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Alg

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Blog Entries posted by Alg

  1. Alg
    Pokemon rom hacks tend to be a mixed bag. You have gems that could very well hold their own against official releases directly alongside grindfesty bad fanfiction. This one... I have no idea where it will fall.
     
    Naturally, I decided to Nuzlocke it blind, because what could possibly go wrong?
     
    I played about... 30 minutes? of it before taking screenshots, so this will start past the annoying swampy bit at the beginning.
     
    By the way, the first major area was an annoying swampy bit, featuring nothing but poison-types, poison ivy, and a store that sold every healing item except antidotes alongside what can only be described as a level polynomial. That should have been the only warning I needed.
    [spoiler=God help me]

    The starter! Because there are five potential options available.

    The first catch, featuring AUTHENTIC GEN 6 POISON WEAKNESSES

    And this thing... Which is also poison-weak. Yaaaay.
     

    The region map. By which I mean Regions. Plural. Johto and... Tunod. Where every city and major area is named after sweets.
    Speaking of the annoying swampy area...

    The next town is on the other side of it, because apparently people in Tunod are hardcore enought to treck through POISON WASTELANDS for their daily commute.
     

    That poison ivy at the bottom? On one hand, lets you bypass most of the trainers in the area. On the other, it poisons your team, before you can buy antidotes.
     

    Bug catchers are the butt of everyone's jokes, and all of the other ones in this hellhole have had level 5-7 early worms, like always.
     

    ...This guy did not.
     

    Intimidate is perhaps the best ability anything could ask for in the earlygame.
     

    But of course, the game would not be satisfied until it had left me broken and buried at the bottom of the swamp.
     

    During this match, I proceeded to:
    1: Take an ungodly amount of damage
    2: Suicide-Paralyze it
    3: Take even more damage
    I should mention once again that this is the equivalent of Viridian Forest.
     
    But I won!

    ...Kind of.
     

    This would be the perfect spot to rebuild had the hacker not put a cut tree in front of the grass.
     

    Alas, time for whatever gym is in here.
     

    Catch in the city's power plant/grinding den, where everything knows thunder wave.
     

    And an ill-fated attempt at grinding!
     
    One abnormally stressful healing trip later

    This line made it all worth it.
     

    Crit magnettm
     

    This guy is hardcore.
     

    Step 2 of blind, underleveled rebuilding: Talk to everyone and hope they give you free shit.
    ...Emphasis on that last word.
     
    Back to grinding. Maybe I can Ralts solo or-

    oh.
     

    CRIT MAGNET
     

    Aaand we're done here.
     
     
  2. Alg
    Well, here it is. The last chapter of this mess of a hack, and I guarantee that it will have a satisfying ending. And if it doesn't... Well, I actually made a video of the last bit. That's something, right?
     
    [spoiler=END OF POKEMON GSC]

    We left off here, after my lazy ass failed to get the badge on Thursday.

    He lifts rocks for exercise, of course.

    This island used to be filled with water and ice.


    And he clearly had nothing to do with that, right?


    Do I ever
     

    Look at that man's magnificent mustache.

    ...And then I kind of trivialize him with all of my anti-fire attacks. Oops.

    Ted even gets in on the action!


    6/8
     



    "And then I'll burn it all down again!"

    And then that guide guy finally shows up, making this an official gymnasium and not just a sweaty dude in a cave.
     
    Anyway, I head out into...

    This very bright and open TUNNEL.
     

    And take the long way to this city.
     

    Official name: Anzu. Close enough

    What a [bleep] though. Poison.
     

    And tricks. Don't forget the tricks. Normally I'd complain but I need the exp.
     

    Yes, even the guy.
     

    Well, this isn't-

    [/paradox]
     

    Unlike other birds in this series, she makes an effort to try to fly.
     
    ...But of course, her team is a lower level than the weakest of the FOUR EMPERORS


    Fun fact: she was supposed to hand out the pink badge.
    7/8
     

    And now we're back at the LEGO GYM

    ...But I'm the current champion. I beat the caped guy and everything.

    At least he's polite.

    And, as GREEN is a championship, his GYMNASUIM is champion.
     

    Story of my life.
     


    This sentence is all kinds of great, and perfectly encapsulates everything Vietnamese Crystal is.
     


    Well not yet, but I'm working on-

    Oh.


    Yes, it's too low. Wild ELFs don't break 10, and your CURATORS are weaker than the guys that I had to beat to get here! I'll bet you're just as low-leveled as they are.



    Yes, bring out your level 45-


    ...OKAY that's a hell of a level spike, I shouldn't have said anything

    I REGRET EVERYTHING

    After much struggle...


    8/8
     


    Finally someone acknowledges it!

    ...Well, that turned around quickly.
     
    And now, the final arc.
     



    He'd better. Now gimme my diploma

    Eh?


    EH?

    Shit. I shouldn't have taunted everyone. now they want me dead in an "accident".
     

    Context not necessary.
     
    Anyway, on I went.

    And this doesn't seem so bad!

    Hardly mountainous at all!

    There's even one of these, it can't be that dangerous.
     

    Well, here we go. Not that I know what's in here.

    Bit of this first. You know, to end on a positive note.
     
    Okay, you know how I said it wasn't dangerous? I lied. It has these.

    I have to grind on them, and they know Rest.
     
    But after much cheating grinding,

    The last ENVOLVOLUTIOM
     
    And the last catch:

     
    And the last battle:

    [spoiler=RED]

     
     
     
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Behind the Scenes]

    I'll be honest, I did not see that ending coming. I'm keeping it solely because it means that this save ended the same way it began, and I am a sucker for that sort of thing.
    Once again, thank you all for putting up with this. Especially Erika, who's more patient than she lets on and is probably one of the first people to try to make sense of this game. Here's the last of her work (Until I edit more of it in).
     
     
  3. Alg
    You know what? To make up for only getting one badge last time, I'm going to hit three gyms in this part. Three. In addition to enough double entendres to... I dunno, something borderline offensive.
     
    [spoiler=RACE TO THE FINISH]

    But first, a roadblock.

    And I kind of forgot to get the radio card the first time around. Backtracking!
     
    Luckily, I know where to get it.


    Sounds... Harmless?


    Sounds like me. She can't be all bad, then. Unless she uses humor to hide crippling insecuriDID I JUST SAY THAT?
     
    The conversation ended on an awkward note, with him randomly exclaiming the first thing to come to mind.

     
    So I met this woman who is probably like me...

    ...And discovered that she is, in fact, me. What a twist.

    I'll admit that I actually laughed until I cried when this line came up. HIPPIE MOPPET

    Did.. Did I just conscript myself?


    At least I pay well.

    So I agreed to help myself, and asked for directions... Though deep down, I always knew where it was.

     
    Confused, I made my way south.

    I found a moppet. I checked the smell to see if it was a HIPPIE MOPPET, and was pleased to find an odor I remembered from a '70s rock band concert.


    Clefairy's name in Japanese is Pippi (ピッピ). Get your minds out of the gutter!

    So he has a... Fake Pipi.
     
    Which he gave me.

    I'm going straight to hell for this.
     

    But the man has very clear priorities.
     
    I would have left, but there's a guy here that's giving out (rare) candy!

    ...Okay...?

    Okay, no. Just no.
     
    So I went to get the ticket again:

    This was... Not it.
     
    And now I could back track, and take the quiz I missed in Part 8!

    You thought I was joking about that, didn't you?
     
    In addition to picking up the bike.

    How the hell did I miss this?
     
    So I went back to Snorlax, and listened to the radio:

    They have some odd programs, in Kanto.
     
    And got incredibly lucky because I froze it before it destroyed my game with rest!

