"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Furah]

Oh, but why would you get so mad? It might have been rude. Just grow a pair and get over it. Is that the first time I've used the expression? I think so!

I think he was up much later than usual.

[Flyingjj]

Hey y'all, long time no post for me. My laptop went out on me, and it was just too much work to log in and out of a school computer just to post one little thing, but I thought I'd drop by with a bit of news.

 

I'm sure this has quite surely been lost in the mix, given that I posted it, what, nearly 7 months ago? So anyway, read for background, update after that.

 

So I think a friend of mine likes me. It's quite complicated though. She shares a lot with me, and I comfort her through a lot of things. Recently she told me about her first real "crush" of sorts and how much she admired this person and everything about them. She says all the things she likes about this person. The thing is, the things she says about this person could also be applied to the friendship I have with her. Also, she has made comparisons between me and this other person. She has been rejected by the other person, but they still maintain a very close friendship. So, lots of reasons to suspect she does. Tonight, she stops by and we talk a bit about our day. She seems like she wants to say something, so I stay quiet. After looking down for a while, she gives me a look and we meet eyes for a minute. After breaking eye contact, she asks me what I thought her look was saying. To me it seemed like her look was saying that she had something to say, and that she saw something that made her happy in me, but I didn't want to say that, so I just downplayed it a bit and said I don't know. After some more silence and her seeming like she wanted to say something, she gets up saying she needs to go to bed. Finally, I say that she looked like she needed to say something. She then gives a cryptic response of something like "I often feel that way around you, my mind wants to say something but my mouth won't say words. You seem to make people feel that way sometimes. Its kind of like that line from Cars [the Disney/Pixar film]: I create feelings in others that they themselves don't understand." She then continues on her way to bed.

 

So I don't even know... We'll see what happens. I don't want to push her on the subject and end up feeling completely stupid when it turns out to be something completely different, but who knows.

 

At the very least it takes my mind away from my ex, who goodness knows I need to give up on but can't shake.

My interactions with her last night made it seem like she's not actually interested, by that I mean she was completely cool around me and there was nothing out of the ordinary. She just was saddened that her feelings for her crush weren't returned, and that there was nothing she could do about it. If she does have feelings for me, they are obviously much less than they are for said crush.

 

As for my own feelings about the situation, they're complicated. She's always been classified by me as "off-limits" for me to actually have feelings for, for a number of reasons I can't share, even though I think I've had slight feelings for her from time to time. What's different this time is that thinking she had feelings for me took down some of the barriers I put up to prevent myself from developing feelings for her, so I really did start to like her. Meh, I've blocked the feelings before, I can do it again. They aren't strong enough to break my mental blocks. And if it turns out she does like me, then I can let them take their course if and when that time comes.

Umm... So, we've been growing slowly closer over the past 7 months, spending more and more time, becoming closer and closer friends. That's right, I said friends. It was way past the point where people have asked us if we were dating, which we weren't, and as much as I thought she might have been crushing on me back then, she wasn't. But now, things have changed. It's kind of weird, but to make a very long story short, we're dating now. But that's a secret, at least until next week. We're taking until then to figure out both if this is what we want (less this, and more the next, we've had some time to think that through) and to figure out how to tell everyone who thought we might be dating that we weren't dating secretly all along, and that they need to wipe that smug "I told you so" look off their face right now, because neither of us really expected it to happen, yet it did. It's weird, because the possibility has floated around my dreams, but now... it's actually true.

[RpgGamer]

Hey y'all, long time no post for me. My laptop went out on me, and it was just too much work to log in and out of a school computer just to post one little thing, but I thought I'd drop by with a bit of news.

 

I'm sure this has quite surely been lost in the mix, given that I posted it, what, nearly 7 months ago? So anyway, read for background, update after that.

