"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Major Dash]

no

 

we're done people

[obfuscator]

no

 

we're done people

I guess you should get out of this thread's Radius

[Veiva]

I created a straight OkCupid profile and have gotten 3 likes / 2 matches / 1 response + 1 date scheduled since Sunday. However I've messaged/liked like 50 peeps so I'm not sure what that means. (Obviously a lot of them wouldn't have seen my profile, etc).

 

It's pretty much the same bio as last time except slimmed down and fine tuned. Same pictures. I used the nice picture of me in the grey tweed blazer as my first one (I think it's the best???).

 

...

 

re: weightlifting, atlthough I'm not progressing as fast as muggi said, I'm up to 60 lbs bench press from just the barbell, 90 lbs dead lift & squat. Have only missed three or four days since I've started due to extenuating circumstances (like Monday, where I had work/school 17 hours straight; the following morning I wanted to die and just noped out of school/work).

[RpgGamer]

Weightlifting for results is a full time commitment. I've seen what "counting macros" in your diet can do on top of constant routine and it's pretty significant. The trade off it that you'll lose most sense of pleasure from food, which personally I don't think is worthwhile. Especially when routine exercise does the job, just at a slightly slower pace

[Veiva]

Yeah I'm not doing that. Food is life.

[Bonez899]

Weightlifting for results is a full time commitment. I've seen what "counting macros" in your diet can do on top of constant routine and it's pretty significant. The trade off it that you'll lose most sense of pleasure from food, which personally I don't think is worthwhile. Especially when routine exercise does the job, just at a slightly slower pace

Or be a weirdo like me, its honestly almost a form of laziness, in that I pretty much eat chicken and rice for ~70% of meals simply because its cheap and easy to make. Use a few spices or whatever and its good to go.

 

That being said, I also don't count macros, but pretty much the easiest way is to just repetitively eat the same stuff over and over again.

[Estonian dude]

I got called out for being too slim/weak this week... If I hadn't done heaps off pull-ups and trained my back this summer, I would've been doomed :D

But man, I am pretty much underweight right now...

I would probs be in a relationship right now, but the girl had decided long ago before meeting me to head to land Down Under. Oh well, sometimes lose, always win.

[RpgGamer]

Its debatable if anyone "should" be in a relationship

[muggiwhplar]

I created a straight OkCupid profile and have gotten 3 likes / 2 matches / 1 response + 1 date scheduled since Sunday. However I've messaged/liked like 50 peeps so I'm not sure what that means. (Obviously a lot of them wouldn't have seen my profile, etc).

 

It's pretty much the same bio as last time except slimmed down and fine tuned. Same pictures. I used the nice picture of me in the grey tweed blazer as my first one (I think it's the best???).

 

...

 

re: weightlifting, atlthough I'm not progressing as fast as muggi said, I'm up to 60 lbs bench press from just the barbell, 90 lbs dead lift & squat. Have only missed three or four days since I've started due to extenuating circumstances (like Monday, where I had work/school 17 hours straight; the following morning I wanted to die and just noped out of school/work).

 

that's good progress-- probably faster progress than when i was in your shoes. keep being consistent

[The Observer]

That's something I need to start getting into again. I didn't believe how weak I was until I was transferring a patient via backboard to a stretcher.

[Bonez899]

That's something I need to start getting into again. I didn't believe how weak I was until I was transferring a patient via backboard to a stretcher.

Medic or Nurse?

 

Either way kind of surprised to be someone else from the field in here. Not that there shouldn't be, just that I really didn't think there was.

[The Observer]

 

That's something I need to start getting into again. I didn't believe how weak I was until I was transferring a patient via backboard to a stretcher.

Medic or Nurse?

 

Either way kind of surprised to be someone else from the field in here. Not that there shouldn't be, just that I really didn't think there was.

Used to be medic. Now in nursing school.

[Veiva]

Date fell through after we kept talking back and forth idgi. She unmatched me the day of. Cool.

 

At least I went on a hook up with a /really really/ cute guy last night ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. He was like my ideal type (hairless, twink, slightly-feminine) 100%. Do you know how hard it is to find guys like that, at least in my age range, lol.

