Noxx

My biggest problem when it comes to Claire is that i know exactly what i want. I want to give the two of us a chance, and see what happens. But that's a totally unrealistic expectation. I've got 3, maybe 4, more months left in the US before i head back home. Let's say for argument sake that for the next 3-4 months things between me and Claire go amazing. Then i leave. Then what... I can't expect her, or any other girl for that matter, to just drop her whole life and move back with a guy she has not known for that long. Life in the Middle East is a lot different than life in the US. Not only will she have to deal with making many, many adaptions to her life, she will also have to get used to living with me, living in a new place and being alone (alone as in, only having me) for a while. Trust me when i say this, it is not easy. But the fact that i can't give me and her a chance is what is pissing me off the most. It feels almost unfair, in a way. I kind of read through what i posted last night and laughed a bit at myself. It came across as very petty, and very much like i was seeking sympathy. That was really not my intention. Was just a bit of a crazy day yesterday and it felt good to get some things off my chest, regardless of how they came out. I actually think i have a much higher self-esteem than what i show (have shown) in this thread. I've managed to get to know 6 extremely beautiful girls in the course of 4 months (or something like that) by being a person i liked being (the nice guy). Clearly there's something i must be doing right. A lot of what the people in this thread have said, whether to me or to someone else, as stirred a lot thought in my head and it has made me change the way i think not only about myself, but about other people. And it's kind of changed me for the good in a way, i think. I think sometimes i try to come across as a bad-ass, [wagon], whatever you want to call it but i remember something my ex once told me after we broke up. She told me that i'll always try to be the [wagon] because it's lot easier living like that, because you get walked over a lot less. But sadly my personality does not fit the profile because i care way too much (which is true as well, because i'd pretty much do anything to make the people around me smile/laugh regardless of how long i've known them). Thank you Muggi and Sumpta for the words. I think i really over-anilize myself for some reason. But i should just remember that i'm human too and i'm allowed to make mistakes too. I'm not saying this trying to make it sound like i'm super-human, but rather just i have high expectations of myself (maybe a bit too high).

This is the only truly douchey thing I've read in your post. Dude, seriously. These girls are separate, active, equal actors; they don't exist by your grace and presence alone and they won't fall apart from never having seen the ~true glory~ of your person. Completely misunderstood that to be quite honest. I'm saying these girls think i'm Mr. nice guy, when in fact im an [wagon]. The reason i fell sorry is because they actually fall for my stupid act, and they deserve much better. You really think that after everything i wrote, i actually think i'm the best thing since sliced bread? You ACTUALLY think that i think i'm better than these girls?