     
    And so, I entered the Western Front. It was... Quieter than I expected.

    Didn't last long, though. The nightmare train has currently stopped here.
     
    You know what this means, though, right?

    MORE BUDGES

    The bane of everyone who picked Charmander. Luckily, I have TED

    And just like before, they don't actually use the rock type.
     


    Badass.

    From first gym leader (and anime comic relief) to CHAMPION. The years have been kind to him.
     

    ...Except the move protect also crashes the game! Woo!
     
    So I tried again.

    Fun fact: The rock-type has the same number of weaknesses and resistances as the Grass-type... Making it one of the worst defensive types in the game.
     
    FINALLY, I'VE MET MY EQUAL
     

    Except I won, and they started using BUDGE again!

    Could be worse. Could be beige.
     
    Anyway, you know what I found just a little farther south?

    ANOTHER GYM

    ...Without a curator.
     
    Plan B: south again
     

    Plan C: die of nostalgia.
     
    Eventually, I found the man who built a gym out of LEGO.

    He's baack!


    Not a champion, a championship. The man had become a concept.


    Well, shot down just like that.
     


    And now I'm going to die of volcano. Tell my wife I loved her.


    "SOMEWHERE THAT ISN'T GOING TO BE KILLED"
     
    So I did.
     
    I found another gym.

    A tiny bit more... Well, it's a cave with a dude in it. What do you want me to say?

    But a gym is a gym, right? Next time. I've visited three gyms, just like I said I would. I didn't say I'd win three BUDGES
     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE KANTO]
    With good reason. I'm so close to the end I can taste it. Part 5, the FINAL CHAPTER OF VIETNAMESE KANTO, will be available for your viewing pleasure on Saturday.
     
     
     
    [spoiler=BEHIND THE SCENES]
     
     
  4. Alg
    You know how I said BADGES at the end of the last part? The plot had other Ideas. I'm just going to get one. And then throw a ton of out-of-context quotes at you. Enjoy!
     
    [spoiler=PLOTBERG]

    Right... Nobody's in the gym. Lazy bastards.
     

    There's stuff over here I can do, though. Luckily, I have my SAW left over from the last part!
     

    No context available.
     
    ...
     
    Moving on!



    Confession: I'll admit that I love this use of "many".
     


    "Yes, that's right! Pay them! And then the money electrocutes them!"
    "Genius!"
     
    Well, nothing I can do here, might as well go try to grasp some-



    So this is what being conscripted feels like...
     
    Anyway, checking the gym first, because this is an ELF MONSTER game and society revolves around those things.

    MISSILE BOMB!
     




    Fun fact: this guy speaks gratuitous English in the Japanese games, and broken English in the English ones. Here? About the same language as everyone else. He's finally home.
     


    But he's willing to turn a blind eye to all of my wrongdoing, so he can't be all that bad.


    And he was never heard from again...
     
    Especially since I can sequence break here!

    Ha! Suck it plot!
     

    Oh my.
     


    Only one thank? Bullshit.
     


    Condensed mightiness?! This is the best birthday ever!
     

    And here it is. My favorite line in the entire run.
     
    Now that I'm done there, time to go back to the gym and-

    Oh right. Plot. This time, to the north.
     

    NO CONTEXT NECESSARY
     

    I'm getting better at this.
     

    ...You know what? There are lines that even I won't cross. This is only one of them because of how easy it is.
     

    And now that's done. 6 men, won over.
     

    He's so proud of himself!

    Wait, what? Seven men?!
     

    But I got this for my trouble.

    Followed by the most straightforward fight in history.
     
    And now for more plot:

    This saves me the trouble of coming out later, I suppose...
     

    Do? Do.
     

    I'm not strong, everyone in this region is weak.


    Girlfriend? Yes plea-

    Aww
     


    Alright, now it's time to start.
     

    NO CONTEXT NECESSARY
     
    And now I have the BULU BADGE

    Except I forgot the screenshot.

     
    Anyway, I rushed a bit because I wanted to squeeze in another gym for this part, but you know what?

    They were on strike, and i wasn't about to cross the picket line. So I went elsewhere and encountered more plot.
     

    The Pokemon Tower, a place that as little as three years ago played a huge role in traumatizing legions of 10 year old gamers. Including me. But now I'm older and wiser, and slightly less afraid of ghosts than I was before!
     
    ...Surprise! It's actually an office building.

    But what was the question?


    I helped spies. I'm okay with this.

    Woo! Rewards for something I didn't do!

    ...Eh?

    WHAT HAVE I DONE
     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE KANTO]

    I meet BEAR's fat cousin!
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Behind the Scenes!]
     
     
  5. Alg
    Part 2! For the full experience, reread part 1 just before this, because that's how the gameplay worked. The joys of having to replay each part, with absolutely no negative consequences to each-

    Oh shit
     
    [spoiler=Join us for tonight's episode of: 'Will it crash?']
    Spoilers: it didn't. But I'm still not touching the item bag for a while.

    And here's a bonus thing, because you guys have been good.
     

    Anyway, back on the rails, where we meet...

    YED's evolution, the dreaded YEDE
     
    The gym has a teleport puzzle. I found the curator entirely on accident.


    As if by destiny!


    Finally, someone that doesn't want to fright me. Maybe this nightmare train is finally coming to an end.


    She's a robot... Sent from the future? That sounds like the plot of some movie or something, but I just can't remember which...
     

    Three years ago, this would have been terrifying, but now...

    Dark types exist.
     
    But of course, that would make things easy. So here's more TED


    Woo, defying fate!


    This meme is too overused, even for me. But it's there.
     


    I forgot how this statement ends.
     


    Woo, happy feels!


    ...Except for all of you guys that saddled me with TED, when the only Pokemon game that hates grass-types more is Vega. just kidding I love you all
     
    After that, a brief break to grasp a birdlittlestrawberrymebaby


    And then the locals yelled at me. Damned racists.
     

    No Alg, you are the elfs!

    I smell plot.
     
    But that's a story for another time. Maybe in a couple of weeks. Here and now...


    ...We have aging perverts!
     
    The leader here? None other than Erika.

    And knowing her, all of this greenery means it's a BUG gym.

    And by bugs, I mean insectivorous plants.
     
    I'm assuming that at this point, the main thing going through your minds is some form of "Alg, are you ashamed of all of these godawful jokes, you horrible excuse for a human being?" For that, I have a simple answer:

     

    OH MY GOD WHY DO I NOT HAVE ONE OF THESE SO CUTE OMG GIMME IT AAAA
    *cough*
    Sorry about that.
     
    Anyway, Erika:





    Very confident.
     

    I... What. I did not expect for there to be a math test today. Should have studied.
     

    My grade was dancing flower.
     


    The only BUDGE that isn't a color. Because it's a rainbow. Geddit?

    ...
     



    Oh right, curators hand these out.

    The suspense is killing me!

    Oh.



    [bleep] yes! This is why I love GRASS ELFS.
     
    I'll leave you all with these wise words.



     
    ...Is what I would say, but I can't upload the screenshots for this part!

     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE KANTO]

    I earn more badges
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Behind the Scenes!"]
     
     
  6. Alg
    It's 2014. I wanted to wait a week or two, but Erika had other ideas. So here it is, season 2 of Pokemon Vietnamese Crystal. Wherein Alg explores Kanto, wins eight more BUDGES, and finally, earns the title of "[wagon]".
    And worst of all, I'm on my own
     
    [spoiler=I'M ON A BOAT]

    I start the season in the same spot as I started the last one. My house.


    Except that the call knows where I live. Back to work...
     
    It's literally 10 feet from my house. He could have come in person.
     

    Yaay, presents!

    Oh.