[Estonian dude]

Nope, I don't and I don't even wanna know.

[Veiva]

I'm sorry my preference for guys makes you uncomfortable.

 

Actually... I'm not.

[The Observer]

What is your age range? 

 

So, I think I'm having a bit of a problem. I've been hooking up a lot recently since my last relationship fell through and haven't really attempted a relationship since (2 years ago). I mean, I did see a few people in between then, but it wasn't anything serious. More so short term flings. I need to slow things down tbh.

[Veiva]

What is your age range?

22-30. Most guys my type are <21. I'm not messing with that.

[The Observer]

That makes sense. 

[Veiva]

how do I stop coming across as gay

Because a lot of people assume/think I'm gay and they refuse to tell me why. They say they don't know but man that's not helpful.

What traits are associated with being gay? Personally I think it's my voice, the way I dress (always dress on point even when I'm going casual), and the fact I use make up, but I can't change my voice and I'm not purposely make myself look worse. Of course no one here knows me IRL so it's just a guessing game.

god damn stereotypes

I just need to learn to accept I'll always be alone lol.

[RpgGamer]

All of those things are definitely associated with being gay.

 

You may find this interesting; a guy I worked with has been getting super into fitness and working out lately. He went from pretty normal looking to body builder in only a couple months. Dude looks like a Greek statue now. In order to combat all the female attention, he started painting his nails pastel colors, because at the end of the day he's just as into men as he is women if not moreso. But I tell you what, without the painted nails on a surface level he doesn't come off as "gay" or "queer" much at all.

 

Would you say that most of your friends are straight or queer? I think naturally people tend to reflect from those around them, so if you're main circles are full off LGBTQ, their culture will rub off on you more than if you didn't commonly interact with them. It's kind of like how you can tell who goes to church every Sunday. It's hard to put into words, but sometimes you can just read people by their actions, words, speech and even posture and attitude

[Veiva]

In my case there's a few problems:

 

1. I don't want to be buff. I don't want to be toned. In honesty I want to be a <130 lb twig. But of course that's not attractive.

 

2. I want to date women and men. But I've had *zero* luck with that for nearly a year (this includes men who are less picky).

 

3. I only want to come across as gay /when I want to/.

 

4. Despite losing 100 lbs I'm still unhappy with how I look and don't see how weightlifting is going to change that. It's just going to be another disappointment.

 

5. I absolutely hate my face.

 

6. I have excessive amounts of loose skin.

 

So there is no combination that makes me happy.

 

...

 

 

Also I've been going to the gym 'a couple of months' and look no different than 'a couple of months' ago.

[RpgGamer]

You've lost 100lbs and gained the confidence to post real photos of yourself on these forums. Id say you've made huge improvements in the last few months.

 

I think some of your issue is stemming from your own self judgement. You want to look a certain way, but ultimately it's your partner that has to look at you. So wile you try to split the difference in your appeal to men and women, you're equally distancing yourself from each group. If you focused on attracting one gender over the other, I'd bet you see more success from attracting that gender. I know it's tough to dive into the binary habits of dating when you yourself are atypical but conforming to some amount of social norm will allow you to interact with society in a more pleasant way.

 

Or you could stick to your guns and try to be ambiguously gendered and understand that attracting people is going to be much more difficult than the average heteronormative experience.

 

I'm not saying you can't be yourself, but you're going to have to accept that a large part of the world just doesn't know how to handle bisexual or gender non-binary people

[Estonian dude]

You can't just "flick a switch" to appear more gay or straight when you want to. Just doesn't work.

 

 

And in dating world, sorry to break it to you, but nobody cares how you yourself think you should look like.

Luckily, for some women looks are not as important and if you know how to talk and/or touch them at right times you don't need to look like Adonis.

But that's something that can't be taught and is very dynamic, every girl has their own "tics" and it's completely a trial and error thing. In general, positivity works. And listening and responding with what you expect the girl to want to hear.

