Marriage, whats your views?

[Flame_guy3]

See im only 14 but i wonder about marriage sometimes. I know if i have no real wedding ceremony i will lose a lot of important ties to my family. My father's side is mainly protestant christian and my mom's side mainly Hindu.

 

 

 

See i have no problem with having either of these weddings in either religious houses because as long as i live i will respect both these religions.

 

 

 

I'll just do what my partner would feel comfortable with and if their atheist then i'd have a christian wedding because that is much more familiar in western culture and would be easier to co-ordinate due to the fact ive got more friends in the west then i do back in india so...

[Death_By_Pod]

To be frank, the wedding plans probably wouldn't be up to me. I would let my future wife choose whatever she wants, after all who wouldn't want to see their partner as happy as possible. Personally I wouldn't like a ceremony, I would be glad with just going in and getting papers signed and then taking a holiday, however if she wants a big church wedding and a huge cake, then how could I be one to say no to that. Maybe I'm just a pushover but I guess a wedding is one of those subjects I'm willing to be a pushover about.

[Echofish]

I'm worried that my best friend is going to have an arranged marriage when she comes of age. She's of Sri Lankan descent and an only child, so I'm worried that she might be forced to marry someone she doesn't like. I've met her parents and they're very very strict.

[nine naked men]

Well, my parents aren't married and they've been together for ~20 years, and they aren't planning on getting married in the future, and I'm pretty sure me and my siblings turned out fine, so I'll probably only get married if my partner wants to. But, if I did get married, it wouldn't be very formal, it'd be a nice casual thing in the park or at the beach somewhere, and we'd head to a nice little island for our honeymoon.

[insane]

And it's not like marriage affects a child biologically

 

 

 

I conjecture that growing up in a loving and committed household would have a positive effect on a child psychologically.

 

 

 

A child can quite easily grow up in a loving and committed household positively with no marriage, psychologically speaking.

 

 

 

Yep, all I'm saying is that it might be damaging knowing that there's absolutely nothing "official" to keep your parent walking out. There's no security there.

[Shyla]

I'm worried that my best friend is going to have an arranged marriage when she comes of age.

 

I just got out of one, and my parents pretty much disowned me because of it.

 

 

 

I've been brought up in a strict Catholic family so living in/no marriage is completely unacceptable. I'd like to get married but it scares the cabbage out of me :|

[Mercifull]

Arranged marriage should be made illegal. :shame:

[BlueLancer]

And it's not like marriage affects a child biologically

 

 

 

I conjecture that growing up in a loving and committed household would have a positive effect on a child psychologically.

 

 

 

A child can quite easily grow up in a loving and committed household positively with no marriage, psychologically speaking.

 

 

 

Yep, all I'm saying is that it might be damaging knowing that there's absolutely nothing "official" to keep your parent walking out. There's no security there.

 

 

 

My parents were married, and 'walked out' (divorced) when I was 7. They got their separate apartments as well.

 

 

 

It's not like marriage actually makes a relationship more binding; If it did, so many people wouldn't divorce in the first place. The two people involved make it more binding, not a ceremony or a religion

 

 

 

Arranged marriage should be made illegal.

 

 

 

Yes it should... What right do the parents have to impose their will on the child's entire life?

 

 

 

Maybe this was necessary in ancient times when it'd be necessary to unite families due to financial struggling, debts/other reasons, I don't see why it should be allowed nowadays. Everyone has the right to decide about their own life, you aren't your parents' slave.

[1_man_army]

Arranged marriage should be made illegal. :shame:

 

 

 

Forced arranged marriage sould be illegal. If somebody agrees with an arranged marriage then I have no problem, parents forcing it upon their children is barbaric though.

[insane]

Yep, all I'm saying is that it might be damaging knowing that there's absolutely nothing "official" to keep your parent walking out. There's no security there.

 

 

 

My parents were married, and 'walked out' (divorced) when I was 7. They got their separate apartments as well.

 

 

 

It's not like marriage actually makes a relationship more binding; If it did, so many people wouldn't divorce in the first place. The two people involved make it more binding, not a ceremony or a religion.

 

 

 

For the sake of this discussion we have to assume that marriage is permanent. If we assume (for this discussion), that marriages can end then there's no difference between a marriage and any other relationship, rendering this entire thread pointless. I think we have to look at each side from a purely theoretical standpoint.

[BlueLancer]

 

For the sake of this discussion we have to assume that marriage is permanent. If we assume (for this discussion), that marriages can end then there's no difference between a marriage and any other relationship, rendering this entire thread pointless. I think we have to look at each side from a purely theoretical standpoint.

