Help With A Really Strict Parent

[Nadril]

The funny thing is unless you're trying to get into an Ivy League school no one is going to give much of a [cabbage] if you didn't have all A's. I had about a 3.0 average by the end of my high school year which was perfectly fine.

 

 

 

As far as rebeling goes, whatever you do just don't throw a tantrum. That's weak. However what can they do if you stay out a little later than you were supposed to. What would happen if you stayed out to 8, instead of 6?

 

 

 

I mean, I don't think they would hit you and from the looks of it it isn't exactly like they could ground you either. They don't have anything to really ground you from. Dunno how this would actually work out though, I never had to go through a crazy rebellion stage with my parents. :lol:

[warri0r45]

I'm a freshman in high school, have never been to a sleepover, can't be out past 6:00, get yelled at for a B, and because of this can't play rs, and have to use a 7 yr old computer.

 

Yeah...

 

Plus i'm two years ahead in maths, and am taking a college level C++ programming class.

 

 

 

Is this overbearing or not. Also others post what they think is overbearing, and what is the difference between being overbearing and caring

 

 

 

~Deathmath.

 

 

 

Note this may seem like a sympathy trap, but I am generally interested if this is normal or not, and what others have to deal with.

 

 

 

Yeah, that's overbearing. I went to quite a few sleepovers as a kid and didn't get yelled at for bad grades. I might have got strong encouragment to do better, but I was never yelled at. That's hardly a productive way to encourage your kids.

 

 

 

In my opinion there should be some obvious boundaries when you bring up your kids and those boundaries should change with age. At your age I'd probably make a curfew of 10 or something, unless you wanted to go for a sleepover with friends. I'd probably talk with the parents to make sure it's all good, but I don't see any harm in a sleepover every now and then.

 

 

 

At my age (20), I don't have a curfew. I might be considerate and cut a night out shorter if I'm getting my dad to pick me up, but that's self-imposed. I think this is a fair set up because I'm more or less an adult now.

[Lenticular_J]

If my parents done that, then I don't think that I'd be able to retain my composure. The fact that you haven't done anything violent to get them to be reasonable shows that you're a lot more patient than I am.

 

 

 

 

 

I'd honestly try reasoning with them first, show them just how nuts they're being with this. I'd also try showing them some of the things that you've been doing. If that doesn't work, negotiations might work, or some other form of easing them off (like getting them to trust your friends when you're out with them, for example). If that doesn't work, try and get someone else to reason with them, maybe a teacher or other authority figure. If that doesn't work, well, I think that only leaves rebellion. Just be prepared to literally fight for your freedom if that's the case.

 

I don't think anybody would beat up their parents.

[doomy]

I could not live like that, seriously.

 

 

 

Just talk to them I suppose, say what you actually think...

[Lionheart_0]

 

 

 

Stand up to them. scream at them back, yell on about how you have so much pressure on you that its driving you insane, even if that is a lie. Quite literally, throw a tantrum.

 

 

 

 

 

No. Worst advice. If anyone tried that, I would hope that their parents be harsher on their kid.

 

So...you have massive amounts of pressure and rules holding you from having fun, should you suffer in silence?

 

In my eyes, if trying to negotiate gets you yelled at, this is the only way to get through.

 

Speaking civilly and negotiating is the only way to do it. If it dosen't work, then yes, you have to suffer in silence. Of course the OP's situation is crazy, but for a regular person they are even lucky that they are getting a place to sleep, and food, compared to what other kids could get.

 

 

 

Freaking out shows you are nothing but a child that dosen't deserve the freedom of a teenager or adult.

[Deathmath]

Lol. I entered negotiations. They crashed and burned.

 

 

 

We will give you more privileges when you improve your grades

 

 

 

I'm fifteen in two days.

 

 

 

they said i need to study more and I'm not putting effort into my classes. (I admit I did slack in my studies somewhat, but with the result being an 89% and an 84% with a LOT of time to go I'm confident I can make it up.

