Really, making an assumption is generally a bad thing to do.

 

 

 

I think, in most schools, people stay with the people they know after a couple years, making communication with others a little more difficult.

 

 

 

Or that could just be an observation based upon what I've seen.

 

 

 

What a huge contradiction.

 

 

 

Anyway. Yeah. A lot of times what works for me is find a person who's in their group and go up and talk to them and just stand in that group. When you can, just add to the conversation and maybe try and talk directly to her.

 

 

 

I dunno.

To end this argument i would like to say i spoke to her two or three times before.

 

 

 

Ah, yay, I was right :D

 

 

 

Well now you have more then one advantage, you've talked to her a few times, and you're in some of her classes, may I ask what grade you're in?

Really, making an assumption is generally a bad thing to do.

 

 

 

I think, in most schools, people stay with the people they know after a couple years, making communication with others a little more difficult.

 

 

 

Or that could just be an observation based upon what I've seen.

 

 

 

What a huge contradiction.

 

 

 

Anyway. Yeah. A lot of times what works for me is find a person who's in their group and go up and talk to them and just stand in that group. When you can, just add to the conversation and maybe try and talk directly to her.

 

 

 

I dunno.

 

 

 

Heh, guess I wasn't thinking much.

 

 

 

Well anyway Pure, can you say what you've actually spoken to her about?

Really, making an assumption is generally a bad thing to do.

 

 

 

I think, in most schools, people stay with the people they know after a couple years, making communication with others a little more difficult.

 

 

 

Or that could just be an observation based upon what I've seen.

 

 

 

What a huge contradiction.

 

 

 

Anyway. Yeah. A lot of times what works for me is find a person who's in their group and go up and talk to them and just stand in that group. When you can, just add to the conversation and maybe try and talk directly to her.

 

 

 

I dunno.

 

 

 

Heh, guess I wasn't thinking much.

 

 

 

Well anyway Pure, can you say what you've actually spoken to her about?

 

 

 

That true is important, I forgot to ask, so now you have two questions to answer, well let me make it 3.

 

 

 

How old are you?

 

How old is she?

 

What have you two actually spoken about?

To end this argument i would like to say i spoke to her two or three times before.

 

 

 

Ah, yay, I was right :D

 

 

 

Well now you have more then one advantage, you've talked to her a few times, and you're in some of her classes, may I ask what grade you're in?

 

2nd :oops:

 

 

 

[hide=]Just assume 9-10th[/hide]

 

 

 

We are both 15

 

We haven't spoke about much its just random stuff.

Alright, well honestly most girls want exactly what you want *no not sex :lol:, but lets think, you want a girl to come up and start a conversation with you, no? Most girls would feel much more relaxed and they'd feel you're more mature and not afraid of girls if you started the conversation, so if you ever see one of your semi close friends with her (not dating or anything) just walking down the hallway, just walk up to him and start asking him a question about something she may be interested in, from there you could turn that A,B,C to a conversation to an A,B conversation and have your friend "C" himself out HAHAHAHAAH wow I'm to funny for myself.

 

 

 

In all honesty it may be easier to start talking to her on AIM or MSN or whatever online messaging system you use where you live, or even through text messaging. Just try to not come off as creepy.

I'll add a little bit to what Joe said about AIM/MSN.

 

 

 

While on it, you can feel a bit more relaxed, theres no real hurry to respond as many people are doing multiple things, and you can think over your response more. Works well if you're a pretty shy guy, well as a start. Though, things you'd find hard to say face-to-face are unfortunately just as bad. (Admittedly, I've closed my eyes while typing some stuff just so I said it.)

 

 

 

But there are some general rules you should follow:

 

 

 

1. If its rude, then stay away from saying it, unless the other person can take it as a joke (I.E. Innuendo, though that has lead to some funny conversations for me.)

 

 

 

2. Really, if you're just getting to know her, don't ask for her number right away, I'd be a little creeped out if someone did that.

