Prenuptial Agreements

[Althalus]

So I haven't started a topic in a very long time and I thought this would be an interesting discussion. At work yesterday I had a very interesting debate with a few of my co-workers (I know you're not supposed to talk about heated issues at work but it was a friendly debate and everyone was cool about it).

 

The debate was about prenuptial agreements which some people sign prior to marriage to protect their. assets in case anything went wrong during the marriage and it ultimately ended in divorce.

 

One of my co-workers and myself agreed that prenups were just "marriage insurance" in that you have it just in case but you don't think you'll need it. IT's similar to other types of insurance (e.g. car, house, etc).

 

Another group of co-workers thought it was starting the marriage with a sense of mis-trust and it would be put a strain on the relationship from the start. Also, they were under the impression that any problem that arose during marriage could be resolved.

 

I made a note that if a pre-nup is marriage insurance it's just like other insurance. You don't buy a car with the intent of crashing it but you know it may happen. Also, you don't buy a house with the intent of lighting it on fire but accidents happen. A pre-nup is exactly the same. We can't predict what a person will be like 5, 10, or 20 years from the time you get married and people change. That changed person may hate you and is hell-bent on screwing you over in a divorce.

 

My pro-prenup stance comes from my personal experiences with my family. When my parents separated my dad was doing worse off than my mom and he tried (and failed, thankfully) to take advantage of her success.

 

So what are you thoughts on the matter? Could you suggest a pre-nup to a future spouse (should you choose to get married) and they wouldn't be offended? Would you be offended if your fiance asked you to sign a pre-nup?

[Skeptical]

I would certainly want a pre-nuptial agreement: if you're sure that you love this person, and you aren't pursuing them for wealth or other personal gain, then why refuse?

 

I can see it being misinterpreted as not trusting your partner though.

[PereGrin]

Asking someone to sign a pre-nup is kind of like saying, i don't trust you at all, so im gonna make sure you behave. But hey, it let Tiger keep his wife for a few more years at the cost of.......alot of money. If you dont think you are gonna like them after you have known them for 10 years, then why the hell are you marrying them?

[Abc1230]

Never mind :twss:

[Romy]

Asking someone to sign a pre-nup is kind of like saying, i don't trust you at all, so im gonna make sure you behave. But hey, it let Tiger keep his wife for a few more years at the cost of.......alot of money. If you dont think you are gonna like them after you have known them for 10 years, then why the hell are you marrying them?

 

It's not a form of saying "I don't trust you at all", it's a form of saying "I know we love each other right now, and the future seems bright, but we don't know what people will wake up in our bed in 5-20 years, so it's best to make sure that even if these people are not the ones we want them to be, they're not going to give a hard time to each other."

 

 

'Tleast that's the way I see it.

[Giordano]

If you have these doubts then you shouldn't be married in the first place.

 

Society today doesn't see marriage as it should be. It's not an "extended relationship" it's...something a lot more than that, I don't know how to explain it. <_<

[Abc1230]

If you have these doubts then you shouldn't be married in the first place.

 

Society today doesn't see marriage as it should be. It's not an "extended relationship" it's...something a lot more than that, I don't know how to explain it. <_<

It lets you [bleep] a [bleep] without god getting mad at you :rolleyes:

[Saru Inc]

(I know you're not supposed to talk about heated issues at work but it was a friendly debate and everyone was cool about it).

 

 

Whats the point of this sentence? It seems like you don't want to be flamed for talking about it at work...?

 

 

Anyways, dude I have basically the same thoughts. And if you're rich and marrying a very poor person, they might, as comical as it sounds indeed be a gold digger. You don't intend to divorce, after all you LOVE them, no one thinks of divorce at marriage (except gold diggers L O L) but it happens, a lot unfortunately.

[Sy_Accursed]

It entirely depends on the status of people involved and your value.

 

If one of you is like rich and/or famous and the other is not I see the need for a pre-nup as it discourages gold digging and it'd hardly be fair for say you to be worth £50m marry someone with no money then u get divorced and have to give them £25m

[Skeptical]

If you have these doubts then you shouldn't be married in the first place.

 

Society today doesn't see marriage as it should be. It's not an "extended relationship" it's...something a lot more than that, I don't know how to explain it. <_<

 

And why should marriage, a social construct created by society, be defined by anything but it's creators?

 

It's just a tool to be employed when useful and it's definition altered at will.

[Saru Inc]

If you have these doubts then you shouldn't be married in the first place.

 

Society today doesn't see marriage as it should be. It's not an "extended relationship" it's...something a lot more than that, I don't know how to explain it. <_<

 

And why should marriage, a social construct created by society, be defined by anything but it's creators?

 

It's just a tool to be employed when useful and it's definition altered at will.

