"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Sam]

Watch out - be cautious if she's changing her mind so quickly.

[Giordano]

So, yesterday, my girlfriend dumped me. As much as I tried to contact her, she wouldn't respond. I visited her house and all she did was give me a blank white face and then shut the door, cutting off my connection with her.

 

But then, she got back together with me after 24 hours or so. And I'm so happy.

 

I suspect Cowman_133 might have seduced her for a bit.

Er, what?

[Duff]

I must not have made it quite as obvious as I should have...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TIF is my gf? Sorry, was a stupid joke...

[Surprise]

I must not have made it quite as obvious as I should have...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TIF is my gf? Sorry, was a stupid joke...

 

Dear lord.

[Dragonlordjl]

I must not have made it quite as obvious as I should have...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TIF is my gf? Sorry, was a stupid joke...

 

Dear lord.

 

[Hobgoblinpie]

But TIF has been with thousands of people, surely it would have contracted a virus by now? and can you feel good knowing it gets used and abused by hundreds of people every day? I wouldn't take that risk with my girlfriend.

[Duff]

But TIF has been with thousands of people, surely it would have contracted a virus by now? and can you feel good knowing it gets used and abused by hundreds of people every day? I wouldn't take that risk with my girlfriend.

Hah. Thanks for playing along.

 

In other serious news, I haven't talked to the girl I like for about 5 days now. Don't get me wrong, I want to. I've just gotten used to not texting her for periods of time to well... give her some space, I guess? And also just to see if maybe she'll be the first one to text me?

 

There's a huge event by the river this weekend, which means camping out in a friend's backyard for the night. Apparently everyone gets [cabbage] faced. I won't have to drive anyone home, which means I'll be able to loosen up by having a few beers. If that's the case, I sure hope she's there, cause usually when I'm tipsy I am not as worried about what her reactions to my actions will be, and so I'll be more open and relaxed. It usually ends up very well. I was actually quite tipsy when I first told her about how I felt about her (9 months ago). There's no way I would've gotten the guts to say that to her sober given the circumstances.

 

Anyway, I felt I may as well provide an update, since I felt bad about that lame joke.

[I_am_Geed]

Girlfriend of 9 months broke up with me tonight.....

 

I feel betrayed. Everything I'v worked for, the money and the time I'v spend, all out the window because she meets this insignificant little [cabbage], hangs out with him a few times and now she feels "confused?"

 

What the [bleep]?!?!?!

 

Yeah im pissed. Worst part is this has happened to me before ( with a different girl )

 

[bleep]IN THING SUCKS

 

 

The pain sucks.

 

But I wanted to ask you all about this situation im in. We havn't been talking much (obviously) but I still miss her, and she sent me this big long facebook message of bs yesterday night, which included crap such as "My heart is totally broken knowing that I broke yours." and "I really loved you, I even still do, and you couldn't have been a better boyfriend to me."

 

Iv been taking advice from a close friend and been trying to make her want to come back to me. A lot of things have changed in the story since it was posted. She broke up with me to fill the void of me not being there (we live 5 hours away during the summer and like a 10 minute walk during the school year) so she started hanging out with this other guy and ended up developing feelings for him. She got confused about what she wants and left me because she needs "time to herself and to thing"

 

Ofc all of this is just nonsense talk and [cabbage]. How low of a blow is this for her to do to me (opinions please!)

Is it worth trying to get her to come begging back to me? Things were simply amazing before this happened. But in a matter of like 3 weeks it all came crashing down as she began blowing me off because "having other people there comfort me was better than talking to you and missing you"

 

Is this a situation you think I should back out of? Or is it worth a shot because for 9 months things were like... undescribable. That feeling people always try to describe when they have a kick ass relationship.

 

Or has the damage been done. I would like opinions please.

[Tim]

I must not have made it quite as obvious as I should have...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TIF is my gf? Sorry, was a stupid joke...

 

made my day.

[Riku3220]

So did this thread lose sticky status or what?

[ElkNight]

Probably just a miss click by a mod.

[RpgGamer]

You can have fun in a relationship without sex. You know that as well as anyone else.

 

I didn't say you couldn't, I merely said sex was fun.

 

 

@I_Am_Geed

 

9 months of kick ass relationship seems like a lot to toss over a stupid fight. So she had a dumb chick moment. Happens to most of 'em. Whether or not she's truly worth another shot is entirely up to you. Honestly, I've forgiven girls for much worse...but...I don't think you'd like being in my predicament very much either lol

[Iamdan]

The bit about getting her to come begging back is a bad attitude imo.

 

If she can't handle it long distance, dragging it out more is just going to make things painful for both of you.

[Duff]

So, something I've seen in this thread a lot is advice for guys never to look 'needy' to the girl they like, because it either isn't attractive or will get you friend-zoned real fast [or both].

 

What if, since I haven't much experience with relationships, I've already possibly appeared needy. How can I go about correcting that without maybe giving off the vibe that I'm no longer interested/do not want to talk to her?

[Omar]

Details, please.

