I agree. But would you say the same thing applies to people who aren't having sex, yet are emotionally invested? Guys in the "friendzone," doing stupid things to impress the girls they're obsessed with are an example of this. Or even guys who are simply afraid of breaking up with their girlfriends not because of the sex, but because they'll no longer have a girl to give them love and affection

 

I'd say that people in the examples you cite are not in healthy emotional relationships as it is. Those things are all signs of immaturity, and people with problems such as that are not capable of having a healthy emotional relationship until they learn to put things in perspective. Having sex would aggravate those problems, not help them.

I haven't spoken to her all day now. It's kind of hard not texting or calling her. It's stupid i know. But she became a part of a routine i had. I've had to do a lot today to kind of take my mind off my phone. Not to check it or pick it up. I really don't want to talk to her until she talks to me first, no matter how long it takes.

I'd love if you waited for him to answer before you start accusing me :)

 

His answer doesn't really change the question you were asking now does it. So instead of waiting, I asked you directly. That's a discussion.

 

In short, I think that a sexual relationship co-existing with an unhealthy emotional relationship can sometimes cloud your judgement. Because you have that sexual bond which you've discussed at great length, it can contribute to acting irrationally and against your best interests...

 

Now, see, I agree with that. I just wish it didn't take 5 posts to get to your point.

In short, I think that a sexual relationship co-existing with an unhealthy emotional relationship can sometimes cloud your judgement. Because you have that sexual bond which you've discussed at great length, it can contribute to acting irrationally and against your best interests...

 

In regards to this, a sexual bond can strengthen an emotional bond, but not destroy it. In some circumstances the opportunity of sex can cloud judgement. That doesn't mean that it always does. My answer specifically sounds contradictory because when you ask if the concept played a role you have to understand the situation in question reappeared in my life over 20 times, and that the circumstances and answers are not always the same every time. People change over time leading to different outcomes. My situation with my ex is the furthest thing from normal and healthy, and would appear as a catastrophic outlier in any statistical sense of data collection. So while there are answers available, they won't compare to any data you'll find anywhere else. It'll contradict itself, absolutely. Just be thankful you didn't live it.

So, we haven't really come to a conclusion about sex. I'd say the important thing is that both people in a relationship understand and willingly ( as opposed to grudgingly) agree with whatever sexual "terms*" there are. In the case with Noxx, it's obvious that Noxx doesn't understand the sexual terms of the relationship and there's a fairly good chance she doesn't either. Also, it seems obvious this girl is also sending mixed messages.

 

*I can't think of a better term, then, er, term.

a healthy romantic relationship requires sex. Consistently, even if not frequently.

 

I stand by this, and unless someone drastically disagrees with it, I'm volunteering it as our "conclusion".

I drastically disagree....at least on the point that a romantic relationship requires sex immediately.

If the key word is "requires" rather than "it simply makes it better", then I agree with obfuscator. I've seen too many people abstain from sex until after marriage, and lived perfectly happy relationships before the big day to be convinced that it's an absolute necessity.

If the key word is "requires" rather than "it simply makes it better", then I agree with obfuscator. I've seen too many people abstain from sex until after marriage, and lived perfectly happy relationships before the big day to be convinced that it's an absolute necessity.

It's true.

Actually, two years ago i think, i had a relationship with a very devoted Christian girl. She was a virgin and planned on keeping it that way until she got married. It was one of the happiest relationships i remember being in. But it all depends upon personality. Some people (like me) are able to have a happy relationship without having sex. Other people can't.

When i had a conversation with a friend of mine not too long ago he asked me how do i value sex in a relationship. I told him on a percentage basis i think probably about 30%. I put more focus on being able to laugh with a girl, being able to have a decent conversation with her, etc. He said that he would put sex at probably 70% if not more. If a girl is not willing to be very sexually active, then he probably wouldn't be interested.

To the guys here claiming to be able to go years without sex with their significant others: how often would you fantasize about having sex-- either with your partner or with someone else?

To the guys here claiming to be able to go years without sex with their significant others: how often would you fantasize about having sex-- either with your partner or with someone else?

 

 

Guys do this regardless of whether they are abstinent within a relationship or not.