 

 

 

They then proceeded to say that Id be flipping burgers with a crappy bottom end position at burger king for the remainder of my life. Even though I know I still need to do well in school this trouble they are giving me is pushing me towards not trying at all with their punishment/attitude, which would only worsen the situation. I said fine then just let me be a failure. They said, well let you but you cant do anything fun while in this house if you do. So then I said please let the pressure off, you are hurting not helping me. They said I could do well if I wanted and yelled at me more. Said because I got two Bs last semester (I had a major back surgery RIGHT in the middle) and I played runescape during that time (to distract myself from the pain) that giving me ANY sort of slack was foolish. At this point I am unsure where to go. Any advice?

 

 

 

(Summary, negotiations have failed)

[Nadril]

I'll be honest, what can they ground you from?

 

 

 

Push your boundaries. I'm not saying scream and yell at them. Do the opposite, stay calm -- even when they're angry. However continue to do well (or better) in school. Pretty much prove to them that you can do both at the same time, even if it might get you into some [cabbage] with them and they will probably be angry with you (but no more so than they are right now).

 

 

 

 

 

So really, just push it a bit. Stay out a little later. Pretty much just stick it to them. If you continue to do well while under this kind of pressure then there isn't much they can do. :)

[Deathmath]

So push the envelope a bit but do better with what they care about.

[ugafan_2009]

I really don't know what to tell you. When you say a 6 PM curfew is that on weekends and stuff or just during the week? While I don't technically have a curfew, I'm usually home by 6 on the weeknights anyway.

 

 

 

Straight A's in high school aren't the key to success in life. Unless you are applying for an extremely selective college, mostly A's and a few B's will get into pretty much anywhere.

 

 

 

My suggestion...play a sport or get involved with something in your school. Just get away from the house and maybe they'll loosen up.

[Deathmath]

Ooh, I went to model UN and they wanted to come and check on me, make sure I was doing homework due the following week. It took my advisor sending a nasty email for them to back off.

 

 

 

And that's weekends. AND I have to check in at 3:10 on weekdays, and if I have a project I can't leave.

 

 

 

EDIT: I can't run for another 6 months so sports are out of the quesiton: even though i play soccer & tennis.

[Lionheart_0]

What do they want you to study in university? Do they have job they want you to aim for getting.

[Deathmath]

'We don't care what you are'

 

 

 

They really don't care, well except for it has to be respectable, well paying, etc.

 

 

 

I like law and computer sci, also interested in history although i don't plan on wanting a career in that field.

[ugafan_2009]

Ooh, I went to model UN and they wanted to come and check on me, make sure I was doing homework due the following week. It took my advisor sending a nasty email for them to back off.

 

 

 

And that's weekends. AND I have to check in at 3:10 on weekdays, and if I have a project I can't leave.

So do they require you to study/do homework on Friday and Saturday night from 6 until bed? If so, that's just insane.

 

 

 

If you just sit at home and play RS or other video games, they just don't trust your friends, which you can work on.

[Deathmath]

Yeah pretty much. I don't play video games THAT much. (2-3hrs/week) I nolifed like 20 cmb levels after the surgery when I was in bedrest and on morphine. (tells you how much brainpower you need to play rs)

 

 

 

And it's not the friends, it's that they want me IN THE HOUSE WORKING (Also, with these new things they think i'm spending too much time on hte computer so now it's AT MY DESK WORKING.

[IGoddessI]

Addressing question 1: No they aren't overbearing. Overbearing is when you have a mother like my ex who smothers you and invades your personal space. When you say no, they nag you and keep trying to get their way. For example, if you say no to a slice of cake they ask you another 20 times in different ways to try and get you to take a piece. Or they take over and try to do everything for you and treat you as if you're not independent enough to do it for yourself. He didn't know how to iron, cook, wash his clothes or anything because mother dearest would take over and do it for him. He was a grown man (24 years old) and made him keep the door open when he had a girl in his room. Long story short, the guy had mother issues and that's the correct context of the use "overbearing".

 

 

 

Strict? Sure. I can agree with that. I had been sleeping over friends houses since I was 12/13, when I was 15 I even got to negotiate staying places until midnight on the weekend so long as I told my parents where I was and they knew the people. 6pm is ridiculous in my opinion but parents will always have different opinions to other parents.

