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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios

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On the flip side, settling down with your first and only partner can create a fear-based mentality in the relationship. No experience or confidence in one's dating abilities can lead to neediness and dependency on your partner rather than having a willingness to walk away if you become unhappy

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On the flip side, settling down with your first and only partner can create a fear-based mentality in the relationship. No experience or confidence in one's dating abilities can lead to neediness and dependency on your partner rather than having a willingness to walk away if you become unhappy

I think plenty of people who've had multiple partners exhibit those same symptoms...

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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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On the flip side, settling down with your first and only partner can create a fear-based mentality in the relationship. No experience or confidence in one's dating abilities can lead to neediness and dependency on your partner rather than having a willingness to walk away if you become unhappy

I think plenty of people who've had multiple partners exhibit those same symptoms...

 

 

Definitely. My point is it's a catch-22: either have full control of your dating life and therefore be more willing to walk away, yet also more willing to cheat or get sexually bored/frustrated; or have no control over your dating life and therefore be more willing to commit yourself to just one person, yet also be afraid of leaving the relationship when it starts making you unhappy. There's going to be a certain degree of risk involved regardless of where you fit on the spectrum

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Definitely. My point is it's a catch-22: either have full control of your dating life and therefore be more willing to walk away, yet also more willing to cheat or get sexually bored/frustrated; or have no control over your dating life and therefore be more willing to commit yourself to just one person, yet also be afraid of leaving the relationship when it starts making you unhappy. There's going to be a certain degree of risk involved regardless of where you fit on the spectrum

 

I agree, but I think you can still choose to have a great deal of control while committing yourself to one person. Obviously you don't have total control unless you're prepared to leave, but with the right attitude and a discerning taste you do have a good chance of getting to a point where things won't ever get that bad.

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It's just that a lot of the stuff you talk about Muggi, such as living according to values instead of in-the-moment feelings, personal growth, getting finances on track, choosing to live according to your values instead of valuing people's (or society's) opinion, etc. are some of the key pillars to making a marriage successful. Or, well, success in general tbh.

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It's just that a lot of the stuff you talk about Muggi, such as living according to values instead of in-the-moment feelings, personal growth, getting finances on track, choosing to live according to your values instead of valuing people's (or society's) opinion, etc. are some of the key pillars to making a marriage successful. Or, well, success in general tbh.

Monogamy contradicts certain values of mine such as sexual abundance and freedom. Additionally, even if I'm doing everything "perfectly" in the relationship, that's only a 50% chance of success; unlike in business, where I'm basically 100% of the equation. Monogamy as a system is an extremely terrible fit for my personality and goals. That's why I have no interest in pursuing it, even though many of my friends seem to think I'm insane for not desiring it :P

 

Last Christmas...

Friend: So what happened to Ashley?

Me: We quit seeing each other a couple of months ago.

Friend: Why?

Me: She wanted to be exclusive with me.

Friend: WHAT?! I just can't imagine why you would do that!

(he literally made that exact facial expression lol)

 

 

It's kind of interesting to see which of my friends gradually begin to become jealous of my relationships and which of my friends become more disapproving and believe that I'm going to end up lonely and unhappy :P Pretty much all of my happily single or unhappily monogamous friends belong to the former and the unhappily single or happily monogamous friends belong to the latter. No surprises there I guess.

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I don't believe that whether or not marriage will work out is simply a toss of a coin. There are numerous things that can lead to divorce, but I don't believe for a second that couples who manage their finances well, live beneath their means, make time for each other, are truly determined from when they got engaged (or before that) to live the rest of their life together, chose to live according to the same values before they got married, determined how to raise their kids before they got married (as best as you can plan something like that out in advanced) have a 50% shot at divorce.

 

Conversely, I believe that people who got into marriage thinking they have a 50/50 shot at it actually have a much higher then 50% chance of divorce.

 

As for your values, well.... I don't think I fully understand them, nor do I have any desire to live my life by them, but I truly hope they bring the happiness you seek. I admire how well thought out your life is and I admire that you have the discipline to follow through on that plan.

Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.
[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]

my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them me

Buying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.

Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:

your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupine

The only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it.

 


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To be fair, divorce rates are something in the 50% range. Society isn't built around monogamy anymore, and the vast majority isn't willing to admit it

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Tbh, I've fluttered back and forth between the two over the last couple years, each has pros and cons. Monogamy just didn't make sense my first couple years in college. Then, the way I viewed a girl I'd been friends with for several years vastly changed and here we are, 10 months later and it's going aight. Time will tell

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I have no interest in arguing against monogamy all over again :P

Don't worry, we'll let you argue with multiple people at the same time.

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Honestly, most if not all of his points against monogamy are valid. The monogamous system of society doesn't work. All I'm saying is that a successful monogamous system exists.

 

 

Tbh, I've fluttered back and forth between the two over the last couple years, each has pros and cons. Monogamy just didn't make sense my first couple years in college. Then, the way I viewed a girl I'd been friends with for several years vastly changed and here we are, 10 months later and it's going aight. Time will tell

 

No offense, but "time will tell" is actually the sort of attitude that leads to divorce. Both people in the couple saying "we will be together until we die" (and by earnestly meaning it while having a realistic view of how much work it will be and that the infatuation stage will end) is what leads to successful marriages.