Most people that write a post like that would, and should. I know if i wrote it i would. Because i always find myself giving similar advice to my friends, yet i'm in exactly the same position. But that's just because saying is so much easier than doing. Also i'm pretty sure most of us knows what we want, but we're just actually too scared to go out there and get it. I know i want to be with one girl, a girl who loves me as much as i will love her, and someone whos willing to die for me as i would be willing to die for them. The thing that is holding me back from that, at this point in my life, is reality and fear. I'm scared that one day i'll think i'm at that point, and then she leaves me because she gets bored of me or she figures out how big of an [wagon] i really am. And that's the reality of it. That's what's really keeping me back right now. Of course other people might have other reasons, but i think most of us that have this problem with have a similar type of reason. I feel like, for the past 4 or 6 weeks i've been a bit of a dirt bag. For some reason i'm still very stuck on Claire. We were "together" for just about 3 months but i am stuck on her. We still talk a lot, even though we have not seen each other in a while now. Today she told me she would really like to go flying with me. Now you guys might not understand, but this is a really big deal for me and or her. Since the day i met her i've been trying to get her to fly with me. She always told me how scared she was of even flying in an airliner, so her asking me "So when are you going to take me flying?" is a very big deal. Anyway... i'm just really stuck on her, and i feel like she is too. There's a weird vibe between us. Like there's so many unspoken words in the air whenever we talk. She wants to tell me something that she can't. On our first date i remember making a joke about something and i remember telling her something along the lines of "Well i'll try not to make you fall for me, i promise." The other day we were talking she told me "You never kept your promise (nervous giggle)." Took me a few days of thinking to figure out what she meant (or what i thought she meant). I felt really happy about it but at the same time very angry at myself. And the following will also explain why i called myself an [wagon] earlier on in this essay: Sometimes i feel like i need to make up for my own insecurities with material things. I'd buy everyone drinks when we go out. I'd flash a lot of money. I'd make people well aware of what i have. I'd have no problem telling people how much money i have, or how much money my dad makes (and i really could not give two [bleep]s if they believed me or not) because i feel like people would think more of me than just the sad person that i really am. Sometimes i think im really angry at life, and i am constantly reminded of things that would keep me up for days. Terrible things that have happened to family members, having to abort a baby (yes, one of my ex's had to get an abortion. I am a [bleep]ing murdered). These things keep me up at night, and they have turned me into a cold, arrogant prick. I am so ashamed of some of the things i have done in the past that i think its easier to just throw money around because people wont ask questions then. Buying friends is a lot easier than making them, because friends you buy don't give a shit about who you are, just what you have. But friends you make...they care about who you are. I still care greatly about Claire, and i don't know why, but i've been such an [wagon]. Not only to her, but to 3 other girls. The barmaid i met. I told her that i was not seeing anyone, but i wanted nothing more than friends with her anyway. Sh just got out of a bad relationship, and it's going to be easy to take advantage of that. I feel like a dick for even thinking it. My neighbour... i think she actually likes me. Her house mate is one of my best friends, and he tells me she constantly asks about me and talks about me to him. He told me he thinks she really likes me. I've just been "using" her for sex. I've given her the wrong idea, and leading her on. I've been an [wagon] to her. I've been an [wagon] to Meghan (this was the first girl i met at the bar, the week before i met Claire). I was already trying to get with her when i started "seeing" Claire. I made her think she was the only one, but when she turned her back i would text Claire. I make these girls think i'm this sweet innocent guy, but i'm really an [wagon]. I feel really bad for these girls. Because truth be told, they will never see the real me. I dont even think i know who the real me is anymore. I'm a different person to everyone. And i'm really so scared of ruining another person's life like i did to my ex, when she had to get the abortion. The only reason she did it was so that it would not ruin the relationship i had with my parents and i allowed her to do it because im a selfish prick. I'm sorry i've rambled on like this. I just thought you all deserved to know that the guy whom some of you might have though of as a respectable guy is actually worse than most guys you classify as [wagon]. I do want to thank each and every one of you guys though, that has given me advice, told me to man up, what ever it may have been. It's partly due to all of that which made me come to this realisation. I am not the person i thought i was. I love you guys <3

Been to a Casino once. Was in Vegas. Ofc i'm gonna go to a Casino then. Wasn't really that much fun. Won about $120 (or well, that's how much i was up when we left). Played a Poker Tournament too, which was the only thing i really enjoyed about the whole gambling experience. I can see myself doing it again sometime. But machines really are terrible boring.

Sooo i started pking this morning. And i hate rushers and pjers, so whenever i see someone rushing or pjing, ill always attack them before they can kill their unsuspecting target. So i did this earlier today to a player called "Lamest". She/He then proceeded to rag me for the next hour or two. Every time i would get close to killing him/her before it would tele. Her friend decided to join in on the action ("lamest booo") and tag-team rag me. Okay so it was two on one now. This went on for two hours easily. Lamest Booo finally managed to AGS rush me due to some slow clicking and a failed antirush attempt on my part. I decided to regear, but grab my claws while im at it. I saw Lamest again and she was running around following me laughing about how i just got rushed. She then proceeded to pj someone else, and ofcourse i interfere and start fighting her instead. She was praying melee the entire fight (obviously waiting for a claw spec) but then i accidentally hit a 400 with D Bolts while she got hit 300 by my venge. Ty for the claws babe <3

Now all i need is 95+ Str :P

tonight was weird. So we went to the same place we go to every friday night. I saw the [bleep]ty girl there (mentioned her a few pages back, girl i want to [bleep] but not date). Actually got the balls and went up and talked to her. It went okay. Didnt get a number but i left with the ball in my court. Her time to come get it now. Few minutes later girl walks by me, winks at me. I stand there kinda shocked cause this is the same girl my friend has been staring at for most of the night. So i tell him to go talk to her. An hour later he still hasn't. I told him that he has 5 minutes before i go talk to her. He didnt do anything in those 5 minutes but stand there and look at me. So i went to talk to her, got her number, danced with her a bit. Hes now mad at me. Why......

Yeah i went ahead and got 45 Def through quests. Got barrows gloves, curses and hand cannon unlocked and banked 95 prayer. I'm not 100% sure if double exp will "stack" with altars from what i've read it won't. I already started training prayer and i'm just short of 80 at the moment. So i might just go ahead and try and get it done before that weekend so i can turn my attention to higher firemaking (assuming i don't have ~90 by then [so hand cannon blows up less often]) and higher Str.

