is the perfect size and shape to fit i

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Varrock Herald pulls "Black and White" comic strip

Varrock, 8 Septober 169   "Black and White", the daily cartoon starring two lovable penguins, has been pulled from the Varrock Herald's comics page.   The cartoon, drawn by an anonymous artist under the pseudonym "Flipper", had been the target of criticism from readers, who disliked its thick, political humor and had difficulty empathizing with the characters.   Above: Yesterday's "Black and White", criticized by readers as "Too opaque"   "It just wasn't popular," said Reldo Trimmly, editor of

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

6 Reasons why Song from the Depths (and One Piercing Note) should have been F2P

1. Novice quests should be accessible to novices.   It makes sense for players to do low-level quests when they're low-level. The vast, vast majority of players begin playing the free game. They don't subscribe off the bat. By making low-level content accessible to free players, you make it more likely that players will encounter it at the correct level to appreciate it. This is a good thing, yes?   2. It means putting the game's best foot forward.   RuneScape's gameplay is nothing special for a

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Buddy, can you spare some runes?

Hey buddy, got any spare runes?   Sir? Could you maybe spare a few runes?   I've fallen on some hard times lately. Lost my job. Lost my home. Can barely feed my family. Any runes you could give me would help, any at all.   Spare runes, miss?   How about you there, ma'am? I noticed you've been siphoning those blood esswraiths for two hours now. Surely you've got some runes to spare for a poor old man who's had some hard luck?   Will give runecrafting xp for runes.   Hey buddy, spare runes? N

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Rejected Fremennik Sagas

L'Heim   Have you ever wondered what a Heim Crab does all day? In this saga, you can experience firsthand what it's like to swim around in a small pool and avoid being caught, cooked, and eaten. Splash around enough and who knows, you just might become a real internet meme! Maybe. Someday. Probably not. How to start L'Heim:   Find a Heim Crab within Daemonheim, and then speak to Skaldrun on Daemonheim Peninsula. There are no skill requirements to start this saga.   REJECTED   Developer's note:

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Acme Toolkits, Inc. declares bankruptcy

Daemonheim, 25 Bennath 169   Acme Toolkits, the company responsible for providing toolkits to Daemonheim's spelunkers, declared bankruptcy yesterday in the wake of a massive drop in sales.   Before its fall, Acme Toolkits was responsible for the manufacture of some of RuneScape's most beloved multitools, including the Rogue Kit, the Mobilizing Armies Quest Kits, the Fish Flingers tackle boxes, the Dwarven Army Axe, and of course the popular Daemonheim Toolkits.   "It's these damn toolbelts every

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

JagMotion: Exclusive advance review!

Yes, it's true! I can personally confirm that the JagMotion is not merely a seasonal prank. I recently received an advance copy of the JagMotion in the mail from Jagex. Apparently someone up there reads my blog. I've been holding off until it was officially announced, of course, but now that , I'm happy to present an exclusive advance look at the JagMotion control system!  I started by going on a farming run, like I normally do. At first, working the bank was a little awkward, since instead of

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Morytania tourism board unveils new promotion: Free Pants

Canifis, 9 Bennath 169   Morytania's tourism industry has been struggling for years. Today, Morytanian Secretary of Commerce Snüp Dagg unveiled a new scheme to attract vacationers: free pants.   "Always in our town of Canifis when we show our true form, the human visitors they tell us they must change their pants," said Dagg. "We are believing that pants are key to the--how you say? Luring? Catching? Ah, attracting--the attracting of new visitors."   To be eligible for the promotion, travellers

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Archers thrilled to finally be able to shoot people in head, legs, torso

Edgeville, 3 Bennath 169   Rangers all over Gielinor rejoiced today with the release of Bakriminel bolts, which finally allow them to aim for the target's head, torso, or legs. Previously, it was only possible to aim for the target's feet or arms.   "Oh, yeah, I'm psyched," said R4ng3rno0b889, a local ranger. "Finally, I can aim for someone's torso! I've been trying to shoot their hands this whole time, and let me tell you, it's a right pain in the neck. This new way should be much easier."  

