Kalphite

Got the rest college apps in, then cleaned up from my party and played Paper Mario all day. New Years Day is always so boring for people who don't watch football >.>

Half of mine were due then, but most private schools' regular decision deadlines are January 1. Working on applications for Brown, Cornell, Stanford, and Carnegie Mellon, hoping at least one batch of essays comes out decently enough >.>

Frantically finishing up college applications before hosting a 50-person New Year's Eve party tonight. To anyone who hasn't been through the process yet...Get your apps in early so you don't have to be in this situation.

Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking regarding inviting her now. If I invited her now she'd say I didn't mean it. Also, I have explained to hr why I didn't invite her, but she still was pissed. So that doesn't seem like its enough either. ugh.

So first a bit of backstory; My house has been the hangout house for my group of friends since ninth grade (I'm a senior now). Every week I have a sort of party where I just invite our whole group over just to hang out. The group's gotten to be pretty big by this point; there are about 50 people on the invite list (though its generally only 10-20 that come to any given party). Now, this year I started hanging out with another group of friends also when I started talking to this girl Katie. Katie was basically has my role in her circle of friends, and a couple months ago started having weekly movie nights, which are her group's equivalent of my parties essentially, though her group is smaller. She started inviting me in mid-october, and I started going to them. They were all cool people and I had fun hanging out with them. While this was all going on, I hadn't been hosting party because of various marching band and drama commitments that didn't leave me with the time to do so. However, now I have started hosting them again, and this is where it starts getting ugly. I started having them last weekend again, and that one turned out fine. I had another party last night though, and fifteen minute before it started she IMed me. Here's the chat log: [spoiler=Conversation] Katie have fun tonight Me Want to come? Katie um...no? i wasn't invited, i'm not going. Me I'm inviting you now, aren't I? :P Katie no.. not really i mean, if you were planning on having a shindig, you could've just said so instead of like lying.. Me How was I lying? Katie "ugh :s I'll try but I'm doubtful, I still have so much shit to do and I'm already busy all night so my parents don't want me to go as of now, so basically it depends on how much I can get done in the three hours of time I have beforehand. I SHALL TRY MY BEST." Me This is what I was busy with, yes, and I realize I could have said it more directly but I didn't know if you would be mad if I said that :s But I really did try to be able to go to your thing too, once I got home from drum lessons I started on homework and I worked on it until like 1w:30 12* Then I realized that I wasn't going to be able to finish like anything in time, so I posted so on your wall Katie i guess the fact that you didnt bother inviting me given that i invite you to every one of my get togethers. whatever, have fun. see ya. Me I talked to you about this before :s... I just didn't think you'd want to because you don't know anyone here aside from a couple that have issues with you like maggie and andrea And I know you like skipped shelbys thing because maggie was going to be there and she comes to a lot of my. Things So again, its not like I'm trying to exclude you from ths Katie i have no problem with andrea, i like her. like i said, it's the thought that counts. and i told you before that it'd be whatever. just forget it. Me And I honestly was going to talk to you about thiis again, but now it doesn't matter cause you probably (reasonably) think I'm a lying [bleep]face by this point So I'm really sorry about all of this, I understand if you're pissed at me, I would too at this point. Katie i'm not pissed now that i know why. don't worry about it. have fun. Me :S Katie ttyl. For clarification, She had planned a movie day that same day in the afternoon beforehand. That quote she pulled is what I posted on the events wall, and was completely true. I skipped it because I have three projects due tomorrow and I really needed time to work on it because I was occupied in the evening. I didn't mention the party cause I didn't want her to do something like this, but she did either way; she probably found out by someone else posting about it on facebook. Also, there's a couple reasons why I haven't invited her to these things. mainly, she doesn't know anybody and doesn't have much in common with most of my friends that go (our own friendship was sort of completely random), so I didn't really know that she'd have fun there. Also, the few of my friends that do know her completely despise it, though she doesn't realize it (the aforementioned Maggie and Andrea from the conversation as well as a couple more), and she completely hates one of my close friends (Maggie) to the point where she skipped another friends birthday party so as not to be around her. These combined made me not really want to invite her to my group's things. However, I had been thinking of starting inviting her when I had a party that Maggie wasn't going to attend to alleviate the issue. So here's when I come to you for help. I really do not know how to handle this situation. I haven't talked to her since this happened yesterday. I was going to possibly start inviting her, but after she pulled this I'm a lot more hesitant to do so, as this makes her seem incredibly dramatic. However, I still care about her - not romantically, but as a friend. I've started to get close with her over the last couple months, and I'd hate to lose it over something this stupid. I'm just completely stumped as to how to handle this. Obviously, any advice is appreciated, and I'll clarify anything else that needs clarifying. Thank you.

