issy2

6/10

Edited. Sorry for arguing on your thread, Lee - it's very spammy and unthoughtful of us.

The way you have written it shouldn't really come across. Yes, it wasn't bad, but even so it was rushed - and that was obvious. Don't pull the 'it-was-supposed-to-be' card because it doesn't work. When a story is rushed, as yours was, it's not going to add to the effect of the story. Sure, ok, I'm not saying a fast story can't be good because it was written in a shorter amount of time, but it's obvious you haven't thought it out and personally I think that has brought the whole piece down. I do however think it's got alot of potential.

nvm

I'm sorry to disagree and this is nothing personal Archimage, but I really think the first verse is best on its own. It's short and sweet, very beautiful, comes and goes quite fast. I could imagine a poem to go with it, even if it is of the same fantastic standard, maybe dragging it down a little. Just my two pennies, but andufus it's really your choice :thumbsup:

No way. Don't even think I'm criticising your story because you never like any of mine. I wouldn't ever stoop that low.

I haven't tried To be true, I've lied To myself. I haven't attempted To think of you I assumed this is what you'd do And maybe that's why I thought you'd be better than me Be the better person, because you can see Maybe it's time to wish my wishes goodbye.

No offence, but, not much. It seemed to have been really rushed and the emotions in it were completely unreal. The short sentences were quite effect in parts but I think you need to be more tactful when you use them; if it's short sentences prety much the whole way through it's just boring. Try and join some together. Also there wasn't much description and it wasn't very interesting, though the storyline was pretty gripping. You could turn it into a fantastic story but, I dunno, I just didn't like it.

I never asked you To forgive what they do I just wonder, I ask What would you have done? Would have been brave enough to say 'I've done wrong, and I shall pay,' With the world on your shoulders What would you do?

I'd like to know How easy it is To tell your foes From your friends. When you decide Who can we blame, who? Just ask yourself What would you do? He may have made mistakes He may have ignored earthquakes But with a burden so heavy What would you do?

Thanks alot, it's great! =D>

Added about 3 new ones, rate, hate, c/c please! : :thumbsup:

Same story as what?

It's 9.30 am GMT here now, it should be posted by 10.30. Is that ok? If you come online I'll get it to you again and you can make any edits you want.

Read the rules.

Thanks alot, andufus did indeed ask for a better description of Jane. We will work on it! :) And just so you know its we are very talented authors, not I. :wink: Thanks for the comments everyone, means alot to us

That was absolutely sidesplitting! And Clarkson c

nvm

Heeeheee, lovely! I particularly like the description of all the items at the beginning, it was alot of fun to read ^^ I'm afraid to say I think it needs quite a bit of paragraphing as it's quite hard to read in some places. Readers (and this has been scientifically proven, apparently) prefer short paragraphs as it is more gripping that a long block of text that seems like a task to read ( not that your story was, but lots of stuff together looks a bit crammed in) Maybe on the last two sentences put them both together, for instance 'it would leave us with no story to follow, now would it?' But you have such a great grasp of the language and you are so imaginative, the style it is written in seems pretty appropriate and reads slightly old-fashioned. You really know how to use your words don't you? :P Great job though maybe needs a touching of editing. =D> :thumbsup:

Not exactly what I'd call a beautiful building but pretty awesome. Darn, can't the pics any bigger :( :cry:

sig type: abstracty-ish main colour: Rainbow going across the background. can the colours in the rainbow please not be very light/pastelly, can they be proper strong colours, maybe fading out a bit at the side ^^ other colours; maybe a touch of black and white in the background, but no greys ^^ font: http://www.dafont.com/theme.php?cat=504 ... classt=pop http://www.dafont.com/theme.php?cat=601 ... +australia text: don't worry about the world ending today (in font styllo) it's already tomorrow in australia (in Anke Calligraphic) subtext: issy (stylo font please) render: i don't have a render unfortunately :( can there be some kind of caribbean waves/sand in the bottom left and corners with the rainbow over the top? size: max please ^^ I'm so sorry it's so complicated ... :( but thankyou soooo much

This time... (lol) it's not about being sexist. It's about being compared to a six-inch-high fabric model of a toy stuffed with cotton wool with no character, family, freewill or moral code! :P

YEah I know, I reported myself lol. And why the heck have you used the world 'doll'? I am not a doll. I am a person.

Hiyaaa there stranger I saw the 'most awesome ending' topic and for some crazy reason I thought it said 'building' and I was like oooh yay this could be interesting... But, yeah. So what do you think are the most 'awesome' buildings in the world? In terms of beauty, material, height, size, weight, looks, practicality, history, or whatever you choose. And please post pics : :thumbsup: Hehe I might just be stating the obvious... but no flaming here please :shame: If you haven't got anything nice to say then keep your mouth shut, and if no-one else has said anything nasty then you won't have to, will you? Not, you know, that I'm forbidding discussion or debate but we can manage that without swearing at each other. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah, but when you're showering you're not sitting in that filth as you wash. A shower get rid of it, cleaning you better.