Rough/strict Parents?

[falconice]

Who here has a rough of strict parent?

 

 

 

Though I don't have a basis for comparision, I think I can honestly say that my parents are strict. They use very hurtful language against me and sometimes hit me. They're not drunkards though, and they support my physical needs well. It's just that, I guess, they're not doing me any emotional good. I can't remember the last time I've received any encouragement or praise from them and everytime I do well in a competition , they say that it was luck or everyone I completed with was just stupid/bad.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Basically everytime they get mad at me, it's just for a random reason. I'm used to it though, and I don't reply. If I do reply, it's called "talking back" but if I don't, they end up gibbering on for quite a long time. I don't know what I'm suppose to do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By the way, I'm 15, a sophmore in high school, am taking all honor/pre-AP/AP courses and have a 102.42 GPA. I don't like making assumptions, but I'm probably in the top 3, if not top student in my class of 1,000. I'm of Chinese heritage and I have one older sister that graduated as valectorian one year ago from the same high school I am currently attending. Last year, I won first grand prize in regional science fair and third place in state. I play tennis and I have a lot of supportive friends. By no means do I consider myself a nerd, however, I don't consider myself a prep either. None of my real life friends except one know about this problem of mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That was just some background information. I guess the main point is, do you think my parents are too rough on me? The reason I'm posting this now is because my parents have been acting poorly towards me since Saturday, and quite frankly I'm becoming POed. I'm not going to show them my anger though because I want to walk away from each fight as the better person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And y'all can share your stories about your parents as well. It'd be nice learning about people's lives that we don't normally see. The only reason I feel safe posting this on this forum is because I know that no one I know will read this and plus, I know this is very helpful community. :D

[darkmage099]

After you're 10, I don't believe in physical punishment. They are a little harsh, but you'll thank them later.

[Guest XplsvBam]

Is it the I want the best for you harshness? Sometimes its hard to tell, but children have alot to owe to stubborn parents. But your parents do sound overboard.

[indy500fan]

I didn't read anything in there that would describe your parents as strict. Rough, yes. Strict is something completly different.

[falconice]

I didn't read anything in there that would describe your parents as strict. Rough, yes. Strict is something completly different.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hm.. yeah. I actually typed up this post after writing about what happened today on my xanga. My xanga entry (which I put on private) gives an example of strict, but I'd rather not post it here. So I guess I typed "strict" because I was still thinking about my xanga entry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And to the guy that suggested they just want for me to do my best. Though I agree that that's the case with most parents, I really don't think it's true for mine. For example, I spend hours on my homework and studying, and they get mad at me for that. They say I spending that much time for school everyday since no one else does. I try to explain that that's why I get better grades than everyone else, but I don't think that message has sunken in yet. I think they just have random impulses to get mad at someone. Before my sister left for college, they would always yell at her, rarely at me. Now that she's gone, they've been yelling at me very frequently... :|

[kido14]

Sounds more abusive than strict if you ask me.

[Dragonwizerd]

hmmm... sounds like they either took out their problems on the kids (your sister until she left because she was eldest) or they love you enough to abuse you (just so you're ready for the outside world right?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you may have detected some sarcasim in there... you should have anyways

[moose585]

My parents, arn't rough. They're good parents, they are just rather strict sometimes. :oops: For example.. a year ago when i was 13, me and my freind missed by cerfew on sunday. Which at the time was 9:30.

 

 

 

We came home at 9:45 and my parents totally went off on me. I was grounded for 3 months, and it was terrible. No tv, no computer, no freinds, no girls, no fun, no life. That's strict. :XD:

[stan18]

its actually because your parents are asian. I, too, have asian parents, and my friends and I have established that they are all like that (my school is 15% asian, and the majority shares our view)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

most have a superiority complex that they never admit. Koreans have it worse, though, some 25-50% of korean parents have a very, very poor relationship with their children

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

despite that, though, they are supportive in their strict, unique little way. If you think about it, they have to put up with all the crap we ask of them, although the talking-back thing is really, really annoying when they're PO'ed. Admittedly, my parents are a lot more lax than others, and manage to partially accept me for who I am. I just learn to get on their good side; try to talk to them when they're not annoyed if you want to establish a better relationship

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

canto or mandarin?