 

 

 

3. Say what comes naturally, this is generally the same as rule 1, but it avoids alot of other topics aswell.

 

 

 

EDIT: Oh, and I hope you're not trying to become friends with her for some other reason. Just be yourself and don't act as if you are trying to get into her pants. Or if you are trying to pursue a deeper relationship with her, don't let her know straight away.

I agree 100%, internet chatting or even texting is way easier for just about everyone to say what they really want to say, alot of things said online people wouldn't even consider saying to their face.

Final word on this story...

 

 

 

[hide=]Here's an interesting story about my life that is developing as I write this:

 

 

 

BACKGROUND:

 

I met a girl a couple weeks ago. She is 16, I'm 18. She and I hit it off pretty quickly, but she frequently made and then canceled plans for the first week I knew her. I would ask her to come hang out with me, and she would agree. The next day she would pretty much ditch out on me to do something more interesting. FINALLY, she stuck to a plan, and her friend (whom I have known for a while now) came along with us. We had a blast. Everything went great. She and I flirted quite a bit and we "cuddled" for a bit.

 

 

 

I shared a couple of feelings with her. I told her that there is definitely something good going on between us, and she agreed that she had a feeling or two for me. I told her I hoped I would see her again soon. She was enthusiastic about it.

 

 

 

SIDE NOTE: She mentioned that she was still unhappy about the relationship she currently has with her ex-boyfriend. She feels like she is always judging her, and she said that she was "comfortable with being unhappy". I told her that she should continue to come out with me, and I'll show her a good time, without pressuring her into dating me.

 

 

 

That was five days ago. Three days ago, her and I went out on a casual affair. We took a drive, I bought her some food, and we went on a two hour drive. We listened to music and talked, both seriously and jokingly. The feelings conversation was brought back up. She mentioned that she really didn't want to tell me anything about her feelings. She said she wasn't ready to share anything with me. I pressed the issue a bit, but gave it up pretty quickly. I wanted to know how she felt really badly, but I stopped myself. I changed the conversation as soon as possible and the night went on.

 

 

 

Now here's where I trip up. She went down to visit a college with her friend and her friends mom. I know she has a really good guy friend down there, but I seriously doubt anything went on between them.

 

 

 

Today she came back and didn't want to talk to me about anything, or so she said. I said (Via a text message) "maybe I'll call you later" and she agreed that this could happen. Eventually she texted me again, and a conversation ensued. Somehow, some way, she brought up the feelings thing again. She told me I'd "never understand" and that she "couldn't explain" even though she said she wanted to. I instantly started thinking she did something with another guy, but that idea was quickly disposed as I looked into it a little bit. However, that thought still somewhat lingers in my head.

 

 

 

She begins to tell me how she doesn't want anything in terms of a relationship. She doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know where this came from because I didn't even bring it up, but nonetheless it happened. Our relationship went straight into the can. Somehow it got to the point where she didn't even want to continue talking to me. She did, though.

 

 

 

This "situation" ended with me telling her the following: "Oh. One more thing. Did you lie when you said that there was something good between us?" She simply said: "No".

 

 

 

I also said something like: "I wish you would just give me a chance"

 

 

 

Her response was: "I want to, but I just can't. I'm sorry. I want to explain it but I can't."

 

 

 

I said: "Don't be sorry. Just be you. I like you for you. I'll be here when you realize that being happy is worth taking chances with your emotions."

 

 

 

She sent something back, but I had said what I wanted to leave her with. No communication since. This was about three hours before this post.

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------

 

 

 

So, here's my question folks: What the HELL is going on here? My brother, who is 25 years of age, and has had countless tumultuous relationships has told me the following:

 

 

 

She's basically playing the drama card. This is what you need to do: Listen to her, and don't engage in any communication with her. Don't ignore her, but DON'T START ANYTHING. In two weeks, one of two things will happen:

 

 

 

1: Nothing. She could be trying to get with another guy and doesn't want you in the picture. You'd just have to move on with your life. It's not a big loss, really.

 

 

 

2: She will send you a text, or call you asking why you haven't said anything to her lately. All you've got to say is "That's what you told me to do."

 

 

 

He said #2 is usually what happens. To me, sounds like what will probably happen. I'm pretty sure this is her course of action. She just doesn't have her emotions in check, so she's pushing me away.

