"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Lenticular_J]

Aw man, you've been friend zone'd. You need to stop doing this with every girl. You know, I once met Billy Bob Thornton. And you know what he said? "ChaosFlames is the coolest guy I know." But he also gave me some rules for women in general. I don't know if you actually want to follow them, but I've found that they do help in the beginning. They build confidence and teach you how to at least get a girl. But, from there you're on your own.

 

 

 

Dr. P's rules of dating

 

 

 

* Be dangerous; it's cool

 

* No compliments, EVER!!!

 

* Always get the girl alone

 

* Wherever you are, the place is lame!

 

* Relate to her

 

* Lie, lie, and lie some more

 

 

 

I hope this somewhat serious announcement helped.

[rangeor]

Regarding my story, things actually turns out good for once :lol: I called her earlier today, and unfortunately got voicemail (which I wasn't expecting :? ) and said "Hey ____ it's me, ___, from English class. Just calling to see how your Christmas went!" and hung up. She didn't call back for a couple hours so I texted her asking if she got the voicemail. Few hours later she texted me back saying she was in a movie which was why she didn't pick up and we've been texting since. So i'm in a good mood right now :thumbsup:

 

 

 

To Chaos: I've been rejected every time i've asked out a girl so far, and just to let you know things usually don't stay awkward. First time we really didn't talk for a couple weeks then the next time a couple days. Chances are you've been friend zoned but it's always worth a shot, just be confident but also be prepared for the worst.

[RpgGamer]

Quick little question here. See I was sitting in my algebra class, drawing comics since it was the last day before winter break (the friday before last), and this one girl I know came up to me and started talking. Some time later she said something along the lines of "well I know you walk home every day and I feel sad when I see you walking in the rain so here's my # if you ever need a ride." (we live in the same neighborhood). I was kind of out of it since I was tired, so I didn't really think much of it other than the fact that it's the first time a girl gave me her number without me asking.

 

 

 

Originally I was going to wait until a rainy day so I could call her but I recently stumbled upon the thought that maybe she wanted me to call her even if it wasn't raining (sorry if I worded that wrong, but i'm pretty sure you know what I mean). My only concern is she really only intended for me to call her if it was raining, and that she would be a little weirded out if I just called to chat. Although it's probably just my paranoia, she doesn't seem like that type of person.

 

 

 

Anyhoo I was just wondering you guys' opinions on it, as in should I call her now? Or has it been to late (almost a week and a half)? And please excuse my lack of standard dating knowledge, I'm still pretty new at this :P

 

 

 

Nice! Even if she was just genuinly being nice...feel free to take advantage of the chance she gave you. a week does seem like a bit of a wait, but hell, better late then never. Call her. Give it a go. Talk to her. All that good stuff. She came to you, it doesn't get much easier. Just try not to come off like a creep :lol:

 

 

 

 

*sigh* I really didn't want to post this and instead try to get an answer on my own, but its been bugging me for long enough.

 

 

 

I'm generally more of a listener and I don't mind listening to someone talk for a long time, while I throw in my opinion or advice every now and then. I guess that one thing makes me good with *some* girls, and I generally have a lot of close female friends.

 

 

 

Now, my problem is that after being really good friends with a girl you sometime develop feelings for them. But it seems that once I'm in the "friend-zone", I can never manage to pull out of it and kick it up to a relationship (unless I became friends with them originally with the intent of later on going out with them) After thinking about it, I guess its mostly because of my fear of how akward it would be if they they said no to me asking them out or something. I'm not necessarily afraid of rejection, just the akwardness that ensues after you've been friends with someone for so long and you just happened to [bleep] it up.

 

 

 

So basically, Im afraid to ask out girls I've just happened to become good friends with or atleast tell them how I feel about them because of how akward it might be after it all. Am I right in doing this? Or is this bad? :?

 

 

 

Sorry if its a little confusing, my minds a mess right now.