[Tigra00]

Must suck having parents that care about you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Trust me, you'll thank them later. They're tough so you'll do good in life (school right now), but they obviously don't know when to stop...If it's really a problem, explain to them that you get it and you do good no matter what, so they should probably stop hitting you. If you do so great in school, they really have no reason to get pissy.

[CubeMage128]

its actually because your parents are asian.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Though that's borderlining racism, I have to agree.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have seen a trend in my asian friends, where most (Not all) say that their parents will beat them for anything less than a 97% in all classes. These kids are far from losers though, they are usually the top of my classes, and are involved in multiple extracurricular activities.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, about the "You'll thank your parents later" saying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I usually agree with the statement, especially if the child is slacking off. However, if the child is excelling in all aspects of life, and the parents are still beating down on them, that's a major problem. Pushing somebody beyond their own limit is healthy, and builds up a person's stamina, but pushing somebody beyond possible standards (into the impossible) is unhealthy, and can only lead to imminent failure, stress, low self esteem, depression, and similar effects.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sadly, these parents are hard to reconcile with, because of their strong beliefs. I really wouldn't know how to make them stop, but if I were you, I would at least voice my opinion and remind them that you're the top of the system, and ask them why they treat you like you're some sort of failure.

[Bloodyrb]

i think its a bit sad that they have to hit you o.0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

they could be a lil less rough on you.

[lawrencekill]

 

its actually because your parents are asian.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Though that's borderlining racism, I have to agree.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have seen a trend in my asian friends, where most (Not all) say that their parents will beat them for anything less than a 97% in all classes. These kids are far from losers though, they are usually the top of my classes, and are involved in multiple extracurricular activities.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now, about the "You'll thank your parents later" saying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I usually agree with the statement, especially if the child is slacking off. However, if the child is excelling in all aspects of life, and the parents are still beating down on them, that's a major problem. Pushing somebody beyond their own limit is healthy, and builds up a person's stamina, but pushing somebody beyond possible standards (into the impossible) is unhealthy, and can only lead to imminent failure, stress, low self esteem, depression, and similar effects.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sadly, these parents are hard to reconcile with, because of their strong beliefs. I really wouldn't know how to make them stop, but if I were you, I would at least voice my opinion and remind them that you're the top of the system, and ask them why they treat you like you're some sort of failure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lol, fear and pressure drives them to accel. You'll thank your parents later does not involve verbally abusing a child who has done nothing wrong, or physically abusing a child for any reason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In my city, I notice that although Asians are smart, they seems to be shy, low self-esteem, and such as cubemage said. Enough is enough. Pushing someone off a cliff won't guarantee that they'll sprout wings and fly away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But if parents really want to do this to their child, they may run away(low self-esteem from verbal and physical abuse usually prevents them from telling others)and completely cut ties with their family, commit suicide (such a waste of a human life, over some number), or reports their parents (low self-esteem helps prevent them from doing so).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Basically parents are trying to create unrealistic machines, and flaws should be able to be corrected in a flash. Like a nerd who has to study all day and now the parents (magically) want him to find friends to hang out with after years of social isolation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's a difference between being pushed off a cliff, or being pushed just far enough to motivate a person to see what's beyond the horizon.

[jemathonical]

That story is pretty sad.

 

 

 

Although, you should thank your parents sometimes.

 

 

 

So your in the top 3 in your class? Thats an awesome achievement, and your parents have prbably strived for you to do your best, even if they are strict.

 

 

 

They are strict because they want you to succeed so that they can be proud of you.