Honestly, i would go for it. She has a boyfriend? So what. If she is really in to her boyfriend she's going to tell you to [bleep]off before you get the chance to drop your first line.

Well i thought i might ask this, since it might save me some time. I know that with certain quests you can't boost the skill level requirements, but for most you can. The levels i need are for the following quests: Forgiveness of a Chaos Dwarf(61 Hunter. Currently 44 but i can get 58 if it's possible to boost for this quest) Curse of Arrav (66 Thieving which can be boosted +4 levels with Abyssal Lurker and 64 Mining which can be boosted +2 with (m) Ale). Is boosting for these quests possible?

Been thinking about getting 88 Summoning, got charms for about 60 at the moment. Have about 10m in Barrage runes (not sure exactly how many barrages that is). Was wondering if i spend another 20m on runes if that would be enough to get me the charms i need for 88? Tip.It cals says i need about 15.5k more crims, so lets go with 10k if you factor in the golds and greens i'll be getting too, as well as the odd blue here and there. Would 30m in Barrage runes be enough to get me that? I completely forgot the crims/hour and crims/1k barrages at Rock Lobs, so even if someone could just help me out with that it would be grand. EDIT: I'll have a total of 16k Barrages after i spend another 20m on runes.

So i found Falconry to be pretty fun, and it's a pretty high APM activity which is fun. I got myself to 62 Mining, which i hope is enough for the quest (assuming i use a boost and assuming i am able to boost for the quest). Blackjacking i've yet to do now. I thought there was some kind of quest needed for it, and i'm not sure if i've done the quest or not. I'll have to check that out.

Oh snap ^

Need to get the following levels fro quests: 33 - 61 Hunter 56 - 66 Thieving 61 - 64 Mining Not sure how to train them as it's been a very long time since i've had to skill at lower levels. I've heard Falconry is good, but i'm not sure what to do until 43 Hunter so i can actually do that. Right now i was thinking of doing Barbtailed Kebbits till 43. As for Thieving i'm lost. Is pick pocketing Master Farmers the way to go? And for Mining i was just thinking of Drop Mining Iron Ore at Piscatoris.

Funny thing is.... i saw her about 15 minutes ago when i was having a cigarette outside and i tried starting up a conversation as not to be rude but it was so awkward...

I think i need some legitimate advice for once. So it's been quite a while since i've seen Claire. We still text/talk on the phone regularly and the other day we had a very long conversation about things. She told me why she has had such a big issue committing to me. I have to admit that i still don't quite understand why, but it is what it is. As we started talking i could feel things getting very emotional and sentimental, so i told her to meet me somewhere so we could talk face to face. She didn't seem keen on it, but after some convincing i managed to get her to go to the beach. So we sat on the beach, about 6ish in the evening. The sun was busy setting and it was actually really romantic, and neither of us really planned it. So we finished out conversation and she told me that she's really scared of hurting me because it seems like i'm really into her (which i am/was). She started saying something, and i could see her struggling to find the right words. Then all of a sudden things got really quiet for a minute. I was sitting back, with my hands in the sand. She put her hand on mine and i looked at her and then she said it. She told me she loved me. I was shocked for a few seconds. I didn't know what to say. Time kind of froze for a few seconds and i had a million things running through my mind. I felt like i loved her too. She's really an amazing girl and she really makes me happier than i've been in a while. I love being around her, and spending time with her. Her smile literally makes my day. So i kissed her on the forehead and told her i loved her too. But this is the thing. I'm not really sure i know what love is. I sure as hell know what infatuation is, but this doesn't feel like that. I actually feel like... like i want Claire to be happy no matter what. If it costs me an arm or a leg, i don't care. As long as she keeps on smiling. When we were about to leave i asked her why she just said what she said. She told me that she did it because she wanted me to understand why it was hard for her to see me. I leave in two months, and despite the fact that she told me in the beginning of our relationship that she wont fall for me, she somehow did. And now that my leaving is becoming ore and more of a reality each day, it's scaring the crap out of her. I guess i can understand that. Okay, but that's not all... Few weeks ago a girl moved in across the road from me. She lives with one of my best friends. I spend a lot of time at his house studying with him, etc. So i see her a lot. The two of us never really spoke until recently (about a week before we went to Vegas). So we started talking and stuff. I told her that i could see the game she was playing. I told her that i can see her getting a lot of attention from other guys and i really don't want to get involved with that. I was being honest, i wasn't trying to play games with her. so a few nights ago she sends me a text telling me she's bored. I was bored too, so i told her to come over. We spent quite a few hours talking and she went home after. Day after that, same thing happened, except this time it had a bit of a different ending. I had been out earlier that night drinking with friends. I was a bit tipsy. We were lying on my bed talking, and then it happened. And then it happened again the night after that (which was last night). Over the course of the past few days i also found out that she has not yet done anything with any of the other guys, except maybe go to the cinema/dinner/bowling with them. So some of the things she told me felt like the bore a bit more truth and that she wasn't just trying to play me. But right now i'm kind of at the stage where, since i'm leaving in 2 months, i just want to have fun. [bleep] commitment, [bleep] relationships. I want to [bleep] myself out as much as i can (yes, i have no shame in saying that). I think i've been doing a pretty good job at it too. And that's not all.... So the barmaid i met last night. We have a date Monday night. She just got out of a long term relationship and as she told me "she doesn't want anything more than friends for a while" but she was very flirty on the phone earlier. She's really, really cute. And she looks kinda dirty, which is what drew me to her (you guys know what i'm talking about ;) ). I told her that i was leaving in two months (well actually it came out somehow in a conversation) and she seemed to change her attitude a lot when she found this out. So i'm thinking that she's seeing this as the perfect opportunity to have fun too. Now this is my problem. I still have a lot of feelings for Claire, but i know it's not going to go further than it is now. It's always going to be the same shit with a different speech. The girl across the road, well i'm not sure what hr intentions are but i'm almost 100% sure she just wants to have fun too, which is what i want. And then this barmaid... i'm pretty sure the two of us are on the same page too. So now i need to somehow break it off with Claire, make sure that both the other girls know what i want, but i don't know how to do this because it's not something i've ever had to do. A part of me really still want to keep Claire in the picture as kind of a friends with benefits thing, but i'm not sure how to tell her that. It's not going to be very comfortable telling her that. And like... if you're doing the whole poly thing, and one of the girls live across the road from you (her room window facing yours), how do you bring other girls over to your house? I don't like want to seem disrespectful to the girl across the road or anything like that.