    I get the feeling he's just trying to get rid of me. I'm the SUCCESSOR OF ELF, for god's sake, not some errand girl. [bleep] all of this, I'm done.
     


    Wait, what?

    Bribery! [bleep] yeah!

    As every 10 year old knows, this is useful for catching shinies that know selfdestruct or that run away legendaries. I'm sold, which way is Guandong?
     


     
    Of course, it wasn't long before the plot happened.


    An uncle lost a granddaughter on a ship. This is the beginning of every SAT question ever. I asked him for more advice: what does this girl look like, where was she last seen-

    Oh. Helpful.
     

    I was distracted by the fact that there were other coaches on board. Free experience is always a good thing.
     
    Plus, I get my own room!



     
    I... I just don't know anymore
     
    ...
     
    Moving on!

    I don't think he's actually a sailor

    OH GOD THE SHIP IS BEING ATTACKED BY SEA MONSTERS
     
    One epic combat montage later, and i saved the little girl.


    So.. So precocious.
     
    And now my reward!


     

    And arrived at my destination after a brief sucker punch in the childhoods.
     
    Anyway, you know what a new region means, right?

    MORE BUDGES
     

    MERICA
     



    Oh. I guess I'll leave then. No point inwait a minute...


    Oh god. He's a gamer.


    Oh my.
     

    Just for the record: New!Kanto's CURATOR music is probably among the best in the series.
     

    Of course, I have two ELFs with Earthquake. Hilarity ensues.
     

    Woo! Citrus!

    ...Eh?
     
    Anyway, the next gym was less than five minutes away.

    So I went in, got through a few battles and...

    ...Forgot that some items crash the game! Well, let's see if my save is still alright:

    And it is! But not saving means that I have to repeat the entire part!
    [bleep]!
     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE KANTO]

    I do everything again
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Behind the Scenes!]
    I lied.
     
     
  7. Alg
    Not much to say. This is it.
     
    [spoiler=FOUR EMPERORS]

    This is what my team looks like now. It's not good enough, so I spent about an hour grinding.
     


    And more than a few mons needed ENVOLVING
     

    This item was incredibly useful, because have you ever tried to train a Dratini in a cave filled with selfdestructing GELU and confuse ray-ing GELU? It's terrible.

    I saw this screen so many times that it made my eyes bleed.

    They started mocking me for it!

    Even the old man got in on it!
     
    So I quit. So I made a tactical retreat to resupply


    And managed to summon an eldritch abomination in the process.
     


    After much shipping, I was ready
     


    HUDE, whose arms are literal twigs, collected a vast array of swiss army punches.
     
    And then I finished grinding.






    We were ready.
     

     
     



    December 26th: ELF PRACTISE DAY. Because as an American, I am legally required to not acknowledge Boxing Day.


    Bold words, from a sound effect.
     
    Spoilers he lost
     




    But that speech was enough to give me an immense amount of respect for the guy. I mean, seriously, that dwarfs every boss monologue in JRPG history. swoon
     
    Anyway, on to the next one.




    Meanwhile, Koga here seems to be playing Menacing Words Mad Libstm

    Nice.
     

    Neither Erika not I could figure out what was going on here.

    But I decided that type advantages were overrated and did this.

    Okay.
     
    The next guy is another meditate-in-a-room-fulla-lava [wagon].


    Who has apparently strengthened his body to the point where he can ignore convection. This, my friends, is what badassery looks like.

    This guy's been in the FOUR EMPERORS since the beginning.

    Of course, HUDE trivialized it.

    Well... Shit. Sorry guys, run's over, I lost.
     
    By which I mean ANOTHER


    She's a bit nuts, you see...

     
    And after that battle, things got... Metaphysical.

     
     
    There we go. FOUR EMPERORS. On to the CHAMPION. My goal since September.


    Grappling! A wholesome activity for any cape-wearing adult and 11-year old girl to participate in alone!
     
    ...I'm going straight to hell for that one.







    Cue JRPG boss music.

    His body is ready
     

    But of course, I have this, so the worst outcome is mutually assured destruction. I'm willing to count that as a technical win.
     

    Eventually, he released every Smogoner's least favorite mon.
     
    And then I won.



     
    And I will let our friend DU speak the closing words.



    Except the paparazzi interrupted.


    And I will let our friend OUJIDUO speak the closing words.








     
     

    [spoiler=Congratulations!]

     
     
     
    The epilogue!





    Please ignore the game time, it's less than 1/4 of that
    [spoiler=The credits!]




     
     

     
     
     
    [spoiler=Behind the Scenes!]
     
     
     
    So, that's it. Thank you all for putting up with my strange sense of humor and futile attempt to do something here. Vietnamese Crystal's second season will begin in 2014.
  8. Alg
    Remember that test I kept mentioning earlier? Here it is. Except I'm the one that has to take it
     
    [spoiler=It goes something like this]

    This was a lot like what happened when I took the SAT, down to the confusion and the cave filled with dragons.
     
    I may have also played with VBA's settings to change the color a bit. Just for reference
     

    Luckily, the examiner arrived to take me to the testing location.

    A house, surrounded by trees, in an underground lake. The usual place for test-taking in America.
     





    Wait... What kind of test is this?!
    [spoiler=THE TEST BEGINS NOW]
    http://youtu.be/cV0tCphFMr8
     
     


    ...What?

     

    ...What?!

     

    ...WHAT?!

     

    [bleep] it. I'm done.

     

    I knew I should have studied!

     
    ...Except i apparently passed.



    Here it is, the eighth BUDGE, the UPLIFTED BADGE
     
    Now I can go challenge the FOUR E-

    WHAT?!
     


    Will do, captain.
     
    As I left, the plot called again.

    I hung up.
     
    And after changing the color palette back, I realized left DELAN in the classroom, and went back to get it. I got something else instead.


    Proving that one guy from the last part wrong.
     

    Kanto! Or as this game calls it, GUANDONG!

    Oh, the nostalgia.
     
    But first, I have to cross a waterfall.

    The game (very helpfully) labeled it for me.
     
    Now... Now, we grind! Except for LAPU, since I needed an HM slave

    Proving that, as Kirschen once pointed out, the universal randomizer is less likely to break the game than the move "Rest" is.
     
    [spoiler=Pokedex bonus!]

    This is actually pretty cool. A+, bootleggers
     
     
     
    The Kanto locals were very inviting people,

     
    Though some were a bit verbose for my liking



     

    [Checkpoint reached]
     

    GELU couldn't grind because damn near everyone on this route has water/grass.
     
    And here it is: the checkpoint



    Never mind that I couldn't have made it across that waterfall without the badges.
     

     

    The last BAG![bleep]. Treasure it.
     







     
    Long story short, easy fight. The end is in sight.
     

     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL]

    THE FINALE
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Behind the Scenes!]
     
     
  9. Alg
    With this, our journey approaches its end. In this chapter, I complete the game's main story and claim the eighth BUDGE for myself.
     
    Little did I know, things would only get harder from there
    [spoiler=STOP BEING SUCH A BABY ALG]



    They must mean me, by virtue of being the player character



    It is my destiny to marry the water army.
     



    There's absolutely no chance of this showing up later.
     

    Their jobs are kind of redundant, what with these MONSTERS being gods and all.



     
    Anyway, here they are.

    A'EN, THE WATER ARMY. The creature on the game's box art!

    Or is it Don...?
     
    Anyway, I'll just use Delan to status it so that I can GRASP it more effectively and

    Damn it Delan, you've failed me for the last time!

    In the end... I got kind of lucky.

     


    Another creature that most definitely will not appear again.
     

    Another "translation wanted" sentence.
     
    Anyway, that story arc is done, it's time to move on to the BUDGEs again!
    But first...