 

 

 

I think your grades are fantastic, the average is a C and so by getting a B or B+ then that's above average. Expecting you to be a straight A student is ridiculous in my opinion. Some subjects are going to be harder than others, some people naturally suck at some subjects no matter how intelligent they are and you should be allowed to grow at your own pace. I think they are setting themselves up for failure and this is why: Let's say you do improve your grades, you don't even know how much negotiation will take place, perhaps they will say "okay now you can stay out an extra hour" so I think you should sit down with them again and ask them how much negotiation will get you before you work for it. Also, if your grades slip while you're given more freedom and it's genuinely because it was simply a harder exam, they may think whoever you're with is a bad influence or they've given you too much freedom and take it away from you again. Psychological fact: Over protective parents are more likely to raise rebellious children.

 

 

 

As for computer games, so long as all your homework has been completed and you have negotiated how much of your assignment you will get done, in my opinion I think you should be rewarded with computer time such as gaming.

 

 

 

Positive parenting ftw - more parents should invest their time in looking up the facts and results that their parenting style promotes.

 

 

 

Enter negotiation again and be intelligent about it: "If you stop criticizing my efforts and start praising me for the hard work that I have tried, then that will encourage me to do better in school. When I get above average (a B-B+) and you tell me to get better grades, it makes me feel like you don't care how hard I tried and then I feel dumb and under-appreciated"

[AceBeam]

Parents like that cheese me off. Play games behind there back, and try get straight A's at the same time. Then lol at them when you succeed.

 

I personally don't care about grades. I play video games all the time, yet I'm still quite intelligent. I've never studied, and average 80, with Math as my lowest mark (I got a 51 2 report cards ago, it scared me a bit, now I'm at 75.). I can do all the stuff in school, I just don't really bother. I started reading at a grade 12 level in grade 3, and now, I read even better. My math mark was only low since I forgot to show my work (which is a [cabbage] requirement in my opinion.). I suppose if I tried, I could get straight A's with 2 or 3 B's.. There are lots of people who can game while overachieving in school, and your parents really need to realize that. The 6:00 curfew has GOT to go. That's incredibly harsh. If it's gonna stay like that, at least demand the right to play video games past that time. Better yet, learn to make flash games. That requires some mental work, and it's pretty fun. You're parents should allow that. Plus you'll have an excuse to play games. (Testing them).

[Deathmath]

Addressing question 1: No they aren't overbearing. Overbearing is when you have a mother like my ex who smothers you and invades your personal space. When you say no, they nag you and keep trying to get their way. For example, if you say no to a slice of cake they ask you another 20 times in different ways to try and get you to take a piece. Or they take over and try to do everything for you and treat you as if you're not independent enough to do it for yourself. He didn't know how to iron, cook, wash his clothes or anything because mother dearest would take over and do it for him. He was a grown man (24 years old) and made him keep the door open when he had a girl in his room. Long story short, the guy had mother issues and that's the correct context of the use "overbearing". (Thanks, I'll edit)

 

 

 

Strict? Sure. I can agree with that. I had been sleeping over friends houses since I was 12/13, when I was 15 I even got to negotiate staying places until midnight on the weekend so long as I told my parents where I was and they knew the people. 6pm is ridiculous in my opinion but parents will always have different opinions to other parents. Of course, and now i'm not in any position to leave the house with medical reasons

 

 

 

I think your grades are fantastic, the average is a C and so by getting a B or B+ then that's above average. Expecting you to be a straight A student is ridiculous in my opinion. Some subjects are going to be harder than others, some people naturally suck at some subjects no matter how intelligent they are and you should be allowed to grow at your own pace. I think they are setting themselves up for failure and this is why: Let's say you do improve your grades, you don't even know how much negotiation will take place, perhaps they will say "okay now you can stay out an extra hour" so I think you should sit down with them again and ask them how much negotiation will get you before you work for it. Also, if your grades slip while you're given more freedom and it's genuinely because it was simply a harder exam, they may think whoever you're with is a bad influence or they've given you too much freedom and take it away from you again. Psychological fact: Over protective parents are more likely to raise rebellious children.

 

Well unfortunately this is how they see it:

 

A - Enough of these along with the right clubs extracurriculars and club works can stop you from ruining yoru life.

 

 

 

B - These realy hurt you and need to be avoided at all costs

 

 

 

C- An ancient artifact from hell these will kill your future and make your work in mcdonalds

 

 

 

As for computer games, so long as all your homework has been completed and you have negotiated how much of your assignment you will get done, in my opinion I think you should be rewarded with computer time such as gaming.

