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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


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#19621
muggiwhplar
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In my case there's a few problems:

1. I don't want to be buff. I don't want to be toned. In honesty I want to be a <130 lb twig. But of course that's not attractive.

2. I want to date women and men. But I've had *zero* luck with that for nearly a year (this includes men who are less picky).

3. I only want to come across as gay /when I want to/.

4. Despite losing 100 lbs I'm still unhappy with how I look and don't see how weightlifting is going to change that. It's just going to be another disappointment.

5. I absolutely hate my face.

6. I have excessive amounts of loose skin.

So there is no combination that makes me happy.

...


Also I've been going to the gym 'a couple of months' and look no different than 'a couple of months' ago.

 

1. Neither did I-- I thoroughly enjoyed turning heads at the gym when they'd see the 125 lb twig benching more than the 200 lb buff guy sitting on the bench next to him. But the look on women's faces when I'm turning them on is more satisfying than the look on strangers' faces at the gym; I'd never go back to being 125 lbs after being on the other side.

 

2. I'd imagine men are less picky than women and mostly just care about your looks-- and they also probably don't care if you look like a rugged, masculine dude or a twink. Women, on the other hand, strongly prefer masculine dudes, so it's in your best interest to steer yourself towards that end of the spectrum.

 

3. Not entirely sure what you mean by this-- there's certain parts of my personality that I'd love to reveal to women, but I won't because I know they either don't care or don't understand/appreciate it like some of my guy friends would. But I have plenty of guy friends who appreciate those traits of mine, so I don't feel too bad about not having any women to appreciate them.

 

4. Because you've only been going to the gym for a couple of months and, like me, you're probably genetically predisposed to have a slower response to training than the average person. It's not fair but that's why lifting's fun-- swimming against the current of your genetics builds character :P

 

5. Go to a good hairstylist (not SportClips or w/e) and tell them that and see if they can give you a better haircut to make your face look more attractive

 

6. By the time a girl sees your loose skin she won't care

 

 

 

Focus on getting your main lifts up to the intermediate range. Some will progress slower than others. After years and years, my bench was in the advanced range while my squat was still novice. My legs didn't start looking strong till I was approaching the intermediate range on squats. The intermediate range is essentially level 85 in a skill on RuneScape, with Advanced being level 92 and elite being level 99+

 

 

You're not going to start looking strong until:

1. Most of your lifts are in or near the intermediate range

2. You're dieting correctly (long read, but it's what worked for me); in a nutshell, you download myfitnesspal, record everything you eat, and see what it says your macros are.

 

Your goal should be muscle gain until you reach 165 lbs, then when you're 165 it should be recomposition. Following the chart, that means you should be consuming 2788.5 calories per day till you're 165 lbs. Of those 2788.5 calories, they should be 26% protein, 47% carbs, and 27% fat. When you're 165 lbs, you should be consuming 2103.75 calories per day, with those calories being 36% protein, 39% carbs, and 25% fat.

 

The closer your diet is to those numbers, the leaner and more muscular your body will be. The further away you are, the fatter/weaker you'll look


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#19622
RpgGamer
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I vote that he's(Muggiw's friend) just more comfortable in an environment that doesn't challenge him
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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.




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#19623
Ring_World
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When you put on muscle your very lean too. I'm 155 and look leaner than I did as an 18 year old at 130. 165 is probably the right weight, but you are as lean as a muscular 155 as you are as a skinny 130



#19624
Veiva
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I'm just not going to bother anymore. I'll go to the gym for myself like I have been.

 

But my self-hatred is never going away, and neither is this massive pit of emptiness in my chest. Three years of therapy and med management and they're still there.

 

How can I believe I'm better than everyone else but still hate myself? It doesn't make sense.


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#19625
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It's not really supposed to make sense, human emotion is basically the opposite of logical
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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.




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#19626
Ring_World
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I'm just not going to bother anymore. I'll go to the gym for myself like I have been.

 

But my self-hatred is never going away, and neither is this massive pit of emptiness in my chest. Three years of therapy and med management and they're still there.

 

How can I believe I'm better than everyone else but still hate myself? It doesn't make sense.

 

I mean your feeling things probably because of real shit thats going on in your life. You've definitely had valid reasons any of us would struggle in your shoes. You've dealt with the stress, of loss, responsibility, mental illness, stigma, lack of sexual attention, etc. are all really tough things to deal with. You'll start having success with men and women soon and will feel a lot less anxious about your self worth socially.

 

 

We all have bad patches and it does suck. You honestly would probably succeed socially as you are now, but take this hard time as an excuse to improve things you otherwise wouldn't have approached. Such as physical strength. It takes time and time will pass regardless of how we feel, keep putting in effort into the things you care about and it will come around.



#19627
Boris5000
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On the topic of mistaken sexual preferences, about a dozen people (over 6 years) have asked if I am gay solely based on the fact my ears are pierced
Luck be a Lady

#19628
RpgGamer
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I used to get asked every so often because I was quiet and non-assertive in my speech
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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.




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#19629
Estonian dude
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Bloody hell, things are like always for Estonians, can't get things going in the start and can't stop afterwards.
I'm kinda/sorta dating one girl, in another town another girl promised to get me drunk and do all sorts of... interesting things to me and now 2 more old acquaintances have expressed direct interest in going out for a date. And that bloody Tinder keeps on giving aswell...

And I am so [bleep]ing busy right now with the funeral n stuff...
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#19630
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When it rains, it pours
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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.




PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude
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Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

#19631
Estonian dude
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Aaand I got friendzoned by one I already hooked up with, cause apparently I cannot make any rational decisions and can hurt us both very badly right now if I pursue something in my situation... I kinda get the point.
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#19632
RpgGamer
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You're allowed to be less vague. We're all friends here :)
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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.




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#19633
Estonian dude
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I shouldn't be chasing tail when I haven't even buried my mum yet. Is what I meant.
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#19634
RpgGamer
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I mean, that's certainly valid but it's difficult to put your entire life on hold for weeks while you get jerked around by the government as well
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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.




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#19635
Estonian dude
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Well, not weeks, days.
But yeah, I've lost grandma, who I was real close to, and mom, who was even closer, within 3 months. And they were the last two people qho played a really big role in my life, so pretty much noone left. I don't think I even fathom it until a few more months in.

I mean, this board is probs my last surviving family member, only place to vent.
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#19636
RpgGamer
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well, we'll certainly be here for you. I know I will, at least


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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.




PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude
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Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

#19637
The Observer
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I would reach out to friends and family. You probably have more friends than you know.


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#19638
Veiva
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I went to Jacks Tap tonight and met a cute guy, he was really flirty, and we danced and made out and stuff, lol. Was fun would do it again.

I attribute it to my beard. LOL.

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#19639
Estonian dude
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Beards rule.
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#19640
Estonian dude
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Bloody [bleep]ing hell.

That one girl.
The one I've had oneitis for for years.
The one who studies abroad in Korea and is a former model.
She is back in the country for winter holidays. She hasn't hit me up, but I know she is here, from here instagram posts and FB attends.
And that thought that she is here simultaneously arouses and annoys and intrigues me.

Last contact we had was last summer. Last time I saw her was 2 years ago.

Why, oh why does it bother me when I've found so many other girls to be intrigued about?!?!
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