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Omar

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When I was thirteen, my mother, sister and I fled our apartment to get away from our father; we went to school and never came back. He was abusive and might have had too much to drink every once in a while. We stayed at a home for people like us for a while, until things settled down and we moved into our own house.

 

Upon reading this article, I realized I haven't had a father figure in my life for the past three years. That's okay; I'm not the first to live without a dad or with an abusive one, and I am in no way asking for pity. But I've come to grips with how important this man is in a child's life. Today is one of the days during which I become the person I will be in a handful of years; it's happening right now, and tomorrow as well. But I have no guidance, no one to emulate, no advice to follow. I miss my dad, or rather, I miss the person my dad should and could have been.

 

The solution to my problem is in the article; in fact, it's in the title. That's not what I'm asking for, I just want to hear what you have to say about your parents, what they did and didn't teach you, what you wish they'd showed you and what you regret they let you see.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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I find the idea that a man NEEDS a father figure and a women NEEDS a mother figure out dated and plain dumb.

Sure having them has an influence on you, but not having them doesn't hinder you in anyway. You gather influences from all over the place anyway.

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My father left me when I was 4 years old. He left my mom with three sons, one being a new born. I've grown up through 17 years now without someone there to teach me as a father should. A ton of it is psychological damage that he has put me through. Sure, I wouldn't be the man I am today if that didn't happen to me, but I'll tell ya, it hurts from my perspective. I got to talk to him recently and I did not fulfill the thoughts he would have liked upon me. That stabs deeper than any wound can be given.

 

Yeah, I had to find influences from other sources (Other guys, movies *this was a major influence to me*, etc.) to fulfill the void. Yeah I learned here and there, but there are damages to not having a father (or mother) for one reason or another. I'll tell ya, I can be reaffirmed but the words of someone saying I did a good job, but the words coming from flesh and blood that you wish to seek affirmation from, does wonders that no one else can give.

 

So I would have to disagree with you Paw Claw, not having a parental figure for whatever reason DOES have its consequences, good and bad.

A reflection is just a distorted reality held by glass and your mind.

 

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My parents didn't do much. I generally take care of myself. But that's worked out well, and the fact that they've allowed me to do my own thing speaks volumes.

 

Then again, my brother is an extreme anti-everything conspiracy guy, while my sister is a Bible-beating Baptist. To each his own.

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I'm much in the same boat as you, OP. My father was a drunk abusive [wagon]. My mother and I left when I was 3 months old, and I only saw him up until I was 3 and I now haven't seen him in 15 years. My mother has since remarried and the four of us live happily together. My step-father is an amazing person and tries extremely hard to make things perfect for the family and he tries a bit harder with me because he knows that he came into my life around the time I was doing 'growing up', which was around the time I was 14. There is really nothing he can do that will 'rub off' on me because I'm basically done and molded into the man I will be for the rest of my life, but it's hard because I would have loved to have a father-figure like him in my life while I was growing up with a single mom who worked a lot and I went to day-care. It's immensely important for boys to have a father/father-figure, particularly one that is a family-man and focuses on the needs of the child and the needs of the mother, and puts them before himself; however those seem to be few and far between nowadays.

 

I find the idea that a man NEEDS a father figure and a women NEEDS a mother figure out dated and plain dumb.

Sure having them has an influence on you, but not having them doesn't hinder you in anyway. You gather influences from all over the place anyway.

 

And what the [bleep] are you talking about? It doesn't hinder you? Are you really that ignorant or are you just [developmentally delayed]ed?

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I think the attitude that you need a father is what causes the damage if you lack one because you always seek one.

 

My eldest brother's father killed himself when he was about 3 or 4.

My other brother and myself's father was almost completely absent for the most part of growing up.

 

 

Hasn't done any of us any detriment.

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Hasn't done any of us any detriment.

 

Besides being traumatized? Yeah, no real damage. I can't even comprehend how you can possibly say that having someone's father kill himself at a pivotal age, and having a father that was almost never there does not cause any subtle/major psychological problems in the long run. That simply doesn't make sense.

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Well none of my brothers or myself have any trauma or psychological issues subtle or otherwise.

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Well none of my brothers or myself have any trauma or psychological issues subtle or otherwise.

 

Ok, fine. I'm not going to bother with you anymore. But for the record, I don't believe you. At all. A male needs a father figure of some sort. Whether it be an older friend, teacher that you're close to, what-have-you.

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Whats not to believe?

 

I know whether I have been hurt in anyway by lack of father figure, so you can't dispute that.

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Being hurt is one thing; missing out is another.

[Edit] Oh and chill out guys, no need to get angry.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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My parents are waaay too demanding. I've getting nothing but straight A's since the 5thg rade and i never heard a congratulations from them, specially my mother.

