muggiwhplar

Well if a person decides to masturbate, do you think it matters what they're thinking about while they do it? Do you think it's bad that they're masturbating in the first place?

My belief is that most people will, at some point or another, fantasize about another partner, regardless of how healthy a relationship was to begin with. Some people will choose to act on these impulses by pursuing someone from their fantasy. In other words, they'll cheat. I think we can all agree that this is bad, for obvious reasons. Some people will choose to act on these impulses by masturbating and getting it out of their mind (temporarily). You guys think this is good (right?). I think it's bad. Not necessarily bad for the relationship-- but for the person experiencing these thoughts. It implies dissatisfaction/frustration/guilt. The degree of those negative thoughts varies, depending on context. Some people will choose not to act on these impulses at all-- they'll try to resist/ignore them. But I believe that's also bad. Again, maybe not necessarily bad for the relationship, but bad for the person with those feelings for the same reason I just described. So what do I think is good? Not restricting your sexuality to just one person, and therefore never having this problem in the first place.

I agree that it's "ok" to have impulses and not act on them... they're only considered "bad" once acted upon. However I'd rather take the path that allows me to have the impulses without feeling any possible guilt/dissatisfaction/frustration as a result of those natural impulses. Which happens when you have a sexual relationship without a healthy emotional one :) No, you can still love someone yet not feel sexual attraction for them anymore. Many married women are this way. If you're directing your sexual attraction towards someone other than your spouse, you have an unhealthy relationship. And you probably know by now that I believe this is more-or-less inevitable in modern long-term monogamous relationships, regardless of how healthy the relationship is to begin with-- so once again we'll just have to agree to disagree :P

Which happens when you have a sexual relationship without a healthy emotional one :) No, you can still love someone yet not feel sexual attraction for them anymore. Many married women are this way.

Or maybe the women are masturbating because they're bored of their partners that no longer turn them on.

But there's a big difference between fantasizing about something that you can't/don't have, and something you can get any time you want. In the case of the former, if you're fantasizing about something like that, then doesn't that imply that you're somewhat unsatisfied with your current situation?

Yeah that guy's really cool. I watched a few of his videos for inspiration/motivation :D As far as bench plateaus go... I've hit wayyy too many of those lol. Whenever I hit a plateau I'd change my workout a bit. I'd usually plateau every two months or so. I started lifting at 105 lbs bodyweight, then gained about 20 lbs in the first two months, and after that never gained any more weight. Strength goes up (slowly), but bodyweight remains the same... which is good for me because it means I can bench double sooner. Though, on a few occasions (usually when I've hit a plateau), I've actually tried to gain weight-- which is HARD, but doable. Basically I'd eat a small meal every three hours, as opposed to a large meal whenever I feel hungry. Doing this, I "bulked up" to about 135 lbs in about a month or two, and I cleared my plateau as well. But unfortunately a few weeks later, I got really sick and lost 20 lbs (!!) and months of bench progress. Shit sucked. Anyways... diet aside, whenever I hit a plateau I do the following: 1. Take a 2-week break from the gym (this will make you feel really lazy lol) 2. When you return, start out as if you were two "levels" below what you were when you started your break. For example, if you increase starting set weight by 5lbs every time you get stronger, when you return to the gym you'll want to start out with 10 lbs less than what you were doing before you took a break. 3. Do a different bench workout... I would usually alternate between the following workouts, depending on what I felt like: Workout #1 Benchpress sets: 1. 135 lbs x 5 2. 140 lbs x 5 3. 145 lbs x 5 4. 150 lbs x 5 5. 155 lbs x 5 6. 160 lbs x 5* *I would only do a 6th set if I could complete all 5 reps in the 5th set. Then, the following week, I would start out with 140 lbs instead of 135 lbs. If I couldn't complete set #5, I would do the exact same workout next time I bench until I complete it. Workout #2: 1. 150 lbs x 5 (for five sets) Basically you start out with a higher weight and don't increase it, as opposed to starting with a lower weight and slowly increasing it. If I finished the 5th set, I'd increase weight the following week. Workout #3: 1. 165 lbs x 5 (normal grip) 2. 150 lbs x 5 (wide grip) 3. 150 lbs x 5 (wide grip) 4. 135 lbs x 5 (narrow grip) 5. 135 lbs x 5 (narrow grip) Same "leveling up" process as before... Also, I would bench on Mondays and Thursdays. One day would be "heavy" day as described above. The other day would be "light" day, which would basically be using only 135 lbs basically to "warm up," but then not push myself very hard. If you want to increase your max bench, the best thing you can do is max every week. When I started doing that, my max went up 5 lbs per week. The only problem is, after you max you'll be extremely weak for the rest of your workout lol. Similarly, the fewer reps you do with heavier weights, the stronger you'll get. The more reps you do with less weight, the more endurance you'll get + bigger (but not necessarily stronger) muscles.