 

 

 

What do you folks think. Does the above seem to be correct? Would I be wise to follow my brothers course of action?[/hide]

 

 

 

[hide=lol]It all ended a couple days ago, but I'm just getting around to writing about it.

 

 

 

I played the waiting game in accordance with most of the advice I received. She ended up being completely emotionally immature.

 

 

 

She texted me (about a week ago) asking if me if I hated her. I responded with no. Conversation stopped mostly until a couple days later where she facebook messaged me (Using the Facebook IM chat). She kept telling me that I shouldn't be upset about the situation. I told her I wasn't heartbroken or anything, just a little upset that I was led on and then denied. She told me to laugh with her. This sentence changed everything.

 

 

 

I refused to laugh. "C'mon. Laugh!" she would say to me. I saw nothing funny in the conversation. For the next ten minutes I was bombarded with her pleas at laughter. I constantly refused. Then, I started getting annoyed by it, so I told her the following: "You're not messing (I used a swear word there) with someone without self esteem. You can't push me around. You don't know what you're dealing with here. You can't control me. I'm not your anything."

 

 

 

I told her I was going out with friends, and she proceeded to ask me if my friends were imaginary. A low blow at best, but I wasn't phased. I enjoyed the fact that the tables had turned, and that I was now completely content with being without her.

 

 

 

As it stands today, I still get random messages from her. Today, the whole "Will you laugh with me now?!" started again. I told her I just don't care for her crap and signed off the messenger.

 

 

 

I'm getting involved with another girl now, and she ("she" being the first girl, not the new one) doesn't seem pleased about it. Jealousy? She asked me why I was "talking to some ugly girl" today. I responded: "Hm. Some ugly girl? Don't know her. Sorry." She said that her and her friend had a good laugh about it (presumably at my expense), and the laughing conversation started up again. Again, I logged off.

 

 

 

It seems to me she really wants my attention but can't suck it up and admit that she was wrong about me. Her only way out is to try to make me feel insecure about myself (something which just isn't going to happen). What to do? I'm trying to get her out of my life. One of my best friends even IM'ed her something like: "You're insane. Stop messaging [My Name]. You're not going to "get" to him. You're not going to make him feel bad. Quit being a little girl about this. He's better than you think. WAY better."

 

 

 

So, my question is: Is she super jealous of the fact that I've moved on to someone else already? Does she really expect me to talk to her like I would have two weeks ago when I liked her? Does she really think she can control me?

 

 

 

This is all laughable to me. I'd just like some more outside input :D.[/hide]

 

Wow, she has... no wit... I like it when people attempt to mock someone and fall flat on their face...

edits

OK,

 

 

 

In a little situation currently. I'm currently split on what to do. One side tells me to ask this girl, the other to not ask. Little background is the reason I can't ask is I hardly know her, if I can say I know her at all.(Have no common classes, at most maybe talked to her 2 times) My friends tell me "Well then that's the perfect excuse to ask her and get to know her better" but I'm still split. I don't know, I just find something weird/awkward, so to speak, about asking someone that may not know you exist. Not really sure whether I should, or not. Its kind of the same situation I posted somewhere else in the thread, but can't find it now, and I don't remember what was posted.

OK,

 

 

 

In a little situation currently. I'm currently split on what to do. One side tells me to ask this girl, the other to not ask. Little background is the reason I can't ask is I hardly know her, if I can say I know her at all.(Have no common classes, at most maybe talked to her 2 times) My friends tell me "Well then that's the perfect excuse to ask her and get to know her better" but I'm still split. I don't know, I just find something weird/awkward, so to speak, about asking someone that may not know you exist. Not really sure whether I should, or not. Its kind of the same situation I posted somewhere else in the thread, but can't find it now, and I don't remember what was posted.

 

 

 

Same advice I gave a few posts up, it may be easier to start off on AIM or even threw texting, a great conversations starter is get a friend to go along with it, and text the number saying who's this? She'll answer and say "ashley (idk her name) who's this", then you say your name and be like, I think we go to the same school, then say you're friend told you to text that number and it must have been a mix up, then she'll say oh that's alright, and then say anyways.. what's up, and start from there.