     
    Okay, now we're in business.
     



    I'm sure it's not as hard as it sounds!
     

    MOTHERF-
     
    Well, maybe the MONATERS will be somewhat easy!

    THAT IS NOT WHAT PEACE LOOKS LIKE!
     
    Okay, chance of plans. Time to grind the hell out of my team until this stops being a death trap.
     

    Against... Suoni?
     
    [five hours later]

    Okay, now I've got it. I have a secret weapon that will win the war for us. I am become death, destroyer of- ah, screw it.
     

    The secret weapon is that we're all JEDI.
     

    Aww. I wanted one. Dragons are cute.
     

    Anyway, here we are. The GYM CURATOR. The woman who makes Nuzlockers cry. It's a good thing I don't have a fetish for blue-haired warrior women or this would be awkward.
     


    swoon


    Note: this is a better title than Elite Four.
    Nintendo of Japan and bootleggers: 1
    Nintendo of America: 0




    She's actually much more polite than in canon. I like this.
     

    Anyway, Dragonair.
     

    And the hero killer. BUT WAIT, remember that secret weapon I mentioned?
    [spoiler=THE SECRET WEAPON]

    Now we are all sons of [bleep]es.
     
     
     


    Yay, eight budges! I can finally-



     
    I take it back. can't get the budge until after I go through some gauntlet or another in a cave behind the gymnasium.
    Luckily, I have an HM that will take me back there.

     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL]

    I go into a cave
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Behind the Scenes!]
     
     
     
  10. Alg
    As with all ELF MONATER games, The plot happens after the seventh BUDGE. In this game, that means that MISSILE BOMB attacks the RADIO TOWER, in an event that probably should not be in a kid's game
     
    [spoiler=HOW THE MISSILE BOMB STOLE CHRISTMAS]
    This tower is filled with the worst criminals that the iELF'S WORLD has to offer, all gathered in one place solely to engage in an orgy of crime, like some kind of evildoer's convention. It sickens me.
     

    Damn it, Pulin, terrorism is not a joke!
     


    I can destroy your team for its sweet, sweet experience points. Does that count?
     
    It never counts. :cry:
     



    There's a trope for that
     

    I'd make a joke about that, but folklore elves are dicks. They're probably the ones pulling the strings here
     
    [spoiler=Pokedex Break]

    BADEB envolves into BADEB
     
     
     



    [QUEST UPDATED]
     
    Several hours of grindingHEROISM later, I find a stoned graduate student.


    It made me think.
     
    Then I found the DIRECTOR GENERAL in the last place anyone would look for him... In his office, sitting at his desk.


     
    Except not really.

    Team of six looks threatening, except that five of them are Koffing.
     
    One curbstomping later, and

    The basement! Of course!
     
    Except this guy was there.

    swoon

    >Yes
     




    A cookie to the first person to figure out what he's talking about.
     
    Anyway, we got into a GELU fight

    Mine lost because of bad luck.

    I hate when these things are prophetic
     



    Yeahyeahyeah, back to the plot. This arc has dragged on long enough without monologuing

    There's a switch puzzle... It's solved by pushing the buttons from left to right. That's it. No tricks or traps or anything like that.
     

    EXCEPT FOR MY LONG-LOST SISTER, APPARENTLY

    WHO WAS A JEDI, LIKE HER FATHER BEFORE HER
     

    More creepers
     


    And I'm not even going to try to understand this
     

    [fights]
     

    And the real DIRECTOR GENERAL was in the last place anyone expected to find him. The basement of the mall, next to a box of creepy mannequins.


     
    So I'm going to finish the fight. How many ELFS are at risk if I fail?

    NO PRESSURE
     

    This sounds painful.
     

    Back to the plot.
     


    Get it? Port? Portal? Doors?
     
    ...Well I thought it was funny.
     

    'nother GELU fight, with less hax and more human error. My GELU is unlucky.
     

    And then there were sadists.
     


    More fights. Curbstomps. He wasn't that hard in this one.

    AND IT'S OVER. Now I can claim my reward.
     

    Chivalrous as [bleep].
     

    But it turns out I'm actually the princess in this knightly fantasy, so my reward is a wedding.
     



     
    And now I know where to find my husband.
     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL]

    I join a monastery
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Behind the Scenes!]
    I totally didn't forget or get distracted by other games or anything!
     
     
  11. Alg
    Twelve! It's some kind of milestone or something! And once again, a glitch breaks my save!
     
    Wait, what?
     
    [spoiler=I wasn't supposed to tell you that]
    We start our journey with another curator, Pryce. Or as the game calls him, MR.LIU, WILLOW, AND GMLTE'WID



    One of these lines is more suspect than the others.
     




    ...Something. Didn't get the picture.


    Badass.

     

    Alright, pretty easy so far, just need to...

    Huh?
     
    Let's try that again...

    Okay...
     

    That didn't work either.
     
    Third time's the charm, right?




    NOPE
     
    It's a good thing I have SAVE STATES, or that would have been awful.

    As mentioned in part 5, rest breaks the game. This guy's strategy revolves around rest. The answer is to grind until he can't use it anymore.
     

    Oh my god that thing is cute. I want one.
     
    Of course, grinding means that I can't leave any survivors.
     
    And eventually...


    This is what you guys cursed me with. A flower dinosaur.
     
    I'm okay with this.
     
    Anyway, round 4.

    The grinding helped immensely.

    Not as much as the two critical hits, but hey.



    That makes seven. Out of... Eight, or sixteen.
     

     
    With that done, I can focus all of my energy into getting that budge and finishing the game.





    ...Is what I would say, but the plot literally just called.
     
    So, there's a terrorist plot involving a broadcast tower and MISSILE BOMB. Nintendo was dark in 2000.
     
    I don't feel comfortable making terrible jokes about that, so here's exploration!
     

    The sad part? The name's not wrong.
     

    And in both Japanese and English, this is the Ice Path. Close enough.
     
    There's a sliding-on-frictionless-ice puzzle, and a rocks puzzle.

    Everyone died.
     
    That part about me ice skating in the preview? I lied, it happens now.

     
    And then the game opens up some introspection. It asks a vital question about what I've been doing since the very beginning, forcing me to explore the depth and breadth of all of my experiences thus far.
    [spoiler=The question]

     
     
    With that weighing heavily on my heart, I decided to do what any sane person would do and enslave animals I mean, what?

    I like this one.

     

    This one, not so much.
     
    And since there's nothing else of value in that cave, I left.

     
    And found the eighth gym.
     




     
    Except I have to finish the plot first.
     
    So I went to get some supplies before saving that part for next week, because this one's almost done.

    And more things broke.
     

     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL]
    [dramatic-deadpan]

    I defeat Missile Bomb... Once and for all.
    [/dramatic deadpan]
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Behind the Scenes]
     
     
  12. Alg
    I don't like this part of the game for some reason, and my reasons are most likely petty and irrational. Luckily for me, this time I had many things to make it tolerable, if not enjoyable. In order:
    1: Funny dialogue
    2: New and fun team members
    3: The ability to speed past the boring parts
    4: A highly inspirational soundtrack of Queen and ballet.
     
    Without further ado!
    [spoiler=DON'T STOP ME NOOOOW]

    Wheat grinding.
     

    The RAGE LAKE contains plot, so yes.
     
    It also contains ELFS


    I didn't even know you could find the second here.
     
    In the last part we discovered LIDEL. In this part, we discover LIDEL's evolution.

    [spoiler=Bonus image!]

     
     

    And that gave YIFU enough experience to envolve. But to what?
     
    [spoiler=Major spoilers!]

     
     
     
    And now that that's done, I have back tracking to do. I found an item on the way.