 

 

Positive parenting ftw - more parents should invest their time in looking up the facts and results that their parenting style promotes.

 

 

 

 

Can you further explain why they are setting themselves up?

 

And what is a 'positive parenting style'

 

And they are not overprotective 'they are fighting against my will for my best interest'

 

 

 

Enter negotiation again and be intelligent about it: "If you stop criticizing my efforts and start praising me for the hard work that I have tried, then that will encourage me to do better in school. When I get above average (a B-B+) and you tell me to get better grades, it makes me feel useless and unappreciated"

 

 

 

They refuse to do anything if i blame them for ANYTHING.

 

 

 

If i say anything in this form if _____ then I will _________- they yell at me.

 

 

 

And to the next poster, I was thinking of doing that. Any advice? (And to others, is it a good idea?)

[Tim]

In my eyes, the WORST thing a parent(s) can do is force their child to be the perfect person "They" want. you are you, you should live your life to how you want. If you think your current grades will get you what you want, then thats that, improve? go for it but you shouldn't try to be a pleaser as much as possible. Im the oldest in my family, and after hitting 18 (Legal Aussie Adult) im still not even allowed certain things like staying up to Midnight....."At Home".

 

 

 

The "Burger King" insult though was far too harsh as a parent. Drop-Outs barely make it into such jobs. Dont listen to them on that.

 

 

 

Sport's wise, not all sports are 100% physical, some involve the mental side (no not stabbing people). Since your back is the cause, i'd look for something that doesnt involve alot of back movement, like Archery.

 

 

 

Sum it up, Having parents with high expectations realy DO SUCK, I eventully broke through that and now im trying to move out and considering a name change, all in the name of a fresh start followed by a back-course into University.

[AceBeam]

If by next poster you meant me, being the one posting after Goddess, doing what? The game while overachieving, or flash game making?

[Deathmath]

Back-course?

 

 

 

Ooh, archer. That's still 6months tho, just cause i can't pull harder than 5 pounds :(

 

 

 

It's one of those things, as soon as my parents have served their purpose I'm outta here.

 

 

 

Playing the game with my parents, and yes it's you Ace, sorry for not being more specific.

 

 

 

They wouldn't allow flash gaming; it doesn't go on a transcript, better off spending two hours working on math.

[Orpheus]

There is the nuclear option, to destroy both of them, but that won't work.

 

 

 

Your parents are certainly strict, since how long have they been doing this, and are any of them alcoholics/drug addicts?

 

 

 

There is another nuclear option: fail just one assignment and tell them to be thankful that you're passing your courses. Another would to be writing an extreme letter full of bull [cabbage] you shouldn't have done, and put a PS saying you're over at a friend's house.

[Deathmath]

There is the nuclear option, to destroy both of them, but that won't work.

 

 

 

Your parents are certainly strict, since how long have they been doing this, and are any of them alcoholics/drug addicts?

 

Forever and no

[Orpheus]

There is the nuclear option, to destroy both of them, but that won't work.

 

 

 

Your parents are certainly strict, since how long have they been doing this, and are any of them alcoholics/drug addicts?

 

Forever and no

 

 

 

I'd try to get some outside help, since this looks like a battle you might not win sadly.

[Deathmath]

There is the nuclear option, to destroy both of them, but that won't work.

 

 

 

Your parents are certainly strict, since how long have they been doing this, and are any of them alcoholics/drug addicts?

 

Forever and no

 

 

 

I'd try to get some outside help, since this looks like a battle you might not win sadly.

 

 

 

From who? (just an example or two)

[Orpheus]

There is the nuclear option, to destroy both of them, but that won't work.

 

 

 

Your parents are certainly strict, since how long have they been doing this, and are any of them alcoholics/drug addicts?

 

Forever and no

 

 

 

I'd try to get some outside help, since this looks like a battle you might not win sadly.

 

 

 

From who? (just an example or two)

 

 

 

That advisor should do the trick, or even just get a teacher or counselor to talk to them telling them that all work/no play, which is what your parents are apparently forcing on you, is going to destroy you in the end.