 

Hearing a congratulations from a parent is a feeling like no other, but spending 12 freakin years of your life studying so you can pelase them, and never hearing a thank you or a congratulations is more hurtfull than we think...

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Whats not to believe?

 

I know whether I have been hurt in anyway by lack of father figure, so you can't dispute that.

Did you know that multitudes of studies have been done on criminals? A huge number of them were in unstable households growing up - without a stable father and mother figure.

 

Saying that being raised in an unstable household isn't detrimental to the healthy development of a child is naive at best.

 

EDIT: Demoliboy, that's more of an issue of parenting style than anything.

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I meant hurt in that last post in the more ambiguous sense, so not just meaning injured but meaning damaged, missed out all tht jazz.

 

Edit: Unstable home is totally different issue. My home was never unstable.

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Paw, are you saying there's literally nothing to learn or recieve from a father? Who teaches you your life lessons? I'm not denying you can learn all of this on your own, anything can be, but it's obviously harder. A father or a father figure should give you part of that education.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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I'm not saying a father figure is useless.

 

I'm saying the idea it is 100% vital and without you are guaranteed to be hurt or effected is wrong. I've not had a father figure and I'm no worse of for it many of my high school friends had single parent homes for various reasons and none of them had any issues either.

 

I think perhaps the whole father figure mother figure thing is more of an American hang up. Here parents hate each other they get divorced, where as America most seem to default to stay together for the kids option.

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Having a father walk out isn't unstable? Having a father kill himself isn't unstable? You sir, are completely stupid.

 

Reading your posts makes me want to rip my hair out, by the way. <_<

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I never said my father walked out.

And the father who killed himself was never part of the household in the first place.

 

And 1 bad event doesn't make an unstable home, that's a very flawed logic. Bad stuff happens, a stable home deals with it and moves on an unstable home breaks down and has issues from it.

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Well...

 

my father has/is always been a very nice man, always up for a joke,a person you want to emulate,

 

my mothers is the same, they are very caring for us,yet, we are pretty free to be teenagers

 

and we still dont know why, but always, even when my older brother (25) was like, 7, we always had other peoples kids over here,i dont know why :unsure:

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I never said my father walked out.

And the father who killed himself was never part of the household in the first place.

 

And 1 bad event doesn't make an unstable home, that's a very flawed logic. Bad stuff happens, a stable home deals with it and moves on an unstable home breaks down and has issues from it.

What is your definition of a stable home, then?

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A stable home is a home you feel safe and comfortable in and know you are wanted. And a unit that can deal with the bad crap without going to pot.

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I'm not saying a father figure is useless.

 

I'm saying the idea it is 100% vital and without you are guaranteed to be hurt or effected is wrong. I've not had a father figure and I'm no worse of for it many of my high school friends had single parent homes for various reasons and none of them had any issues either.

 

I think perhaps the whole father figure mother figure thing is more of an American hang up. Here parents hate each other they get divorced, where as America most seem to default to stay together for the kids option.

 

Don't get me wrong, it's no life-threatening issue. I'm not breaking down in the middle of class because of it. But it's a different setting and way to grow. I'm not complaining about it, I just want to discuss it.

Bows, please don't be rude. There's no need to convince him of anything, is there? If he's wrong, I'm sure it won't really affect your life.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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I never said my father walked out.

And the father who killed himself was never part of the household in the first place.

 

And 1 bad event doesn't make an unstable home, that's a very flawed logic. Bad stuff happens, a stable home deals with it and moves on an unstable home breaks down and has issues from it.

What is your definition of a stable home, then?

Apparently a home where fathers are never there and they also kill themselves.

 

But how is someone KILLING HIMSELF not an issue? Honestly, that make no sense whatsoever.

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I find it interesting how Bow reads wat he wants to and ignores the rest.

 

I never remotely said they weren't an issue. I simply said our home was stable in spite of issues and that said issues and lack of father figure hadn't had detrimental effect.

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Operation Gold Sparkles :: Chompy Kills ::  Full Profound :: Champions :: Barbarian Notes :: Champions Tackle Box :: MA Rewards

Dragonkin Journals :: Ports Stories :: Elder Chronicles :: Boss Slayer :: Penance King :: Kal'gerion Titles :: Gold Statue

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I find it interesting how Bow reads wat he wants to and ignores the rest.

 

I never remotely said they weren't an issue. I simply said our home was stable in spite of issues and that said issues and lack of father figure hadn't had detrimental effect.

 

I find it interesting that you didn't spell my name right and that none of your posts make any amount of sense whatsoever and you constantly contradict yourself. I'm done here, Saru can take over whenever he gets back. Paw, you're an idiot, a complete and total idiot.

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