Well, I've started hanging out with another group of friends and I've met a new girl of interest. However, seeing as I've ended up overanalyzing the crap out of every attempt at a relationship I've made that I've posted about here, I'm going to skip the massive wall of background information this time. It's looking like it's going pretty well so far, and she thinks I'm hilarious, which certainly helps lol, and I've been escalating touching a lot more easily than the last few girls I've tried with. Just going to see how this ends up, lol.

I like a bit of a weird mixture of things. Most stuff I listen to is free jazz, metalcore, indie, hardcore, alt rock, dubstep, post-hardcore, pop-punk, industrial, emo/screamo, or rap. I listen to a smattering of most other things as well though, only big genres i haven't really given a try are ambient/drone, noise, classical, and country, not out of some prejudice against them but simply because I haven't had the time or means to give them a proper chance.

If you're looking for Hardcore: Modern Life is War - Witness La Dispute - Wildlife Touche Amore - To the Beat of a Dead Horse Defeater - Travels Departures - When Losing Everything is Everything You Wanted More Than Life - Love Let Me Go Gallows - Grey Britain Manners - Apparitions Low Threat profile - Product #2 Weekend Nachos - Worthless Until Your Heart Stops - Errors All are fantastic albums, should keep you busy for a while.

Anyone here listen to any industrial metal? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6T_6oOZLivg

The Shizit - "Fat Slave" If you listen to any Industrial at all, check this out, its incredible.

DefiniteArticle has it right, I second the Ocean, Burst, Dan Swano, Arcturus, Edge of Sanity, Enslaved, and Atheist (though they aren't really prog).. Most other bands mentioned here are pretty great, actually, but I'm surprised nobody's brought up Pain of Salvation. Also, Cynic. Oh and I love Opeth and so do most other prog fans so you probably should check them out even with Definite Article trying to dissuade you. I don't really listen to too much prog anymore though, sort of grew out of that a couple years ago. Still listen to Symphony X and Opeth and Pain of Salvation occasionally though.

Have you ever checked out Sputnik Music? I find a lot of really good stuff from a variety of genres on there; its a user review site. The new Fleshgod Apocalypse single sounds pretty awesome I think.

US History - 5 (Sophomore) Computer Science - 5 (Junior) English Lang/Comp - 4 (Junior) Of these, US History was probably the most difficult, but aside from normal class review and the teacher's afterschool study sessions the only studying I really did for it was a lot of cramming the two weeks before. Computer Science was really easy for someone who understands Java; I barely had to study for that outside of classwork. English...I did worst on that one, but it was probably the easiest actually; I just probably didn't do so hot on the argumentative essay. There's no real way to prepare for it though. Next year I'm taking AP Physics, Chemistry, BC Calc, and English Literature/Composition, though I'm not going to take the test for English cause the credits are redundant with the Language one I already took at all the schools I'm looking at.

I'm primarily a drummer. I've been playing concert percussion for 7 years and drum set for 3.5 and currently take lessons. This past year I played in my school's wind ensemble, and next year I will be in jazz band. Right now I'm working on latin drumming to get ready for jazz band, and some of the coordination things are killing me. I know this will make me a much better drummer though. I also am center snare for my school's drumline, so I've been working on some marching band music as well, but that's a lot easier for me at this point. I also tried out for one of my friend's bands, and as the auditions were open I'm pretty sure I made it in, though I won't know until after their last show with their current lineup. I also play a bit of bass guitar, though not nearly well enough as would be suggested by how long I've owned one xD. I've had my bass for two years now, and I play random Muse and Rage Against the Machine songs, but I don't really have much incentive to play without taking lessons and without any sort of people to play with. It's fun though. I'm starting to get more into singing lately. I'm starting on vocal lessons soon, as I want to be able to get a lead role in the musical this upcoming year (I already am a pretty decent singer, but I know lessons will make for dramatic improvement). I also own an acoustic guitar, but the action is so high on it that it hurts abnormally much to play and I've been too lazy to go out and get it fixed, so it's been collecting dust. I also used to play viola, but that only lasted 2.5 years before I quit that because of a bad teacher. I deeply regret stopping now, but I don't have enough interest to actually buy a viola, so I deal with it.

Calling it a bonfire gets a lot more people to come than would happen for just inviting people over I've found xD, I can easily get over 20 people to show up to a bonfire while only maybe 10 would come if I call it something else, lol. Also I've only been having one every two weeks or so, but a lot of my friends have also realized this so they've been having them all over the place. If this is referring to the whole two in one week deal, only one of them's actually mine. It's more of an excuse to hang out with everyone than it is actually about the fire part, lol.

