Help With A Really Strict Parent

[IGoddessI]

emotional abuse, intimidation, social isolation are all parts of domestic violence.

 

 

 

I think you should talk to your school counsellor and arrange to have a meeting :D

[Kirudaymi]

I have two friends who are both in situations that are sort of similar to yours.. One of them has a dad who is an ex-policeman, so he won't allow her to use msn/facebook/myspace incase of paedophiles, and is very strict about her grades - won't allow her to go out with her friends unless she has done her homework/improved her grades etc. (She goes out anyway, regardless of her parents wishes.) The other comes from a very Christian background, and is not allowed to go out with a group of us (girls) if any boys are involved. She is also not allowed to go to any sleepovers, but her mother lets her go to various Christian youth camps. She doesn't rebel against the decision, but rather just accepts it.

 

 

 

Both are almost fourteen years old, but because the first one is now almost permanently grounded and under constant supervision (her dad tracks her phone), I wouldn't recommend rebelling against your parents because it just causes more trouble. Apart from just trying to stick it out until you're eighteen and can move away, you could just keep trying to negotiate/tell them your feelings. :?

[IGoddessI]

Good lord: They said: you haven't done anything in the recent past to deserve praise.

 

 

 

Keep turning it on them and don't let them disrespect you like that, even if they are your parents. It can damage your self-esteem and confidence so make sure you do stand up for yourself but don't be aggressive about it.

 

 

 

"And what about encouragement? You've never given me any and you actually don't need a reason to encourage your kids. Parents who don't encourage their kids ruin their kids self esteem - it's a real psychological fact, I suggest you look it up"

 

 

 

And please arrange a meeting between you, the school counsellor and your parents. They need a reality check, bloody morons.

 

 

 

What they just said is bordering emotional abuse.

[Roseiah]

I'm the only girl with three older brothers, my parents used to be quite overbearing. Do they ever let you out after curfew? Whenever they do so, tell them a specific time you are expected home and always come home earlier. It worked for me, they would always call me constantly to check up on me so I told them where I was going when I went out, what time I was expected home, and then if we went somewhere different I always text them to say this is where I'm going. After a while, and we are talking a few months, they just trusted me, they had no reason not to, and now I am allowed out whenever I want to til whatever time, and have total control and so much freedom, I don't have a set time to come home, just an expected time. Just behave yourself and they should learn to trust you in time.

 

 

 

About your grades you are obviously very clever, and your parents don't seem to recognise this. But then again, I sort of wish my parents pushed me a bit harder, I always got B's with ease, but maybe if they had of pushed me that bit further I would of got straight A's constantly instead of just in the classes I enjoyed. You will thank your parents in the long run, but they need to get the balance right between work and having a social life. I would say talk to them, but it never worked with mine, and don't rebel, they will just keep you on a tighter leash and when your older and have grown out of it, the freedom that you need won't be allowed.

 

 

 

A good way is to get them to hear you have a conversation on the phone with your friend about how your parents are driving you mad with having no freedom and that you aren't going to do nothing stupid but your relationship with them is suffering because they don't trust you. Hearing it from you might make them think. On the other hand it could cause a shouting match.

 

 

 

Hope it works out for you in the end.

[IGoddessI]

I just snuck out the back door and did it anyway...... :?

[thestig0]

If getting a lot of A's and one B in subjects two years higher than normal means that you haven't done anything to deserve freedom, that's complete rubbish.

 

 

 

Your parents obviously did well in school, so just tell them that you want to do well but you don't want to become exact copies of them, because by the sounds of it, they might cane you for not becoming Veladictorian... I don't mean to scare you with that or anything.

[lv3god]

Threaten suicide, say that all the stress isn't worth living for, that'll [bleep] em.

[Furah]

NOTE: I tried posting this about 19 hours ago, but it wouldn't let me load any Tip.it pages until now

 

 

 

Come to Australia with me, Hiroki and Goddess. :

 

 

 

You forgot me, I'm pretty much a local near you. :lol:

 

 

 

 

 

Deathmath, I would try to slowly work less and less with school and just pretty much stop talking, also perform slightly worse at school. Eventually they will talk about that, tell them that you are feeling so pressured by them, that you feel like you have failed and won't be abel to live upto their standards and are going to just give up trying. Hopefully it will work for you, and I really wish I could help you out. I don't know what it's like as at 16 my parents removed my curfew and haven't cared that I've gone out with friends and not mentioned a thing (now that we have moved I need a lift to the bus stop, so now they always know.)