 

 

 

Ah. A common issue as I recall. Back when I checked this thread regularly we used to get this problem 3 times a week. Unfortunatly I don't see our resident "pimp-i-fier", Solidus. As I remember, he handled most friend zoner's. I'll take a shot though. For one: Ignore virtually everything LenticularJ just said. I've never seen such a blunt way to look at girls in my life. I couldn't imagine any of it works. Surely it'll prevent you from being friends with the girl, but you'd have little chance of them even being interested in you after that facade. You're what girls call a "nice" guy. This can be used to your advantage. Be as emotional as you want. you're the nice guy. you can get away with it. If it's a girl (a friend already) that you're after...just go for it, you already know her. If it's a girl you don't know that you don't want to be friends with before dating her, then do just that. One of Solidus's lessons I remember explicitly was the golden pick up rule. Also known as the "three second rule". I thought it was crap, but it seemed to help a lot of people. Basically count to three, if your not already talking to her by the time you hit three...you already lost the pick up, cause then your over thinking everything. Now the difference for you is to talk to the girl, not like a friend, but like a love interest. Show her your intersted. Go heavy on the flirting as soon as possible. Not overly heavy, but heavy in comparison to what you've been doing. You'll get the hang of it after one or two attempts. Good luck ;-)

[IGoddessI]

Law of averages. If you ask enough women, you're bound to get a yes! So don't hold back! I learnt that through marketing which is pretty weird haha but it applies to lots of things in life. Also don't profile (another thing I took note of in marketing) which means making the mistake of not approaching a potential customer (or in your circumstance potential girlfriend) by thinking they look like the type of person who will say no. Some people could totally surprise you and want exactly what you're offering them at the time. In your case, this would be being their boyfriend. Hopefully for the right reasons lol

[evil_mumm_ra]

Law of averages. If you ask enough women, you're bound to get a yes! So don't hold back!

 

that's a horrible thing to say. the whole point of dating someone is to have feelings for them, not to just date someone. anyone can ask anyone to date them, but not everyone is going to have feelings for someone else like that. i do agree with your other point though, that's a useful point.

 

 

 

and to the other guy, friendzone sucks. been there many times. not all that much you can do about it, flirt a bit, hang out with them more, and prepare yourself for a possible no. if all else fails, be happy with staying their friend. asking someone out shouldn't ruin a relationship, as long as you don't pry at it if you get turned down. you don't want to seem like a stalker to them.

[IGoddessI]

Obviously you would have feelings for them before you asked :lol: I deserved that though, I jumped the gun with your comment too.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Surely being in the friend zone makes it easier to send out "flares" hinting that you're wanting a bit more than just friendship anyway? I'm fine with my friends hugging and flirting with me, but God if some girl just approached me in the middle of town and started it I'd freak. :?

 

 

 

Essentially, it boils down to intuition with other people, and weighing up chances. ;)

[Lenticular_J]

For one: Ignore virtually everything LenticularJ just said. I've never seen such a blunt way to look at girls in my life. I couldn't imagine any of it works. Surely it'll prevent you from being friends with the girl, but you'd have little chance of them even being interested in you after that facade.

 

Hehe, yep. It's from School of Scoundrels. I have to say, though, it's actually a great way for someone with no confidence to get out on the market. It's no way to start a real relationship, that's for damn sure. But, as the movie says, his "...goal is just to get you laid. From there, you're on your own."

 

 

 

Really doesn't apply for a lotta the guys on here, those rules were invented for 20-something losers. :P

 

 

 

I'm fine with my friends hugging and flirting with me, but God if some girl just approached me in the middle of town and started it I'd freak. :?

 

Really? I think it's one of the hottest things in the world for a girl to just start hitting on a guy. Namely, me.

[MC_Kejml]

Hey, got some curious questions.

 

 

 

I've been checking this thread for a while now, and I've been wondering if there are such things as good openers for, say, the high school age, by which a boy or a girl that previously didn't know each other get together or whether is it just the random meetings ( say, school, courses, work...) people get together on. I probably put that bluntly, but remember that english isn't my native language.

 

 

 

Also, there's a whole lot of boys asking for advice how to approach a girl, so I've been wondering if the girls are just "being picked" or whether there are also girls approaching boys they like. I never seen that before, girls I know always told me they didn't have enough confidence to do that. So what's the truth behind this ?

 

 

 

Lenticular you really met Billy Bob Thornton, huh? Or is it some kind of a joke similar to Chuck Norris references ? :)

[ChaosFlames]

Thanks for the help everyone! :thumbup:

 

 

 

Also known as the "three second rule". I thought it was crap, but it seemed to help a lot of people. Basically count to three, if your not already talking to her by the time you hit three...you already lost the pick up, cause then your over thinking everything.