[Surprise]

So, something I've seen in this thread a lot is advice for guys never to look 'needy' to the girl they like, because it either isn't attractive or will get you friend-zoned real fast [or both].

 

What if, since I haven't much experience with relationships, I've already possibly appeared needy. How can I go about correcting that without maybe giving off the vibe that I'm no longer interested/do not want to talk to her?

 

The broadest advice I can offer is for you to make her come to you; be it through offering to go out or striking up the conversation and to try and present a meaning that she is not, currently, the most important person around. I follow, not always rigthly so, that if you present a girl a goal or something she wants she won't stop until she has it.

 

However, you can't correct what has happened. Just go with it but maybe take a small step back.

[Duff]

Well, I've apparently done what someone who wants an actual relationship with a girl should never do: I've offered to be there if she wants to talk to me about anything; I've helped her with one guy problem (rather, she told me about it, and I merely just talked through it with her); just a few weeks ago I got the courage to tell her about all my insecurities when it comes to knowing what she's thinking (basically I told her about how worried I get when she waits so long to reply to my texts (usually it's around 4+ hours)); told her how much I analyze her texts and the way she is around me even though I'm not trying to, because I'm looking for signs that might be telling me to back off or that she likes me back.

 

I mean, that sounds pretty needy to me. And I've done my best not texting her for long periods of time: just this past week I completely avoided texting her, and I've been trying to cut down on how many and how often I text her to kinda show that I'm not begging her to give me more attention. Took her a whole week to text me. :\

 

And if it means anything/adds to the context, when we last spoke in person about basically everything, I told her: "I like you a [cabbage] ton. And a lot of me is hoping that if I keep liking you a [cabbage] ton for two, three, four years, maybe in the end, something might happen between us." (using 'like you a [cabbage] ton' because I didn't want to just say 'like you' but I didn't want to use 'love' because at this point, it'd be stupid to use that word).

 

@ Standard: That's tough for me, because I feel like if I do try to attract her, make myself a goal for her, I'll lose her. At this point, it's basically been me trying to court her or what not, trying to make myself look like I'd be a good prospect. From what I can tell, not a whole lot of it has been her. Again, it's like, if I don't text her for a long time and she texts me finally, and I respond, but then I don't text her for a long time after that, how do I know she won't just think, "oh, he just doesn't want to talk to me."

[Giordano]

You are [bleep]ed.

 

You just seemed to go beyond the dead point. I suppose, maybe, if you suddenly stopped she will wonder what happened to you and return...but, hell, I'm not sure that would work.

[Lenin64]

(using 'like you a [cabbage] ton' because I didn't want to just say 'like you' but I didn't want to use 'love' because at this point, it'd be stupid to use that word).

Classy. I'll be the first to say that one was probably a huge mistake in any situation. Vulgarity is not exactly the language of love, even if you do have to pardon your french.

[Duff]

Hah, Lenin, I specifically told her that I never use vulgarity around girls, and when I said, "I like you a [cabbage] ton," she giggled and said she liked it.

 

You are [bleep]ed.

 

You just seemed to go beyond the dead point. I suppose, maybe, if you suddenly stopped she will wonder what happened to you and return...but, hell, I'm not sure that would work.

Haha (I'm laughing right now, but on the inside, I'm like, "holy [bleep]ing [cabbage], you're right..."), I was thinking that but I just didn't want to accept it.

 

This is a big reason why I want college to start again, so that I'm back walking around a ton of people I don't know (many being girls). But at the same time, I just don't know for sure what she thinks. Maybe I should just go up to her and ask her, "Hey, I think I'm [bleep]ed. Do you think I'm [bleep]ed? If so, no hard feelings, I'm gonna just stop talking to you for a bit cause I don't think I can get over you without not talking to you."

[Surprise]

Firstly, stop looking for signs in a person. Body language is alright to judge on spur of the moment little inferior desicions but not on something like this as body language can be false or decepetive. Just don't do it, it doesn't help you at all. You've seem to have very aptley dug yourself a nice big hole. Rule of thumb, you never tell a girl you are interested in that you read into her text messages/cling on to every one. That's what you tell your bestfriend, not your girfriend unless it's a serious relationship. Even then try not to as it is just not healthy having feelings like tha around.

In all honesty you've probably put her on her gaurd and/or killed it. You seem to have gone very over the top and probably scared her bat [cabbage] crazy with all this attention. The skill is in taking it slow not rushing in like a testosterone crazed bull rampaging everywhere. I'm not sure how you can climb out of this one apart from giving her space, let her get her thoughts together, did she say anything once you professed your crazed infuated feelings to her? It's true, you never know what girls are thinking as there thought processes go everywhere but it's better to be in that frame of thought rather than scaring her silly.

[Noxx]

Okay so me and this girl have been dating on and off for well over a year now. We know each other's ins and outs better than our own. We're best friends. We spent the majority of our time in each other's company. It was that whole "if i don't see you or if i'm not next to you i don't feel complete" thing. We fight A LOT, but we always make up for it. The relationship is and always will be complicated due to one factor alone. My parents don't approve of it and even though i've gone beyond their backs for over a year now it still feels wrong doing it. Their reasons for not approving are personal and is irrelevant to my question that will follow.