 

So I think a friend of mine likes me. It's quite complicated though. She shares a lot with me, and I comfort her through a lot of things. Recently she told me about her first real "crush" of sorts and how much she admired this person and everything about them. She says all the things she likes about this person. The thing is, the things she says about this person could also be applied to the friendship I have with her. Also, she has made comparisons between me and this other person. She has been rejected by the other person, but they still maintain a very close friendship. So, lots of reasons to suspect she does. Tonight, she stops by and we talk a bit about our day. She seems like she wants to say something, so I stay quiet. After looking down for a while, she gives me a look and we meet eyes for a minute. After breaking eye contact, she asks me what I thought her look was saying. To me it seemed like her look was saying that she had something to say, and that she saw something that made her happy in me, but I didn't want to say that, so I just downplayed it a bit and said I don't know. After some more silence and her seeming like she wanted to say something, she gets up saying she needs to go to bed. Finally, I say that she looked like she needed to say something. She then gives a cryptic response of something like "I often feel that way around you, my mind wants to say something but my mouth won't say words. You seem to make people feel that way sometimes. Its kind of like that line from Cars [the Disney/Pixar film]: I create feelings in others that they themselves don't understand." She then continues on her way to bed.

 

So I don't even know... We'll see what happens. I don't want to push her on the subject and end up feeling completely stupid when it turns out to be something completely different, but who knows.

 

At the very least it takes my mind away from my ex, who goodness knows I need to give up on but can't shake.

My interactions with her last night made it seem like she's not actually interested, by that I mean she was completely cool around me and there was nothing out of the ordinary. She just was saddened that her feelings for her crush weren't returned, and that there was nothing she could do about it. If she does have feelings for me, they are obviously much less than they are for said crush.

 

As for my own feelings about the situation, they're complicated. She's always been classified by me as "off-limits" for me to actually have feelings for, for a number of reasons I can't share, even though I think I've had slight feelings for her from time to time. What's different this time is that thinking she had feelings for me took down some of the barriers I put up to prevent myself from developing feelings for her, so I really did start to like her. Meh, I've blocked the feelings before, I can do it again. They aren't strong enough to break my mental blocks. And if it turns out she does like me, then I can let them take their course if and when that time comes.

Umm... So, we've been growing slowly closer over the past 7 months, spending more and more time, becoming closer and closer friends. That's right, I said friends. It was way past the point where people have asked us if we were dating, which we weren't, and as much as I thought she might have been crushing on me back then, she wasn't. But now, things have changed. It's kind of weird, but to make a very long story short, we're dating now. But that's a secret, at least until next week. We're taking until then to figure out both if this is what we want (less this, and more the next, we've had some time to think that through) and to figure out how to tell everyone who thought we might be dating that we weren't dating secretly all along, and that they need to wipe that smug "I told you so" look off their face right now, because neither of us really expected it to happen, yet it did. It's weird, because the possibility has floated around my dreams, but now... it's actually true.

 

You are the most ass-backward spontaneous romantic I've ever encountered.

[Flyingjj]

You are the most ass-backward spontaneous romantic I've ever encountered.

Umm... Thank you? :unsure: :P

[Furah]

Just take it as a compliment.

 

Hope things go well for you man, be sure to keep us updated. Success stories here really cheer me up.

[Sam]

 

Nice one!

[Iamdan]

Is insecurity in relationships a massive turnoff for anyone else here? My girlfriend is worried because I slept around before I was with her and is worried I will cheat on her. I have no idea how to convince her I won't other than hoping for trust with time. Hanging with previous partners doesn't help which is understandable, but I can't exactly drop my social life for her.

 

Am I a bad person for internally rolling my eyes when she starts a conversation with 'I'm worried"

 

I mean I want her to talk to me about anything and I'm glad she does, but I can't control my feelings and level of attraction.

[Lenticular_J]

Is insecurity in relationships a massive turnoff for anyone else here? My girlfriend is worried because I slept around before I was with her and is worried I will cheat on her. I have no idea how to convince her I won't other than hoping for trust with time. Hanging with previous partners doesn't help which is understandable, but I can't exactly drop my social life for her.

 

Am I a bad person for internally rolling my eyes when she starts a conversation with 'I'm worried"

 

I mean I want her to talk to me about anything and I'm glad she does, but I can't control my feelings and level of attraction.

Just tell her exactly how you feel and what you think. The truth works. If you internally roll your eyes, chide yourself. Make it apparent to her that she's the only lass in your life. Not just apparent. Say it. Sweep her off her feet. Well, even harder than you already are - I trust you.