[assassin_696]

You seem like a decent kid, so i'd say yeah, your parents are a little tough on you. I'm sure they think it's in your best interests, but I think that abusive language and physical abuse against your children should only ever be used as a very last resort, which in your case it doesn't seem to be, so I would say (without fully knowing the circumstances) that it's totally unnecessary.

[Futurama]

My parents really loosened up when I got out of high school.

 

 

 

Mum nags a lot, but my dad never really cared about much hahah.

 

 

 

these days they're fine with everything as long as I start learning to drive. which i will soon. :)

 

 

 

mom wants me to get a job, but to be honest theres no point, i'd rather take the days i don't work to write music and do design work...

[falconice]

canto or mandarin?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actually I'm Mandarin Chinese. I was born in the United States and I've actually only been back to Taiwan twice in my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I agree with others that say my parents just want the best for me. They pay for my tennis lessons and make sure I'm well fed. I'm actually in very good physical condition. The point of my post is that I feel like I'm lacking the emotional connection that most children have with their parents. I don't like sterotyping either, but yes, I understand I have asian parents, and yes, I understand that they grew up in a society where only schoolwork and success were important.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To the posts saying that i'll "thank them later in my life", I agree somewhat. I'll thank them for raising me and spending time and money to make me the person I currently am. I'll thank them for the discipline they've given me and helping build my character. What I will NOT thank them for is my drive to succeed. Though they expect, in a manner of speaking, exceptionally high grades out of me, they do nothing to support it. I am the only reason why I do well in school. I am the one that pushes myself to do my best because I already understand something that most people don't. What I do right now is going to shape how well I do in my later life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just wish my parents would stop being so catty to me. I guess if I get into an out-state-college, it should get better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks for all the comments people. I think I've just had a rough week with my tests and quizzes and all that other stress. :

[Bloodstain]

To the people saying "you'll thank them", thank them for what? Certainly not abusing you physically or verbally, thats not the reason he does well, he even pointed out that they get mad cause he does too much school work. He does the work not them

[Boogityboo04]

Bloodstain is right.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For example, I spend hours on my homework and studying, and they get mad at me for that. They say I spending that much time for school everyday since no one else does. I try to explain that that's why I get better grades than everyone else, but I don't think that message has sunken in yet. I think they just have random impulses to get mad at someone. Before my sister left for college, they would always yell at her, rarely at me. Now that she's gone, they've been yelling at me very frequently... :|

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So he should thank them for that? How is telling him he works too much helping him exceed? I have a kid in my class whose Dad takes $200 from him at the beggining of a semester and doesn't give it back unless he gets a 98 or above (he happens to be Korean). I mean, you can't say thats fair....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the physical abuse though, are you bigger than them? At some point you need to just stop letting him hit you, and show him that you have had enough. Don't try to disrespect his authority, just don't let him abuse you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway, my Dad is the sort of person who gets irrationally angry, and will just walk up to me and hit me or yell at me before I have any idea what he is talking about. Usually whatever he is yelling at me about was something that never happened, and I just prove to him beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is wrong, then walk away. He usually doesn't apologize or even talk to me for a few days after I win an argument with him. Some people just can't stand to think that their son could ever be right about anything they thought wrongly.

[Faux]

You know, there's a fine line between being strictly helpful to just being downright abusive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My parents are fair most of the times. It's a friend that has stricter parents. Her mom is alright, but her dad treats her like a kid when she's already 16. Yesterday, he just told her that she's going to some excursion with her brother today. He didn't even bother asking first, just flat out told her that she's going. Fortunately, her mom and her aunt said she shouldn't go because of some of the things that happen in there. I still haven't heard from her since last night, hopefully, she gets to stay home and not forced to go.

[issy2]

My parents are really nice. I can pretty much do what I want, and they treat me and my brother really well, I'm glad to say. But I have to earn my own pocket money...still that's not exactly strict.