Marriage, whats your views?

[Futurama]

I want to stay away from a religious debate here a little, and try to keep it about marriage and relationships as a whole.

 

 

 

I have suffered some slander in the past because of my views on marriage - I never want to be married. But I don't believe this means I don't want to find my life partner and spend the rest of my life with her (or him? you never know eh. :|)

 

Marriage is, in theory, meant to be the ultimate show of commitment to someone. Now - my girlfriends parents are divorced, her best friends parents are divorced, one of our other friends parents are divorced.

 

Something like 2/3rds of marriages end in divorce, or so I hear. Might have that figure wrong, our RE teacher lied a lot, hahah.

 

Either way, my view is that I don't want to get married. HOWEVER;

 

I do want some sort of commitment ceremony, or something along those lines. I want a ring to be given (engagement or promise, not a marriage ring,) and I want a honeymoon and a reception. More of a celebration of love - I just don't want the marriaot of modern marriages go wrong, that once you're married, they're yours and that's that and you give up trying. I don't personally want that security, I want me and my life partner to have to work for it to keep together.

 

Marriage, in the modern word IMO, is overrated and taken for granted...

 

 

 

your views? :)

[assassin_696]

I have kinda similar views to you really. I'm not religious so to me a religious marriage ceremony would be meaningless and a waste of time. But, if I did find the girl for me then I would like some kind of celebration of our commitment to each other with family and close friends.

 

 

 

I agree that marriage as a concept is probably overrated and doesn't mean what it used to, but for those who do remain together many look back on their wedding day as one of the happiest days of their lives. That said, I wouldn't want a typically traditional wedding, maybe something a little more intimate, maybe even abroad, but definitely something memorable. There are also all the legal benefits of living together as a married couple (I'm pretty sure there are anyway).

 

 

 

But at the end of the day mate, since when has it ever been what the bloke wanted? :P

[erichkiller]

Well, I see your point when the world is what it is today. I say do what you want and see if it works. If it does, well then good for you, otherwise just keep trying.

[BlueLancer]

I also see marriage as quite meaningless. It's just a ceremony, with the infamous U.S. divorce statistics, people should see it's nothing more than that. Most people of all religions, ethnicities and ages cheat or get bored and break up soon after 'marriage'.

 

 

 

Not to say I'd cheat, I despise cheating, but if you want to be with a significant other, you can do it without a minister making your relationship "official" on paper. Bureaucracy doesn't work with love.

 

 

 

But if the significant other wanted a wedding of her choice, yeah, why not? I'd have no problems with a christian, jewish, muslim, hindu or any other type of wedding if it makes her happy. :)

[Ambassadar]

So do none of you have any plans for children?

[Mercifull]

Those people who are against the idea of a marriage ceremony probably havent been to one for a long time or are hiding their true feelings so they dont get buirned by getting their hopes up. My friend got married earlier this year and it was an incredibly amazing day. She looked so beautiful in the dress and everyone was so happy. It was not a religious ceremony in the slightest and was performed in Bath Registry and the photos were taken in the Parade Park. It shows true commitment to your partner and while the meaning may have been lost a little i think its still important. The reason for the high divorce rate is purepy to do with people getting married when they shouldnt, not the marriage itself being the cause of the breakup.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I want to be married in a similar ceremony to my friend with no religious elements, Bath is such a beautiful city too. I would hope that my partner would understand my own wishes on the matter of not getting married in a church by a vicar. While it may be the perfect white wedding in her eyes it would make me very uncomfortable and not really the kind of feelings you want for your "big day"

 

 

 

And yes I want kids too. Two or three please, 2 girls and a boy ^_^. So long as one of them is called Laika my partner can name the others :lol:

[BlueLancer]

So do none of you have any plans for children?

