Uh, we have sort of gone past the dating stage. Well, I guess we have, she's stayed at mine a couple of times, and I've stayed at her place at least 7 or more times.

 

The other one asked me to drink at hers tomorrow, but I already have plans but she said she'd see me in town. Ah I'll just let what happens happen, and hope [cabbage] doesn't hit the fan :shades:

You call that past the dating stage? You can have sex for months and not get past the dating stage. If you want to pick one of them as a personal choice then go ahead, though we can't help you.

if you feel as though you aught to pick one because "that's the rules," then you have some limiting beliefs to get past.

Well I guess I didn't frame that very well. It's kind of like we're going out, though neither of us has bothered to clearly define our relationship, which is fine with me. So I technically we aren't going out, but if I got with this other girl, it would sort of feel like I'm exploiting a loop hole.

 

A guess a decent measure would be to ask if she got with some else, would I be upset. Possibly. Actually, probably.

At least you recognise that you would feel like you are exploiting a loophole because of your frame. If you feel that way, then it would show and she would feel used if you did that.

 

If you would be upset if she got with someone else, then I assume you want a relationship? If so then you've done well. Rather than have the talk with her, transition into being her boyfriend so it happens naturally. Start seeing her a bit more often, don't have sex every time you see her etc.

 

As for flirting with the other girl, it's also about your frame. If you wouldn't flirt with a girl in front of her then she might not be comfortable with it either.

Duff, if you were trying to attract her then telling her that you do nothing during the day wasn't' helpful. As a general rule, be having more fun than she is when you text.

Well, I'm more concerned of getting rid of my 'neediness' than attracting her at this point. Even so, should I lie about the stuff I did during the day? Or just not really mention what I did at all?

Duff, if you were trying to attract her then telling her that you do nothing during the day wasn't' helpful. As a general rule, be having more fun than she is when you text.

Well, I'm more concerned of getting rid of my 'neediness' than attracting her at this point. Even so, should I lie about the stuff I did during the day? Or just not really mention what I did at all?

 

Never lie. Only cowards lie. If you can't tell the truth, just don't say anything at all.

@Duff

 

If you did something of relative importance or something she is interested in or something that aids the conversation further then tell her. If you have to lie, alter the truth, slightly then so do it. However if you did nothing of interest just don't say anything.

 

@Muggiwhplar

 

How long have you been waiting to use that?

@Muggiwhplar

 

How long have you been waiting to use that?

 

:huh:

Yeah don't lie, but you can word things better, like not saying you were doing nothing because you were reading. Is it a book about something you're passionate about? Show her you're passionate about it.

 

If you don't have anything in your day that is interesting to talk about, then do something that is.

Then do something that is.

This, when you have an empty day and you know you're just going to be bored (and boring) try, I don't know, cooking. Also, you probably haven't done "nothing" all day. It's a little hard to remember what you did sometimes, but if it kept you interested all day, it's probably not nothing.

Then do something that is.

This, when you have an empty day and you know you're just going to be bored (and boring) try, I don't know, cooking. Also, you probably haven't done "nothing" all day. It's a little hard to remember what you did sometimes, but if it kept you interested all day, it's probably not nothing.

 

legit. I met up with this girl last night that I've been trying to get to know better for ages - long story short I got her alone on her pool deck for an hour, and literally had nothing to say when she asked what I've been doing [and i haven't seen her in like months]. The truth? I've been chasing other girls, working alot and drinking a ton. What I told her? Been sleeping all day drinking all night. Not a lie, but...as soon as I said it it made me feel like I've been doing so much nothing with myself for the past like...i dunno. YEAR.

 

Horrible feeling man. Horrible.

http://artofmanliness.com/2011/08/09/romantic-love-can-last/

 

So apparently, it's not all polygamy. And maybe whether you're within that 13% percentage we've been talking of not too long ago or not is not out of your control.

Im probably going into the Central main town of Brissy next weekend to a specific bar I've wanted to try, but my main question is how do I sort of meet new people off the bat? I dont know ANYONE in Brissy besides my room mates so in a way I dont need to worry about being judged in the back of my mind, but since Im wingman-less (thanks Dan) I have to rely on my social skills.......

 

 

...which are barely none atm.

