There's more than enough websites and self-help books out there for people to look for advice on dating. To be perfectly honest, I'm better at getting people to see problems in relationships rather than getting them in one.

There's more than enough websites and self-help books out there for people to look for advice on dating. To be perfectly honest, I'm better at getting people to see problems in relationships rather than getting them in one.

 

which is still a useful skill. The end of a relationship is still part of a relationship.

 

I'd rather just send them to other sites where they can get more "professional" advice.

 

now that sounds lazy :P

And who else is better versed in this stuff than this thread? We take ips and bits from all these books/articles/videos and combine them into a more intuitive guide. I think this thread (being interactive on a personal level and all) is 100x more useful than the standard Alpha-male PUA-bible jargon.

If I were to sit down and write a "guide" on what I've learned regarding relationships, I'd probably write a 100+ page eBook on EVERYTHING and sell it for profit :P

I'd volunteer to contribute but so far I only have "yeah don't do what I did" stories. Like "don't fall into the trap of co-dependence", "don't say yes to a relationship unless you're sure you mean it", or "don't ask out girls who have daddy issues".

 

 

 

Meditation fixes that... the ability to turn off the chatter in your mind when you need to because it's not helping you at all is a useful skill to develop.

 

I used to meditate back when I took Kenpo karate as a gradeschooler, but stopped when I changed styles. I'll try it! I've been giving too little attention to the spiritual aspects of the martial arts lately anyways so this'd probably do me a lot of good.

What worked for me to get a gf.

-Confidence, Being Myself, Sense of Humor, Outgoing, Variety of Interests, Motivated Mindset, Artistic (thats what my gf says about me anyway lol)

Having interests which hold some personal meaning, and being outgoing are things I think help make you attractive to other people in general. There's nothing worse than trying to get to know a hollow shell of a person, who has no ambition and no drive about them and would rather keep all their interests and feelings to themselves. I think people also mistake "outgoing" for "extrovert", or "chatty". You can be a quiet person and still be outgoing, and still make an effort to talk to people, and still be very well liked for it.

 

If you are the quiet type, though, avoid the trap of turning yourself into a wallflower. There are times to be quiet, and times not to be, just as there are times for louder people to stay silent.

Slowly getting better at this online dating thing. :)

 

I completely underestimated how well girls will respond to you if your profile makes you out to be a non-needy jerk, lol. Sad but true. I don't consider myself to be a jerk, but I basically made my profile as "jerky" as possible (while still maintaining my other positive qualities from my previous profile), and then when I opened girls I said something along the lines of "I'm not as bad as my profile may lead you to believe..."

 

The result? I've scheduled FIVE dates so far today. Some of the girls even opened me and proposed we meet up! I'm about to go to bed and my phone still keeps going off with messages from new girls, LOL. I'll have to schedule them in tomorrow morning :P

 

Muuuuch better results than my profile and "process" from last month. :)

Just read Philosophie Magazine's approach the mono/poly question. I might translate the good parts when I have time.

Also, even if I had knowledge, I wouldn't help with a TIF compendium of love wisdom. I come here because I'm bored, not to help people.

 

 

Just read Philosophie Magazine's approach the mono/poly question.

 

mono/poly

 

 

 

 

Sorry, couldn't resist.

 

Muggiwhplar, when you say you make yourself look like a jerk, do you mean in a "gang thug" style, "I just wanna bang" style, or "I don't give a damn what you think" style?

The "I dont give a damn what you think" style.

The "I dont give a damn what you think" style.

If you're going to keep the charade up during the date, get it on video :P .

I guess that's the typical confidence factor kicking in. I am curious to see how they react when your personality doesn't match your profile...

It's not a charade. I didn't lie about anything on my profile. I genuinely don't give a shit when it comes to things like this-- you all should know that by now :P

 

My point was, until now I hadn't actually conveyed that within my profile, primarily because I underestimated how "effective" it is to convey, and because while it is indeed an aspect of my personality that attracts girls, it's not something that I want to "flaunt." It's an "attitude" kind of thing IRL, but that's nearly impossible to convey in a profile description. So I'm basically "talking the talk" on my profile, but I'm "walking the walk" once we're actually interacting... if that makes any sense. Like I said, I'm bad at articulating my thoughts when it comes to these kinds of things :P

 

Conversely, it kind of reminds me of girls who agree with dumb shit like this:

 

 

They say they want something like that. And they might even believe that they want something like that. But when they actually get that, they get bored fast.