But there's a big difference between fantasizing about something that you can't/don't have, and something you can get any time you want. In the case of the former, if you're fantasizing about something like that, then doesn't that imply that you're somewhat unsatisfied with your current situation?

But there's a big difference between fantasizing about something that you can't/don't have, and something you can get any time you want. In the case of the former, if you're fantasizing about something like that, then doesn't that imply that you're somewhat unsatisfied with your current situation?

 

That answer would be different from person to person.

But there's a big difference between fantasizing about something that you can't/don't have, and something you can get any time you want. In the case of the former, if you're fantasizing about something like that, then doesn't that imply that you're somewhat unsatisfied with your current situation?

Not necessarily, no. If I go to a supermarket, but I have to buy Pepsi because they're out of stock on Sprite, does it imply I'm unsatisfied with Pepsi? Sometimes, but definitely not always. It's possible to desire B and still be satisfied with A in the absence of B.

 

In fact, interestingly enough, the Wikipedia article on masturbation (which I won't link to here for obvious family-friendly reasons--the article contains nude photographs of genitalia--but is related to fantasising since people tend to do it whilst doing the other) contains links to no less than four studies to reference a claim that women and gay men in relationships tend to masturbate more. I can't vouch that that conclusion hasn't been cherry picked, and I don't have access to the Cochrane Collection to check, but assuming good faith, doesn't this force you to at least rethink your quoted theory in the light of new information? You have to concede at least one of two things. 1) That fantasising itself may not necessarily be indicative of dissatisfaction, just that we might like to experience something else at least temporarily or without any consequence or distress to ourselves or others, or; 2) Having a sexual partner is actually the cause of said dissatisfaction.

 

At the very very least, you can't argue against the stark reality that some guys and some girls do go for years without having sex with their other halves, and manage quite capably, even if they may or may not be fantasising about other people in the meantime.

Or maybe the women are masturbating because they're bored of their partners that no longer turn them on.

Or maybe the women are masturbating because they're bored of their partners that no longer turn them on.

 

Which happens when you have a sexual relationship without a healthy emotional one :)

Or maybe the women are masturbating because they're bored of their partners that no longer turn them on.

 

Which happens when you have a sexual relationship without a healthy emotional one :)

 

No, you can still love someone yet not feel sexual attraction for them anymore. Many married women are this way.

I'd argue it happens anyway. It might happen less if the particular female is sexually satisfied and/or emotionally happy, but it probably still happens. Perhaps a simpler conclusion is that people wish for things they don't already have, and that's just as much reality as the sky is blue.

Or maybe the women are masturbating because they're bored of their partners that no longer turn them on.

 

Which happens when you have a sexual relationship without a healthy emotional one :)

 

No, you can still love someone yet not feel sexual attraction for them anymore. Many married women are this way.

 

If you're directing your sexual attraction towards someone other than your spouse, you have an unhealthy relationship.

You don't direct sexual attraction. Getting mad at someone for finding another person attractive is only an issue if they act on it, and many don't. That's like getting upset for your partner watching pornography while masturbating.

Notice I said "directing", implying doing it purposefully. I realize sexual attraction is instinctive and partially uncontrollable.

I can agree with that statement, but I hope you understand where the confusion came from since that isn't what you originally said. Sorry for the trouble.

No need to apologize.

I agree that it's "ok" to have impulses and not act on them... they're only considered "bad" once acted upon. However I'd rather take the path that allows me to have the impulses without feeling any possible guilt/dissatisfaction/frustration as a result of those natural impulses.

 

Or maybe the women are masturbating because they're bored of their partners that no longer turn them on.

 

Which happens when you have a sexual relationship without a healthy emotional one :)

 

No, you can still love someone yet not feel sexual attraction for them anymore. Many married women are this way.

 

If you're directing your sexual attraction towards someone other than your spouse, you have an unhealthy relationship.

 

And you probably know by now that I believe this is more-or-less inevitable in modern long-term monogamous relationships, regardless of how healthy the relationship is to begin with-- so once again we'll just have to agree to disagree :P

As long as the impulses are just natural impulses, and not deliberately spurred on, there's no reason to feel bad or guilty.