 

Is this sarcasm? Wtf? Marriage is an institution, a law.

[Sy_Accursed]

If you have these doubts then you shouldn't be married in the first place.

 

Society today doesn't see marriage as it should be. It's not an "extended relationship" it's...something a lot more than that, I don't know how to explain it. <_<

 

And why should marriage, a social construct created by society, be defined by anything but it's creators?

 

It's just a tool to be employed when useful and it's definition altered at will.

 

Indeed for most these days marriage is nothing really to do with sanctifying love in the eyes of their god(s), but simply a social norm and a legal necessity in terms of tax, next of kin etc.

[Rainy_Day]

Prenuptial Agreements make sense in today's society. But really that could be fixed by people not jumping into marriage left right and center. Marriage is meant to be you spending the rest of your life with someone, but these days marriages are lucky to alst a year, 2 years, 3 years, before divorce becomes an option after a couple cannot work something out. With marriages breaking down as often as they do, prenuptial agreements merely help to insure that no one is 'taken to the cleaners'. I would certainly consider it, then again, if I get married I would like to hope it would be someone I would spend the rest of my life with (and would have spent enough time with them before that to realise such).

[magekillr]

If I ever get married, I will absolutely be signing one, even if she makes more money than me or has more of a net-worth. It's not a trust issue, it's protecting yourself.

 

I'm going to quote romy because she put it better than I could:

 

It's not a form of saying "I don't trust you at all", it's a form of saying "I know we love each other right now, and the future seems bright, but we don't know what people will wake up in our bed in 5-20 years, so it's best to make sure that even if these people are not the ones we want them to be, they're not going to give a hard time to each other."

[Althalus]

(I know you're not supposed to talk about heated issues at work but it was a friendly debate and everyone was cool about it).

 

]Whats the point of this sentence? Anyways, dude I have basically the same thoughts. And if you're rich and marrying a very poor person, they might, as comical as it sounds indeed be a gold digger. You don't intend to divorce, after all you LOVE them, no one thinks of divorce at marriage (except gold diggers L O L) but it happens, a lot unfortunately.

 

When I first started working at an office I had a conversation with my mom about avoiding any conversation about religion, politics or any other controversial issues that people feel strongly about because it can lead to uncomfortable situations. I just added it because I thought of that conversation at the time.

[Giordano]

If you have these doubts then you shouldn't be married in the first place.

 

Society today doesn't see marriage as it should be. It's not an "extended relationship" it's...something a lot more than that, I don't know how to explain it. <_<

 

And why should marriage, a social construct created by society, be defined by anything but it's creators?

 

It's just a tool to be employed when useful and it's definition altered at will.

Because the kids (if they have kids) will suffer from a divorce. Not only that, but you're breaking your promise.

 

There's nothing more in the world that ticks me off than divorced parents.

[magekillr]

If you have these doubts then you shouldn't be married in the first place.

 

Society today doesn't see marriage as it should be. It's not an "extended relationship" it's...something a lot more than that, I don't know how to explain it. <_<

 

And why should marriage, a social construct created by society, be defined by anything but it's creators?

 

It's just a tool to be employed when useful and it's definition altered at will.

Because the kids (if they have kids) will suffer from a divorce. Not only that, but you're breaking your promise.

 

There's nothing more in the world that ticks me off than divorced parents.

 

As a child of a mother who divorced her first husband, I completely disagree. Her relationship with my step-father isn't really a good one, and personally I wish they divorced. You don't think forcing each other to stay together "for the sake of the children" could have a reverse effect? I think it's more damaging for a child to grow up in a broken home with parents who don't love each other than it is for them to divorce.

[Romy]

If you have these doubts then you shouldn't be married in the first place.

 

Society today doesn't see marriage as it should be. It's not an "extended relationship" it's...something a lot more than that, I don't know how to explain it. <_<

 

And why should marriage, a social construct created by society, be defined by anything but it's creators?

 

It's just a tool to be employed when useful and it's definition altered at will.

Because the kids (if they have kids) will suffer from a divorce. Not only that, but you're breaking your promise.

 

There's nothing more in the world that ticks me off than divorced parents.

 

As a child of a mother who divorced her first husband, I completely disagree. Her relationship with my step-father isn't really a good one, and personally I wish they divorced. You don't think forcing each other to stay together "for the sake of the children" could have a reverse effect? I think it's more damaging for a child to grow up in a broken home with parents who don't love each other than it is for them to divorce.

 

 

That really depends. I don't think you can just make those statements in general, each case individually could have a (very) different result.

[Sy_Accursed]

If you have these doubts then you shouldn't be married in the first place.

 

Society today doesn't see marriage as it should be. It's not an "extended relationship" it's...something a lot more than that, I don't know how to explain it. <_<

 

And why should marriage, a social construct created by society, be defined by anything but it's creators?

