"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[nine naked men]

I tried that with a girl just now and she literally died from second-hand embarrassment/pity.

 

Thanks buddy

[muggiwhplar]

Sometimes I want to rename this thread to "The Blind Leading the Blind-- and other such relationship advice"

[Giordano]

It's just something to say other than the standard routine, not really seeking attention as such but a way to get to know a person using randomness to break the ice. Of course you'd only do this in a club/bar where both of you would have couple of drinks in you.

Breaking the ice...to get attention.

 

 

I totally agree 100% with Ginger. I [bleep]ing hate it when people do that to me, I'd reckon others would feel the same.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Sometimes I want to rename this thread to "The Blind Leading the Blind-- and other such relationship advice"

Nothing turns a girl on like the thought of eating dead vermin.

[StrOwez]

It's just something to say other than the standard routine, not really seeking attention as such but a way to get to know a person using randomness to break the ice. Of course you'd only do this in a club/bar where both of you would have couple of drinks in you.

Breaking the ice...to get attention.

 

 

I totally agree 100% with Ginger. I [bleep]ing hate it when people do that to me, I'd reckon others would feel the same.

From both of your bios it has you both down as males so I don't know the places you two go where girls approach you and try and talk to you but in the normal smoking area this doesn't happen that often (from experience). My advice was to a guy who struggled carrying on small talk with a girl he'd just met at a club smoking area. Of course you wouldn't do this in a school, library, gym, etc.

You wouldn’t have to use the pigeon example as it was something I just made up for the post. You’d use your surroundings and adapt to each situation accordingly. And yes in the end you are breaking the ice to get her attention, but so what? There are hundreds of other men in the bar that'd step-up. How is she supposed to know that you're interested if you don't show her attention?

 

Sometimes I want to rename this thread to "The Blind Leading the Blind-- and other such relationship advice"

 

I don't know if that little dig was aimed at me but I'd only give advice that has worked for me in the past.

[Donnie]

Let me throw my 2 cents in there. Here is my tips to going through the dating game. I am a hetero male and I am giving advice to hetero males.

 

1.) approaching will allow you to meet more girls and the more you do it the more likely you are to be able to get a girlfriend. The catch here is you wont have any guarantee Katie in your English class will like you but if you talk to every girl you find attractive in your classes this semester you are systematically more likely to find at least one who will feel the same.

 

It sounds scary but you probably already approach. That girl in line you think is cute and you start a conversation with her, you just approached. That girl in math class as well. You don't have to be that guy who goes up to girls in the mall and trys to flirt with them. Just going about your day and building networks within the groups your part of is often enough. The real trick is to build networks. Join the gym make friends with the regulars there. Join a club at school, if you like programming join the programming club and something you may not have tried out like the photography club (who knows you may enjoy it). Make friends with your classmates, get their numbers, hangout with them. Join a sports team. The real trick to success in most anything is having a large social network. If you dont have one build one. Stop stereotyping and judging, the sports guys aren't all douches, you may like black girls, the chess club isn't bad to be apart of and yoga isn't gay. Dont be a prick and give things a chance and you will be rewarded with more relationships.

 

2.) Communication skills, learn how to keep a conversation alive. Make statements for information "You really seem like an artist" instead of "Are you an artist?" it makes the interaction feel less like an interview and more personal. If your completely wrong its okay just continue the conversation off what you learned. Make jokes, tease her, etc. Open up to her, be random. Compliment her in an honest way, such as "You have a great sense of style". There few rules, so dont feel trapped on what you should say. If you want to talk about vegetables go for it, if you want to talk about how you are a high level runescape player DO IT. It wont hurt you I promise. You can do all this while waiting in a long line. Or before class starts. Whenever really.

 

3.) being physical. If there is any trick out there that will make you successful with girls is being physical. If you can approach without fear and keep a conversation going try throwing some physical escalation into it. Touch her arm or shoulder when you first start talking. She probably wont even notice but she will feel closer to you. Salesmen use this all the time. As your conversations go along put your arm around her, touch her thigh, or hold her hand. A positive reaction is when she touches you back, a neutral one is when she does nothing. In both these cases continue to escalate. A negative reaction is if she moves away, pushes you off, looks annoyed, says to stop. This means you stop and go back to the last level of comfort. Try again as the conversation goes. She wont be angry even that your trying to hold her hand even if she rejects your advances a few times. You aren't groping her breasts or anything and the most likely reason is that she doesn't feel comfortable with you yet. Build comfort through telling her about yourself. Tell her your a level 126 in runescape, and you do it in your free time. I know you think im joking but since your on tip.it you obviously have/had a passion for RS and it wont hurt you to tell her your passions no matter how nerdy.

 

Watch her advances too, if she wants to go to a more secluded place go with it. Try to hug her, try to kiss her if she does this. If she says "I swear i never do this" tell her you don't either but you felt a connection with her, and make her feel good. Again this step sounds like something on a first date but it has happened to me within minutes of meeting a girl.