 

 

 

The law, just as a marriage, are both only theoretic. People break laws daily, and over 50% of the american population that gets married will divorce within 4 to 8 years or less on average.

 

 

 

It can be looked at from a theoretical standpoint, but it doesn't do justice to the reality that most marriages do end, at least in many western countries including the US. Saying "marriages can't end" is like saying "nobody breaks laws".

 

 

 

Humans are flawed and they'll break agreements and trusts even if they are in an emotional state while forming them. Extremely few people stay married as promised in the agreement, "for the rest of their lives". The vast majority of married people break the contract.

 

 

 

The event itself can be a positive & happy ceremony. 8-) Which distinguishes it from other relationships. No real change happens though; A man and a woman are still a couple if they love each other and have children regardless of performing that ceremony.

[Defender2516]

Its quite disturbing to see people say " I want this in life and that.. but as long as their is nothing religious about it"

 

 

 

As if religion was evil or something..

[Mercifull]

Why is the thought of someone having a beautiful experience without religion such a bad thing to you defender? I find it offensive that you could say that someone else's wishes for their big day are disturbing. Makes me sad.

[Defender2516]

Why is the thought of someone having a beautiful experience without religion such a bad thing to you defender? I find it offensive that you could say that someone else's wishes for their big day are disturbing. Makes me sad.

 

 

 

No thats not it.. its not the idea that they want to have something thats non-religious for personal matters is fine, but its the tone of it that disturbs me.

 

 

 

As if as of late, being religious is a "bad thing", and shouldn't really have it because for "X" reason.

 

 

 

No one talks about the beauty of religion which is probably why it gets so much hate. You just getting offended is a prime example of what i'm talking about.

 

 

 

Its like the word religion = no.

 

 

 

I could play devils advocate or ring around the roses with you and say I find your statements offended but I don't. Infact you should really never get to the point of offense, but distrubing still indeed that people shun religion as if it was a disease that plauges life.

 

 

 

For example, I want a wedding thats religious and hearing people saying "its not that important", I could take it to a level of offense, I don't because i'm not that person and I really don't care all that much. Reguardless though, seeing people giving each other props and high fives for saying religious weddings "aren't all that important" is pretty sad for those who are dreaming waiting for such a day (mainly girls).

 

 

 

Either way, religion isn't bad, but people put it off like it is and something to avoid, thats what I find disturbing.

[Nadril]

Yep, all I'm saying is that it might be damaging knowing that there's absolutely nothing "official" to keep your parent walking out. There's no security there.

 

 

 

My parents were married, and 'walked out' (divorced) when I was 7. They got their separate apartments as well.

 

 

 

It's not like marriage actually makes a relationship more binding; If it did, so many people wouldn't divorce in the first place. The two people involved make it more binding, not a ceremony or a religion.

 

 

 

For the sake of this discussion we have to assume that marriage is permanent. If we assume (for this discussion), that marriages can end then there's no difference between a marriage and any other relationship, rendering this entire thread pointless. I think we have to look at each side from a purely theoretical standpoint.

 

 

 

Theory's are fine and all, except thats not how it works in real life.

 

 

 

The only difference between two people who just live together, have a kid and such leaving each other and those same people being married wanting to leave each other is some more paperwork.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Marriage is great, it is, but it's not for everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

Personally I have no clue if I want to get married yet, however in reality time will tell. Right now I really don't think I want to have kids though.

[ctp080188]

I always said I wouldn't marry, but cohabitating for a certain amount of years (5 I believe) would entitle you to the same rights if you were to divorce. Divorce was always the thing to put me off, having witnessed my parents go through a 5 year awkward divorce. But meh, if I cohabitate with my partner I'd still have to go through the same crap, so I might as well have an occassion to wear a pretty dress.

[Futurama]

Its quite disturbing to see people say " I want this in life and that.. but as long as their is nothing religious about it"

 

 

 

As if religion was evil or something..

 

 

 

I don't think it's entirely that, the reason I personally don't want a religious wedding is simply because i'm not a religious person. Not sure exactely how to explain this - I don't want a religious ceremony because i'm just simply not religious, the idea of being married in the eyes of something I don't believe in just doesn't seem right to me.

 

 

 

If it was that important to the girl I was marrying to have a religious wedding, I probably would, as long as I didn't have to swear some sort of eternal alligence to her religion and practice it (aside from to stay married to her forever, which is the standard I guess.) Now I know people are going to argue that if you are to marry into that religion you should practice it, but to be brutally honest if that was the case, I wouldn't go through with it. You've gotta stay true to yourself, and if someone's making you practice a religion you REALLY don't want to, they're obviously not the right person for you.

 

What i'm saying is, i'd have a religious wedding for her sake, but I wouldn't be someone who travels to mecca every year just because of a marriage.