 

 

 

It sounds dumb, but it works.

I find it easier to ask out someone you don't know. At least it ain't as awkward if they say no.

edit Bro.

OK,

 

 

 

In a little situation currently. I'm currently split on what to do. One side tells me to ask this girl, the other to not ask. Little background is the reason I can't ask is I hardly know her, if I can say I know her at all.(Have no common classes, at most maybe talked to her 2 times) My friends tell me "Well then that's the perfect excuse to ask her and get to know her better" but I'm still split. I don't know, I just find something weird/awkward, so to speak, about asking someone that may not know you exist. Not really sure whether I should, or not. Its kind of the same situation I posted somewhere else in the thread, but can't find it now, and I don't remember what was posted.

 

 

 

Same advice I gave a few posts up, it may be easier to start off on AIM or even threw texting, a great conversations starter is get a friend to go along with it, and text the number saying who's this? She'll answer and say "ashley (idk her name) who's this", then you say your name and be like, I think we go to the same school, then say you're friend told you to text that number and it must have been a mix up, then she'll say oh that's alright, and then say anyways.. what's up, and start from there.

 

 

 

It sounds dumb, but it works.

 

But at the same time that shows a blatant lack of confidence.

 

 

 

Just do what the guy in the superbowl commercial did.

 

But at the same time that shows a blatant lack of confidence.

 

 

 

Just do what the guy in the superbowl commercial did.

 

Yeah, I'm not thinking it's a good idea meeting through MSN/texts or whatever. I'm not an expert on this(since I posted here asking for advice) but I believe that could be a double edged sword, could work out great and could also backfire with her thinking you're not confident enough to talk to her yourself, therefore working badly depending on what your goal is.

 

 

 

Also LOL at that ad. If i'm thinking about the right one.

 

 

 

I find it easier to ask out someone you don't know. At least it ain't as awkward if they say no.

 

Very true.

OK,

 

 

 

In a little situation currently. I'm currently split on what to do. One side tells me to ask this girl, the other to not ask. Little background is the reason I can't ask is I hardly know her, if I can say I know her at all.(Have no common classes, at most maybe talked to her 2 times) My friends tell me "Well then that's the perfect excuse to ask her and get to know her better" but I'm still split. I don't know, I just find something weird/awkward, so to speak, about asking someone that may not know you exist. Not really sure whether I should, or not. Its kind of the same situation I posted somewhere else in the thread, but can't find it now, and I don't remember what was posted.

 

When she's sitting with friends, just ask if you can sit there too and if they ask why, say your friends are pigs. If you're in 8th-10th grade, face it, they probably are, or at least act like it.

Big Problem here.

 

 

 

I like this girl. This girl just happens to be going out with my best friend. However, she doesn't really like the relationship and texted me that she is thinking about dumping him. Sadly, my second best friend also likes her. I want to go out with her, but I don't want to stab anyone in the back.

 

 

 

Help please? I can talk to her and stuff fine, and if she wasn't dating anyone I would be going out with her right now.

 

First of all, DON'T tell her to break up with him. When you make your move she may think you did it just so you could ask her out. In all honesty you can only wait for them to break up, stay close with her though.

 

 

 

Yes, this advice may not be the best, but meh.

Big Problem here.

 

 

 

I like this girl. This girl just happens to be going out with my best friend. However, she doesn't really like the relationship and texted me that she is thinking about dumping him. Sadly, my second best friend also likes her. I want to go out with her, but I don't want to stab anyone in the back.

 

 

 

Help please? I can talk to her and stuff fine, and if she wasn't dating anyone I would be going out with her right now.

 

First of all, DON'T tell her to break up with him. When you make your move she may think you did it just so you could ask her out. In all honesty you can only wait for them to break up, stay close with her though.

 

 

 

Yes, this advice may not be the best, but meh.

 

 

 

I agree with the part where you don't tell her to break up with him, don't stay too close, then she may think of you as only a good friend, also, it may be hard but if they break up *give it a week or more, ask your friend what he thinks of you and her giving it a go, if you two are good enough friends.