 

What I'm doing is basically the opposite of that, lol.

Fair enough.

 

Something that I am now wondering is how "jerky" can you be on a first date. Are you going to mention to them that you lean towards the polyamorous side? How likely would you be to fulfill her wishes, whatever they may be?

 

I'm just rambling now, feel free to not respond to these questions :P .

Well I'm only "blatantly" jerky in my profile. Just enough to pique their interest. Like I said, when I message them for the first time, I acknowledge that I'm not as "bad" as my profile implies. And they remain interested, despite that. In other words, the "jerkiness" of my profile has already served its purpose by that point.

 

I don't explicitly state that I'm poly. My attitude just sort of implies it.

 

Fulfilling wishes is a tricky one, in the sense that most women don't know what they want. They think they want one thing, but actually want something else. It's kind of a tricky process for me since as an "outcasted" introvert I'm very good at maintaining relationships, but have a hard time connecting w/ people to begin with since I'm so different from most people. When I'm setting up dates, I also have to figure out the right balance for asking a girl out-- ask too soon and you're creepy; ask too late and you're a wimp.

 

But at the end of the day, I am confident that most women who get to know me well enough want me more than any other man-- there is no long-term competition for me at that point. It's just a matter of making her realize that :)

Well I'm only "blatantly" jerky in my profile. Just enough to pique their interest. Like I said, when I message them for the first time, I acknowledge that I'm not as "bad" as my profile implies. And they remain interested, despite that. In other words, the "jerkiness" of my profile has already served its purpose by that point.

 

I don't explicitly state that I'm poly. My attitude just sort of implies it.

 

Fulfilling wishes is a tricky one, in the sense that most women don't know what they want. They think they want one thing, but actually want something else. It's kind of a tricky process for me since as an "outcasted" introvert I'm very good at maintaining relationships, but have a hard time connecting w/ people to begin with since I'm so different from most people. When I'm setting up dates, I also have to figure out the right balance for asking a girl out-- ask too soon and you're creepy; ask too late and you're a wimp.

 

But at the end of the day, I am confident that most women who get to know me well enough want me more than any other man-- there is no long-term competition for me at that point. It's just a matter of making her realize that

 

How does one continue a conversation on sites like that though? Surely you can go "oh you like this band? me too!" or "i like your taste in movies" but I get more of a "you're hot wanna date?" kinda vibe from you

I get them to "qualify" themselves to me, then see if they've got any questions for me so they feel like they're doing the same thing in return. Then I pitch a meet and if they don't accept, I quit talking to her since she's likely just looking for attention, not dates, and therefore wasting my time.

 

99% of the guys on the sites do what you described. And I make it clear that I'm not one of those guys. :D

what does said qualification look like?

You're making me want to restart my online dating experiment haha

I've tried many things...

"Are you a stupid [bleep]?"

"How are you different from the other women on this site?"

"What are your best qualities?"

What was your success rate for each of those?

Hard to say. They were all unsuccessful prior to my profile "makeover."

 

I've been using variations of the 3rd one recently and it appears to work well. I'll have to update my spreadsheet and compare stats.

"Hey, prove to me in 5 words that you aren't a government agent sent to shut me up."

It shows your political awareness and importance, while also forcing her to qualify herself. Flawless.

OT: Met a cute girl who was as inetrested in Medieval armor as me, then later saw her with her boyfriend. Oops.

 

It doesn't help that like 50% of my University is Japanese and I'm one of the few nerds on Earth who doesn't find Japanese people particularly attractive.

Does qualifying not get a little résumé-y?

Does qualifying not get a little résumé-y?

Let's be honest, an online dating profile tends to be strangely similar to a résumé.

Their responses vary in detail