 

4.) If you have a connection with a girl from the previous steps continue from there. Get her number and go on a date with her. If she turns out to be a flake, shes not interested and you shouldn't fight it since it will end up being a bad date (assuming she actually goes). On your date I have 2 bits of advice. 1 is to go to multiple locations. 2 is to try and kiss her, no exceptions. You can take it from there, more dates, sex, relationship. In any particular order based on what you want.

[Estonian dude]

That networking stuff is pure gold. It is the solution to everything. Before this September I was kinda introverted guy that noone knew a thing about. I only knew my classmates from town. I was almost never invited anywhere.

Then that happened, that as a senior in school, we get to school in the freshmen in the high school. And I started communicating with them. And now I know about most of them more than their own classmates or anyone in my class, to be frank. I got invited to parties and I haven't had a free weekend since our freshmen greeting party. I am almost always invited somewhere or I have somewhere to go. This same weekend I am having 3 nights of fun. And now, people started asking me about parties. My old mates, that I've known my whole life for, that were the ones that I looked up to and partied when we were younger, started now asking me for parties.

What's also amazing is that atm in the school cantina there is no way I am eating alone. If I am there, and go sitting alone, someone always joins my table now. Last 2 years it used to be the other way around.

I am known as the chill dude, that can be talked to about anything, anytime. I am THE chillest dude in school. And I don't know how to say it otherwise :D

But, unfortunately it hasn't yet brought me to a relationship, since it is all hanging on me. I could have had a shot with a girl tonight, I saw it from how she looked me and how she approached me. But I was sober and I didn't do anything, I was simply chill and thus I lost her, to some other dude, who just picked it up and kissed her. Well, partly because she isn't THE girl that I have been talking about the last month.

 

EDIT: And oh, I started to mention, after you pass the critical limit, the network starts snowballing. As in, it starts growing as of itself. Even today, I got introduced to 20+ people, out of who I remember just a few, but still.

[Donnie]

I would definitely recommend flirting without alcohol for a while if your used to doing it while drunk/buzzed.

 

Ayyways your real goal once you got a healthy network is to talk to girls in it, tell them that you find them cute and would like to get to know them. What you are doing is filtering girls who don't like you, to avoid a friendzone. Keep in mind a girl who doesn't like you will never like you and you shouldnt waste your time on her. That girl who "friendzoned" you that eventually you got with, had liked you this whole time and in a roundabout way you were the one who friendzoned her.

 

The more you make it clear that your interested by flirting via conversation and physically the less time you waste on a girl who doesn't like you. This is where "nice guys" go wrong, they are too scared to be rejected that they don't filter out girls who dont like them and spend all their time trying to seduce her by being nice or buyer her interests. Both are backhanded and kind of manipulative.

 

So when you approach or get approached just display your interest if you do have interest. Tell her you find her cute, flirt with her and touch her. If she is interested she will respond to it. If she isn't you avoided being thrown in the friendzone. I cant guarantee anything but since the girl approached you at the party she obviously had some interest in you and if you would've showed her interest in return you could've been the one to be making out with her. At least with me I regret missed opportunities more then any rejection I have ever gotten.

[Ginger_Warrior]

One my friends back home has just split up with her husband. It's been a very fast, clean break-up. I'm going back next weekend, which will be my first opportunity to speak to her about it. We're going to be at a birthday party so I'm not sure if she'll want to go into morbid details but apart from that, I'm not really sure what to say to her.

 

My other friends say she's acting quite happy over it, but I suspect she's just putting a face on. I'm really not sure whether to go with the act or not.

[RpgGamer]

I like you Donnie. Stick around.

[Estonian dude]

That flirting/chatting while sober ain't working for me. For one, I live outside the city and I only am in city in school or at parties. And there are nearly no such things as sober parties. It's just in our Eastern European culture that we get drunk as hell.

And also, I start blushing when sober and when trying to flirt... Kinda makes it hard :D

[Donnie]

I dont think sober parties are normal anywhere haha.

 

But its not a big deal either way so do whatever is more comfortable, my stance was that once you get over the awkwardness of sober flirting you might prefer it. Nothing against drinking I know that it is an easy confidence boost but try not to rely on it is all I have to say.

[Ginger_Warrior]

I think that's a good attitude. People drink alcohol: simple reality of life. To lose their inhibitions, because it's a social thing, because they're anxious. I like to see it differently though... people don't suddenly become someone that they're not because they're drunk. They're still themselves, it's just that the normal social restraints they'd put on themselves aren't being applied, because they're drunk, and so things which they would normally feel embarrassed about or things they might want to keep hidden come to the forefront of their persona.

 

If you're flirting with girls when you're drunk, then you can do it when you're not drunk. It's a bit more intimidating because you haven't had a few, but you can still do it, and it's probably more effective because the girl (or boy) is sober and knows exactly what they're getting themselves in for if they decide to entertain it.

[Estonian dude]

Now, I spoke with that other girl that approached me on Saturday. And I realized, I could've just taken her... She regretted that kiss with that random dude and asked me not to tell about it to anyone.