After they break up I suggest you talk with your best friend about if it's ok with him for you to ask her out, if he says yes, then by all means do so. But, if he says he isn't ok with it, you have two options. Either ignore the fact he didn't give you his blessing and ask her anyway, or remain his friend and leave her. Perhaps ask her out after a few weeks.

Big Problem here.

 

 

 

I like this girl. This girl just happens to be going out with my best friend. However, she doesn't really like the relationship and texted me that she is thinking about dumping him. Sadly, my second best friend also likes her. I want to go out with her, but I don't want to stab anyone in the back.

 

 

 

Help please? I can talk to her and stuff fine, and if she wasn't dating anyone I would be going out with her right now.

 

First of all, DON'T tell her to break up with him. When you make your move she may think you did it just so you could ask her out. In all honesty you can only wait for them to break up, stay close with her though.

 

 

 

Yes, this advice may not be the best, but meh.

 

 

 

I agree with the part where you don't tell her to break up with him, don't stay too close, then she may think of you as only a good friend, also, it may be hard but if they break up *give it a week or more, ask your friend what he thinks of you and her giving it a go, if you two are good enough friends.

 

 

 

Honestly, I think the whole "asking the friend permission" is pretty stupid. If he's a good friend, he won't stop you anyway.

 

 

 

I agree on the waiting if they do break up though. Albeit, the best time would be after 2 weeks, gives him time to get over it, while not making him think you helped to push her into dumping her.

Ok I have been thinking about this a LOT lately and figured that TIF is a good place to get some advice.

 

 

 

I'm in high school, so you can't except relationships to last all that long. I've been dating this girl for a week. My problem is that she just acts like we're friends.. she won't hug me, she won't even hold my hand, not to mention that as soon as we get to her next class, she says bye and walks into the room. I really feel like she's acting like we were before we started dating and were just talking as friends.

 

 

 

I really don't know what to do.. I plan to talk to her about it, but I'm also afraid of how she'll react. I like this girl, but it's starting to feel more like a friend kind of thing. I feel like she's holding me back, as cruel as that sounds, but I'd never say that to her.

 

 

 

Help?

Just say to her that rather than dating, you'd think it would be better to just remain friends.

Ok I have been thinking about this a LOT lately and figured that TIF is a good place to get some advice.

 

 

 

I'm in high school, so you can't except relationships to last all that long. I've been dating this girl for a week. My problem is that she just acts like we're friends.. she won't hug me, she won't even hold my hand, not to mention that as soon as we get to her next class, she says bye and walks into the room. I really feel like she's acting like we were before we started dating and were just talking as friends.

 

 

 

I really don't know what to do.. I plan to talk to her about it, but I'm also afraid of how she'll react. I like this girl, but it's starting to feel more like a friend kind of thing. I feel like she's holding me back, as cruel as that sounds, but I'd never say that to her.

 

 

 

Help?

 

 

 

You need more cowbell. and by cowbell I mean testastorone. Don't wait for her to start something. e a man and kiss her in the hallway before she goes to class. Walk up to her and hug her. Everytime you see her. You can't expect her to start everything for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Big Problem here.

 

 

 

I like this girl. This girl just happens to be going out with my best friend. However, she doesn't really like the relationship and texted me that she is thinking about dumping him. Sadly, my second best friend also likes her. I want to go out with her, but I don't want to stab anyone in the back.

 

 

 

Help please? I can talk to her and stuff fine, and if she wasn't dating anyone I would be going out with her right now.

 

 

 

My advice is get over that girl asap. You'll only cause problems if you pursue these feelings in any way shape or form. Unless they break up, and you wait 6 months (standard man law) and ask your friends permission, she's undatable to both you and your other friend. or atleast should be if you respect your friend at all.

Yeah thats true, but it also makes it seem so simple. I appreciate the feedback. Is it bad that Valentine's is in a week, or should I consider that a "not my problem" type of situation?

 

 

 

RPG: Thanks for the typical "grow a pair" response. Totally not helpful.