[muggiwhplar]

Would you say that most of your friends are straight or queer? I think naturally people tend to reflect from those around them, so if you're main circles are full off LGBTQ, their culture will rub off on you more than if you didn't commonly interact with them. It's kind of like how you can tell who goes to church every Sunday. It's hard to put into words, but sometimes you can just read people by their actions, words, speech and even posture and attitude

 

Funny you brought this up-- a guy I know from college is a 28 year old virgin, and I saw him for the first time in years this weekend. He's close friends with my old roommate from college, who was in the closet throughout college but is now openly gay and dating another guy. The group they all hang out with is mostly gay dudes, domineering women, and effeminate men dating the domineering women.

 

I hung out with them this weekend and it made me wonder if part of the reason why he's still a virgin is because he's just completely out of touch with his masculine sexuality as a result of spending so much time with that crowd. Whenever I hang out with that group, I have to do it in small doses because the feminine energy of the group is so overwhelming lol.

 

Or maybe my friend's just in the closet >_>

[muggiwhplar]

In my case there's a few problems:

 

1. I don't want to be buff. I don't want to be toned. In honesty I want to be a <130 lb twig. But of course that's not attractive.

 

2. I want to date women and men. But I've had *zero* luck with that for nearly a year (this includes men who are less picky).

 

3. I only want to come across as gay /when I want to/.

 

4. Despite losing 100 lbs I'm still unhappy with how I look and don't see how weightlifting is going to change that. It's just going to be another disappointment.

 

5. I absolutely hate my face.

 

6. I have excessive amounts of loose skin.

 

So there is no combination that makes me happy.

 

...

 

 

Also I've been going to the gym 'a couple of months' and look no different than 'a couple of months' ago.

 

1. Neither did I-- I thoroughly enjoyed turning heads at the gym when they'd see the 125 lb twig benching more than the 200 lb buff guy sitting on the bench next to him. But the look on women's faces when I'm turning them on is more satisfying than the look on strangers' faces at the gym; I'd never go back to being 125 lbs after being on the other side.

 

2. I'd imagine men are less picky than women and mostly just care about your looks-- and they also probably don't care if you look like a rugged, masculine dude or a twink. Women, on the other hand, strongly prefer masculine dudes, so it's in your best interest to steer yourself towards that end of the spectrum.

 

3. Not entirely sure what you mean by this-- there's certain parts of my personality that I'd love to reveal to women, but I won't because I know they either don't care or don't understand/appreciate it like some of my guy friends would. But I have plenty of guy friends who appreciate those traits of mine, so I don't feel too bad about not having any women to appreciate them.

 

4. Because you've only been going to the gym for a couple of months and, like me, you're probably genetically predisposed to have a slower response to training than the average person. It's not fair but that's why lifting's fun-- swimming against the current of your genetics builds character :P

 

5. Go to a good hairstylist (not SportClips or w/e) and tell them that and see if they can give you a better haircut to make your face look more attractive

 

6. By the time a girl sees your loose skin she won't care

 

 

 

Focus on getting your main lifts up to the intermediate range. Some will progress slower than others. After years and years, my bench was in the advanced range while my squat was still novice. My legs didn't start looking strong till I was approaching the intermediate range on squats. The intermediate range is essentially level 85 in a skill on RuneScape, with Advanced being level 92 and elite being level 99+

 

 

You're not going to start looking strong until:

1. Most of your lifts are in or near the intermediate range

2. You're dieting correctly (long read, but it's what worked for me); in a nutshell, you download myfitnesspal, record everything you eat, and see what it says your macros are.

 

Your goal should be muscle gain until you reach 165 lbs, then when you're 165 it should be recomposition. Following the chart, that means you should be consuming 2788.5 calories per day till you're 165 lbs. Of those 2788.5 calories, they should be 26% protein, 47% carbs, and 27% fat. When you're 165 lbs, you should be consuming 2103.75 calories per day, with those calories being 36% protein, 39% carbs, and 25% fat.

 

The closer your diet is to those numbers, the leaner and more muscular your body will be. The further away you are, the fatter/weaker you'll look