[wildernessfreelancer]

Its quite disturbing to see people say " I want this in life and that.. but as long as their is nothing religious about it"

 

 

 

As if religion was evil or something..

 

 

 

I don't think it's entirely that, the reason I personally don't want a religious wedding is simply because i'm not a religious person. Not sure exactely how to explain this - I don't want a religious ceremony because i'm just simply not religious, the idea of being married in the eyes of something I don't believe in just doesn't seem right to me.

 

 

 

If it was that important to the girl I was marrying to have a religious wedding, I probably would, as long as I didn't have to swear some sort of eternal alligence to her religion and practice it (aside from to stay married to her forever, which is the standard I guess.) Now I know people are going to argue that if you are to marry into that religion you should practice it, but to be brutally honest if that was the case, I wouldn't go through with it. You've gotta stay true to yourself, and if someone's making you practice a religion you REALLY don't want to, they're obviously not the right person for you.

 

What i'm saying is, i'd have a religious wedding for her sake, but I wouldn't be someone who travels to mecca every year just because of a marriage.

 

 

 

Uhh, FYI. You don't do it every year. Once in a lifetime will do. (Though I assume you were just stating an example.)

 

That'll be all. :

[BlueLancer]

 

Uhh, FYI. You don't do it every year. Once in a lifetime will do. (Though I assume you were just stating an example.)

 

That'll be all. :

 

 

 

Yes, I believe it's required of a "good" muslim to travel to Mecca at least once in his/her lifetime, if it's by any financial means possible.

 

 

 

But I think he used it as an example, like an overly religious christian partner demanding you visit pilgrimage sites, churches, the Vatican, etc. constantly even if you're not interested in that religion in a blind, committing way.

 

 

 

Sure it'd be great to visit any historically significant religious sites, but if my wife started requiring me to have some spiritual faith in her god/goddesses/floating things/chocolate lightsabers/whatever, and perform excess rituals just because she does, that's going a bit too far. I don't think she would be the right person for me then.

 

 

 

One example could be some hindu traditions, which prohibit the killing of absolutely any living thing, even mosquitoes sucking your blood. Or requiring me to pray 5 times a day, 7 days a week regardless of circumstances, just because she is a devout muslim. Just not going to do it.

[warren211]

Divorces are for when theres a serious issue with the couple. Not for when a couple can't hold their bonds. People look at the divorce rate and go "whats the point of marrying if it will most likely end in divorce"?

 

 

 

The point of marriage is to be bonded for life. Not 2 years. Particularly in celebrities, who get married way too often to the wrong people, there is no bond there. If there's abuse or murder or something involved, then yeah I say kill the marriage. But for cheating or for arguements... thats a sign of a very weak relationship. Maybe for cheating its not easy to catch before marriage, so I guess that can be excused. But divorces over arguing or just for publicity? You would have to be an extremely weak couple to have such an important marriage shattered over an arguement. Divorces are for serious cases. Not weak people. Couples argue. They scream. Yet any couple with actual love involved and not just sex will actually go somewhere and get past the fighting. If you marry someone because theyre freaking hot or give good sex, you're relation is weak and will be destroyed when the next freaking hot person comes by. When you marry, you just shouldn't be thinking about your honeymoon or good times under the covers, you should be wondering if you're really gonna resist temptation for other people and are willing to grow old with them and strive through arguements.

[assassin_696]

For example, I want a wedding thats religious and hearing people saying "its not that important", I could take it to a level of offense, I don't because i'm not that person and I really don't care all that much. Reguardless though, seeing people giving each other props and high fives for saying religious weddings "aren't all that important" is pretty sad for those who are dreaming waiting for such a day (mainly girls).

 

 

 

I think you misinterpreted that. They aren't saying "religious ceremonies aren't important universally", they're saying that as non religious people, a religious ceremony would have no meaning for them, and so isn't important for them.

 

 

 

For the record, if my wife to be desperately wanted a religious ceremony i'd probably go along with it, despite the hypocrisy.

[dymed]

I'm worried that my best friend is going to have an arranged marriage when she comes of age. She's of Sri Lankan descent and an only child, so I'm worried that she might be forced to marry someone she doesn't like. I've met her parents and they're very very strict.

 

 

 

Arranged marriage should be made illegal.

 

 

 

Yes it should... What right do the parents have to impose their will on the child's entire life?

 

 

 

Maybe this was necessary in ancient times when it'd be necessary to unite families due to financial struggling, debts/other reasons, I don't see why it should be allowed nowadays. Everyone has the right to decide about their own life, you aren't your parents' slave.