    However, I'm not posting the item get scene, because there are some lines that even I won't cross. You'll have to use your imagination for that one.
     
    And another catch on the way.

     

    ...I'm not sure what's going on here.

    Or here.
    But I made the most of it.

     
    Time to

    Back to the plot.
     
    ONE TRAVEL MONTAGE LATER

    THE FIRST ALTERNATE LUMI-EGGPLANT INEQUALITY COLOR BASIS ELF
     
     

    Except not really.
     

    This might look like a botched translation of the item "Red Scale", but it's actually a near-perfect translation... From Latin.
     
    I really don't know.
     

     
    I know even less.
     



    And now I've been conscripted.
     


    This will be on the test. The test that should have happened three chapters ago.
     
    On the way back,

    Pokemon games usually have an item called "Good Rod". This isn't it.
     

    So here we are back at the plot.

    And... Gentlemen?
     

    These gentlemen will attack you if you step in front of those statues. Normally, you can find the switch for that after the first one. I wanted a bit more experience.
     

    But all good things must end.
     

    Meaning that they'll still attack, just not automatically like before.
     
    So now I have to find passwords.


    And got two for the price of one.
    Now to find the... Second? Third? I don't know anymore.
     

     

     
    This infiltration is rudely interrupted by ???






    But I don't wanna be the guy.


    final image lost because swoon
     
     
    Step 1: enter passwords

     
    Step 2: Talk to birds again little strawberry me baby


     
    Step 3: Combat.


     
    Step 4: ...Breast?


     
    The final part of this arc involves disabling their machine by attacking the bombs that power it. That's not Vietnamese Crystal shenanigans, that's canon.

     
    But I'm not going to let the game railroad me like that.

     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL]

    I go ice skating!
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Behind the Scenes]
    As for where that came from... It's a very long story.
     
     
  13. Alg
    With not one, but TWO budges! As with most Elf Monster games, the pace really picks up after the fourth.
     
    [spoiler=The title is supposed to be funny!]
    Remember how I forgot to pick up the strength HM?

    That's resolved. Now we can move on.
     
    By which I mean fight this thing

    Which is not, in any way, a cow. Completely different phyla, there.
     
    As this is an ocean route in a Pokemon game, there were Tentacool. I took the opportunity to replace MALI

    With JELLY.
     
    She's going to have a long and fruitful career with me. By which I mean she'll be replaced by the red gyarados.
     
    Oops. Spoilers.
     
    Moving on,



    For five hundred years have we waited...
     
    Until now, of course

    It's working.
     



    A drug so strong, that not even its creator will take it... DIBS!
     
    So now that I've boxed MALI, I needed a new surf user

    Who apparently is missing a move.
    It's apparently poison sting.
     
    Game: 1025
    Alg: 3
     


    Spoilers: they were.
     

    Please tell me this is untranslated Chinese.
     

    Can I?
     
    Yes.
     

    Those last 9 parts were just for practice. Now the game actually starts.

    And we have another member of Hyt chat!
     

    YES
    I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT
    FOR ALL MY LIFE

    OH LOOORD
     

    And here's badge number 5. Google translate tells me this means "Shock". Erika adds that it means shock as in "shocking". The Japanese name for the badge is "Shock Badge". Well done, game.
     

    So the storm badge is the:
    A) KNOCKING BADGE
    B) ZHENHAN BADGE (/Shock)
    C) DUANYE BADGE
     
    Moving on.



    Another pretty good statement in English. At this rate, I may be able to understand some of it without having to get a translation.
     

    Wherein I give drugs to a creature that looks like it was made on drugs.
     
    So now I can go to that empty GYMNASIUM


    This is by far the hardest gym in the franchise.
     



    /me begins writing fanfiction


    Don't we all?

    Another day, another HYT member.
     

    Except I have this, so losing is literally impossible.

    But just to change things up a bit...

    Learning how and why the translation is so botched is just as interesting as the end result! Help me, I'm becoming a linguist.
     
    Moving on,

    Two BUDGEs and the plot left! Assuming the game doesn't break again, of course.
     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL]


    I GROW A MANLY BEARD
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Behind the scenes!]
     
     
     
  14. Alg
    I'm going to keep score in this part. The game gets a point for every translation that confuses the hell out of me, I get a point for every glitch.
     
    [spoiler=Which will break first - The Game or Alg?]

    I start the night with some GRINDING in nearby Y HILL. Wait, Y-Hill? How does that- Ah to hell with it.
     

    Wherein Alg finds a better replacement for WUY, and begins a revolving door of Water Elfs.

    ...By which I mean dry elfs. I shouldn't have assumed, sorry.
     
    Anyway, the grinding.

    Against LIDEL

    And LIDEL.
     
    Game: 1
    Alg: 0
     
    With that, I realized the plot was the other way. I proceeded to get the hell out of there.


    And my breeding technique was complimented.

     
    Game: 2
    Alg: 0
     

    I didn't get a picture to finish this sentence.

    Which move is this? Is it:
    A: Quick Attack
    B: Hypnosis
    C: Ice Beam
    D: Synthesis
     
    It's A
     
    Game: 3
    Alg: 0
     


    Finally, a straightforward challenge!

    ...Hula?

    If this is true, what did I just finish doing? What have I been doing for the last 8 parts?
     
    Game: 4
    Alg: 0
     

    This guy gives you surf. Technically correct: The best kind of correct.

    ...Except surf is apparently WA-GUN I just don't know anymore
     
    Game: 5
    Alg: 0
     
    Anyway, now it's time to start ENVOLVING things

    MAL -> MALI. Look at how bad she is in this generation!
     

    SICIB -> GELUB. Look at how cherublike he is!
     
    And then I got some advice from a scantily-clad woman.


    And these words of wisdom will guide my life for many years to come.
     
    There were no birds to speak to, but there was a cow. What does the cow say?

    Game: 7
    Alg: 0
     
    I tried to restore my mind with this

    A battle between YED and TED.
     

    It says a lot when only one word with more than two letters is spelled correctly.
     
    Oh shit, it's the MONSTER... COACH

    swoon




    ...Wait, what are we standing in front of?

    Oh.
     
    He told me to train in the BELL TOWER. I told him that the bell tower didn't open until late in the game. He slapped me for metagaming. I deserved it.
     

    Turns out he meant the LIGHT TOWER
     
    I found a man in the middle of a speedrun


    We all know that speedrunning is very serious.
     
    There were also sailors

    Game: 7
    Alg: 1
     

    And Ted learns IRONBAR
    What is IRONBAR, you may ask?
     
    It's synthesis.
     
    It's [bleep]ing synthesis
     
    Game: 1024
    Alg: 1
     
    Farther in the tower, my maturity was again tested

    I failed.
     
    I had a new quest. Cross the sea to visit a pharmacy. Because it's oh so convenient to keep one of those on an island.
     

    I got lost.
     
     

    I found the city. Since there was nothing but water, I concluded that it must be Atlantis.
     

    Suicune, being a roaming legendary, ran away as soon as I touched the shore.
     
    His fangirl challenged me, because I dishonored it.







    Translation; swoon

    ...What...?

     
    He was easy.
     
    FINAL SCORE
    Game: 1024
    Alg: 1
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Next Time... On Pokemon Vietnamese Crystal]

    I'm surrounded by men.
     
    Also, I forgot to get the Strength HM and have to cross the ocean again.
     
     
  15. Alg
    OoooOOOOoOOoooo!
     
    IN THIS PART: I use some pot, encounter the WATER ARMY, and gain a budge that may or may not actually exist. And also get to be about halfway through the gyms. That's something, right?
     