Is your roommate really not an option?

http://artofmanliness.com/2011/08/09/romantic-love-can-last/

 

So apparently, it's not all polygamy. And maybe whether you're within that 13% percentage we've been talking of not too long ago or not is not out of your control.

 

That's nice to read. I'm still in favor of the polyamorous lifestyle though. 100% odds of perpetual happiness beats 13% odds :P

Refreshing indeed. What's the ideal polygamous lifestyle to you? Is marriage necessary? Living together? Founding a family?

Yeah don't lie, but you can word things better, like not saying you were doing nothing because you were reading. Is it a book about something you're passionate about? Show her you're passionate about it.

 

If you don't have anything in your day that is interesting to talk about, then do something that is.

Well, I'm embarrassed to say, but its the Harry Potter series. Though, she was the one who freaked out when I told her I hadn't read them and told me I needed to, since they were part of her childhood. And I'm liking it a lot (which explains why I'm reluctant to put down the books and do something else).

 

Then do something that is.

This, when you have an empty day and you know you're just going to be bored (and boring) try, I don't know, cooking. Also, you probably haven't done "nothing" all day. It's a little hard to remember what you did sometimes, but if it kept you interested all day, it's probably not nothing.

Eh, the sad thing is, I'm either reading, out longboarding, or browsing TIF. So I guess I should do something else. That cooking idea sounds like fun.

 

Thanks guys.

Wasn't that a perfect thing to answer? "I can't put down those books you recommended, they're just so cool!" And best of all, if she got you into them she'll actually have something to answer, since she's probably just as into HP as you are. Try to work on wording things so that you sound like you're in a good mood, but don't overdo it, as it can be obnoxious.

Refreshing indeed. What's the ideal polygamous lifestyle to you? Is marriage necessary? Living together? Founding a family?

 

Ideally, I'll just have a rotation of girls that I'd see about once a week.

 

Getting married these days would be like shooting myself in the foot. I don't see any worthy benefits to be had from marriage.

 

I don't have anything against living with friends, family, girlfriends, etc., but I'd much rather just live alone. Even now, I enjoy myself more when my roommate isn't home, despite the fact that he's a very close friend of mine. I'm an extroverted introvert-- I can be constantly social for about half a week and then I get "burnt out" and need to be alone for a day or two to "recharge." That's another reason why having an exclusive relationship or spending a ton of my free time with a girl would take its toll on me pretty quickly :P

 

I'd like to be a father someday, but not until I'm in my late 30s probably, or at least until I have enough financial resources and free time to raise a child. Again, you don't need to be married or monogamous to raise a child.

 

Happiness is my top priority in life, along with maintaining close relationships with my friends and family. My freedom is a large contributing factor to why I'm so happy all the time. I can do just about anything I want to do, whenever I want to do it, without having to answer to anyone. I don't have a wife/girlfriend who I have to consult every time I want to go out and do something. I don't live with my parents so I don't have a curfew or house rules to abide by. I don't have kids that I am responsible for.

 

This is pretty much just the tip of the iceberg of my philosophy of happiness and relationships... if you've got any more questions or anything, let me know. Otherwise, my beliefs will probably fall upon deaf ears around here :P

By these days, do you mean right now or in this day and age? You say you don't need to be monogamous to raise a child, but I don't know how many successful examples of this exist in modern society (I really don't, so I'm not excluding the idea that some might exist). As for your freedom and duty, it's an issue Brett and Kate addressed:

[hide]Love is the grease in the gears of life. There are two central drivers of the actions we take in life: love and duty. Both are important, but love is the higher motivation and the one that makes life, and our relationships, easy and joyful.

 

In college I had an acquaintance I was not particularly fond of who called me late one night; he was at the airport an hour away and his ride had fallen throughcould I come pick him up? I did so. But I went out the door grumbling and grumbled all the way to the airport. A few years later, when Kate and I were dating, she called me with the same request. It was even later at night. But this time I went rushing out the door and smiled the whole way. What was the difference? Duty versus love. Picking up Kate didnt even slightly register as an inconvenience.

 

The sage William George Jordan puts the difference so well:

 

Duty is forced, like a pump; love is spontaneous, like a fountain. Duty is prescribed and formal; it is part of the red tape of life. It means running on moral rails.

 

Analyze, if you will, any of the great historic instances of loyalty to duty, and whenever they ring true you will find the presence of the real element that made the act almost divine. It was dutyplus love.