[OnIIx]

Sorta like my mum

 

Had to be home at 5-6pm on School nights, but bed at 9-10. Fine for me tho.

 

But wasn't allowed doing an all-nighter in town on Friday, well I just complained.

 

 

 

I had to go to bed at 9pm because I was doing bad. I said all my friends go to bed later blah blah told her I hate myself and I am rejected blah blah. Worked. Now I stay till 11:45pm max on school nights and fail most subjects :l Some... reason my teachers put me in the highest classes still lol idc

 

 

 

What time do you have to go to sleep, I mean if BED time is at 6...

 

 

 

Trust me don't do anything stupid I sorta hung around the wrong crowds and bad stuff happened (got into a habit of wagging and still trying to break, sure its fun at the time then the teachers ask you a good question and your clueless :( ), don't do that to get away from them or drinking/smoking that just stupid.

 

 

 

Say E.G. 'Hey mum. just to let you know, whats the RAM timings in an average piece of DDR3 1600MHz Running in tripple channel, bet ya don't know? Well I want to do stuff like that when I'm older, I like Computers, and I get good grades in Computing, who cares if I fail all other subjects? Flipping burgers? Look at my grades in Computing. Sorry but I'm doing good and I don't give a **** no more'.

 

 

 

And no sleepovers? Wow I had my first one at age 7 I think.

 

 

 

Best come back 'Hey, I achieved at a B (above average) on a class I'm 2 Years ahead of! So an A if I was 1 year ahead, and your punishing me? What?'

 

 

 

But wow, C++ 2 years ahead

 

That's amazing, and got a link for Programming tips? Cheers.

 

 

 

Good luck, don't be rebellious till last chance, try and be smart first and prove them wrong, get A's and see if you can stay up later, and say if I'm 2 years ahead, I'm obviously not in a class with [developmentally delayed]ed people, so you can trust us...

[i_love_burritos]

Deathmath, I would try to slowly work less and less with school and just pretty much stop talking, also perform slightly worse at school.

 

 

 

This is by far the most nonsensical and unhelpful sentiment on this thread. Why wait for them to notice something, don't coerce them into action, especially at the risk of your grades. You should take the imperative and sincerely ask them for some leeway. If the flat out refuse, I do see this mild form of [] and you should go see your school counselour.

 

 

 

Eventually they will talk about that, tell them that you are feeling so pressured by them, that you feel like you have failed and won't be abel to live upto their standards and are going to just give up trying.

 

 

 

No. Don't even pretend to do this. One lie you tell will spawn a thousand more. Remember if this becomes a routine habit of lying it will become your character, don't let it happen. If you truly do feel saddend, talk to them on a personal one-to-one basis. Don't give them any reason to not believe you.

 

 

 

I do believe that no sleepovers is very harsh, especially in your freshman year, set individual goals and targets that will force them to accept what you say. For example, if I don't recieve *this* much in *that* test, I won't do *this*, however if I am succesful I will do *this*.

 

 

 

But wow, C++ 2 years ahead

 

That's amazing, and got a link for Programming tips? Cheers.

 

 

 

Lastly. This.

[Lenticular_J]

Do extremely good. And then, graduate and become the President. But don't let them do whatever they want. Be completely anti-nepotism. Only 40 years, and you'll have your revenge. It will taste sweet.

[Furah]

Deathmath, I would try to slowly work less and less with school and just pretty much stop talking, also perform slightly worse at school.

 

 

 

This is by far the most nonsensical and unhelpful sentiment on this thread. Why wait for them to notice something, don't coerce them into action, especially at the risk of your grades. You should take the imperative and sincerely ask them for some leeway. If the flat out refuse, I do see this mild form of [] and you should go see your school counselour.

 

 

 

Eventually they will talk about that, tell them that you are feeling so pressured by them, that you feel like you have failed and won't be abel to live upto their standards and are going to just give up trying.

 

 

 

No. Don't even pretend to do this. One lie you tell will spawn a thousand more. Remember if this becomes a routine habit of lying it will become your character, don't let it happen. If you truly do feel saddend, talk to them on a personal one-to-one basis. Don't give them any reason to not believe you.

 

 

 

I do believe that no sleepovers is very harsh, especially in your freshman year, set individual goals and targets that will force them to accept what you say. For example, if I don't recieve *this* much in *that* test, I won't do *this*, however if I am succesful I will do *this*.

 

 

 

But wow, C++ 2 years ahead

 

That's amazing, and got a link for Programming tips? Cheers.

 

 

 

Lastly. This.

