The First Annual Off Topic Rap Battle

[das]

I'm going to firstly set some ground rules

So follow them and dont act like tools

The purpose off this post is to Rap

This isn't a post to call it crap

This post here is for off topic to have some fun

This forum is more serious than a nun

All replies must be in rhyme form

This post will either fail or be more epic than porn

All forum rules apply so don't break one and cry

"But I was trying to flame someone in my battle rap"

Because that excuse will be lamer than crap.

 

Once upon a time, Off topic was vibrant with life

Then we got hit by some unknown strife

I know some of you will go it's the trolls

And to that Like Peppy I say "Do a Barrell Roll"

Trolls are everywhere you go

It's not just a problem with tip.it yo!

we gotta each other more respect.

So let's post together sit and reflect

On what we can do to make Off topic a better place

Theres so much hate here like everyones Nancy Grace

There are too many people who feel more important than others

I feel sorry for you if you're living your life like that brother

There seems to be a dark shadow that's been cast over everything which is, in turn, affecting everyone on the board.

An old off topicer named Outlaw Rudy came here the other day and was really floored

He said he saw a lot of posts being written in a very demeaning way.

And He said to me that it's not the "Off topic way"

So I want to hear what is on Off topics mind

Talk about the forum or which celebrities you find fine

But Remember this post is in prose

Sincerely Das - Ps: Yguy and Rainy Day are my hoes!

[stevepole]

Get 'em Rabbit!

 

I would like to rhyme but I have no time,

I'm off to work for a very short time!

[n_odie]

Whoa, don't even start,

This thread is going to stink like a fart,

People who think they have a heart,

To throw down against das the Lionheart.

Now I think to myself that I would love have a part,

but how does one go about with this art,

Is it meant to keep us apart?

I mean seriously, was that fair you got a head start?

Please impart.

 

 

 

(lol, I have no idea what I am doing)

[Danqazmlp]

I don't get why you didn't throw this in Off-topic

The view count here will be seriously microscopic

I should use my rap powers to get this moved

I will be praised for seeing it improved.

 

So i came in here expecting this to be great

Honestly Das you're rap is just second rate

I can't believe you even call it rap

It needs nothing short of throwing in the scrap

I've never done this before,

But even mine is putting you to shame

You only have yourself to blame!

[Nom]

I'm in agreement with Danqazmlp,

But I'm not sure how to pronounce his name,

So [bleep] me.

 

Not a great start to a rap battle, Das,

But with our collective efforts, it shall come to pass

That this thread achieves GREATNESS.

[Zaaps1]

We reaching for greatness, let me reiterate that statement

We gonna rock this club like my boss rocks my payment

And we won't take no prisoners, won't hear no more

No more of these other rappers taking the floor

So let me formally introduce this group that we have

It's full of all these bombers, some good and some bad

But when we're through with you, you'll want no more war

Cuz we'll win this battle, forever, becoming folklore

So when we're done, you'll want to take a hiatus

I suggest you keep, a [bleep]ing 8 mile radius

Because we fiercer than a lion and sharper than cheddar

You can try to put us down but we'll just keep gettin better.

"Want to meet Michelle Obama?" Nah we already met her

And when we own this place, yeah we'll own it forever!

[das]

Yo I threw it in off topic but some mod moved it to this subforum

Now in this dead space it's like a mini-staff quorum

Why are you talking about shame and blame?

I'm the Danaconda in Real-Life - Women know I got game

I don't see how you can call me second rate.

The last woman I slept with said i'm like tony the tiger: Grrrrreat!

Nic, Why you going on about us being apart.

I don't go for dudes, you know I like my tarts

All I see is staff hating on me

I suddenly feel like it's scapeboard in 2003

[Racheya]

I clicked on this thread and thought this was hot

This rap battle will be the best thing here by a lot

but when I went to post the thread had disappeared

I thought 'dude that's kinda weird'

 

But it's appeared here in off topic, which is great

be on your best behaviour, don't start on the hate

 

I don't know how to rap, but hell I'll give it a try

Nothing much else to say, so I guess this is goodbye

[Bows]

I'm a wangsta',

A straight up double-u,

Tryna look hard, you know I won't trouble you,

walkin' down the street I don't carry no gat,

All I got's a chain and a stupid lookin' hat,

Sittin' at the drive-thru at MiccyDees,

I wanna quarter pounder extra pickles and cheese,

Now hurry up with my order, ya lazy hoe,

I'm from b-wood dontcha know,

Got myself a woman, lives in shadow lakes

She ain't got a butt, she makes German chocolate cakes,

I'm payin' big bucks tryna get a label,

A quarter pound of dobie for a stick on the table,

I live at home with mom and dad,

The best two homies I ever had,

You might think it's kinda funny, or a stereotype,

But that's what you get with all this ghetto hype.

 

Word.

[Sam]

This is quite a good topic,

Though I fear I will turn misanthropic,

The posts you make are pretty fine,

But now this topic is mine!

[doomy]

Yeah I don't think so Sam,

4 lines? nobody gives a damn

I'll show you all wheres its at

on the man, right under this hat

not actually under a hat because I'm inside

but you know what I'm getting at don't try to hide

a metaphorical hat if you will

depends if you choose the red or blue pill

you'll all fall to the one whos hair is orange

and oh [cabbage] nothing rhymes with that

just remember the man under this hat

[Racheya]

This topic aint yours Sam

You're not as cool as I am

Maybe I can't rap

But Das is the coolest on this map

Maybe you should go longboarding

I'm sure you'll find that more rewarding

 

But lets cut the chase

This thread is ace

Das may be a legend

But don't be threatened

I'm using too many buts in this rap

I think it might be making it crap

Oh well, I don't care

At least I'm aware

 

I should be writing up for Uni

How I spend my time this week

When I say I was in a rap battle

They'll probably think I'm a loony

[Sam]

Honestly, who wears a hat,

You look like a prat,

I get mine from a glove,

With a whole lotta love!