It feels like the relationship is perfect at time, however i always have the fear that if it continues i will lose my parents. This is probably the main cause of all our fights. But like i said, we always make up for it and try to forget about it. But eventually it pops up again.

Anyway, when i moved back home a few months ago she kept in contact with me. I however didn't do all i could to keep in contact with her. I was around my old friends and old habits. Eventually we decided to "take a break" until i'm back in Qatar, which happened a few months later. We picked up where we left off and things seemed to go even better than they did before. Now the glove is on the other hand. She's the one that went to the US for Uni and i'm the one stuck in Qatar. I try my utter best to stay in contact but heck with a 11 hour time difference there's only so much i can do. We haven't had a decent conversation (skype/msn) in over 6 weeks. I haven't heard from her in 2 or 3 days. It's like we're strangers now. She was my first real "mature" relationship. To be frank, losing her seems like something that would kill me. I always thought it was the same for her because she would say it multiple times a day, Recently though i'm starting to think otherwise.

 

She's in a culinary school in San Francisco and they were partnered up for the semester. Her partner is a guy and they seem to be spending a lot of time together. Shes an amazing person with amazing beauty so needless to say that any guy would (9 times out of 10) come on to her. Anyway this "partner" of hers has been taking her all over town "because she is new and he wants to show her around". They go to the beach (alone) and often go clubbing. My fear is that she might (if she hasn't already) cheat on me. I used to think, beyond any reasonable doubt, that that would never happen. But can you blame me for starting to think otherwise?

 

I'm really insecure about so many things. I'm not the hard ass that i often come across as being. Shes the only person that really know that. Shes the only person that's ever taken the time to see that. I fear that if i lose her it would be the end of me, emotionally. Or the end of whatever little is left.

 

Now the plan was for her to go to the US for a year and come back. Then we could, once again, be together. Now however things have changed and i myself will be spending the next year or so in the US. Things just keep getting more complicated. I don't believe in fate or "meant to be" but this is starting to look like a "not meant to be" situation.

 

My sincere apologies for the poor construction of the post, but i find it hard expressing my feelings to people i know. So expressing them to "strangers" is really that much harder. I just have no where else to turn. I just need some advice on what to do.

I am at your mercy.

[Surprise]

Nox, what you need to realise is that there is more too life than one girl and you are young, assuming you are the same age, and there will be plently more opportunties to come. It's a horrible way of thinking but it will get you through it. Never get your thought process into this ideology that you cannot exist without her or the relationship because you can. Yes losing her will cause you a lot of pain but you will get over it and move on to somebody else. It will just take time.

Long distance relationships are complicated and make everything far harder, there is no doubt of that especially when you factor in the time zone difference. It would take a huge amount of commitment to keep it running and operating smoothly which, you seem to have pointed out, you struggle with the constant arguments.

I would say break away from her for now, get to a mutual point where you both realise everything would be better off acting as two seperate parties until you can sit down, face to face and properly discuss it with each other about your future together. That sort of conversation should not be held through the computer, especially with the time zone factor. You've also got to factor in parents. There is no point in losing or upsetting your parents over a girl. Parents are far more important and will always be there through [cabbage] and storm while relationships are not there for certian.

 

Also, positive thinking. Positive thinking will get you further than negativity. I seem to say that a lot on here..

[Guest Rob]

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[Dragonlordjl]

Hah, Lenin, I specifically told her that I never use vulgarity around girls, and when I said, "I like you a [cabbage] ton," she giggled and said she liked it.

 

You are [bleep]ed.

 

You just seemed to go beyond the dead point. I suppose, maybe, if you suddenly stopped she will wonder what happened to you and return...but, hell, I'm not sure that would work.

Haha (I'm laughing right now, but on the inside, I'm like, "holy [bleep]ing [cabbage], you're right..."), I was thinking that but I just didn't want to accept it.

 

This is a big reason why I want college to start again, so that I'm back walking around a ton of people I don't know (many being girls). But at the same time, I just don't know for sure what she thinks. Maybe I should just go up to her and ask her, "Hey, I think I'm [bleep]ed. Do you think I'm [bleep]ed? If so, no hard feelings, I'm gonna just stop talking to you for a bit cause I don't think I can get over you without not talking to you."

 

I wouldn't say you're completely screwed. Before I dated my now-ex, I talked to her about guy problems, was her crutch, told her everything about me... And honestly, the relationship went well. "The friend zone" doesn't exist, or at least, you can always get out of it.

 

That's not exactly true.

 

Listening to a girl vent now and then is fine and actually recommended because it builds trust, but becoming her go-to person for all her [bleep]ing (especially about other guys) is the fast-track to being friend-zoned. And crawling out of the friendzone is only possible if you have a [cabbage]-load of confidence and charisma.