Nah, its not just that i don't know her well. It's that, the fact that she already seems interested in my friend, and the biggest one being that i wasn't really all that attracted to her in the first place, like Omar said.I thought that she might be interested because she started coming to everything all of the sudden, so I sort of tricked myself into liking her or something. It's weird. I was worried about screwing up because while it seemed like that at first, once my friend entered the picture it stopped, and before I made the connection I was wondering why it stopped. Anyways, I ended up hanging out with her again yesterday at an impromptu get together at my place with about 10 other people, and it basically confirmed that I wasn't interested in her. I mean, yeah she's still cute and cool to be around, but I just wasn't attracted for whatever reason. She's still hanging out with our group another three times this week (fireworks tonight and two bonfires), so I'm thinking she'll actually stay as a close part of our group, which is fine. Also to whoever it was that said it seemed like she was just trying to get with my friend, I don't think so, seeing as she still hangs out with us a lot when she knows he won't be there and he goes to another school so she didn't know him until he got to my bonfire. Lastly, to the person who said to get with Andrea...lolno. I realize that was probably a joke but she's been in a relationship with another friend for about 10 months and can go quite...insane. Lol, do not want.

It's not that she's been in a bad mood, she's seemed happy enough, its that she's seemed more interested in said friend (who she had met last monday at my bonfire) ever since she started mentioning him on tuesday, which also is the day that things started going downhill (if there truly was an up). EDIT: I've talked to a couple more friends about this scenario. A couple of them who ere there tonight agreed about her seeming more into my other friend, and another said he was completely oblivious to any thing going on either way. However, the most significant of these conversations was with a friend who also was close friends with her. This friend, Andrea, said that Ashley is basically a waste of time, as she jumps from guy to guy incredibly fast and would just end up breaking my heart in the end and that she generally wouldn't have been a good match for me. After continuing to talk to her, i started realizing that the problem probably was that I wasn't actually interested in dating Ashley so much as I was in the idea of dating Ashley. My best friends who I normally hang out with all the time both have entered relationships and have been spending all their time this summer with their significant others...and really, I'm starting to think that this whole situation was more about me being in a couple so I could hang out with them on their double dates and such more than me actually liking Ashley. I mean, she's cute and all, but after hanging out with her for three weeks now I still don't even know her enough to hold an interesting conversation and I'm not really all that sure I'd want a relationship with her. This also really helped me realize...I don't need to be bothering with this yet. I'm going to work on improving myself more really. Starting singing lessons soon, and I've probably won the audition for the drummer spot of a local band in addition to having a lot more to work on my drumming in general. I probably should start working out again too, definitely wouldn't hurt anything. This summer can be really awesome without having to deal with this. I'll find someone eventually, but first I really have to start with myself. Sorry for wasting your guys' time with this ordeal.

So I just got back from the bonfire. I tried keeping up everything I've been doing, tried the poking her in the sides thing and touching and stuff, and was really in a much better mindset than I've been since I started freaking out over the whole deal. But... she was unresponsive again like on at my friend's party on Thursday. She also was barely talking to anyone there (me sometimes but I always sort of had to lead it before she went back on her phone0 and was mainly texting one of my other friends the whole time who she had been talking to more on Thursday...I'd started to notice something then but didn't know whether I was just making things up or not. Ugh. I know I know insert overreaction comments here, but.. its not like I've been inviting her to anything I haven't been inviting a crapton of other people to as well, and its probably just that they were legitimately fun things I've been planning that she wanted to come to. Like, she's coming with my group to a fireworks show for the fourth of July and to another bonfire I'm having Thursday, but I doubt that really means she's interested. Bleh. Again, probably just overreacting/overanalyzing like every single other post about her on here, but I just have a feeling this will end up just going nowhere like every other time.

Alright, thank you xD. Bleh, sitting at home with no power leaves me without much else to do than overanalyze things, lol. This is just probably the closest I've gotten to...anything, so i'm naturally a bit nervous about the whole deal.

Alright, thanks for the encouragement Omar, but now I have a feeling that I screwed it up now anyways. I talked to her on facebook earlier today, and after finding out she wasn't really doing anything, I asked her if she wanted to hang out before the bonfire for a while. She said she had to do some laundry for like 20 minutes and was feeling lazy and that shed get back to me (this is at about 2 pm). At about 3:30 today I asked her if she'd made up her mind and she said that she was laying out now and would just see me at the bonfire. So basically, shed rather do nothing. I probably jumped the gun with asking her to hang out like this. Bleh, ill try to do better at the bonfire, but I doubt this will be any more successful than any other relationship I've tried. Or am I overreacting as per usual?