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Settlement reached in Loyalty Programme religious discrimination suit

Varrock, 34 Moevyng 169   Representatives on both sides of the ongoing legal procedures between the Gielinor Association for Religions Getting Legal Equality (a religious rights group) and Xuan (proprietor of the Loyalty Programme Shop in Varrock and Burthorpe) announced today that the parties have reached a settlement.   The lawsuit was originally filed last Wintumber in response to Xuan's release of two new auras, Salvation and Corruption, and two emotes, Divine Power and Infernal Power, each

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

YtHaar Hero III: Legend of (Obsidian) Rock

I'm mostly only writing this to make a YtHaar pun.   But in any case, I'm a YtHaar and proud of it.     Got me some sweet level-ups from the xp rewards, too.     That's Promethium weapons, Spellbook Swap, and...uh...88 ranged. Not bad. I'll take it!   I don't understand why the quest expected me to be indignant at the TzHaar culture. All the time they'd be like, "Yep, we send Ga'al off the the Fight Pits because they're useless to our society," and I see a chat option that goes (paraphrase)

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Troacctid Plugs: GrindScape, Googly Eyes, and Super Smash Land

Today I'd like to take the time to plug three cool things that you should check out while you're waiting for me to actually write something original. Well, I've written quite a lot of original things recently (I'm in two different writing classes this quarter, so I have a bunch of silly little short things that I've written for school). I just haven't posted them here cuz they didn't seem "bloggy" or "RuneScapey".   Anyway, instead, I'mma point out some other cool things that you should check ou

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Spontaneous firework attack shocks community

Members of the W22 Fishing clan were shocked last week when a local player, Troacctid, was assaulted, seemingly at random, by spontaneous firecracker explosions while checking a farming patch outside the monastery south of Ardougne.   It was terrifying, said bystander IronicMaiden. Pi was there picking berries, and out of nowhere, we heard this shoof-shoof-shoof POW CRACK BANG! And then the air was on fire!   MrEffigy, another witness, added: We were all pretty confused. Everyone was like, WTF?

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Nature runes

I was surprised today when Mod Mat K from Jagex contacted me, asking to use my blog to make an announcement about some game updates. I was happy to accept. Take it away, Mat!       Yesterday we made a small but necessary update to the high alchemy value of nature runes. The price of the nature runes was at a level where it was possible to buy them and alch them for a profit. This obviously had an impact on other items you would commonly alch for a profit and meant that as soon as you reached le

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Local player discovers it's actually spelled "Ectofuntus"

Bradley McKinley, 16, was shocked today when he learned that the name of the glowing green power source of Port Phasmatys, best-known as the location of the Ectophial teleport, is actually spelled "E-C-T-O-F-U-N-T-U-S".   "Yeah, I was looking at the world map today and I realized I'd been spelling it wrong for two years," said McKinley. "It's weird, cuz I always thought it was, like, a fungus thingy, right? Cuz fungus thingies are gross and slimy and grow on dead things. So I just assumed it was

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

High Stakes: 5 Facts About Branches of Darkmeyer

Light spoiler warning.                   1. Vanstrom Klause is a jerk.   He's killed me like eight times already. And he's organizing genocidal atrocities. And he gloats mercilessly about it. It's like if you crossed a Bond villain with Adolf Eichmann and the dog from Duck Hunt, and then gave him superpowers and made him drink blood. What a bastard.     2. The Blisterwood tree is disgusting.   Seriously, look at that thing. And it throbs. It's like a tree made entirely out of zits. I mean, just.

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Ask Evil Chicken

Another of my articles was published in the Tip.It Times. You can read it here.   They changed my (correct) punctuation of "parents' house" to (incorrect) "parent's house". There are two parents. It's plural. The apostrophe should be after the s. I checked my original submission and it was right the way I had it when I sent it in. So...someone changed it to be wrong. Nice, guys. Nice. -.-   But yeah. Click the link and check it out.

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

Ask a n00b

Dear n00b,   I have about 3k blue charms in my bank and I'm not sure what to do with them. My Summoning level is 80. What do you think would be the best way to spend all these charms? Or would it be better to save them?   --Charmed in Varrock     Hi Charmed:   My friend told me titans r good. But I did some math and ur going to need alot of spirit shards. Im not sure its worth the money. U would need 15m gp to buy them all, i dont think most people can afford it, its alot. Go to the party room

Troacctid

Troacctid

 

The Savvy 'Scaper's Guide To Becoming Fabulously Wealthy

You will need:   1 Papyrus 1 Knife 1 Bottle of red dye   Directions   1. Use Red dye -> Papyrus 2. Use Knife -> Red papyrus 3. Sell your new Red partyhat on the Grand Exchange 4. Profit!   Next week on The Savvy 'Scaper's Guide To Becoming Fabulously Wealthy: Earn millions by drinking just half a jug of wine!

Troacctid

Troacctid

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