And we chatted on for 4 more hours today :D .

But yes, it seems that I friendzone girls, rather than the other way around...

[muggiwhplar]

Out of curiosity, to those of you who have a tendency to get drunk before you start talking to girls.

 

What's your overall personality like when sober, and how does it change when you're drunk, if at all? Do you become more relaxed? More aggressive?

[Noxx]

In general people who have a problem talking to girls when they are sober are the shyer people. And drinking relaxes them, making them more comfortable about their "insecurities".

Or it just give them a "[bleep] it" attitude meaning the thought of getting rejected bothers them less.

 

I know this was the case for me and for many of my friends with similar personalities.

[Omar]

Out of curiosity, to those of you who have a tendency to get drunk before you start talking to girls.

 

What's your overall personality like when sober, and how does it change when you're drunk, if at all? Do you become more relaxed? More aggressive?

Beer goggles, and the general loose atmosphere helps to get comfortable.

[Estonian dude]

I really am a shy person, when sober, especially when chatting in real life. Well, I've gotten a lot braver in the last years, but there is still a long way to go for me feeling comfortable flirting with girls face to face when sober.

[Tim]

In general people who have a problem talking to girls when they are sober are the shyer people. And drinking relaxes them, making them more comfortable about their "insecurities".

Or it just give them a "[bleep] it" attitude meaning the thought of getting rejected bothers them less.

 

I know this was the case for me and for many of my friends with similar personalities.

 

Sums it up. (Is one of them)

[Sumpta]

One my friends back home has just split up with her husband. It's been a very fast, clean break-up. I'm going back next weekend, which will be my first opportunity to speak to her about it. We're going to be at a birthday party so I'm not sure if she'll want to go into morbid details but apart from that, I'm not really sure what to say to her.

 

My other friends say she's acting quite happy over it, but I suspect she's just putting a face on. I'm really not sure whether to go with the act or not.

 

Ouch. That's a painful situation. I think you'll just have to wait and see for yourself how she's doing. Maybe she is just putting on a brave face, but she might also be genuinely relieved. Right now, you don't know what happened between them. All you can do is ask her how she's doing and show her you'll listen if and when she wants to talk. If she is putting up an act and refuses to deal... well, I think you should go with it, up to a point. It's no use prodding her, but I don't think you should blindly go with the fake 'happy happy' either. If I were you, I'd probably look for some non-committal middle ground and keep alert so I could catch her if and when she did reach her breaking point.

 

 

As for the drunk/sober issue. I despise it when drunk guys try to make passes on me. Always have. There are the uncommon occasions when a bit of mutually tipsy flirting is a lot of fun, but it's rare for both parties to hit the inebriation sweet spot at the same time.

[Omar]

Well, if they're always significantly more drunk than you are you, you'll never take them seriously. Not to make a stab, but expecting you to be drinking and up for it as well is a reasonable assumption to make in that environment.

[StrOwez]

Out of curiosity, to those of you who have a tendency to get drunk before you start talking to girls.

 

What's your overall personality like when sober, and how does it change when you're drunk, if at all? Do you become more relaxed? More aggressive?

 

I don't change much when drunk except maybe I'll be a bit more friendly and engaging. I went sober for around 6 months at one stage just to do it, and it actually put girls off that I'd be sober and they'd be tipsy. This is because they'd be concious of embarrassing themselves. When both of you are drunk, you are both on the same level, not having a drink makes you seem superior in some way or another.

 

One of my friends never drinks on nights outs and he's one of the most sociable people you'd meet. Alcohol doesn't give you a new personality it kind of pushes out and enhances the character that you already have.

[Randox]

I would say that if your actions change, then this constitutes a change in personality. Think of it this way. You have two versions of your self all the time. There is the version of you that you know, the one inside your head, and there is the version of yourself that everyone else knows, which is you inner self filtered through the expectations of society (the social rules you learn, so that you can interact in the world around you with your own species). Drinking doesn't change inner you, your core personality, but it often does change the outer you, because drinking modifies the rules by which you filter yourself.

[Donnie]

Back to my original stance that practicing while sober isn't a bad thing especially if it builds real confidence that wont wear out in 2 hours ;). Plus what Sumpta said applies for a lot of girls. Like I said not bad either way but if you try it out you might find you like the interactions better while sober or very lightly buzzed.

[Estonian dude]

But at least for me comes the problem of not daring to even try without. I can't even approach pretty girls in real life for a chat, when sober. Even when I am approached, I get anxious and nervous. And there is no freaking enjoyment in it.

I suppose I am an alcoholic...

Only way I can quite freely chat with someone is through the internet, through messenger, without direct contact... And getting to my current phase of daring even then took me a year of chatting with girls that I had known for a loooooong time. And even now I am not daring to really flirt online either.

Alcohol even doesn't make me feel really comfortable, unless I am in a stand, where I can't remember any details anymore...

My mind puts such [bleep]ing blockades on me way.