To the guys here claiming to be able to go years without sex with their significant others: how often would you fantasize about having sex-- either with your partner or with someone else?

This is me training to defeat the Huns: http://tinypic.com/r/2rztg5w/6

Lol I did it with my left arm, which is strange because I'm right-handed. Not sure how that happened lol

Summer fitness goal complete: Just did a one-arm chin-up :) ...[bleep], that means I need to go buy a gym membership now :(

How can you be into power lifting without bench?!?! MADNESS!!!

That was my original long-term fitness goal... I benched 200 lbs @ 125lbs bodyweight back in April. I don't currently have a gym membership... going to buy a gym membership after I can do a one arm pullup at home, and once my gym buddy has enough free time to lift with me in the evenings. He's one of my two friends that can bench double their bodyweight, so they've always been good at keeping me motivated :) Anyways I probably won't be able to finish that goal for at least another six months :( Pretty sure fastortoise had that goal as well.

Comic... Sans...?!?!

I agree. But would you say the same thing applies to people who aren't having sex, yet are emotionally invested? Guys in the "friendzone," doing stupid things to impress the girls they're obsessed with are an example of this. Or even guys who are simply afraid of breaking up with their girlfriends not because of the sex, but because they'll no longer have a girl to give them love and affection

Not sure where Obf is trying to go with this... >_>

Also: http://www.sscnet.ucla.edu/comm/haselton/papers/downloads/affectiveshift.pdf

They're equally important. A romantic relationship without sex is just as "unhealthy" as a sexual relationship without romance.

Glad we're more or less on the same page... Minus the part about the Kama Sutra :P

I don't understand. It seems like that's exactly what you're saying. @_@ Asexual people can have healthy relationships but since they're in the very, very small minority they're not what I'm talking about, clearly. So it's more true than you're willing to admit. I don't necessarily mean never having sex, i'm disagreeing with the idea that you have to have sex right off the bad to have a healthy relationship. And yes, I believe that's entirely possible, for anyone... I'm not saying you have to have sex right off the bat. I'm saying you should. Can you provide some reasons as to why having sex sooner rather than later would be a bad thing for most relationships?

I'm saying if you want to increase your chances of developing strong mutual feelings, regardless of why you're interested in each other in the first place, then you need to have sex ASAP... before one side finds another more "willing"/"capable" partner. An ideally healthy relationship is a balance of both needs... but that begins with sex.

I never said they don't.

I'm going to paraphrase what I PM'd Noxx the other night, and my reasoning behind why it's so critical to get to sex ASAP, regardless of your "motives." Let's think about this, from a male's perspective. We are generally attracted to women for two reasons: Reason 1: Physical Lust Big boobs Big asses Long hair Tan skin Thin, athletic body Sexy, young face Sex Fooling around etc Reason 2: Feminine Companionship Cuteness Warmth Reassurance Love Cuddling Companionship Comfort etc There's a lot of guys out there-- particularly in this thread-- who may be attracted to a girl primarily because of Reason 2. They genuinely enjoy being around the girl and basking in her femininity. Sure, they'd probably have sex with her given the chance, however sex is not their priority! They simply enjoy spending time with this girl and want to be close to her... and it's OK to feel that way! However, regardless of what your actual priorities and feelings are, sex must be your priority! Even if you just want her to be your girlfriend that will love you and spend time with you-- you won't be able to get her to fulfill that need for you until you've had sex with her. Girls have plenty of guys who they'll hang out with... and that's all they'll do with them. They'll spend time with them, sure, but they won't cuddle with them, get romantic with them, or pine over them all day and night... They reserve those things for guys they're having sex with-- even if the guys don't even want that (those guys are commonly known as "jerks."). In other words, you're going to have a hard time developing a long-term romantic relationship with a girl without having sex with her. The sooner you two have sex, the sooner you can "solidify" that bond between you two and it can begin to grow. The longer you wait to have sex, the lower your odds become of actually being "that guy" in her life who she's willing to invest herself in-- both physically and emotionally. (Credit to this guy for introducing me to this concept)

You'd imagine wrong, then :P

Reckon I'll have to clarify myself again here soon, as usual... as well as provide my controversially disagreeable logical reasoning.