    As the title suggests, this part is going to be scarier than the others. There will be ghosts. There will be monsters. There will be monks. Be wary. Dead men tell no tales.
    [spoiler=Here there be ghosts]


    Moving trees. Yep. Must be the wind. Definitely the wind.
     

    Okay it's not the wind.
     
    Luckily, I came prepared! Before heading into these dark, obviously haunted woods, I consulted a guide on how to survive a horror movie!
    ...Of course, the fact that I'm a young girl who's alone in these obviously haunted woods means I'm already guaranteed to die, but maybe I can salvage the situation. I just need to refrain from checking any strange noises or having sex in the middle of nowhere, and I'll be home free! Maybe this girl can help! If we work together, we can-

    -Get so high that we don't really care about the monsters anymore! Brilliant!
     
    So we went to see her sister. We asked for pot.

    We did not get pot.
     

    Tell me when this stops being funny, I kind of feel obliged to post it once an episode.
     
    Anyway, back to the tree:

    Here goes... Something?


    And it attacks at a brisk pace.
     

    ...These are some crazy drugs.

    It's almost enough for this game to make sense.
     
    Anyway, a bit later, this happened.

    Then this,

    That one is Ariados in both English and Japanese. I'm genuinely surprised that they almost got it.
     

    Now I've made it through the obviously haunted woods, and have reached an obviously haunted city.
     
    So I'm going to back track a bit.
     

    I regret everything.
     

    The game continues to provide double entendre after double entendre as temptations, BUT I REMAIN FIRM
     
    By which I mean I said "Hell yes!" and got an eevee

    Not an Eevee. Nevermind.
     
    Anyway, time for the plot.


     
     


    This looks like a job for a PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR! Sadly there's just me.
     

    Hey it's that guy! The guy whose name I forgot!

    That stalker whose name I forgot! And I'm alone and trapped in an abandoned, burned building with him!

    And the monster is hunting for me, specifically!

     
    You thought I was joking about all of the horror movie stuff, didn't you?
     

    Oh good, we're fighting. If it was the opposite, we would have been easy prey for the monster.
     

    SICIB now has an attack called EDU! I bet it's like Education! He's going to teach his enemies! I can't wait for an excuse to use this!
     

    SICIB basically soloed this thing. DELAN (Whose name did not stick) cleaned up because I wanted someone else to get precious experience points.
     


    Oh good, we're safe
     

    Oh god, we split up.
     
     
     

    I woke up here.
     

    There were ghosts.
     

    There were monsters.
     

    There were madmen.
     

    In spite of it all, there was hope.
     

    hope that I crushed, for now I know my destiny
     



    And I learned that the being I thought was a monster... was God.
     

     

     
     
     
    [spoiler=Next time... On Pokemon Vietnamese Crystal]

    I DANCE BEAUTIFULLY
     
     
  16. Alg
    After much experimenting!
    By which I mean I kind of played with the Universal Randomizer and kind of got rid of trade evolutions. So, if I so choose, I can envolve things. I'm genuinely surprised that it worked, to be honest, considering that using metronome killed my save. Clearly, that's a problem for another day; one that I couldn't possibly regret.
     
    And it's definitely not cheating!
     
    Anyway, here it is, fresh from the dry cleaner:
    [spoiler=HELL-COW]
    I'm going to need to grind. Luckily, there's a route filled with people young and old alike that I can assault for money and experience!

     

    Eh, I'll do that later. There's an underground tunnel with just as much experience, and something far more valuable

     
    That item is...

    The... Coin case?

    How does an item that stores casino chips end up being "DEFENCE"? How?! I'm having a genuine crisis here, guys!
     

    The man who ran at me screaming didn't help. Made short work of him, as expected and...
     


    HE KNOWS
     
    [bleep] it, I'm done here! Time to enslave ELFs until it makes sense!

     
    But of course, I have no balls. Hugeballs. You know what I mean. Please tell me you know what I mean.

    The market stocks them. It also stocks nothing.
     
    So I enslaved more ELFs, including on that's literally harmless.

     
    And one that I thought was harmless, and is actually horrifyingly sadistic.

     
    This route also houses this guy, from the preview:

    After agreeing with his vile and lewd rant, he became much more lucid. As in, actual English.

     
    His wife was much more polite from the start.

    Apparently he's the train merchant. Normally I would protest, but that's just so cool. I mean, trains, right? I like trains.
     
    Anyway, back to grinding.


    And now I'm starting to suspect that the old man does not, in fact, sell trains. I feel cheated.
     

    She does have a starter, though, and a grass one at that. I like her already.
     
    She was the last COACH on that route, so I went north to grind more.

    And was promptly assaulted in a way that's hilariously inappropriate.

    He also wouldn't admit defeat.
     
    And in case you were wondering... The series mascot:

    PIKAQ
     
    Anyway, here's the gym that destroyed a million childhoods.




    Featuring the most helpful guide in the history of everything.



    Until he started to break the fourth wall.
     
    The generics were easy. The leader is the painful part.




    Aww, thanks! She seems very civil - almost pleasant! Not the kind of person that would attack people with a cow until they started to beg for mercy at all!
     
    I bet I won't even have to fight her! We'll have a tea party and bond over our mutual love of-

    Shit.
     
    THAT'S THE LAST TIME ONE OF THESE COACHES TRICKS ME! NO MORE! I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS GAME AND THIS CHAMPIONSHIP

    AND ESPECIALLY THIS FAIRY!
     
    That... That didn't amuse her. So she stopped being polite and attacked me with her pink murderdemon.

    I've got this.
     
    And on winning...



    ...I think I broke her.
     


    Excessively too what?
     

    Wait, I'm not crying.

    Who is she even talking to?

    Oh.
     


    So she just gives me the budge, just like that? Excuse me while I go cry.
     
    Oh, that's right. I'm not done here. Remember the TRAIN MERCHANT?

    Guys.
     
    I did it.
     
    I finally did it.
     
    After seven parts.
     

     
    I bred the grass elf.
     
    News at 11.
     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL]

    I get to... Wait, what? That's not-
    Oh. Here it is.
    [spoiler=The real one]

     
     
     
     
  17. Alg
    This is going to be a long one, wherein I obtain another budge, reveal the name of the rival, and then talk to some more birds!
     
    [spoiler=ELF WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE TRASH]
    But first, my party was looking fairly light. I needed SUPPORT. I needed COVERAGE! I needed SOMETHING THAT WOULDN'T DIE THE MINUTE A BIRD OR FIRE ELF LOOKED AT IT FUNNY!
     

    I found this thing. Eh, close enough.
     
    Now let's just prepare a hugeball and...

    Change of plans, I have to see if i can catch it in nothing.
     
    Here we go:
    [spoiler=Did I catch it??]

    The placebo effect is very strong.
     
     
     
    And now, to challenge the gym. With its bug-types. After you guys gave me the grass elf.
     
    Again, thanks for that.
     

    They sent skunks after me. I took it as a chance to test out WUY, who is a water-type.

    The skill tab perfectly captures my reaction. A water type. A WATER TYPE. Damn it, game! You had one job!
     
    Moving on!


    Got it? There will be a test in part 8. I expect all of you to pass.
     
    Anyway, bugs are weak to fire, so testing FLAME on it is probably a good idea, right?

    Wrong
     
    Let's see what other strange attacks I have access to!

    Everything you know is wrong. But in hindsight, I have heard some things about putting forks in electrical outlets.
     
    ...Please don't do that, by the way.
     
    After what seemed like hours of combat, I reached the leader:

    Note: This speech becomes so much better if you pretend he's talking about dragons.





    Actually, it looks like we're going to settle this without violence! What a nice change, after the Hunger Games-esque child warfare of the rest of the game. I'll just-

    [bleep]!
     