 

Something to think about if you're seriously thinking about spending the rest of your life with her.

Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.
[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]

my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them me

Buying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.

Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:

your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupine

The only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it.

 


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You act as if divorce is the plague. Also, just because I'm currently seeing just one girl doesn't mean I'm a huge proponent of marriage.

Divorce isn't the plague, but it's hardly a good thing.

 

At very least, it's emotionally damaging for men, women, and children, and often financially damaging for men as well.

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Quoting someone's comment on one of BD's posts on divorce:

 

The emotional issues are probably the biggest reason I won’t remarry. If a girlfriend dumps me it hurts for a little while, but the healing starts right away. If a wife dumps me months and months (1.5 years in my case) of legal formalities keeps the pain fresh. The separated/getting divorced stage was the by far the worst period of my life and was not at all made worthwhile by any marital bliss we enjoyed along the way.

It’s been over five years, and I’m still not as happy as I was before or during. I’d argue that those of us most tempermentaly suited to monogamy take divorce the hardest which makes it even more important to avoid tying the knot even with a solid prenup.

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Man, [bleep] marriage. I keep seeing everyone else's relationships fail, and I'm reminded why I'm never wanting children or a marriage.

Marriage just isn't compatible with how humans are, it goes against human nature. Humans are not by design, monogamous. And to claim anything otherwise is just lying to yourself.

I was going to eat hot dogs for dinner tonight. I think I will settle for cereal.

 

OPEN WIDE HERE COMES THE HELICOPTER.

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I am deeply considering whether to end everything with me girl tomorrow or not.

Thing is, I'll be gone for 2 and a half months.

And she is a smoking hot girl and I know plenty who want her.

She seems out of my league and I feel bad for other guys.

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So I've noticed this thread's regulars all follow similar trends.

 

RPG is constantly dealing with psycho exes.

Muggi reminds us of the joys of polygamy.

Saq is totally oblivious to how much chicks dig him.

I strike out every other week.

Kalphite wages a war against the friend zone.

Randox pretty much stays rational.

Etc, etc

 

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Just tell her that since you'll be gone for 2 and a half months you're both free to see other people and you wish her the best. Try to minimize contact with her during this time and then contact her again when you return. If she's still available, you can pick things up where you left off. If she's unavailable, just replace her.

 

If you've remained non-needy since you started seeing her and you continue to remain non-needy while you're gone (in other words, don't text her every [bleep]ing day telling her how much you miss her), then even if she ends up with someone else, she'll always be an option again in the distant future when she gets bored of her new guy :P

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In other news, I've been focusing on gaining some weight to make my "first impressions" with girls easier. I'm about 5'8, 125 lbs but I'm damn proud of my body since I'm pretty damn strong for my size and I look great with my shirt off. I'm just hoping I can maintain the same "proportions" up to about 150-160 lbs. I'll be pissed if I get fat and lose my years of hard work lol

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In other news, I've been focusing on gaining some weight to make my "first impressions" with girls easier. I'm about 5'8, 125 lbs but I'm damn proud of my body since I'm pretty damn strong for my size and I look great with my shirt off. I'm just hoping I can maintain the same "proportions" up to about 150-160 lbs. I'll be pissed if I get fat and lose my years of hard work lol

 

Start doing Starting Strength or Stronglifts 5x5 or GreySkull LP rather than exclusively benching like you've mentioned before in the sports forum and i'd be very impressed if you managed to put on any fat over the muscle gains lol. 2 months on Starting Strength has already made a visible difference, and I probably have much more body fat obscuring things lol (5'4" and 140ish lbs here)

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Yeah I've been doing 5x5 bench, squats, deads, and OHP for a while now. Bench is just the only one I'm passionate about and look forward to. The other exercises are just there to keep my bench from getting extremely out of proportion lol. Just today I squatted as much as I bench for the first time >_>

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Yeah I've been doing 5x5 bench, squats, deads, and OHP for a while now. Bench is just the only one I'm passionate about and look forward to. The other exercises are just there to keep my bench from getting extremely out of proportion lol. Just today I squatted as much as I bench for the first time >_>

Man, I hate bench. I have long arms...I'm blaming that for me sucking at it. I can't imagine benching what I squat.

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Yeah I've been doing 5x5 bench, squats, deads, and OHP for a while now. Bench is just the only one I'm passionate about and look forward to. The other exercises are just there to keep my bench from getting extremely out of proportion lol. Just today I squatted as much as I bench for the first time >_>

Man, I hate bench. I have long arms...I'm blaming that for me sucking at it. I can't imagine benching what I squat.

 

 

Well the only reason I love bench is because the guys who taught me how to lift back in 2008 could bench double their bodyweight and it was their favorite lift, so that just rubbed off on me. The first workout they gave me included benching 3x a week too >_> lol

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I didn't know Muggi was a skinny "short" guy :P (According to the tip.it Height Survey)

 

Hell yeah. My height has never really bothered me though since most women are about 5'5 or shorter. I'm shorter than most of my male friends but taller than all of the women I know, and that's really all that matters as far as dating goes :P

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