In my case there's a few problems:
1. I don't want to be buff. I don't want to be toned. In honesty I want to be a <130 lb twig. But of course that's not attractive.
2. I want to date women and men. But I've had *zero* luck with that for nearly a year (this includes men who are less picky).
3. I only want to come across as gay /when I want to/.
4. Despite losing 100 lbs I'm still unhappy with how I look and don't see how weightlifting is going to change that. It's just going to be another disappointment.
5. I absolutely hate my face.
6. I have excessive amounts of loose skin.
So there is no combination that makes me happy.
Also I've been going to the gym 'a couple of months' and look no different than 'a couple of months' ago.
1. Neither did I-- I thoroughly enjoyed turning heads at the gym when they'd see the 125 lb twig benching more than the 200 lb buff guy sitting on the bench next to him. But the look on women's faces when I'm turning them on is more satisfying than the look on strangers' faces at the gym; I'd never go back to being 125 lbs after being on the other side.
2. I'd imagine men are less picky than women and mostly just care about your looks-- and they also probably don't care if you look like a rugged, masculine dude or a twink. Women, on the other hand, strongly prefer masculine dudes, so it's in your best interest to steer yourself towards that end of the spectrum.
3. Not entirely sure what you mean by this-- there's certain parts of my personality that I'd love to reveal to women, but I won't because I know they either don't care or don't understand/appreciate it like some of my guy friends would. But I have plenty of guy friends who appreciate those traits of mine, so I don't feel too bad about not having any women to appreciate them.
4. Because you've only been going to the gym for a couple of months and, like me, you're probably genetically predisposed to have a slower response to training than the average person. It's not fair but that's why lifting's fun-- swimming against the current of your genetics builds character
5. Go to a good hairstylist (not SportClips or w/e) and tell them that and see if they can give you a better haircut to make your face look more attractive
6. By the time a girl sees your loose skin she won't care
Focus on getting your main lifts up to the intermediate range. Some will progress slower than others. After years and years, my bench was in the advanced range while my squat was still novice. My legs didn't start looking strong till I was approaching the intermediate range on squats. The intermediate range is essentially level 85 in a skill on RuneScape, with Advanced being level 92 and elite being level 99+
You're not going to start looking strong until:
1. Most of your lifts are in or near the intermediate range
2. You're dieting correctly (long read, but it's what worked for me); in a nutshell, you download myfitnesspal, record everything you eat, and see what it says your macros are.
Your goal should be muscle gain until you reach 165 lbs, then when you're 165 it should be recomposition. Following the chart, that means you should be consuming 2788.5 calories per day till you're 165 lbs. Of those 2788.5 calories, they should be 26% protein, 47% carbs, and 27% fat. When you're 165 lbs, you should be consuming 2103.75 calories per day, with those calories being 36% protein, 39% carbs, and 25% fat.
The closer your diet is to those numbers, the leaner and more muscular your body will be. The further away you are, the fatter/weaker you'll look