 

It's just a tool to be employed when useful and it's definition altered at will.

Because the kids (if they have kids) will suffer from a divorce. Not only that, but you're breaking your promise.

 

There's nothing more in the world that ticks me off than divorced parents.

 

As a child of a mother who divorced her first husband, I completely disagree. Her relationship with my step-father isn't really a good one, and personally I wish they divorced. You don't think forcing each other to stay together "for the sake of the children" could have a reverse effect? I think it's more damaging for a child to grow up in a broken home with parents who don't love each other than it is for them to divorce.

 

I agree "stay together for the kids" seems like such an American view, its not such a big deal in the UK I find and things seem better for it.

 

Yes myself and loads of people I know have divorced parents, but most of the parents can stand to be in the same room and even if not they have two happy loving parents and are fine. Opposed to some Americans I know where the parents are "together for the kids" and persistently argue and create a bad vibe in the house and the kids pick up on it and hate it and it upsets them or makes them angry, especially when they get put in the middle and made the reason for this arguing to continue, some even became depressed and suicidal. One even ran away to remove the parents reason for staying together.

[RpgGamer]

my vote goes to marriage insurance, as a "just in case". But I would never in a million years say "hey, lets get a prenup". Because that can only start trouble. if she suggests it though? I'm down.

[Buzzcut3]

I'm no expert on prenups, but if it makes a divorce much easier, in today's society with a 50% some divorce rate, it seems logical. Although asking for one may seem selfish, you never know how you'll feel in years to come.

[qeltar]

"If you really loved me, you'd be willing to sign this".

 

"If *you* really loved *me*, you wouldn't ask me to sign it".

 

Sums it up for me.

 

That said, there are special cases where it may well make sense, such as remarriages with children, etc.

[Lateralus]

I don't particularly believe in marriage, and the only time I would get married is if a woman I wanted to stay with demanded it. In that case I'd certainly get a prenup. Not getting a prenup might be seen as romantic or optimistic, but really it's just stupid.

 

As for the divorced parents remark earlier, what an idiotic thing to say.

[obfuscator]

Some would say that prenups make sense - the "insurance" comparison amused me.

 

The bottom line is that people don't realize what they are getting into, and don't want to trust the other person.

 

"you don't know what the other person will be like in 20 years". No, you don't....but when you say "I do" what it means is that it doesn't matter. You are commiting to someone for life, no matter what happens.

 

People these days just take marriage too lightly, one more thing you can just forget about if it isn't working for you.

 

If I ever get married, I will absolutely be signing one, even if she makes more money than me or has more of a net-worth. It's not a trust issue, it's protecting yourself.

 

I'm going to quote romy because she put it better than I could:

 

It's not a form of saying "I don't trust you at all", it's a form of saying "I know we love each other right now, and the future seems bright, but we don't know what people will wake up in our bed in 5-20 years, so it's best to make sure that even if these people are not the ones we want them to be, they're not going to give a hard time to each other."

 

This is exactly a form of saying "I don't trust you". It's like saying: "I know we have some mushy infatuation and great sex at the moment, and I'm cool with staying with you as long as that keeps up, but some day you might turn into a huge [bleep] in which case I'll bail on you because I'm not having fun anymore, and so lets sign a prenup so you can't take all my money, because I definitely couldn't live without it".

[Romy]

Some would say that prenups make sense - the "insurance" comparison amused me.

 

The bottom line is that people don't realize what they are getting into, and don't want to trust the other person.

 

"you don't know what the other person will be like in 20 years". No, you don't....but when you say "I do" what it means is that it doesn't matter. You are commiting to someone for life, no matter what happens.

 

People these days just take marriage too lightly, one more thing you can just forget about if it isn't working for you.

 

If I ever get married, I will absolutely be signing one, even if she makes more money than me or has more of a net-worth. It's not a trust issue, it's protecting yourself.

 

I'm going to quote romy because she put it better than I could:

 

It's not a form of saying "I don't trust you at all", it's a form of saying "I know we love each other right now, and the future seems bright, but we don't know what people will wake up in our bed in 5-20 years, so it's best to make sure that even if these people are not the ones we want them to be, they're not going to give a hard time to each other."

 

This is exactly a form of saying "I don't trust you". It's like saying: "I know we have some mushy infatuation and great sex at the moment, and I'm cool with staying with you as long as that keeps up, but some day you might turn into a huge [bleep] in which case I'll bail on you because I'm not having fun anymore, and so lets sign a prenup so you can't take all my money, because I definitely couldn't live without it".

 

Not really, I've seen too many cases of a loving, trusting couple, becoming each other's nightmare after a few years. A prenup is an insurance in the sense that incase this "accident" happens, the insurance covers for it.