Granted. The only thing is, you can only play that well while your asleep...in your dreams.

 

I wish I could play the bagpipe better.

Granted, you get a magical bagpipe you can never stop playing. Ever.

 

I wish I could browse the Internet with my mind. Then I'd use that ability to win in a quiz show.

Granted. The only problem is, you become one with the internet, both vaporizing your body and corrupting you mind, and you just don't care about winning a quiz show, you wanna take over the world.

 

I wish I had a new ipod touch that had free wifi wherever I go.

Granted, the screen is broken. But you can still have a free wifi wherever you go.

 

I wish for a dragon dog.

Granted. It's still a puppy.

 

Holy [cabbage] you really had no idea how much responsibility such a wish entails. Responsibility, and burn wounds.

 

Once again I'll take the Kyubey Wish route.

 

Sis puella magi! ／人 ◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

[hide]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXljGObqZ7g&feature=related&autoplay=1[/hide]

Granted, you become that white cat and don't like it at all.

 

I wish I could chat to Michael Buckley on Skype and he would always be willing to chat to me. I also wish he's a big fan of my videos.

Granted. He becomes obsessed with you and you start trying to avoid him.

 

I wish I could control people's minds.

Granted. Everyone starts wearing tinfoil hats

 

I wish you won't corrupt my wish

Sorry, it doesn't work like that.

 

I wish the nightmares I'm having would just go away.

Granted. You never dream again.

 

I wish people knew the references others were making.

Granted. They already do and don't appreciate the attention whoring

 

I wish the cut on my tongue would heal

Granted, your tongue heals, but in doing so, all the taste buds have died. You can never taste again.

 

I wish I would stop playing rs late at night and go to sleep.

Granted, you get bone cancer

 

I wish I could type faster

Granted. You type 1 wpm faster than you did before.

 

I wish everything was enjoyable.

Granted, it's enjoyable, but it kills you in minutes

 

I wish that only good things could happen

Granted, human nature is ruined.

 

By the way, killing me isn't corrupting my wish. Death would still be enjoyable. So I rewish for everything to be enjoyable.

People have different ideas of what is enjoyable, in this case a maniac finds this sort of thing enjoyable.

 

You are led into a small room with a tight chain around your neck, your legs are shackled and your neck aches from the thick metal clamp around it. You're thrown into the room of the faceless man and he pulls out a long thin knife which he uses to cut out your eyelids, he then takes a large 120 lumen torch and puts it at your eyes blinding you and hurting you.

He then pours lemon juice on you and it sears through, burning your cut eyes and saw neck. As you are drenched in the shower of lemon he begins making tiny incisions in you with his small knife.

After that he gets an iron and starts burning you with it, cauterizing the 2 inch cuts all over your body as he calls you abusive names etc.

 

I wish to eat some nice untainted-chocolate pancakes without choking in a nice resturant with many friendly people around.

and then a suicide bomber

 

I wish that pumpkins were orange

You see a green unripe pumpkin and began painting it orange, little do you know that a man is watching you from the woods furiously doing business in the woods and watching you from his binoculours. He lets out a large yelp as the final brown turd drops out of his bottom and you turn around to see him pulling out a gun.

The man shoots you in the leg and you fall the the floor and the hot lead burns through your thigh. From your watering eyes you just make out a trouserless and pantless man charging at you in full pelt, donning a green anorak and thick beard. The man gets closer to you and he sticks his finger into your hole and pulls out the bullet.

The man then puts on his clown mask and starts wiping him unwiped bottom on your, the fat hairy cheeks rubbing on your nose. And then you find out that your parents have divorced and he is your new father who absoloutely hates ripe fruit to a point that he is willing to rape people to prove his point (but he gets away with it because he's so hilarious).

Anyway, every friday you see a clown peering through your window.

 

I wish for a massive watermelon.

Granted, it crushes you

 

I wish that everything was perfect

Everything is perfect, in the eyes of the crazy-clown rapist who takes you into his shed and uses you as a sex slave and toilet wipe. You're shackled to a wall of the shed and forced to gag on a pair of soiled (and by that I mean doused in brown) pants as he rubs his hairy arse all over you wearing a clown-mask.

 

I wish that I was president of the US of A

Granted, the country goes to [cabbage] and you get assassinated

 

I wish I never made any mistakes

Granted, you stop encouraging Resistance.

 

I wish I hadn't read the last few [bleep]ing posts.

Granted. Instead you read the other thousands of posts before them.

 

I wish I had a soft pretzel right now.

Granted, you choke on it

 

I wish my headache would go away