"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Sumpta]

I used to be very awkward around guys face to face. I just didn't have a clue how to flirt or how to behave around them. Especially the boys I liked.

 

Now, this is going to sound so lame, but the following method really worked for me. One of my friends was verrrryyy good at this, she just oozed charm and class. So I started observing her to figure out how she did it, listened to her talking to guys... and after a while, I started copying her. To my great astonishment, it worked. I gained the self-confidence I was lacking, which in its turn gave me the necessary oomph to develop my own 'style' and personality instead of being a copy cat.

 

Maybe you could look for a similar example in your surrounding. I'm not advocating you try to be someone you're not, but I would suggest you develop some 'game' skills, to put it a bit negatively/bluntly. Evidently you have something to work with already, considering that those hidden skills emerge when drunk, now you just need to boost that self-confidence so they're available when you're not inebriated.

[Estonian dude]

Well, I am drunk again, and I can say that I am a master of those skills, when drunk... I get into long conversations with girls that I really don't want to get into long conversations...

AAAAND [bleep], she wasn't out today and I couldn't call that girl, since my phone broke down. So ATM I am without a girl nor with a phone.

[Randox]

Rule Number 1: Once drunk, your phone is to be used only to call for rides. Texting is now a capital offence, and posting on any web forum, facebook, twiiter, etc, is just a terrible idea.

 

My point is that drunk people using electronic communication have about the same romantic appeal as someone who is actively trying to light you on fire. There are a couple people who will like it, and no one will ever forget it.

[Sir_Squab]

Love the metaphor....

[RpgGamer]

Sounds like you and I should party sometime Saq haha. Sumpta brings up an old point. I think it was good ol' Lent that was our living proof of hanging around enough social and people-skilled folk will in turn make you more social and people skilled. It's like studying for a test...only with personal skills.

 

I for one am a huge offender of the drunk comm rule. In turn most of my friends & acquaintances assume I'm always drunk. Even here I occasionally get a light jabbing for it. I'm always facebooking when I'm drunk, but I have learned that texting is very stupid, so that got cut out mighty quick. Randox, your metaphor is brilliant. I will never forget the first time a girl drunk dialed me, and as much as I loved her, I was furious for weeks about it. Drunk people are generally only appealing (if at all) to other drunk people.

[muggiwhplar]

I used to be very awkward around guys face to face. I just didn't have a clue how to flirt or how to behave around them. Especially the boys I liked.

 

Now, this is going to sound so lame, but the following method really worked for me. One of my friends was verrrryyy good at this, she just oozed charm and class. So I started observing her to figure out how she did it, listened to her talking to guys... and after a while, I started copying her. To my great astonishment, it worked. I gained the self-confidence I was lacking, which in its turn gave me the necessary oomph to develop my own 'style' and personality instead of being a copy cat.

 

Maybe you could look for a similar example in your surrounding. I'm not advocating you try to be someone you're not, but I would suggest you develop some 'game' skills, to put it a bit negatively/bluntly. Evidently you have something to work with already, considering that those hidden skills emerge when drunk, now you just need to boost that self-confidence so they're available when you're not inebriated.

 

Lol, the same thing happened to me too basically. :D I posted about it in-depth a couple of years ago: http://forum.tip.it/...60#entry4334031

[Sumpta]

Haha, well, I guess this just proves we're all the same animals, learning by example :grin:.

 

I agree with the others that you need to be careful with the drunk communication. Nobody likes emotional drunks and worse, if it happens several times, people tend to start suspecting you have an alcohol problem and/or psychological issues. Not attractive. At all. Learning to control yourself once drunk is one of the skills people need to develop asap on their road to adulthood.

 

Same with sending people emotional and frank e-mails in the middle of the night btw, drunk or not. God, that one took me a while to master, letting the draft sit until the morning and then judging its worth (usually: none). Oh, the shame.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Drunk actions are sober thoughts. And there's probably a reason you'd kept them at the "thought stage" to begin with.

[Estonian dude]

God damn... I've never drunk texted anyone or even prank called on my own. I am not using my phone that much. I mean, I don't even text and I don't activelly hunt for phone numbers or anything when sober.

And I meant calling before I got drunk, to go out somewhere together. But on my way to the bus, I dropped my phone while I was sober and now it's kaput...

 

EDIT: And Muggi, that post you linked here... GENIUS.

It explains everything about me.

But my problem has been, that my social anxiety has lasted longer. I got it when I moved out of town, after 3rd grade. And I am still not completely over it.

But, lately with the arrival of new freshmen in my high school I feel like the situation has changed a lot to the better. You see, before the start of this year, I only had one person who I often hanged out with. And he was in about the same situation as I was, 'cept he had been quiet all his life. People in his grade hadn't talked with him for once in 9 years, he was that bad. So we made a nice couple.

Now, this summer, he got a girl, and has been absolutely taken by her, so I am forced to contact with other people if I want to do anything at all. And now, after being a guard and a host for the freshmen party, and with everything I had to do with it, I feel myself much more comfortable around people. I chat with around 10 different people on FB daily and my classmates are jealous that I know so much about everything regarding our freshmen.

Once, when I was out with freshmen, someone said to me that wow, you are just like a leader here. That was a few weeks ago and when I was drunk.

 

I am still having trouble, getting out of that anxiety and I still have trouble speaking in real life because of reasons Muggi and the guy asking for advice had said, but I think I am healing. One bad thing still is that I live in a hellhole, and it takes me at least 1,5 hours of planning to simply get transportation to the town.

