Granted, but someone with a gun aims a pistol at you, and threatens to kill you if you don't give it to him.

 

I wish the slayer level in RuneScape would affect my combat level.

Granted but Jagex IP bans you for botting.

 

I wish could not die of any cause and didn't age.

Granted, one day everything alive on this planet dies, except you, and you're lonely for being the last survivor.

 

Wait, what? I didn't use bots, I would never do that. I am going to send a message to Jagex explaining to them I didn't use a bot.

 

I wish Jagex would read the message and unban me and apologize for any inconvenience.

They unban you, but you're promptly hacked 5 minutes later and lose all your stuffs.

 

I wish I had had better things to do than play Runescape, back when I played Runescape.

Granted, but instead you play WoW and get obese and die!

 

I wish that people would all quit the internet and start talking from your mouth!

Granted, unfortunately no one has anything to talk about.

 

I wish my apartment didn't smell like a land fill.

Granted, instead it smells even worse.

 

I wish for a dragon in my cellar.

You get one but it kills you

 

I wish I didn't have ants in my house.

Granted, they go to your car instead. (or something else not in your house if you don't have one)

 

I wish for a fridge of infinite Coca-Cola.

Granted, but in order to store the infinite Coke the fridge is the size of a supernova, and the force of it's gravity causes the Earth to break apart and kills everyone.

 

I wish I could jump really high.

Granted, you are now black, but there is no longer any fried chicken in the world.(or watermelon)

 

I wish I owned the internet.

Granted, you are now the owner of the Internet, but a lot of people look at you as a greedy bastard, and eventually you end up with no friends.

 

I wish that every time someone spoke a language that isn't English, English subtitles would appear right next to them out of nowhere, then I'd talk to some Japanese dudes.

Um, ok. Granted, but the subtitles malfunction and you start calling them whiny little [bleep]es in Japanese and they beat you up.

 

I wish my laundry would wash itself.

Granted, the moment your laundry gets a spec of dirt on it, it washes itself, until eventually it washes itself away, then with no close your "goods" become infected without any protection and they fall off / out.

 

I wish there weren't any mean fat people.

Granted, but with the sudden decrease of weight on the Earth's surface, the pressure the core puts out causes the Earth's crust to explode outwards; throwing everything on the Earth's surface into space.

 

I wish I had a cool jacket.

Granted, you then wear it outside during winter, coupled with the cold temperatures, your COOL jacket causes you to get full body frostbite and you die.

 

I wish that my brain could perfectly remember all I see.

Granted, but it explodes due to information overload.

 

I wish I had a perfectly normal bottle of water.

Granted, but in a freak accident as you tilt it back a piece of ceiling falls down and shoves the bottle halfway down your throat, and you drown.

 

I wish i had the brain of an Asian.

Granted, but after a few days it starts attracting flies and you wish you had at least put it in a jar or something.

 

I wish I was Malakili the Rancor Keeper and that Luke didn't kill my pet Rancor.

Granted, however when you go to tell Jabba the Hutt the good news you become crushed underneath him and die, never being allowed to enjoy your new rancor.

 

I wish no one would corrupt this dream. o.0

Granted, no one does, but since it's such a boring wish you don't really get anything out of it. Then you fall down the stairs.

 

I wish I had a third arm protruding out of the center of my chest.

Granted, the doctors made it from your goods. You can no longer go to the bathroom so you die.

 

i wish I had a secret hideout underneath a mountain.

Granted, but your hideout is discovered by dwarves who kill you.

 

I wish I could run really fast.

Granted, however you can never stop, you are doomed to run the earth until your body is worn down to nothing.

 

I wish I was a 10-story tall, fire breathing, flying, Muai Tai-knowing, velociraptor.

Granted, but someone pokes you in the eye.

 

I wish 321 won the lottery.