 

 

 

Maybe later, I'd have kids with my significant other. Age 30+ or so. I don't know why I should be 'married' to have children though, in most western countries you get child benefits regardless of marital status. And it's not like marriage affects a child biologically :lol:

[Mercifull]

The breakdown in the family unit is often cited as a major cause of the rise in "chav culture". Of course its up to you if you believe the stats on that, the figures may or may not be correlated.

[Futurama]

So do none of you have any plans for children?

 

 

 

Actually i'd rather adopt more than anything. Although you might just think this is a lazy step, theres a lot of people out there who have been born and given a bad life, and I could easily make it better for someone - not to mention skipping all of the nasty pregnancy/childbirth/early stages moments which is a great bonus for me ;)

 

And before anyone says anything, yes I can deal with the fact that it's not carrying my bloodline on - if you ask me, family are who look after you, not who you're related to. Besides, my bro's gonna be doing that ;)

[assassin_696]

So do none of you have any plans for children?

 

 

 

Yeah of course, at some point in the distant future though.

 

 

 

The breakdown in the family unit is often cited as a major cause of the rise in "chav culture". Of course its up to you if you believe the stats on that, the figures may or may not be correlated.

 

 

 

Yeah I could see that, the lack of a good father figure and a sense of family probably just drives mothers to despair and teenagers onto the streets. Mind you, rather that than an abusive father.

[angryjoe]

I would like to get married at some point in the future.

 

 

 

I'm not really fussed either way about religious ceremony, I think it's who I would be marrying that counts.

[BlueTear]

The breakdown in the family unit is often cited as a major cause of the rise in "chav culture". Of course its up to you if you believe the stats on that, the figures may or may not be correlated.

Is the family unit in any way dependant on the excercise of a ceremony and the existance of a piece of paper called a "marriage certificate"?

 

 

 

Or put it differently; Is a family unit defined by that paper, or by the actions of the people involved?

[Lateralus]

I don't really see what the difference between a normal marriage (even a non-religious one) and your commitment ceremony is. If the divorce thing that's putting you off, then clearly you wouldn't be confident in your relationship with the person.

 

 

 

I don't particularly want to get married, but I'm not against it. If I'm gonna be spending my life with someone I may as well get a tax break.

[Necromagus]

Yeah, with the whole eternal love and happiness idea it seems a bit weird to get the state in on it, but people tend to forget that up to fifty years ago, love rarely had anything to do with it. Especially in upper classes it was all about consolidating the financial position of the families involved. When you consider that state marriage is (and always has been) about financial security, then I don't see why any two people who have reached the age of consent shouldn't get the full financial benefits. Sure, if a church doesn't want to marry a couple for whatever reason, then they're free not to, but the state shouldn't set limits on who you can and can't marry outside of the age limit.

[Alex_Ewan_1]

For me, as an anglican, marriage is just legal binding of 2 people. As it is not a binding by god divorces are allowed.

 

 

 

basically a much less strict versions of the catholic belief.

[dsavi]

So do none of you have any plans for children?

 

 

 

Maybe later, I'd have kids with my significant other. Age 30+ or so. I don't know why I should be 'married' to have children though, in most western countries you get child benefits regardless of marital status. And it's not like marriage affects a child biologically :lol:

 

 

 

Personally, I think that kids are a general annoyance. Maybe two though, because it suck not having a sibling.

[BlueLancer]

So do none of you have any plans for children?

 

 

 

Maybe later, I'd have kids with my significant other. Age 30+ or so. I don't know why I should be 'married' to have children though, in most western countries you get child benefits regardless of marital status. And it's not like marriage affects a child biologically :lol:

 

 

 

Personally, I think that kids are a general annoyance. Maybe two though, because it suck not having a sibling.

 

 

 

Yeah I can't understand how some people can have like 11 kids :shock: Totally no offense to large families, but.. How can the children get the proper attention they need, vital in the early years of mental development, when 10 other kids in the family compete for the parent's attention at the same time?