 

 

 

Had to change it to something I could stand seeing, but I am not meaning statr getting D's and E's, but start getting B's, seeing as his parents were concerned about him getting one B.

[Deathmath]

Do extremely good. And then, graduate and become the President. But don't let them do whatever they want. Be completely anti-nepotism. Only 40 years, and you'll have your revenge. It will taste sweet.

 

 

 

What I'm gonna do :)

[user1991]

Necessary? Elaborate in that case. And i'll try to negotiate. (just tried to and they yelled at me saying that because I don't have all A's I can't possibly care. :wall:

 

 

 

If negotiation fails, its time for hardball.

 

 

 

If you ask politely and they still don't stop with their ridiculous rules, tell them that unless they give you more freedom, you're going to deliberately fail all of your classes.

[Flodder450]

Tell 'em to [bleep] off

 

 

 

or just have a nice conversation and tell to them what's on your mind :

[Mollerz]

Next time something happens, come here, post it. I'll tell you exactly what to do. If it doesn't work I have back ups.

[Nadril]

Necessary? Elaborate in that case. And i'll try to negotiate. (just tried to and they yelled at me saying that because I don't have all A's I can't possibly care. :wall:

 

 

 

If negotiation fails, its time for hardball.

 

 

 

If you ask politely and they still don't stop with their ridiculous rules, tell them that unless they give you more freedom, you're going to deliberately fail all of your classes.

 

 

 

That's stupid. The point here is to prove he can do the work and still have a life, not threaten them to do bad for yourself. If he wants to play hardball then he should just stay out later than usual or just not listen to them, while still doing good in school.

 

 

 

 

 

Had to change it to something I could stand seeing, but I am not meaning statr getting D's and E's, but start getting B's, seeing as his parents were concerned about him getting one B.

 

 

 

He shouldn't hurt himself to prove a point.

[famfrit007]

Oh Jesus...I have the same problem as you.

 

I got 2 c's straight this year, and my parents restricted my stuff entirely, such as only playing video games on the weekend, going out with my friends, and some other things. If I do get a c again I'm losing my phone and iPod privileges too -.-..

 

 

 

The reason my parents use to punish me...which is pathetic btw, is because I'm below my usual performance at school. Normally I get a's and b's, but they take a c like if it's an f.

 

 

 

Probably the same situation with your parents; you perform so well and suddenly you lose it.

 

Are you the oldest child? If so then your parents are just as new to this high school thing as you are. They may be trying to head off anything 'bad' because they've heard horror stories about what kids get up to these days.

 

 

 

If you're not, well, either way it's a bit over-protective (6:00 curfew is lame) but it'll get better. Your grades aren't going to remain straight A's, and they'll figure that out eventually and let you live a little.

 

 

 

Oh yes, that's something they worry about a lot..just like in my case.

 

To sum it all up, if you have always performed well in school, they expect that you keep it that way...which is utter bull.

 

Btw I gots an 7 year old pc too so stop complaining -.-...

 

 

 

Also 6 P.M. curfew, ok I'm definetly assuming you're the oldest or the only child because they never been treating my little bro like they did to me.

 

(overprotection ftl)

Necessary? Elaborate in that case. And i'll try to negotiate. (just tried to and they yelled at me saying that because I don't have all A's I can't possibly care. :wall:

 

 

 

If negotiation fails, its time for hardball.

 

 

 

If you ask politely and they still don't stop with their ridiculous rules, tell them that unless they give you more freedom, you're going to deliberately fail all of your classes.

 

 

 

That's stupid. The point here is to prove he can do the work and still have a life, not threaten them to do bad for yourself. If he wants to play hardball then he should just stay out later than usual or just not listen to them, while still doing good in school.

 

Speaking from experience, that is so true.

 

Just bear the time you have with your parents, then you'll have freedom

[xSxqPowerx]

That is pretty harsh...

 

If you don't have any freedom now you're just not going to have any life experience for when you are on your own.

 

 

 

However, I agree with them on the marks. Straight A's isn't as hard as people make it sound. I've never gotten a final mark lower than an A in 4 years of highschool... even if I don't always put full effort into school. It really does matter though, if I didn't have good marks I wouldn't be going into the university program that I want to.

[Lenin64]

That is pretty harsh...

 

If you don't have any freedom now you're just not going to have any life experience for when you are on your own.

 

 

 

However, I agree with them on the marks. Straight A's isn't as hard as people make it sound. I've never gotten a final mark lower than an A in 4 years of highschool... even if I don't always put full effort into school. It really does matter though, if I didn't have good marks I wouldn't be going into the university program that I want to.

