Skull

I can't afford anything so I've made a point to not look at all. I got a laptop with gaming specs and haven't bought a single game since I got it. Kind of dumb, but I guess that's what happens when you're unemployed. Maybe I will look though, I could probably spend $20ish without feeling too bad about it.

Not really cringe worthy. If I decide that I want to have something with someone else I'll just do it. Why the [bleep] would I want to continue dealing with all the shit I was and potentially lose someone who I care a lot about when it could be solved by just agreeing to something that I was planning on doing anyways? If not doing that for some bullshit dominance reason is "good advice" than I'm glad I ignored all the other advice I was given.

Currently reading A Game of Thrones. It's pretty great, but it's taking me longer than books normally do. I get to a chapter of a character I don't like (Sansa) and I'll take a break from reading for a couple days then pick it up again and read another hundred pages or so and put it back down. But I'm going to finish it soon for sure., I'm a good 500 pages in.

I'm not sure that's an option at this point or ever even. If it was I would probably want to though. I still love her for sure and even if she isn't my girlfriend now and may never be again I still care very much about her feelings and opinions. That said, if the time is right and I have moved on I won't let her hold me back from anything. The time isn't right though and I absolutely haven't moved on so for now I'm more than happy to agree to her conditions.

So my ex has more or less confirmed that her issue with this whole thing is just that I had sex with another girl. Which is irrational but I understand. She's told me that she thinks almost entirely in images or whatever, so I can imagine it's not an image she wants. Plus, we spent a pretty long time together (relatively speaking of course) and had a pretty serious relationship. I lost my virginity to her and up until what I did recently, I hadn't so much as kissed another girl other than her. So I really do understand why she is upset about it. That said, I think she's starting to come around. Her general attitude seems to be that she doesn't really think I'm a bad person, it just disgusts her to think about what I did. Actually, she just texted me saying that shes going to try to forgive me on the conditions I don't [bleep] the other girl again (easy, I had no intentions of doing so and already promised my friend I wouldn't, plus I don't think she would even want to at this point) and that I don't [bleep] any of my friends (I have like two friends that are girls and I have no intention of doing anything with them. And I'm straight so the guy friends are out of the question haha). So we'll see how that goes since I obviously agreed to the conditions, even though she shouldn't have any control over what I do sexually but they were things I was already going to do, so there's no harm there. So I guess things may turn out okay for me after all. I'm going to to my very best to keep myself out of trouble from now on. No more thinking with my dick or letting my depression get the better of me. I'm going to first and foremost try to work on myself as a person and secondly make sure I'm good to my friends. I guess school is something to focus on as well. So yup. Looks like this saga is coming to a close. Thank [bleep]ing god.

Scapeboard, right? I wasn't around for that though.

I'm pretty sure I got INTP all the times I took it, now these tests just frustrate the shit out of me and I end up stopping about 3 questions in. So let's assume INTP, I know the 'I' is at least correct and the rest of it is probably something like that. I could be INFP though but I really just hate these tests, so who knows for sure?

Talked to my ex a little more. Or rather I tried to talk her into getting some help with the problems that she has, in the form of some sort of therapy. She insists that she's fine, but she said that she would do it to "humor me" so I'm really pretty happy about that if she actually follows through. She really is a good person, she just has a lot of issues. And even if she hates me or whatever it is she feels towards me, I still care a lot about her and I want her to work her shit out. I think she just needs some more time, we will see of course but I'm not going to sweat it and just take it day by day. So I think that my entertainment train here is coming to an end, since I've really gotten advice on all the things I could get it on. And promptly ignored all of it like I knew it would haha (And yeah, I'm absurdly sentimental)

Absolutely. It was in my car for months and I've driven with the windows down plenty of times and it's never happened. All this shit goes down and it does. But whatever, I guess I didn't need to have her picture around anymore or something. Still sucks, that was one of the very few pictures I had of us together despite how long we were to together and it was from a happier time in my life for sure. In other news, my ex says that she wishes my friend had punched me in the face. So much for her being upset because I had hurt my friend, clearly there's a lot more too it. But in all honesty, at least she is kind of talking to me, she very well could have just not responded to me at all. So whatever.

Talked to my friend. He basically said that while obviously I [bleep]ed up and shouldn't have done what I did, he's not mad at me or at her for what happened. He really is a good guy, we talked a lot of shit out and I think everything with us is fine. Of course on the way back I wasn't really paying attention and accidentally got off an exit I wasn't supposed to and it took me right to my ex's apartment. Also the picture of the two of us together that had been in my car apparently blew out the window when I forgot to close them before getting on the highway. Which after all this and being a sentimental person was pretty shitty. I'll search my car more later in hopes of finding it, but I think it's gone. But yeah. I'll work on shit with my ex. Maybe she'll forgive me since my friend isn't actually upset, but probably not. Oh well. Nothing I can do to take it back now.