    Actually, he's easy. His team is Metapod and Kakuna, their strongest attacks are among the weakest attacks in the game. I'll bet he doesn't have anything stronger.
     
    And then he pulled a mantis-dragon out of his ass.
     

    He brought out a knife on poor old SICIB... Who did the above with a single VOLT.
     

    And so, with minimal effort, I win the NSECT BUADGE
     
    ...
     
    But that's not all! I promised a revelation!



     
    WHAT IS THIS MAN'S NAME?
     
     
     
     

    I'm... I'm not off to a good start here. So I brought out SICIB
    He beat it,

    And joined the dark side.
     
    Now, for a part that at least one person has been waiting for since I started this thing.
     
    This is...


    The Trashy Man speech.










     
    I can't joke about this. I'm feeling genuinely threatened here. I'm just someone with a terrible sense of humor, this is a man who means business.
     
    So I promptly got the hell out of there.

     
    And found a bird.
     

    I could say something right now about talking birds little strawberry me baby but this is actually pretty close to what its cry sounds like. Source
     
    For chasing OUCONG around, I received another SECRE. This time, it was SAW

     
    But first, I had to catch an HM slave an elf that could use it.

    And I enjoyed myself.
    Okay, quick break here. I have to clear something up.
     
     
     
    And I escaped from the forest.
    And I found another B-Fly

    And apparently I'm a father, in spite of the fact that I'm an 11 year old girl.
     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME, ON POKEMON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL]

     
     
     
    And so I win my second BUDGE, and it only took six parts spread out over a month! At this rate, I'll be done in... Either January or May. Shit.
  18. Alg
    You thought this was dead, didn't you!? NOTHING CAN KILL THE SUCCESSOR OF ELF! WAHAHAHAHAha-*cough*
     
    I'm sorry, I'll try to be serious from now on.
     
    So after a long and hard few minutes of research, and then a few more minutes of playing the game, I've started over. Then I got to roughly where I was before. Then, I went farther. This is the result of that excursion. This is Vietnamese Crystal Part 5... The Lost Chapter.
     
    But first, here's some stuff that happened before!
    little strawberry me baby
    [spoiler=Deleted Scenes]

    He was going to be Ted-2. Spot the flaw in that plan.
     
    Then I caught this. I'm not using it.

    Not to say I didn't consider it, just that DELAN exists and she'd be quite upset if I used another bug.
     
    Oh by the way, Delan is female now. Funny how things work out.
     
    But enough of that.
     
    I spoke to a bird.
     
    The bird spoke back.

    little strawberry me baby
    LITTLE STRAWBERRY ME BABY
    LITTLE STRAWBERRY ME BABY
     
     
     
     
    Now, on to buisness. Part 5 continues!
    little strawberry me baby
     
     
     
    [spoiler=NEXT TIME... ON VIETNAMESE CRYSTAL]
    little strawberry me baby

    WE FINALLY LEARN THE NAME OF THIS MONSTER... COACH.
     
     
    little strawberry me baby
     
    Well, that took longer than expected. Hopefully worth the wait.
  19. Alg
    I'm having a hard time trying to come up with a snappy intro and title, so let's just go right into it. It's shorter than usual, for reasons that will soon become clear.
    [spoiler=CAPTAIN DEKE AND THE B-FLYS]

    So I did some grinding after that. DELAN is now B-FLY... And as soon as I get access to the name changer, I'm changing that. DELAN FOREVER
     
    But enough about that. Making my way south, toward the next city,

    Meeting new and interesting people,

    ...Learning that BEAR kind of sucks,
     

    and attacking their pets and robbing them
     
    I found a new item, and I just can't have a part without this little message.

    Which was incredibly funny until I remembered that the PC is supposed to be 11 years old.
     
    But enough about that!
     
    It's time to train DEKE, because of how adorabubble he is. I mean, look at this shit.

    He has metronome now, so he can finally fight! For those who don't know how that move works, it picks an attack at random. Any attack. Except Metronome.
     
    So I used it
     
    it and got
     

    A game freeze!
     
    Because there are a number of attacks in this bootleg that crash the game on use. I suspect that one was Rest. No big deal though, I mean I was only five minutes away from my last save. Easy enough to fix, right?
     

    Of course, that little message certainly didn't make me feel good.
     



    ...Well, there you have it! DEKE is so powerful that he corrupted my save. Run's over, everyone can go home now.
     
     
     
    [spoiler=Spoilers ahoy]
    Don't worry, I'm going to try to 'fix' it. Is there anything I should do differently this time around? Say, different starter, different PC, new team layout? Requests? Nuzlocke or monotype? Or should I just try to get back to where I was without changing anything?
     
    Backing up my save regularly is a given, of course.
     
     
  20. Alg
    I don't like how this is dominating the blog section, but everyone keeps bugging me about it.
     
    Speaking of which, a certain bug gets to do some awesome, while I slowly lose my sanity!
     
    [spoiler=Side Effects Include Delusions of Godhood]

    The... Monster Player. I'm ready for this.
     
    Right?
     
    RIGHT?
     
    Nah, [bleep] that I want to talk to some random people. That's what this game is really about.
     


    In the original games, this guy speaks in broken English. In this bootleg... I think that's the clearest sentence I've come across so far. Not bad.
     
    ...Well, It is a sentence, at any rate. Still, I'm going to say no.
     

    What? NO
     


    But I don't want to study there
     
    As usual, I got the hell out of there and headed for the Monster Player.


    And learned that the Gym Leader is a member of THIS VERY FORUM
     

    Throwing rocks at birds, because we've already established how much of a [cabbage] the PC is.
     
    While this next guy got the rest of his sentence cut off. I think I got the best bit, though.

     

    And then I learned that DELAN is... Kind of hardcore.
     
    spoilers: it's harden
     
    And now, the Curator. The master of flying-types,


    Falkner Hayato Heyaduo
     


    Pokemon lesson! Electric beats flying. You know what the fun part is? There are no electric types until after this fight!
    You know what flying beats? Grass and bug. You know what 2/5 of my team is? Grass and bug.
     
    Thanks for getting me stuck with the grass ELF, by the way. I really appreciate that.
     


    ...Okay, that's actually a really badass intro.
     
    And the identity of the leader/Tip.Iter?

    It's Sman!
     
    Bet you didn't see that coming. I sure as hell didn't.
     
    Anyway, I only got screenshots from after the fight. You didn't miss much.
     

    Except that I beat him with DELAN. A bug-type.
     


    And as a result, I am the successor of ELF! BEHOLD MY POWER MWAHAHA*cough*
     


    A badge which only I hold. Truly I am an ELF GOD
     
    Oh. Right.
     
    Remember that egg from part 2? It's back. They want me to take

    >Yes
    And now we begin a brief visit to the exposition highway. Buckle up.
     
    God, that was lame even for me. Sorry.





     
    Yeah that's taking too long. Here's the egg.

    Helpful, no?
     
    Thanks to the magic of The Fast-Forward Button, I hatched that [bleep]er like the egg it was.

    Deke is an adorable name.

    Its attacks are Bite and Storm. That's so ridiculously badass! I wonder what they are in English!
    ...
    They're Growl and Charm.
     
    FFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
     
     
  21. Alg
    Lateness half because of class stuff and half because I had to wait until morning for something. Being able to catch ELFs now will do that.
     
    Same strong language warning as last time. I'd also recommend skipping this one if you're a Buddhist. Don't ask.
    [spoiler=But first, the tutorial]


    Why does everybody want me to grasp things? I mean, I know what kind of game this is, but still...
     
    I said no to his polite offer.

    But of course, the language barrier is still an issue.
     
    Anyway, I can catch things now.

    BUT WHAT IS LAP?
    Perhaps the next image will tell us!