 

 

 

Could you explain this a little bit more? I don't understand what you mean by 'if you're not already talking to her by the time you hit three'

[MC_Kejml]

Thanks for the help everyone! :thumbup:

 

 

 

Also known as the "three second rule". I thought it was crap, but it seemed to help a lot of people. Basically count to three, if your not already talking to her by the time you hit three...you already lost the pick up, cause then your over thinking everything.

 

 

 

Could you explain this a little bit more? I don't understand what you mean by 'if you're not already talking to her by the time you hit three'

 

 

 

I know a bit about this rule, so...

 

 

 

Well. You see a girl and a voice in your head says "Hey, I'd like to date her (or whatever)". Then, you have to approach her in 3 secnds, because your conscious mind doesn't think of the consequences, or what-ifs of the situation. Like "What if she doesn't like me blah blah". However, after the third second, these thoughts kick in and you aren't likely to approach her right away, as you would before.

 

 

 

After that, you succumb to planning, or unneeded shyness, things like that.

[Omar]

There's also the 3 second rule for objects that have been dropped on the ground. Unless it's been there for 3+ seconds, it's not dirty. But I don't think that applies to girls.

[MotherBrainII]

Hey, it might. Within 3 seconds of her being dumped by or dumping her previous boyfriend, you must ask her out, or at that point she is undateable. :P

 

 

 

And yes, I know this is in reality a stupid idea.

[evil_mumm_ra]

that 3 second rule came from pick-up artists. my cousin got me the book called "the game, penetrating the secret society of pickup artists" last year for christmas. i was kind of weirded out by the gift, but i read the book anyway, it's an interesting book, but it's really more of a book to get you laid rather than get into a long lasting relationship. you can modify what it tries to teach you into something more suitable to get a long lasting relationship though. it's a good read either way you look at it.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_(book_on_Pickup_Artists)

[MC_Kejml]

that 3 second rule came from pick-up artists. my cousin got me the book called "the game, penetrating the secret society of pickup artists" last year for christmas. i was kind of weirded out by the gift, but i read the book anyway, it's an interesting book, but it's really more of a book to get you laid rather than get into a long lasting relationship. you can modify what it tries to teach you into something more suitable to get a long lasting relationship though. it's a good read either way you look at it.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Game_(book_on_Pickup_Artists)

 

 

 

Those books you mention aren't bad at all, I read one from a Pickup artist called Carlos Xuma and it boosted my knowledge a bit. However, I've never been able to test it fully, the only visible advantage I got from it that I feel comfortable while doing those things. IDK, I always questioned whether it works or not, but never got an objective response.

[IGoddessI]

I just wanted to pop in for a second because I'm pretty excited. Last night I found out that an old work friend of mine lives just a few houses away! So I was pretty happy with that, we got talking last night and Helen has said that I'm welcome around for a coffee anytime I like. So thanks Hiimben, you're a sweety *hugs*

 

 

 

By the way I use the 3 second rule all the time. I get pretty anxious about doing some things so I just take a deep breath, count to 3 and let it go. You can do that to most things in life where you're afraid to take the first step, not only relationships :D Evil you have some pretty good advice so hopefully you stick around this section more often.

[Lenticular_J]

ARGH. I missed out on dates with not one, not two, but...

 

 

 

No, wait. Two girls. Because of my lack of transportation and joblessness. DAMMIT.

[IGoddessI]

Big pointers these days :P Girls with brains go for guys who have already established themselves and have careers. Then again, so do gold diggers, it's hard to tell :lol:

[MC_Kejml]

I know I am being a bit annoying and obtrusive, but can some1 tell me an answer to my 2 previous questions? I am really curious about the subject, since that is something I think about every once in a while. All answers appreciated :)

[Lenticular_J]

Heh, yeah Goddess. The girls were doing the little "I get off work in a half hour, you doing anything?" Too bad I don't have a car or any money. :/

 

 

 

Anyways, MC, let's see. Girls don't usually make moves on guys, per se, I don't know why. They do drop hints. A LOT.

 

 

 

Pointers for seeing girls...Well, just asking the girl if she wants to go out and do something works for me. Also, if she paints, telling her you model in the nude might be funny. I learned that from Hollywood.