Well the point of me and my ex getting back together is moot, since as it is now she doesn't want to see me anymore. So I'm focusing on things with my friend first and foremost because he is really the one who was hurt from this situation.

She didn't use it as bait, she told me that she had wanted it after I told her what I had done. It was the first time we had seen each other in a month. If she had held it over me none of this would have happened though. But I agree with a lot of that. She claims that she's mad at me because I hurt my friend (one of her friends did something similar with her and her ex, although I think that what happened there was much worse because he was telling her he needed her back and that he was going to kill himself and all that shit while hooking up with her friend. My friend told me he's over her and "he no longer has any warm feelings towards her at all). I really think that there's a measure of jealousy from my ex, since she freaked out at me for a good couple minutes before even realizing that the girl I hooked up with had been dating my friend. I really don't know or care why she's mad though, I just want to fix things. All this drama is horrible and if my friend hates me for this than it makes it easier for me even though it would be awful to lose a friend.

At this point I'm just aiming to get her to understand that one bad decision doesn't outweigh the good person that I truly am. I'm not getting anyone pregnant anytime soon.

I think he deserves to know. I already told him I need to talk to him, I'm not backing out now. As for the girl I hooked up with, she just doesn't want me to tell him. She doesn't care about the rest of it now. And my ex is someone who I love more than anything. All I wanted was to get back together with her. Now she's treating me like I'm a monster. Justified or not, that's what happened and I care about her more than anything. I don't know exactly why she is really mad, but she is. Maybe she'll get over it, but I'm going to do whatever it takes to fix things on that front too.

It shouldn't but it has. I've never had to deal with drama before, I just avoid it. And this time I caused it. I'd honestly not be so upset if my ex hadn't taken it as a personal offence for some reason. And even more so because she told me that she had been just waiting for the right tome to get back together with me, which is all I really wanted. None of this would have happened if she had just [bleep]ing told me that instead of not talking to me for weeks. And yeah, the fact that she had feelings for me is really why all this happened. I wasn't even looking for something. I just wanted to keep going with my life, not deal with any of that bullshit.

I ended it. Not before managing to ruin everything with my ex because of it. So yeah, a great day with her turned into one of the worst of my life, if not the worst. Edit: I want to tell my friend what happened, his ex doesn't want me to. I don't know what to do, since I want to be honest and own up to what I did, but I don't want him to hate her or any of my other friends to resent her. I really don't care what the repercussions towards me are since I think I deserve it. Edit again: I'm driving to tell my friend what I did today once he's off work. His ex hates me now because I'm doing it even though she doesn't want me to. I hope he hates me for it too instead of being sad about it. He's way to good of a guy for all this.

Trip to the beach today got canceled because of crappy weather. Oh well, I got an extra 5 hours of sleep out of if. :)

I always have it open in a tab, but I really don't pay much attention to it most of the time. It's really just a convenient way to organize things with my friends and show each other stupid stuff. I don't have a smartphone, so it certainly doesn't overwhelm my life like it does with a lot of people. I've realized how much less activity this forum has since I started posting here again. It's kind of weird. It wasn't as noticeable when I was just checking in every couple of days, but now most threads have nearly no activity at all.

GET GET GET GET GOT GOT GOT GOT

I guess one of the problems I didn't really articulate well was that she actually likes me or something. So it's not just sex, if it was I'd be out of it really easily and it probably never would have happened. Basically we both got drunk at a party and ended up staying up the whole night lying in a field and just talking about shit. Then like two days later she got drunk and we were texting and she told me she was really into me and I told her that I liked her too. And then she came over on Monday and stayed until Wednesday morning since I had the house to myself. You guys have pretty solid advice I think, but it's a little more than just physical stuff which makes it a much more delicate situation. Her feelings mean just as much to me as my friend/her ex's do. But this needs to be done. I kind of want to do it in person though because that just feels like the right way to do it, which opens me up to the "feminine wiles", as well as meaning I have to wait until next time I get to see her since she lives an hour and a half away.