 

Duty is a hard, mechanical process for making men do things that love would make easy. It is a poor understudy to love. It is not a high enough motive with which to inspire humanity. Duty is the body to which love is the soul. Love, in the divine alchemy of life, transmutes all duties into privileges, all responsibilities into joys.

 

The workman who drops his tools at the stroke of twelve, as suddenly as if he had been struck by lightning may be doing his dutybut he is doing nothing more. No man has made a great success of his life or a fit preparation for immortality by doing merely his duty. He must do thatand more. If he puts love into his work, the more will be easy.

 

When you remain deeply in love with someone, your responsibilities and obligations to them flow naturally and spontaneously. The more love in your relationship, the more grease there is on the gears of life, and the smoother things go in all areas of it. Lose that grease, and the gears must grind it out. Many people have said that marriage is hard. But this has not been my experience at all. Marriage has been easy. Truly.[/hide]

By these days, do you mean right now or in this day and age? You say you don't need to be monogamous to raise a child, but I don't know how many successful examples of this exist in modern society (I really don't, so I'm not excluding the idea that some might exist). As for your freedom and duty, it's an issue Brett and Kate addressed:

[hide]Love is the grease in the gears of life. There are two central drivers of the actions we take in life: love and duty. Both are important, but love is the higher motivation and the one that makes life, and our relationships, easy and joyful.

 

In college I had an acquaintance I was not particularly fond of who called me late one night; he was at the airport an hour away and his ride had fallen through…could I come pick him up? I did so. But I went out the door grumbling and grumbled all the way to the airport. A few years later, when Kate and I were dating, she called me with the same request. It was even later at night. But this time I went rushing out the door and smiled the whole way. What was the difference? Duty versus love. Picking up Kate didn’t even slightly register as an inconvenience.

 

The sage William George Jordan puts the difference so well:

 

“Duty is forced, like a pump; love is spontaneous, like a fountain. Duty is prescribed and formal; it is part of the red tape of life. It means running on moral rails.

 

Analyze, if you will, any of the great historic instances of loyalty to duty, and whenever they ring true you will find the presence of the real element that made the act almost divine. It was duty—plus love.

 

Duty is a hard, mechanical process for making men do things that love would make easy. It is a poor understudy to love. It is not a high enough motive with which to inspire humanity. Duty is the body to which love is the soul. Love, in the divine alchemy of life, transmutes all duties into privileges, all responsibilities into joys.

 

The workman who drops his tools at the stroke of twelve, as suddenly as if he had been struck by lightning may be doing his duty—but he is doing nothing more. No man has made a great success of his life or a fit preparation for immortality by doing merely his duty. He must do that—and more. If he puts love into his work, the ‘more’ will be easy.”

 

When you remain deeply in love with someone, your responsibilities and obligations to them flow naturally and spontaneously. The more love in your relationship, the more grease there is on the gears of life, and the smoother things go in all areas of it. Lose that grease, and the gears must grind it out. Many people have said that marriage is hard. But this has not been my experience at all. Marriage has been easy. Truly.[/hide]

 

By these days, yes I mean this present day and age.

 

I "love" all of my close friends and family in the way mentioned in that quote. It's not the "duty" (responsibility) that bothers me, it's the rules imposed upon each other once a relationship forms which hinder my freedom. Asking me to do a favor for you isn't imposing on my freedom. Telling me I'm not allowed to do this, this, and that because you said so imposes on my freedom.

By these days, do you mean right now or in this day and age? You say you don't need to be monogamous to raise a child, but I don't know how many successful examples of this exist in modern society (I really don't, so I'm not excluding the idea that some might exist). As for your freedom and duty, it's an issue Brett and Kate addressed:

[hide]Love is the grease in the gears of life. There are two central drivers of the actions we take in life: love and duty. Both are important, but love is the higher motivation and the one that makes life, and our relationships, easy and joyful.

 

In college I had an acquaintance I was not particularly fond of who called me late one night; he was at the airport an hour away and his ride had fallen throughcould I come pick him up? I did so. But I went out the door grumbling and grumbled all the way to the airport. A few years later, when Kate and I were dating, she called me with the same request. It was even later at night. But this time I went rushing out the door and smiled the whole way. What was the difference? Duty versus love. Picking up Kate didnt even slightly register as an inconvenience.