[MC_Kejml]

Heh, yeah Goddess. The girls were doing the little "I get off work in a half hour, you doing anything?" Too bad I don't have a car or any money. :/

 

 

 

Anyways, MC, let's see. Girls don't usually make moves on guys, per se, I don't know why. They do drop hints. A LOT.

 

 

 

Pointers for seeing girls...Well, just asking the girl if she wants to go out and do something works for me. Also, if she paints, telling her you model in the nude might be funny. I learned that from Hollywood.

 

 

 

:D Hehe. So it's like I see a girl and including introduction and all those things, I basically ask her out, like you say. That's just it?

 

 

 

And tnx for your reply!

[IGoddessI]

I've been wondering if there are such things as good openers for, say, the high school age, by which a boy or a girl that previously didn't know each other get together or whether is it just the random meetings ( say, school, courses, work...) people get together on. I probably put that bluntly, but remember that english isn't my native language.

 

 

 

Your English is good :thumbup: But I'm having difficulty understanding the specific question you're asking?

 

 

 

Also, there's a whole lot of boys asking for advice how to approach a girl, so I've been wondering if the girls are just "being picked" or whether there are also girls approaching boys they like. I never seen that before, girls I know always told me they didn't have enough confidence to do that. So what's the truth behind this ?

 

 

 

If I liked someone, I see what I want, I know what I want and I usually got it. I suppose it's flattery to a female if you stand back and get asked out by a lot of guys or cracked on to to some degree. It's like a real big ego boost and makes you feel pretty, popular, liked etc I used to be like that in high school but as I got older, I wasn't interested in the guys who were cracking on to me. I became more intrigued with the one's who didn't. They were more of a challenge. It's a case on judging it per individual. Some women do it because they're shy, others do it for flattery, others aren't interested. Every girl has their reasons. If I didn't chase after my fiance' and have the confidence to ask him on a date, he would still be in the army and my son wouldn't be here.

[MC_Kejml]

Thanks for your reply,

 

 

 

in the first one I'm talking about what's the best way, line, etc., when approaching a girl similar to my age, when there's no other available option around(such as in clubs dancing, etc.), say at a bus stop. I specifically said my age, since it always differs, I guess.

 

 

 

Also, ok :) I guess it's different with each girl, I was just being curious if it occurs or whether I was just uninformed that such things happen. Thx!

[IGoddessI]

in the first one I'm talking about what's the best way, line, etc., when approaching a girl similar to my age, when there's no other available option around(such as in clubs dancing, etc.), say at a bus stop. I specifically said my age, since it always differs, I guess.

 

 

 

In my experience, there is no best way. Sometimes you can try your best at getting to know someone and they just won't be interested in talking to you at the bus station. If the girl is interested in talking to you, then it doesn't really matter what you say. But I've found that harmless conversation, warming up to a decent conversation is a good way to break the ice. For example, if I knew a guy was blatently hitting on me, I would ignore him and give him brief, boring answers in hope he would stop talking to me. But if he asked how my day was going or "phew it's hot today!" or something like that, then warm up from there I'd be more inclined to warm up in my answers, also. Then again if he looked scary, it wouldn't matter what he said, I'd probably make an excuse to leave. If he were hot and got a decent vibe off him then he could talk about purple elephants and peanut butter, I'm in hook line and sinker. Once again, just my experience, every females is different.

[MC_Kejml]

in the first one I'm talking about what's the best way, line, etc., when approaching a girl similar to my age, when there's no other available option around(such as in clubs dancing, etc.), say at a bus stop. I specifically said my age, since it always differs, I guess.

 

 

 

In my experience, there is no best way. Sometimes you can try your best at getting to know someone and they just won't be interested in talking to you at the bus station. If the girl is interested in talking to you, then it doesn't really matter what you say. But I've found that harmless conversation, warming up to a decent conversation is a good way to break the ice. For example, if I knew a guy was blatently hitting on me, I would ignore him and give him brief, boring answers in hope he would stop talking to me. But if he asked how my day was going or "phew it's hot today!" or something like that, then warm up from there I'd be more inclined to warm up in my answers, also. Then again if he looked scary, it wouldn't matter what he said, I'd probably make an excuse to leave. If he were hot and got a decent vibe off him then he could talk about purple elephants and peanut butter, I'm in hook line and sinker. Once again, just my experience, every females is different.

 

 

 

Very interesting things you put there. Thanks!