 

 

 

Jeez, some harsh opinions on arranged marriages here. You guys should know that not every arranged marriage is some barbaric ritual. I will most likely get an arranged marriage and it's not something that upsets me; I'm actually looking forward to it in a way. I am not being forced into one, I want to get one if I have to. If I don't find someone in the next 7 or 8 years tops (I'll be 21 in 2 days), I'll be getting an arranged marriage.

 

 

 

First, let me explain how arranged marriages work, at least in my culture (Indian). The parents of the two partners get together and set up a meeting of the potential couple-to-be. The two then meet and hang out and get to know each other. This typically takes around a week. Many times, the families were already friends and so the two of them know each other already. If they feel they are not compatible, the parents try and find another. If they feel they are, then great. So as you can see, I am not quite being forced into a guy's bed and told to bear his children.

 

 

 

I don't see why an arranged marriage is so bad, especially considering the outlook on "love marriages" here in the United States. What is it, something like 55% of all marriages end up in a divorce? That's crazy. I know plenty of people in arranged marriages, and not one of them is divorced, and they all seem to be very happy. I think a major reason of why love marriages fail is because of the terrible relationship that the two families have with each other. The partners may initially love each other and everything can be great, but if the support of the family isn't there, I don't see it working out in most cases. In an arranged marriage, we would make it work. Our families will be so closely tied together and would have such a close bond, that there is a very little chance of it going badly. Family is a huge, huge part of Indian culture and it's very important that they be involved in the marriage process and thereafter.

 

 

 

It all depends on the individual's mindset. If I thought an arranged marriage was a terrible thing or didn't think it would work out, then of course I'd be devastated at the thought of getting one. But I don't. And it's because of the culture that I've been brought up in and the values that have been instilled in me. My parents mean the world to me. I am not their slave, but I do (willingly) strive to make them happy in any way I can. These are the people that gave me life, I do believe that they should have quite a strong say in what goes on in it. They fed me, clothed me, housed me, took care of me, and showed me unconditional love. That is something I will never, ever be able to pay back to them. The least I could do is make them happy and proud. Almost everything I do in my life, a major motivating factor is making my parents proud of me. I live for them, and really, they live for me too. It's a very ideal situation I have going on here, and for that I feel I am blessed. They don't mind if I find someone myself, and I don't mind getting an arranged marriage if that doesn't come soon enough.

 

 

 

Besides, by that time I will be a doctor, so all the top men will be opened up for me. 8-) Now all I have to do is learn how to cook...

[BlueLancer]

 

 

 

Jeez, some harsh opinions on arranged marriages here. You guys should know that not every arranged marriage is some barbaric ritual. I will most likely get an arranged marriage and it's not something that upsets me; I'm actually looking forward to it in a way. I am not being forced into one, I want to get one if I have to. If I don't find someone in the next 7 or 8 years tops (I'll be 21 in 2 days), I'll be getting an arranged marriage.

 

 

 

...I don't see why an arranged marriage is so bad, especially considering the outlook on "love marriages" here in the United States. What is it, something like 55% of all marriages end up in a divorce? That's crazy. I know plenty of people in arranged marriages, and not one of them is divorced, and they all seem to be very happy. I think a major reason of why love marriages fail is because of the terrible relationship that the two families have with each other. The partners may initially love each other and everything can be great, but if the support of the family isn't there, I don't see it working out in most cases. In an arranged marriage, we would make it work. Our families will be so closely tied together and would have such a close bond, that there is a very little chance of it going badly. Family is a huge, huge part of Indian culture and it's very important that they be involved in the marriage process and thereafter.

 

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Now that you brought that up, should had worded it differently... Forced marriage should be illegal. Unfortunately, in western countries, a lot of 'arranged' marriages are forced on the child and is planned before he/she is even 10 years old.

 

 

 

If you refuse to obey the family, you can be cast out of it. That's just grossly wrong, and thank heavens that kind of freedom limiting culture has nearly died out in western countries (where just a few hundred years ago it wasn't that abnormal for families to force marriage on their daughters/sons).

 

 

 

In your case, I wouldn't even see it as 'arranged'. Your family is just hooking you up with someone in case you don't get married within 7-8 years, and even then, you aren't bound by some agreement. I think that's very fair of your family.

[Roseiah]

I see Marriage as a commitment to someone. Heck my next door neighbours have been married for 60 years. I see it as a sign of your love. My Mam and step-dad have been together for 10 years and are not married and they are perfectly happy. Some people get married to take their relationships to the next step. Some think it is just a piece of paper and means nothing. I believe that if you truthfully believe you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone then go ahead get married, but as long as two people love each other, it doesn't matter whether they are married or not. It is personal taste in the end.