Granted, I invest all of it and after researching time travel, I succeeds, and accumulate a fortune of exactly 7,974,630,267,936.58 dollars. However in a freak accident a stegosaurus from outer space kills me after bailing from its ship. I leave half of his money to his family, and half of it to the regular Forum Games posters of tip.it... but with no specific instructions of how it should be split up. The tip.it members then begin a global war in which, they use my time machine, and the overuse rips open a hole in time and space sucking the universe into a void where time and space is unclear so it is just a random sequence of places and events, ranging from milliseconds to 98 months. the human brain cannot handle this though so everyone dies.

 

I wish Silver Wits would get on as she is rather clever and makes this more fun.

Granted, she does but Goon gets insulted and goes off to sulk in a corner.

 

I wish there were 5000 tiny furry aliens in my apartment closet that worshiped me as their god.

Granted, these aliens believe you to be trapped in your flesh form however, so one day when you go to get something they kill you.

 

I wish I had a roflcopter.

Granted, but the airforce doesn't recognize your aircraft and in a panic they launch 50 Patriot Missiles at you that tear your roflcopter to pieces.

 

I wish I had Hitler's brain in a jar.

Granted, but a hamster knocks it off the table, breaking the jar the eats it. But nothing cool happens.

 

I wish I could conjure any food I was in the mood for.

*looks up the word "conjure" in the dictionary, and finds this explanation:

 

"To imagine or picture in the mind."*

 

Granted, but it only exists in your mind.

 

I wish I could see into the future, then I'd use that ability to win at gambling.

Granted, but unfortunately you forgot to check and see if it was a mafia casino, so they kill you before you can spend anything.

 

I wish I could have some lobster or crab(only the food crab) right now.

Granted, but it turns out you're allergic and your throat swells up.

 

I wish I had a Hershey's Cookies n' Cream bar right now.

Granted, but half was eaten by a chipmunk.

 

I wish for a second wish.

Granted, but since you have unlimited wishes already, you are gonna wish you wasted your time better.

 

I wish for a knuckle sandwich.

Granted, but I'm not sure how much you'll like severed fingers on bread...

 

I wish for a Slap Chop.

Granted, but Vince decides to deliver it to you personally and then he beats you up and trys to solicit you for sex.

 

I wish I had a usb extension chord.

Granted, but you are strangled with it by the USB Cord Strangler.

 

i wish the world would strike me with happy feelings.

Granted, now you're so happy that you can't stop laughing. Unfortunately that's a problem, because you are annoyed by how you can't stop laughing.

 

I wish for security cameras all around my apartment.

Granted, but the overloaded circuits set your apartment on fire.

 

I wish for a fire extinguisher.

Granted, it's empty. And when your house gets on fire, it won't save your life. So you have to call 911.

 

I wish Adolf Hitler would raise from the death, commit suicide, raise from the death again, commit suicide, raise from the dead yet again, commit suicide, and the same progress would go on, and on, and on...

Granted, he does, but every time he comes back alive he murders you only to have you come back alive at the same time he does and he kills you again. This goes on forever, of course.

 

I wish I had a delicious bowl of popcorn.

Granted, but you accidentally drop it on the floor, and unfortunately the bowl is breakable, so the popcorn is all around your floor.

 

I wish that in the Pokémon games, Pokémon could know more than 4 moves at a time.

Granted, but you accidentally drop it on the floor, and unfortunately the bowl is breakable, so the popcorn is all around your floor.

 

I wish that in the Pokémon games, Pokémon could know more than 4 moves at a time.

Granted but all the pokemon you catch never have any moves, thus you can't train them up to reach the bigger move limit.

 

I wish I had ice cream.

Granted, it's poop flavored.

 

I wish I had a motorcycle.

Granted but it explodes and kills you.

 

I wish I would get perfect scores on all my finals.

Granted, but somehow yours catch on fire.

 

I wish I was as cool as Goon.

Granted, all the other mole people love you now.

 

I wish I had a belt on.

Granted, but it doesnt actually hold up your pants.

 

I wish I had a 5-layer burrito right now.

Granted but it's 5 layers of food you detest.

 

I wish for a tortilla.