 

Your poem is hardly a song,

It's making a pong,

I'm afraid to take a breath,

Lest I catch my death.

[das]

Sam, How can you ask why he wears a hat?

Elliot Ness wore a Fedora - How do you like that?

While it's flattering people think i'm a rap legend

Dan's quick diss made my rap feel threatend.

Racheya - no one will think you're a looney

Just say you were making out with George Clooney

My raps are in your face

I see why Doomy wears a hat

and it;s not because he's a prat

It's because he doesn't want you to see his face

Probably avoiding being seen in this place

Although since he has orange hair

you would think he would be used to the stares

[a_bert]

at first i had an idea

but a lack of syllables caused some fear

yet now the reason for my lack of function

is because i feel its time for luncheon

hnerghhh, i need to get my toast in

too bad, i would've carried on postin'

i apologise for being unrelated

but i can't stop my context being fated

[Pirate_Felix]

Yall homie OTers have a place in my heart

oh [cabbage] i just let go a fart.

[Sam]

I disrespect the hat,

'cause it looks funny when he wears it like that,

don't worry about my hatin',

and now, for some reason, you' gyratin

[Dupin]

Yo

Yo

Yo

Yo-Yo

 

 

 

Yo

 

Why, hello, what is this?

It appears to be a rhyme!

The beat's a little iffy,

But I've a likin' for the time.

 

Mr. Das, good sir,

What an interesting thread;

And if it doesn't move my feet

It sure does move my head.

 

I eagerly await the posts

Of all the other fools.

But, if I may, I might suggest

An addition to the rules:

 

If you don't mind,

Perhaps you might say

That any plagiarisers

Shall be hustled on their way.

 

For I would rather not see

Any Hip-hop-opotamus.

Taking lines from others

Is a tactic for Anonymous.

[Pirate_Felix]

Green guy says longboarding is where its at

I dont think so, its only for that silly lad

The chap is quite funny

hop hop, im a bunny.

[Shiny]

Bad language within:

 

Stop. Collaborate and listen

Shiny is back, and about to christen

OT, with a brand new rap form

Tight as [bleep]es cooking up a storm

 

Word. I hear you saying

People right round must start praying

OT, is in need of repair

Clean up trolls, i'm about to dare

 

Boom. Modding duties

[bleep]ing [bleep]es and slapping booties

Flamebait, here and there

My modding duties about to tear

 

Limb. Right from limb

OT trolls and flamebait within

Process the trolls, clean their slate

Hopefully lessening the flamebait.

 

This. Is the end of my rhyme

Describing duties right on time

OT is a [bleep]ing place

Now lets gets some beers, thats [bleep]ing ace!

[Saru Inc]

Turn on the computer, and open up my forums

Expecting politics, and some inane old doldrums.

Lo and behold, provided by my modem

Is a topic about rap, the only cure for boredom.

 

So I look at the creator,

And notice it is Das.

Like the known african equator

So hard to make it past

His styles are so original,

Some people might even say,

That he just might be passable

As the Tupac of today.

 

Now of course one thing we all

Know, is I was just sarcastic,

But with one line, we are enthralled

Like a tank of plastic.

I make this comparison known

Cuz upfront he is tough and tall,

But hidden behind that red old gnome

Lies a girl shunned by all

 

And I might be talking crap

About a well known admin

Should I make joke his rap?

Since this is what could happen

First he smiles and shakes it off

Cuz inside his heart is cracking

So with his hammer he makes known

He's in the mood for banning.

 

Now with those words I have spoken

I leave with just this one omen

Drop the cig still smoking

And extend my hand, with fingers open

Grasp the fingers all entwined

As we all go down strolling,

Cuz twas just a little rhyme

After all, we all know you're ballin!

 

I look forward to participating

In this rapper contest

Truly see who is instigating

Or just a one man suckfest

So I have no doubt somewhere

Deep inside my mind

That when it comes down to hair

On the scale of one to nine

I'll be up in the opposite,

Cuz damn boi rappers fine

Are what we got up in this [cabbage].*damn censor!*

Peace. HOMEWORK TIME!

 

 

i look forward to read this topic

Lets hope its popular... like a rocket?

[Sam]

Hooray for Beer!

We shall cheer,

for this awesome drink,

now, ladies and gentlemen,

to the ice rink!

[Shiny]

Bonkers. Your rap was enthralling

But right now, i hear something calling

Ring, ring, my phone is going

Turn it on, see what's beholding

 

Lame. It's the lame police

Calling, to maintain the peace

"Flamebait here, flamebait there"

Bonkers, this load is getting hard to bare

 

Das. He is a really nice guy

Keep on flaming and you must die

See in OT, we don't go flaming

Respect one-another, now for some hunting

[Wingless]

Racheya gave me a link to this thread,

I looked at it and said:

What is this, I don't even?

Off-Topic was a place of no rap (that belongs in the Music Section), this place was my haven.

But now I should probably stop trying,

'coz everyone who sees this will probably start crying.

White guys shouldn't rap,

Because seriously, we're crap.

[Dupin]

But, respectfully, Mr. Shiny, Sir,

Your own words malcontent do stir

For from this stick to taunters poke

You yourself do swing and choke.