I'm really on a roll these days. I went to a bar with some mates tonight. The bartender was really hot. I know usually they're flirty because that's how they make their tips. But i figured i'll take a chance and flirt back (obviously with hopes of getting her number). So the lights go on, and it's last call. I call her over, tell her i don't want another drink but what i do want is her number (apparently she only moved out here a few days ago). There were a lot of people around so i was feeling kind of nervous. She asked me why should she give me her number and i told her why not? Take a chance. She looked at me and smiled, took a piece of paper and wrote down her number. GWAS. I feel really happy with myself. Tonight i have to admit i really didn't look my best, My skin is starting to break out badly from all the exams stress and i pretty much looked like i haven't slept in a week. But i was confident in what i was doing, and that's what it's all about. Girls can really smell that on you. You can pretty much be the ugliest guy ever alive, but if you act like you're okay with it, and you act like you know what you're doing (IE. being confident), the world is going to be yours ;)

I bet you do prefer fat hairy men.

To be fair, i generally don't tell people that i'm a "Pilot" because i'm not. I've got a Pilot's license which really isn't that big of a deal. i do not work for an airline, and i do not get paid to fly people around. Therefor i feel silly calling myself a "pilot" and i feel that if i had to play that card it would be as a last resort or out of desperation. Usually i'd just tell people that i was in aviation school, and then answer whatever questions they might have about that. One thing i do have to admit though, is that sooner or later it's going to come out that i do plan on working for an airline (and the worlds best airline i might add), and that is something that catches a bit of attention. I found it funny how you could swing a dying conversation so easily by just mentioning something like that. i guess it's because most people assume that if you're a "pilot", you're loaded ( they have no idea how wrong they are lol). And i guess a lot of the girls we spoke to this weekend thought it was an amazing job (two of them actually mentioned how they would have loved to be pilots because it seems like an amazing job). The best thing of all is that i'm really modest about my achievements. I always tell people that if i can do it, anyone can do it (but again, to be fair, flying isn't for everyone [something i have seen here at school]) and i guess it's my modesty that also gets me a few more votes. I'm almost certain though, that if i were to tell someone i sweep the streets for a living, but made it sound like the worlds most amazing job, it could have the same effect of telling them you're a pilot. It's not about the story you tell, but about how you tell that story.