[Flyingjj]

Dan: That would be hard. I guess tell her that you think these things, and that you think it's harmful to your relationship for her to doubt you. Relationships are all about trust, so if she can't trust you, or even give you a chance, then... well.

 

 

Anyway, things are going well with my new relationship. Still got a few days left until our agreed upon anounce to the world day (aka, tell our friends). Particularly difficult will be telling my former girlfriend. Though that relationship is a year and a half gone, there still seems to be a certain amount of attraction between us, and she may still have slight feelings for me, though she was the one who broke it off. We're still really good friends, but my girlfriend and I both are really good friends with my former girlfriend. We can't decide who should actually tell her. I'll probably end up being the one to do it, though I'm not sure how to quite go about it. I know I'll probably just have to come right out and say it, but I figured I'd ask around here to see if anyone had a brilliant idea of how to do it.

[obfuscator]

I don't think you need to tell her at all, or at least don't make an occasion of it. If you guys are over, you're over..if it comes up in casual conversation that should be sufficient imo.

[Sam]

I'd let her find out herself about it - if you are around your ex in social situation don't go on about your girlfriend too much, that's a recipe for disaster.

[RpgGamer]

I'd let her find out herself about it - if you are around your ex in social situation don't go on about your girlfriend too much, that's a recipe for disaster.

 

I actually disagree. If she's a friend, she may feel like you're keeping things from her. I'd tell her, but don't make a big thing about it. A simple "I'm dating this chick now, thought you might like to know" is sufficient. That's all my ex ever gave me, and that's all I needed to hear.

 

 

As for the jealous girlfriend? I find it annoying, but at the same time cute that she cares. As Lent said, just assure her that she's the only true girl for you, it just took a few trys to get there.

[Flyingjj]

I don't think you need to tell her at all, or at least don't make an occasion of it. If you guys are over, you're over..if it comes up in casual conversation that should be sufficient imo.

 

 

I'd let her find out herself about it - if you are around your ex in social situation don't go on about your girlfriend too much, that's a recipe for disaster.

Seriously? Both me and my girlfriend think this is a bad idea. We were thinking more something along the lines of what RPG had in mind. When I say my ex is still my friend, I really mean it. She's still in the top 5 people I'm closest to. I still get hugs from her all the time.

 

I think she'd be hurt to find it out from someone other than my girlfriend or I, and we don't want that to happen. I know it's sort of her problem, being as she broke up with me, but still, it's a sensitive issue and my girlfriend and I don't want to lose our relationship with my ex.

[obfuscator]

Here's the thing. Regardless of what happened between you guys in the past, it's over - and you're just friends now. So, tell her as you'd tell a friend - casually, without any special drama.

 

If she (ex) has a problem with that, then you have a whole other problem on your hands since she obviously still has feelings for you.

[Flyingjj]

Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if she did still have feelings for me. And sometimes I do too. Our relationship did not end because we didn't like each other enough, or because we had some irresolvable fight, but because she didn't want to be in a relationship. In her words, "I didn't realize how much being single was a part of my identity." In other words, she wanted to date me, not be in a relationship, which is not what I wanted anyway.

 

And yeah, that's probably what will happen. I was just seeing if anyone had any brilliant ideas that I somehow didn't think of.

 

It will be casual, but I still want to do it one on one so if she is upset about it, she has a chance to react.

[Iamdan]

Is insecurity in relationships a massive turnoff for anyone else here? My girlfriend is worried because I slept around before I was with her and is worried I will cheat on her. I have no idea how to convince her I won't other than hoping for trust with time. Hanging with previous partners doesn't help which is understandable, but I can't exactly drop my social life for her.

 

Am I a bad person for internally rolling my eyes when she starts a conversation with 'I'm worried"

 

I mean I want her to talk to me about anything and I'm glad she does, but I can't control my feelings and level of attraction.

Just tell her exactly how you feel and what you think. The truth works. If you internally roll your eyes, chide yourself. Make it apparent to her that she's the only lass in your life. Not just apparent. Say it. Sweep her off her feet. Well, even harder than you already are - I trust you.

 

 

Might go with that. I'll do more of the 'i was thinking about you today' etc. I think telling her about what I posted would make her more insecure and add to the problem.