 

 

 

1 or 2 kids seems like a perfect amount, maybe 3. Over 5+ just seems absurd, but hey, there are a lot of families in the world with 5+ kids, I don't judge them, just wondering how they manage (and more importantly, how their kids manage)

[insane]

And it's not like marriage affects a child biologically

 

 

 

I conjecture that growing up in a loving and committed household would have a positive effect on a child psychologically.

[misterxman]

It's a nice special ceremony but too many people do it too early, and hence the high divorce rate makes it seem like it's a bad idea. I don't think a couple should base their decision to get married on statistics.

[BlueLancer]

And it's not like marriage affects a child biologically

 

 

 

I conjecture that growing up in a loving and committed household would have a positive effect on a child psychologically.

 

 

 

I know quite a few kids personally, including some of my cousins, who are being raised by parents who love each other & the kid, and are committed to the family. But they're not married, I don't see how that's particularly relevant to a child's psychology.

 

 

 

If I get a kid/kids, I'm going to love him/her and be committed to the family and the mother regardless of what the population register says about my marital status.

 

 

 

I don't stay faithful/committed/loving towards the family because a minister at a church, mosque, synagogue/temple whatever tells me to... I'd do it because it's the right thing to do, especially for providing my kid a safe, loving and enjoyable childhood.

[BlueLancer]

And it's not like marriage affects a child biologically

 

 

 

I conjecture that growing up in a loving and committed household would have a positive effect on a child psychologically.

 

 

 

I know quite a few kids personally, including some of my cousins, who are being raised by parents who love each other & the kid, and are committed to the family. But they're not married, I don't see how that's particularly relevant to a child's psychology.

 

 

 

If I get a kid, I'm going to love him/her and the mother, and be committed to the family regardless of what the population register says about my marital status.

[Azvareth]

My parents aren't married and I like to think I turned out fine.

[knives669]

I would like to get married somewhere in the future. Not just for the commitment factor, but for the legal factors.

 

 

 

I'm not Christian, however, my boyfriend and my family are. I would like to have a wedding ceremony that isn't a Christian one, but I would have one if it would make my family and my boyfriend feel more comfortable.

 

 

 

However, I do believe that marriage starts way before the ceremony, and I've no problem with people who are living together and aren't married. It seems as though a lot of people have some kind of problem with that.

[assassin_696]

And it's not like marriage affects a child biologically

 

 

 

I conjecture that growing up in a loving and committed household would have a positive effect on a child psychologically.

 

 

 

I know quite a few kids personally, including some of my cousins, who are being raised by parents who love each other & the kid, and are committed to the family. But they're not married, I don't see how that's particularly relevant to a child's psychology.

 

 

 

If I get a kid/kids, I'm going to love him/her and be committed to the family and the mother regardless of what the population register says about my marital status.

 

 

 

I don't stay faithful/committed/loving towards the family because a minister at a church, mosque, synagogue/temple whatever tells me to... I'd do it because it's the right thing to do, especially for providing my kid a safe, loving and enjoyable childhood.

 

 

 

That precisely echoes my thoughts. I strongly believe in giving children a sense of family and commitment, I just don't feel that it has to come from marriage. If it does, that's absolutely fine, but marriage is no guarantee of anything. It's the people who are married.

[IGoddessI]

And it's not like marriage affects a child biologically

 

 

 

I conjecture that growing up in a loving and committed household would have a positive effect on a child psychologically.

 

 

 

A child can quite easily grow up in a loving and committed household positively with no marriage, psychologically speaking.

 

 

 

I'm glad you mentioned "conjecture" meaning, guessing or expressing an opinion based on incomplete evidence.

 

 

 

I think it would be fair to say that both mother and fathers personality would determine a positive upbringing more so than marriage.

 

 

 

My views:

 

 

 

I would love a simple marriage, no traditional white. My partnerÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s best men would arrive in style, most probably in their leathers and motorbikes. I would love to wear an Indian maiden outfit or a kind of new age/spiritual medieval gown. BBQ at the beach, then go to Hawaii for the honey moon.