Just going to bump this up cause i'm adding a question. I've decided to go for barrows Gloves. i'm about 20 Qp off them at the moment so i should get them in the next few days. My problem now is that i'm unsure whether or not i Should get prayer up. I'm pretty sure that if i do the last few quests i need to unlock Curses i'll be pushed over 40 Def, so the next step will be 45 Def obviously. As things are now it probably doesn't make too mcuh of a difference because i'll eventually have to get 50 for Rune come EOC. Anyway, i've been thinking about getting up Prayer now. I can afford 95, but i'm not sure if it's really all that worth it because right now i usually PvP against people that don't have it, and if i do get it i'll probably only get fights against people that do have it. So it's going to be the same either way. The other thing is, i'm not sure just how useful it would be in EOC since i have not really done much testing on that myself. What i was initially thinking was to get 77 which would allow me to use Piety, Rigour and Augary (Rig and Aug being the two i would use most often while pking), but i'm not sure what happens with them in EOC.

Was it like The Hangover? Well no one got lost, we didn't wake up with a tiger in our room (woke up with one in bed though, if you know what i mean ;) ), no one lost any teeth, etc. But it was still amazing. Good thing it was a tiger and not a cougar. To be honest, im sad that it wasn't a cougar. We saw quite a few at the pool the one day and i would have really not minded.

Was it like The Hangover? Well no one got lost, we didn't wake up with a tiger in our room (woke up with one in bed though, if you know what i mean ;) ), no one lost any teeth, etc. But it was still amazing.

Well i spent this weekend in Vegas, and man was it amazing. Now i know Vegas probably isnt the best example of what i am about to say, but i still feel it counts for something. IT IS SOOOOOO EASY TO PICK UP GIRLS. The more i go out, the more i wonder why i was always so shy about it. This weekend, i actually managed to pull on 3 separate occasions in the stretch of 2 days, without even trying. Twice at the pool at the hotel we stayed at (which i find to be a bit easier to do). I had to walk up to three girls sun bathing and strike up a conversation with them which was actually so easy. I sat down on the sun chair next to them, said "Excuse me, i don't mean to bother you, but i just HAD to come tell you girls how gorgeous you all are." I got up and i left. For the next few minutes i saw them talking to each other nd looking over to where me and my friends were sitting and then moments later they beckoned for me to come over. We talked for a few minutes, and i walked away with a number. Later that night we went out. That same day, me and my friends planned to go play some poker at one of the casinos. As we enter one of the gambling areas at the Bellagio a group of 7 girls walk past me and my friends. We kind of stopped in our tracks because it's not every day you see a large group of girls everyone of them being jaw dropping. One of my friends made a comment kind of at them but they didnt hear it. We kept on walking and i just kind of turned around and sort of jogged/paced towards the group of girls now walking in the away from us. Caught up to them and asked them where they were going. Told them that me and my friends literally had to take a few moments to gather ourselves again when they walked past us. Got their numbers and had a few drinks with them before going out later that night (with the girls i met earlier that day). Next day we went to the pool again in the morning. 2 girls were sun bathing right next to us (maybe 5 meters away or so). I knew i wanted to go talk to them i just had to get my timing right. Hottests girls i saw all weekend, by far. I felt very intimidated. One of them got up and went to sit on the first step of the pool. I waited a few minutes then got up, sat down next to her and my exact words were "What's up?" And it was that easy. We talked for a few minutes, she got up to go wake up her friend so they could go. I got her number, we went out later that night, she came to our hotel room (my friend actually spent the night with her friend in their room. it was also his birthday so he was very happy with me. Got him laid for his birthday lol). We had breakfast the next morningm spent the whole day at the pool together, went out again later that night. They were really cool girls. I dont know if it's just my confidence growing, or that i just don't give a [bleep] anymore, but i find myself able to go up and talk to just about anyone these days. and it's paying off like crazy. I actually managed to talk a complete stranger into kissing me for the sake of a photo this weekend too. Now like i said, it is Vegas and it's probably not the best fairest of rules to be playing, but heck it was still fun. Best part of everything this weekend was that when they ask me what i do and i tell them i'm studying to become a pilot and i'm more than half way done with my course, its even easier to pull. I can literally tell them whatever i want after that and they would still give me their number.

Just got back from Vegas. Best experience of my life without a doubt in my mind.

First job was working as a sales assistant in a CD store. I was really good at it because i had a passion for music. Was able to sell anything to anyone. Worked there for ~4 months and had one of the best sales records the company had ever seen. Oh this was my first and only ever job. Was 18 at the time. Quit because it got too easy.