 

What kind of classes were you taking? Because I'm barely pulling a B in AP English. And I'm...well, me. But whatever.

 

 

 

OT: The only thing I can think of involves a shovel, some sticks, and leaf cover. Then present the deer carcass to them as sacrifice. Or something.

[LawrenceHoward]

Wow dude, i'm really sorry :-# .

 

But honestly, you DO need to stand up to them, if they're being unfair, tell them.

 

 

 

I did that with my parents (6th grade, mind you) and ever since then they've realized (more and more) that i'm not a kid anymore.

 

 

 

And i stand up to them alot :thumbsup: just go for it. No offense but at this point you have nothing to lose.

[ember3579]

Wow dude, i'm really sorry :-# .

 

But honestly, you DO need to stand up to them, if they're being unfair, tell them.

 

 

 

I did that with my parents (6th grade, mind you) and ever since then they've realized (more and more) that i'm not a kid anymore.

 

 

 

And i stand up to them alot :thumbsup: just go for it. No offense but at this point you have nothing to lose.

 

 

 

 

 

What he has to lose is 3 years plus of freedom. He's still a freshman. Which is PRECISELY why I say bring in a counselor or other respected authority figure before you start playing hardball.

[doomy]

2 B's and that happens, jesus christ, there are people who would be proud of getting a single B.

 

 

 

I'm glad my parents arn't harsh like that.

 

 

 

Its been said many times, but negotiation is really the only sort of thing I think you could do, I mean, you really don't want your parents to think you hate them. Just keep calm while talking to em. If they bring up that "flipping burgers at BK" thing just point out that you'd still have almost straight A's anyway.

 

I mean 6.00pm curfew is a bit crazy.

 

 

 

Maybe show them this thread? It might help.

[ember3579]

2 B's and that happens, jesus christ, there are people who would be proud of getting a single B.

 

 

 

I'm glad my parents arn't harsh like that.

 

 

 

Its been said many times, but negotiation is really the only sort of thing I think you could do, I mean, you really don't want your parents to think you hate them. Just keep calm while talking to em. If they bring up that "flipping burgers at BK" thing just point out that you'd still have almost straight A's anyway.

 

I mean 6.00pm curfew is a bit crazy.

 

 

 

Maybe show them this thread? It might help.

 

 

 

 

 

You want him to show his neurotic, possibly psychotic parents this thread? Do you have HOLES for eyes? Read the whole thing again and tell me how you think it would turn out. -.-

 

 

 

Negotiation should be attempted first of all, I think that was already covered. Once that is passed, you can try bringing in some outside assistance, like a counselor or something of a similar standing. If by some chance it goes past that, well, my only suggestions would be some sort of rebellion, because obviously they are incapable of listening to reason. Perhaps if they learned first hand what sh@# they're pulling, they might actually take the hint. Just keep cranking it up GRADUALLY until something gives. Just be able to recognize when enough's enough. That should prove you better than your parents, at least.

[Tim_Finch]

No matter what your decision is, try not to lose your relationship with your parents (whatever relationship you have). This is a very important factor in my eyes. Not that you shouldn't be assertive, or aggressive if you have to, but regardless of the emotional abuse you should try not to make them your enemy.

 

 

 

That aside, you should attack every one of their ridiculous arguments with a well thought out response, supported with facts. Take some time off to thoroughly think through what you will say, and make sure you have a response to each argument. Make sure to point out the fact that you're a freshmen taking what, junior and senior level classes? And getting A's and B's? For god's sake, these are the grades of a future aerospace engineer! You have enough academic competence, let them know that social interaction is essential to be a normal person! What happens when you want to get a job? Will you have to tell your boss you can only work an hour a day because you have a 6:00 curfew? Make sure to tell them that 4 hours of solid studying per day won't compensate for your moral deprivation.

 

 

 

Ask them to give you one chance to prove that you can sustain these obviously excellent grades while having a social life. Try to ask it in a way that doesn't sound like you're trying to tyrannize them, as it seems they don't react well to you sounding like an independent person who can make his own decisions.

 

 

 

It's difficult for me to say exactly what I mean, but basically attack each of their excuses and explain why they're wrong, and use as much logic as you can. Think about what you would say beforehand if you need to. Make sure you don't let one excuse slip by, as I'm more than confident you counter them pretty easily.

 

 

 

If they really are so ridiculously unreasonable that there is no way for you to talk to them, do not hesitate to get the help of a councilor or other authority. They are unfairly and wrongly robbing you of what should be the best years of your life. And don't forget to tell them that as well.