[muggiwhplar]

Getting a job that forces you to talk to strangers (especially hot girls) will also massively speed up the healing process. In my case, I was a cashier on campus. :thumbup:

[RpgGamer]

i as as ata a party ronight that was ali undea age guoelf sub t [bleep] that niice and i rrovev hom livek a en ashole but oh well. didnt hook up with anyonle but i thin im okay with tah; hod ium lonly.

[Estonian dude]

RPG, that is so screwed that even I wasn't so screwed yesterday. But I woke up with an unanswered call and two messages -_-

[Noxx]

i as as ata a party ronight that was ali undea age guoelf sub t [bleep] that niice and i rrovev hom livek a en ashole but oh well. didnt hook up with anyonle but i thin im okay with tah; hod ium lonly.

"I was at a party tonight that was all under age golf but [bleep] that was nice and i drove home like an [wagon] but oh well. Didn't hook up with anyone but im okay with that. God im lonely."

Did i get it right?

[Estonian dude]

I broke the rule of drunk chatting last night, as I found out in the morning.

Apparently, I only chatted with 2 on messenger, and in the morning as I apologized, I heard that one of them had jolly good laughs on me and the other had nothing against it either.

[Sumpta]

With all sympathy, you guys are quite the handful, aren't you?

 

(Don't kill me.)

[Aeon_]

But what one is capable of doing drunk, must also be possible whilst sober.

Sounds like some kind of Confucius saying.

[Omar]

With all sympathy, you guys are quite the handful, aren't you?

 

(Don't kill me.)

You betcha. ;)

[RpgGamer]

Sumpta's comment confuses me

 

Saq, some people aren't going to be angry that you're talking to them drunk. Having also clearly broken that rule last night myself, I sent a few facebook messages out and a text I shouldn't have. Apologizing isn't attractive, but neither is not apologizing. The trick is don't do anything you should have to apologize for. The facebook messages all went to long time friends that I missed, so they were happy to hear from me, no worries, no cares. The text I sent was to a girl I tried to get with like 2 years ago who likely didn't take it with the same fancy. Learn from me - it's not a great tactic to pick up girls whilst smashed. Barely ever works anyway.

 

Noxx...I think you were pretty close

i as as ata a party ronight that was ali undea age guoelf sub t [bleep] that niice and i rrovev hom livek a en ashole but oh well. didnt hook up with anyonle but i thin im okay with tah; hod ium lonly.

"I was at a party tonight that was all under age golf but [bleep] that was nice and i drove home like an [wagon] but oh well. Didn't hook up with anyone but im okay with that. God im lonely."

I'd say more like "I was at a party tonight that was all underage girls but (I don't know...) nice and I drove home like an [wagon] but oh well. Didn't hook up with anyone but I think I'm okay with that. God I'm lonely. "

 

What a depressing sentiment haha. Likely why I ended up facebooking some old friends though.

[Noxx]

You know, its more important that you had a good time. I know this is the relationship thread, but sometimes the best advice is to stay clear of relationships. I realised a few nights ago i love women. Like i love them. I love meeting new girls and talking to them. Few nights ago we went out for my birthday and i we went to a bar we never go to. Saw a load of new people, and the regulars there knew we were new there too. It was kind of awkward at first. I saw a hot girl dancing and kind of caught myself staring at her at one point. When she went to the bar i walked over to her kind of instictivly and told her i thought she was absolutely gorgeous. We started talking and had a great conversation with her. 15 minutes or so passed, i told her imshould get back to my friends so i said bye and whatever. As i turned around she grabbed my hand and i turned around. She asked me if i wanted her number snd i said "well to be honest, i really just came over here to tell you i thought you were stunning. My intention was not to try and pick you up. I dont really want your number, but thanks for offering"

I think its the first time in her kife she has ever been turned down. I continued my night like i the usual except i might have talked to two or three other girls. I saw the first girl looking at me a few times. We decided around 12 that we were going to leave and go to a different place and as we were leaving she came to me and asked ne where we were going. Told her we were leaving etc. She asked me where we were going, maybe she'll see me there later "but incase i dont maybe i could grab your number and give you a call sometime. We could go for a drink". Yep, she asked me for my number.

 

That whole night made me realise how much i liked talking to, and meeting new girls. And ive kind of made it my new goal to talk to at least one new girl every time i go out. Not get her number, just talk to her.

 

[muggiwhplar]

Good to hear, Noxx. That's basically the "best" attitude to have when you go out. You may find this video interesting-- I watched some of this guy's videos around this time last year and it was a huge game-changer for me.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8k9zCD4CnjE

[Omar]

I am a lot more okay with that than I am with DeAngelo's method.

[RpgGamer]

I've been single for 3 years with partial intention of doing so. I could have had a number of relationships down the road, but I usually end up backing out because I'm not a believer in that I could handle a relationship properly right now. Of course, after actively declining so many opportunities, I have to wonder if I'm ready now, but unfortunately it's hard to judge until the proper situation arises. Overall I know I'm best off single for the time being, and I do my part to keep it that way.

 

That being said, socializing is a lot of fun, and no strings attached hook ups are double edged swords.

[Estonian dude]

UPDATE:

Been talking with that girl quite constantly on messenger every single evening for like 2-3 weeks now. Like 3-4 hours at a time, up until one of us goes to sleep (note before 1 AM usually), once we went over 8 hours on a Sunday. I've managed to make it seem like she owes me a meal together sometime somewhere. Expecting that to happen next week, we're both super busy this week.

Thoughts, comments? Am I friendzoned or not? Talk has been quite generic so far, but we both have loads of laughs. And we haven't really chatted IRL, since I simply don't see her more than like once a day, and then she is always with a friend or something or I have to rush somewhere.

[Ginger_Warrior]

In these conversations, do you just talk about stuff or does it ever get a bit flirty?

[Estonian dude]

It does get a bit flirty aswell, though not too much... :(