You May find this task easier by removing the attractive values lf her from your head by noticing things she does that you don't like. Finding another girl may also help to relieve your sexual tension, though before dling anything you may want to guage just how bad thr situation really is with her ex (your friend). You might luxk iut and he mkght be kkay with it. ([bleep] typing on my phone this is painful to read and typeslrry bout that) I guess the problem with that approach that I didn't specify is that I'm very close friends with her as well, or I was prior to this making us more than just friends I guess. So I guess what I'm saying is that I'd rather not try to make myself not like her to hopefully maintain the level of friendship that we had. Another girl really isn't necessary, the problem isn't that I really want sex (as enjoyable as it may be), it's just that when it is offered it's hard to say no, if you know what I mean. I wasn't actively looking for anything in all honesty, maybe even the opposite. This just kind of happened somehow. I'm more than willing to be sex-less for the time being haha. Plus it would probably cause some problems with her if I cut things off and then went for another girl. As for my friend being okay with it, it's too soon. Even if he said he was, I doubt it would really be true. I know him well enough to know that at this point, no matter what he says he would be upset about it. And I totally don't blame him, I know exactly what it's like to have that happen. Even if he really and truly was okay with it, I still am not sure it's a good idea. I wouldn't cut things off completely, but I would try to make sure it didn't get anymore serious than it already is. However, I haven't done anything to make the situation better since posting that. Probably only worse.

Short rant on unimportant things, not really worth reading I just wanted a place to quickly articulate my thoughts so I don't continue to bother myself with it. I've gotten myself all upset from people on facebook. Which is why I hate facebook. I can't stand how [bleep]ing ignorant some people can be and how they like to use facebook to show off their misguided political views. Like I'm cool with people not liking Obama, to each their own. But if you're going to be public about it, don't be a [wagon] and don't be racist too. Obama didn't invent the income tax, it's been around for a long [bleep]ing time. It's been imposed in America in some way since the 17th century and federal income tax has been in the constitution since the 16th amendment, ratified over 100 years ago at this point. It's like they think that the government takes are money and just gives it away to poor people or keeps it for itself. I just really badly want to just write them a [bleep]ing essay about the history of income tax and what it actually goes towards. Maybe they'd understand better if they knew the roads that they drive their [bleep]ing trucks on only exist because they are built and maintained because of taxation. Or that the education that they got their "good grades" from so that they can have their nice job is from a PUBLIC education system, funded largely by taxes both federal and state. Seriously, I went to the same high school as them. We all took a mandatory class that explained all of this stuff. And I know that I'm obviously not going to change anyone's mind if I were to explain all this to them and that it's just hatred for the sake of hatred but still. I know this doesn't belong here but it's pretty much what I've thought about today and I can't be bothered to find the things that annoy you thread (even though it's probably on the front page). I'm just ranting here because I know that it's not worth the argument publicly on facebook.

I did a bad thing. Or an ill advised thing at least. I'm not going to go into the details of it too much, but basically there is a girl who I am friends with. And I slept with her. Multiple times. And while I do like her, there are a lot of reasons why it is very much so not a good idea. I guess I'll briefly go into them because otherwise this won't really make too much sense. Basically, I'm not over my ex, so there's an issue there. Also, the girl I have this thing with broke up with her boyfriend quite recently (a few days after my ex and I broke up a little over a month ago), with whom I am good friends and I'm going to be living with him come the fall. And it's absolutely not cool of me to do what I did and I know that. So the goal is to find a way to pull a 180 on what I've said/done and stay friends with her. The problem is that she seems like she's pretty into the whole thing and we basically came to the conclusion that it would be okay to do, we just have to make sure no one finds out. And I agreed with that, but obviously I've changed my mind or I am at least having second thoughts. Not just because of the shit storm that would come from someone finding out, but also because I don't want to do this to my friend, nor do I want to have to hide the "relationship" from all my friends, because that's just a ton of bullshit. I know this is maybe the opposite of what this thread is usually about, but I need advice on how to get myself out of this situation. Because as it stands, morally I know I am in the wrong and that I need to stop this before it gets more out of hand, but to do that I have to turn down sex from a very attractive girl. And I'm not sure I am a "strong enough" person to do that. So, uh thanks in advance. I'm probably just going to tell her straight up that I can't do it and hope that she doesn't get upset about it. But I kind of needed to share what's going on with someone and I can't go to pretty much any of my friends about this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCbWLSZrZfw I don't know how I've missed this song, probably the best thing that's come out of OF. Although I'm really fond of Frank Ocean these days. Also: This [bleep]ing kills it. It's like a throwback to Illmatic but like different in a good way

Living a pretty weird life these days. It's good in the worst way possible and terrible in the best way possible. But [bleep] it, right? Only really bad side is that I'm sucking down the cancer sticks pretty hard again. But once again, that's good in the worst way possibly. I'll kick it someday.