So I've hung out with Ashley twice since my last post here. Before that though, I tried texting her again Monday... which was a mistake. The conversation was completely boring, she was barely resoponding because she was at a baseball game and spent way too much time trying to save something that never even got off the ground. Which leads me to my first problem here - I'm probably a bad texter. Though anyone might be when they're getting one line responses for anything and I can normally have some really awesome conversations with the girls I'm into over texts, I seem to have completely hit a wall in this case. maybe I'm just looking into it too much, but neither of the conversations I've had with her have really gotten anywhere. I've read Dan's texting blog thing too, but I guess I'm still sort of bad with starting conversations with things other than "Hey what's up", which I know is an incredibly boring way to start one, though its worked sort of before for me... Whatever, I'm rambling now, but needless to say, I haven't tried having a conversation with her over texting since then. Tuesday my friends got together for a laser tag thing, then went back to my house for a bit before me her and a couple other people went to another friend's birthday party. her reactions to me mostly seemed pretty postive throughout the day/night, and she was still laughing at just about every joke I made the night. I tried escalating touching a bit too, though I know I still need to improve with that. During the night, there were two instances where I was alone with her when I was driving her between places (she volunteered to come with me both times we had to figure out rides). The first one was rather quiet; I started talking about general driving things with her eventually and it picked up a bit though. On the way to my friend's bonfire we had a much more interesting conversation, though the ride was only about a quarter the length of the previous one. I doubt I'm ready to hang out with her alone based on that though, and two of my friends I talked to about this afterward that were there said that they could definitely see us happening. Then yesterday another friend had a party that she was also at. We talked there, but I don't know, I wasn't getting the same vibe from her or something. I mean, it went alright. I didn't spend the whole time with her, as I had a bunch of other friends there as well, and she didn't seem too interested in talking to me until halfway through the thing when we all went out on a walk to get ice cream. After that she seemed more interested and that aspect of it picked up. Still, she didn't seem as interested as she did on Tuesday or at the airsoft thing last saturday, I can't exactly explain why though. Maybe I'm just overanalyzing it or was in the wrong mindset or something. After the party yesterday, one of my friends that was there asked me to invite her to his bonfire he's having Saturday. I did, and she said she'd come to that, So I guess I'll see what happens then. Is there anything I've been doing wrong from that? I know its sort of hard to tell when the only information you're given is this, but I'll give anything else necessary. Also, yeah I need help with the aforementioned texting problem I guess.

Already have plans to hang out with Ashley in groups at a laser tag get-together thing on Tuesday and a friend's party on Thursday. Assuming those go well, I'll have to figure out how to hang out with her alone then, which I'm guessing if she's agreeing to all of these plans so easily and I keep doing things right I should be able to get her to agree to easily enough. What are some ideas for something I could do with her if this goes through though? Most things I do in groups it seems, and when I hang out with just one other person its usually more out of boredom than doing something interesting.

First I had a drum lesson. I'm starting to learn about latin drum set pleying for my jazz band class next year; however it didn't go too well, I haven't been practicing enough because I've been too busy going out this summer so far. Afterwards I went up to a trade expo with one of my friends. They were supposed to be having all sorts of instruments for sale, but instead they had like, 20 guitars, which was disappointing for the drive. I tried getting an airsoft gun as well, but they all seemed too cheap and the vendor wasn't even at the kiosk. There was another stand with N64 and SNES games that I looked at as well, but predictably everything worth buying was already taken. After this my friend and I went and picked up another friend and a girl I'm into and we went to another friend's house to play airsoft. After about three games we were too fed up with mosquitos to continue though, but we kept hanging out there. We got some pizzas, played Ninja and Odd Man Out, and then played cards for a while. It was a lot more fun than it sounds, lol. When this was done I went to go to yet another friend's bonfire, which wasn't as fun as I'd hoped but it was nice getting to see that group again. I was really too tired and itchy to really appreciate (try twelve mosquito bites on your right hand alone o_O), but it was still fun.

I've hung out with Ashley a couple more times since my last post. Last night we went bowling with a decent sized group where another friend's band was playing, and today we went to another of my friend's houses for an airsoft shindig thing (she was like the second best one there and it was her first time o_O) both of which were a lot of fun. I think I'm still doing things right still, but while she'll laugh at almost anything I say now, I don't really know what else to really look for in terms of IOIs. However, I also might have screwed a couple things up. I tried texting her for something other than inviting her to something tonight, which didn't turn out too well. The conversation started out interesting but died down after about half an hour. I realize its natural for conversations to die down but normally I can keep them interesting for longer than that, but I'm probably overanalyzing this. Still, I'm a bit hesitant to try that again. Also, aside from hugging her goodbye and occasionally touching her hand or something as a joke, I probably haven't been escalating touching enough, though with what ended up happening today I really didn't see a natural way to do so. Also, I've been giving her more attention these last couple times rather than being more aloof like at my bonfire on monday (last time I had seen her before these events), but again I guess that's natural when the groups have gotten progressively smaller (23 at the bonfire to about 13 at bowling to 6 today). I'm probably overanalyzing this, but Are these mistakes actually all that bad? Also, what would be some more IOIs to look for?