    ...I'll be honest, I'm not sure what's going on here so I'm just going to keep hitting Z until things make sense.
     

    Better, but maybe it'll...

    Nope.
     
    After that, I caught this:

    Because you jerks forced me to pick the grass ELF and I'm going to need him.
     
    And our first MONSTER COACH battle!

    Is also broken. Try again later.

    He and I have very different definitions of "win".
     
    Another catch:

    Scor... what? Scorpion? Scorecard? Scorsese?
     
    And another COACH:

    I know I took this screenshot for a reason but I can't for the life of me remember what. Ah well.
     
    Phone call from MUM, who forgot her child's sex

     
    And now we've come to the reason I had to wait until morning to play this.
     
    That reason is...
     
    BEAR


    "But Alg," you might ask, "What makes BEAR so special?"
    The answer?
    ...
    Well, it's a bear. What do you want me to say? Does your ELF party have a bear in it?
     
    Thought so.
    *cough*
    MOVING ON
     

     

    BM tower? What do you think they do here? I asked a nearby person,



    I wish I was making this up. I really do.
     
    Ah well, Buddhists are usually nice, right?

    See? They're not going to destroy the tower, they're...

    ...Oh. Oh god. What have I gotten myself into?

     
    Several minutes of combat later...

    I apparently needed that.
     
    And PEDAL has apparently been hiding a few things from me. I'll let the image speak for itself.

     
    More Buddhists approached.

     
     
    But of course, BEAR fought back in the manliest way possible.

    SCRAAH!
     

    Then Delan got envolved and I stopped trying to make sense of things
     
    And I made it to the top of the tower and...


    And... You know what? I just don't know anymore. I really don't.
     

    BEAR was outmatched, so I sent her to the pillory. Not even an hour into the game and I've crossed the moral event horizon.
     

    HEHE
     
    I encountered ??? again at the top. He didn't want to reveal his name to the audience,

    But he did reveal a... fetish?
     
    Anyway, I won against the lone Presbyterian in a tower of Buddhists

    And I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to hell for this.
     
     
    The game is starting to pick up! ...In a way that's only been mildly offensive so far.
     
    Those last two words scare me.
     
    This is butts, reporting out.
  22. Alg
    What did I pick?
     
    Ah who am I kidding, the poll wasn't even close.
     
    Believe it or not, there's some pretty strong language in here. Strong as in "I have no idea whether or not they'll let me get away with this". I'm not joking, if you're the kind of person that's not a fan of that sort of thing, this is not the entry for you. If you are, then, well... Have fun!
    [spoiler=The Adventures of...]

    QIAOK!
     

     
    With that, I was given my quest: visit the MONSTER GRANDFATHER and find out what he discovered. I only know that because I've played this game before.
     

    But before I left, I was stopped by a graduate student. He had an item for me; something that would no doubt help with...

    Drugs!

    SLOW DOWN THAT IS NOT HOW YOU USE DRUGS
     
    *ahem*
     
    Anyway.
     
    I left Ruoye Town, since that's apparently what it's called, and immediately engaged in combat with the local wildlife.


     
    This continued for a while, enough time to strengthen QIAOK considerably.

    He's honest, but not all that moral.
     
    Then I reached a city that I never bothered to learn the name of, when the tutorial began.

    I don't want to go to a monster center.

    I do want to go to a friend store, sad as that may be.

    And this... I have no idea.
     
    I found more items on the way


    Though I'm not entirely sure how that one works.
     
    Eventually making my way to the MONSTER GRANDFATHER, who, as it turns out, is kind of a pervert.

    But he did give me this

     
    His colleague, Professor Oak A monster wearing Professor Oak's skin, was far more polite... But far less lucid.


     
    So I did what any sane person would do and got the hell out of there.
     
    Until this [wagon] stopped me.


    "weak". I'm not taking a screenshot for just one word, okay?
     

    This went about as well as expected.


     

    The nightmare train continues.

    Or not.

    Or does it?
     
    (It does)
     
    But not yet.

    Now I get to name him, but you don't get to see what ahaha sorry that was rude.
     
    Time to end this little gameplay arc.


    AND BECOME A CHAMPION
     
    But first, I need tools with which to enslave animals Pokeballs.The shady graduate student from before was kind enough to give me some.


    And did he ever.
     
     
    I'll be genuinely surprised if this doesn't get moderated in some way, but it's probably worth the warning.
     
    Part 3
  23. Alg
    What happens when a bootleg game goes through three or four translations? Nothing good, of course, which is a good thing. Does that make sense? No? Good, because I'm playing through one such example of that translation and I'd like the rest of you to be just as confused, disturbed, and amused as I am.
     
    Without further ado:

     
    [spoiler=WELCOME TO ELF" S WORLD]

    Ah... The age old question. With such an obvious answer. Now that that's settled, let's get this translation train wreck on the road!
     

    Wait, that's actually pretty good English. I'm starting to think that-
     

    I spoke too soon.
     
     
     
    And now that that mess is out of the way, here is our old friend Professor Oak, with the opening narration.

    ...By which I mean, here is an elf monster wearing Professor Oak's skin. We're wasting no time in boarding the nightmare train.
     

    Existed. Past tense. Let that sink in for a bit.
     
    Done? Good. We're moving on.
     



    Just a warning: I'm probably not going to screenshot entire speeches at 10 words each, so you're going to be treated to only the best out of context quotes.
     
    MEANWHILE, IN WHATEVER NEW BARK TOWN WAS TRANSLATED AS:

    The nightmares continue.
     
    I obeyed, and got a phone. But how do I operate the phone?


    This is how. Got it? Good. There will be a test.
     
    Before leaving: a line that should tell you everything you need to know about this game.

     
     
     
    I then decided to harass talk to the locals.

    Unfortunately, I don't speak the language. Perhaps someone else could...

    Nope.
     
    But enough of that. Time to get a starter and get this game on the road.


    There was some stuff in between here. It made about as much sense. I skipped through much of it in the hope that he'd just give me am ELF. My patience was rewarded.

    Now we're getting somewhere. He walks over to the table and

    And I suddenly realized that I have no idea what I'm getting into!
     
    So, I have one of three options ahead of me.
     

    Do I CHANGE FIRED ELF INTO A BIG WIND OF FIRE?
     

    Do I take the WATER ELF, LITTLE CROCODILE?

    Or do I... "GRASS ELF QIGE LEADER MAY LIKE"? The hell?
     
    THE CHOICE IS YOURS!
     
     
     
    GRASS: 6 vote
    FIRE: 0 vote
    WATER: 2 vote
     
    Changes to this format are all but guaranteed as I figure out what I'm actually doing. This is an experiment, and I may or may not experiment with videos, as screenshots don't do the thing justice.
    PART 2
  24. Alg
    So I'm walking around doing what I do best and I notice something. A slight glimmer by a nearby pond, too perfectly shaped and clear to be natural. It's a small glass bottle. As I pick it up I wonder why someone would just throw out such a useful item. At this point it wasn't the pollution that bothered me so much as the wastefulness of the act itself. The bottle was, aside from some muck from the pond and a bit of dirt that dried on it, perfectly usable. The inside was pretty clean too, but I figured I could wash it out anyway, just to be safe.
     
    As I walked away with my new treasure in hand I started thinking about it a bit more. What kind of person would just toss something so valuable aside? These things aren't exactly common, and they can store all sorts of things, like soup, jelly, fairies, and even milk. Hell, I even stored fish eggs in them at one point, but that's a long story involving pirates and an island turtle. These are probably the most useful items I've ever had.
     
    Maybe after I beat Ganondorf I can start a recycling company for these. Easier than doing odd quests for people.
    [hide]

    [/hide]
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