 

The sage William George Jordan puts the difference so well:

 

Duty is forced, like a pump; love is spontaneous, like a fountain. Duty is prescribed and formal; it is part of the red tape of life. It means running on moral rails.

 

Analyze, if you will, any of the great historic instances of loyalty to duty, and whenever they ring true you will find the presence of the real element that made the act almost divine. It was dutyplus love.

 

Duty is a hard, mechanical process for making men do things that love would make easy. It is a poor understudy to love. It is not a high enough motive with which to inspire humanity. Duty is the body to which love is the soul. Love, in the divine alchemy of life, transmutes all duties into privileges, all responsibilities into joys.

 

The workman who drops his tools at the stroke of twelve, as suddenly as if he had been struck by lightning may be doing his dutybut he is doing nothing more. No man has made a great success of his life or a fit preparation for immortality by doing merely his duty. He must do thatand more. If he puts love into his work, the more will be easy.

 

When you remain deeply in love with someone, your responsibilities and obligations to them flow naturally and spontaneously. The more love in your relationship, the more grease there is on the gears of life, and the smoother things go in all areas of it. Lose that grease, and the gears must grind it out. Many people have said that marriage is hard. But this has not been my experience at all. Marriage has been easy. Truly.[/hide]

I enjoyed reading that - thanks :P

Im probably going into the Central main town of Brissy next weekend to a specific bar I've wanted to try, but my main question is how do I sort of meet new people off the bat? I dont know ANYONE in Brissy besides my room mates so in a way I dont need to worry about being judged in the back of my mind, but since Im wingman-less (thanks Dan) I have to rely on my social skills.......

 

 

...which are barely none atm.

If you're in a pub then just go and talk to people. Don't hit on girls, start by disqualifying yourself and have fun. No girl spends an hour getting ready to go out, hoping no guy will talk to her.

 

The more things you get involved in, the more stuff you have to talk about.

 

Universities are gold. Full of stuff you can sign up for, and full of young women that you can talk to while you're there. I also think I prefer meeting women during the day rather than at night, because it's simplified.

Im probably going into the Central main town of Brissy next weekend to a specific bar I've wanted to try, but my main question is how do I sort of meet new people off the bat? I dont know ANYONE in Brissy besides my room mates so in a way I dont need to worry about being judged in the back of my mind, but since Im wingman-less (thanks Dan) I have to rely on my social skills.......

 

 

...which are barely none atm.

If you're in a pub then just go and talk to people. Don't hit on girls, start by disqualifying yourself and have fun. No girl spends an hour getting ready to go out, hoping no guy will talk to her.

 

The more things you get involved in, the more stuff you have to talk about.

 

Universities are gold. Full of stuff you can sign up for, and full of young women that you can talk to while you're there. I also think I prefer meeting women during the day rather than at night, because it's simplified.

 

And you can actually hear what they're saying. Convosation in some bars/clubs can be pretty hard sometimes.

 

Oh yeah Tim get yuor roommates to get there friends round and have drinks etc, good way to meet some of their friends, and hopefully make them your friends.

Yeah don't lie, but you can word things better, like not saying you were doing nothing because you were reading. Is it a book about something you're passionate about? Show her you're passionate about it.

 

If you don't have anything in your day that is interesting to talk about, then do something that is.

Well, I'm embarrassed to say, but its the Harry Potter series. Though, she was the one who freaked out when I told her I hadn't read them and told me I needed to, since they were part of her childhood. And I'm liking it a lot (which explains why I'm reluctant to put down the books and do something else).

 

Then do something that is.

This, when you have an empty day and you know you're just going to be bored (and boring) try, I don't know, cooking. Also, you probably haven't done "nothing" all day. It's a little hard to remember what you did sometimes, but if it kept you interested all day, it's probably not nothing.

Eh, the sad thing is, I'm either reading, out longboarding, or browsing TIF. So I guess I should do something else. That cooking idea sounds like fun.

 

Thanks guys.

If it's you haven't seen the movies then why not tell her that you've been reading the books and now you want to watch the films and she should watch them with you since she got you interested in the series. Sets up a way for you to interact further around a common interest. Judging by the Emma Watson comments I'm guessing you have seen the films, if so, tell her that you want a new perspective on them now you've read the books.