 

 

Looks like I just lost a friend of 11 years. The guy who just broke up with his girlfriend. I told him if he wanted to hang then to say so, which he didn't. When I went out with her (I'm friends with her too) he turned into a whiny [bleep] because I dogged him for her apparently. Now he's talking [cabbage] behind my back, and trying to warn her to stay away from me which we both got a good laugh from. She doesn't want anything to do with him and he's still obsessed :/

 

I hate this high school girl style [bleep]ing. I'd prefer him having the chops to take a swing at me to this.

 

He's also accusing me of trying to get with her, when it's her interested in me and I have a [bleep]ing girlfriend. Even if I were single I would be against the friend's ex thing but the way he is carrying on is making me care less and less about that.

[Guest Rob]

---

[tripsis]

Good news, she liked her present. :D

To state the obvious, girls do like flowers, teddy bears, poetry, and other romantic stuff.

I can vouch for that :P Teddy bears <3:

[RpgGamer]

Good news, she liked her present. :D

To state the obvious, girls do like flowers, teddy bears, poetry, and other romantic stuff.

 

didn't you two just break up...?

 

or was that someone else?

[Furah]

This ones more aimed at the party animals.

 

In about a fortnight I'm going to an end-of-school-year party, no alcohol (although people are bound to bring some anyway) and I do believe I'll be the only out-of-school person there. Advice?

[Guest Rob]

---

[aquariusman]

Yeah, so remember how I talked about that girl that's two years younger than me? Pretty much I'm confused as [bleep] right now. We were just hanging out, watching How I Met Your Mother, talking, and playing with my 4 month-old puppy (:3). But yeah, I have no clue what my feelings are for her, not sure if I see her as a friend or more than a friend; I'm not even sure of how much I liked hanging out with her. If she was closer to my age, I definitely think I'd make a move, but because of the fact that I'm still undecided about the age issue, I can't.

 

Oh, and it is completely a mental thing. I think she's pretty, I don't think she looks that much younger than me, and she doesn't act that young either. I definitely just need to decide whether man'ing up is actually man'ing up, or just being plain creepy.

[RpgGamer]

Yeah, so remember how I talked about that girl that's two years younger than me? Pretty much I'm confused as [bleep] right now. We were just hanging out, watching How I Met Your Mother, talking, and playing with my 4 month-old puppy (:3). But yeah, I have no clue what my feelings are for her, not sure if I see her as a friend or more than a friend; I'm not even sure of how much I liked hanging out with her. If she was closer to my age, I definitely think I'd make a move, but because of the fact that I'm still undecided about the age issue, I can't.

 

Oh, and it is completely a mental thing. I think she's pretty, I don't think she looks that much younger than me, and she doesn't act that young either. I definitely just need to decide whether man'ing up is actually man'ing up, or just being plain creepy.

 

Bro, last weekend I went to a highschool homecoming and hooked up with a 15 year old.

 

Too Young is just a Japanese name

[Shiny]

This ones more aimed at the party animals.

 

In about a fortnight I'm going to an end-of-school-year party, no alcohol (although people are bound to bring some anyway) and I do believe I'll be the only out-of-school person there. Advice?

 

You're out of school? Spike the punch, nothing'll happen to you.

[Tim]

Yeah, so remember how I talked about that girl that's two years younger than me? Pretty much I'm confused as [bleep] right now. We were just hanging out, watching How I Met Your Mother, talking, and playing with my 4 month-old puppy (:3). But yeah, I have no clue what my feelings are for her, not sure if I see her as a friend or more than a friend; I'm not even sure of how much I liked hanging out with her. If she was closer to my age, I definitely think I'd make a move, but because of the fact that I'm still undecided about the age issue, I can't.

 

Oh, and it is completely a mental thing. I think she's pretty, I don't think she looks that much younger than me, and she doesn't act that young either. I definitely just need to decide whether man'ing up is actually man'ing up, or just being plain creepy.

 

Bro, last weekend I went to a highschool homecoming and hooked up with a 15 year old.

 

Too Young is just a Japanese name

I hope you didnt have sex or sexual conduct with her