How would you raise your children?

[tripsis]

Be open for change. Thank you for this thread.

 

 

 

Oh you are very welcome. :

 

 

 

The most important thing for me would not be someone my children fear. I don't want them to see me as someone who just disciplines or gets mad all the time. I want them to be able to come to me for everything and not be afraid to do so.

 

 

 

I think it's possible to both fear and love your parents. My folks can get pretty scary sometimes but I still respect them and it that scare tactic is probably one of the main reasons I never get into any trouble.

 

I know what you mean but I guess what I was trying to say is that I want my children to feel comfortable coming to me when they have to make a big decision, or if they need help, or when they have boyfriend trouble, etc. My parents have always behaved in such a way that I have never been comfortable with talking to them like I would a friend because they never make an effort to truly connect with me. I don't feel comfortable telling my parents I messed up or made a mistake, because they're the kind of people who would just get mad and punish me for it. They don't try to talk to me about it. They just hear what happened and punish me accordingly. They rarely listen to what I have to say. It's so bad that I would feel better lying to them than telling them the truth. I don't want my kids to be in that situation.

 

 

 

I know that the kind of fear that you mentioned can be effective, but I wouldn't want to use a "scare tactic" on my children. I would want to establish a more personal bond and find other ways to prevent them from getting into trouble.

 

 

 

The most important thing for me would not be someone my children fear. I don't want them to see me as someone who just disciplines or gets mad all the time. I want them to be able to come to me for everything and not be afraid to do so.

 

 

 

The flaw in that logic is there comes a point where your forgiving, "i won't get mad, it's okay" attitude is...the kid will start believing it. The things they do would get worse and worse (in theory) because they have the belief that as long as they come to you, it's still okay. Atleast that's a pattern I've noticed.

 

I don't mean that I just would never get mad at my kids. I mean that if my kid were to make a mistake, I wouldn't want them to think, "Omg my parents are going to kill me.. they'll never understand why I did this.. they just don't care." I know that being "overly lenient" can be a bad thing. There are people in my grade who drink and do drugs and when their parents find out, their 'punishment' is not getting to sit on the floor at a basketball game.. instead they have to sit in the stands. That kind of parenting is just stupid. As I said in my above reply to Zierro, I just want my kids to be comfortable with talking to me on a personal level. I don't want them to see me as just a parent who drives them places, cooks them dinner and yells at them when they screw up. A lot of parents are like that, and I don't want to be one of them :P

[RpgGamer]

Be open for change. Thank you for this thread.

 

 

 

Oh you are very welcome. :

 

 

 

The most important thing for me would not be someone my children fear. I don't want them to see me as someone who just disciplines or gets mad all the time. I want them to be able to come to me for everything and not be afraid to do so.

 

 

 

I think it's possible to both fear and love your parents. My folks can get pretty scary sometimes but I still respect them and it that scare tactic is probably one of the main reasons I never get into any trouble.

 

I know what you mean but I guess what I was trying to say is that I want my children to feel comfortable coming to me when they have to make a big decision, or if they need help, or when they have boyfriend trouble, etc. My parents have always behaved in such a way that I have never been comfortable with talking to them like I would a friend because they never make an effort to truly connect with me. I don't feel comfortable telling my parents I messed up or made a mistake, because they're the kind of people who would just get mad and punish me for it. They don't try to talk to me about it. They just hear what happened and punish me accordingly. They rarely listen to what I have to say. It's so bad that I would feel better lying to them than telling them the truth. I don't want my kids to be in that situation.

 

 

 

I know that the kind of fear that you mentioned can be effective, but I wouldn't want to use a "scare tactic" on my children. I would want to establish a more personal bond and find other ways to prevent them from getting into trouble.

 

 

 

The most important thing for me would not be someone my children fear. I don't want them to see me as someone who just disciplines or gets mad all the time. I want them to be able to come to me for everything and not be afraid to do so.

 

 

 

The flaw in that logic is there comes a point where your forgiving, "i won't get mad, it's okay" attitude is...the kid will start believing it. The things they do would get worse and worse (in theory) because they have the belief that as long as they come to you, it's still okay. Atleast that's a pattern I've noticed.

 

I don't mean that I just would never get mad at my kids. I mean that if my kid were to make a mistake, I wouldn't want them to think, "Omg my parents are going to kill me.. they'll never understand why I did this.. they just don't care." I know that being "overly lenient" can be a bad thing. There are people in my grade who drink and do drugs and when their parents find out, their 'punishment' is not getting to sit on the floor at a basketball game.. instead they have to sit in the stands. That kind of parenting is just stupid. As I said in my above reply to Zierro, I just want my kids to be comfortable with talking to me on a personal level. I don't want them to see me as just a parent who drives them places, cooks them dinner and yells at them when they screw up. A lot of parents are like that, and I don't want to be one of them :P

 

 

 

I understand. I never meant to imply that you would be intentionally be overly leanient. I'm just saying the line between over protective and under protective is a thin wire that very few parents that I've ever seen have achieved. I myself would rather fall on the over protective or "harsh" parent side. Atleast that way my kid will understand consequence.

[tripsis]

I understand. I never meant to imply that you would be intentionally be overly leanient. I'm just saying the line between over protective and under protective is a thin wire that very few parents that I've ever seen have achieved. I myself would rather fall on the over protective or "harsh" parent side. Atleast that way my kid will understand consequence.

 

I know, I was just trying to clarify myself :) You are definitely right that it is a very fine line. I guess you could consider this to be a lifetime goal? ;) If/when I eventually do have kids, I'm sure that everything will make more sense to me. My ideas and wishes my change or develop further and hopefully for the better.

[Zierro]

I don't think there really can be a happy-medium in this situation. Sure some parents are more balanced than others but look who we're talking about here: children. As a child, I got really ticked off at my parents when they didn't give me what I wanted. I was irrational as hell. And when I see other kids interact with their parents I see a very similar pattern. Be a little strict and they will think you're terrible - be a little lenient and they will think you're a joke. Ahh, kids... gotta em.

[tripsis]

I don't think there really can be a happy-medium in this situation. Sure some parents are more balanced than others but look who we're talking about here: children. As a child, I got really ticked off at my parents when they didn't give me what I wanted. I was irrational as hell. And when I see other kids interact with their parents I see a very similar pattern. Be a little strict and they will think you're terrible - be a little lenient and they will think you're a joke. Ahh, kids... gotta em.

 

Haha I definitely know what you mean. Especially because most kids compare their parents to others, it just gets even worse :P I know that my kids will probably never see the effort I will try to make, but at least I will know what I'm trying to achieve.

[BlueLancer]

 

jewish morals and ethics

 

jewish traditions

 

 

 

 

That reminds me.. I have frankly no idea whether it's a good idea to teach my languages & traditions to my kids or not.

 

 

 

I mean... It'd be pretty awkward living, say, in the US surrounded by english & spanish speaking families, teaching the kid finnish (which is pretty much my 1st language), or serbian/croatian, possibly russian... They'd have absolutely nobody to communicate in the language with except me, and distant cousins in mainland Europe. Sure they'd grow bilingual and learn english anyways, but what use would their 2nd language be?

 

 

 

A dilemma really, because I wouldn't want to butcher my roots & make my offspring oblivious to where they came from. But I don't want to make my kids confused either, & it'd be really weird if your wife can't talk the language you're speaking to your kids.

 

 

 

Gotta decide that in due time later probably :lol:

[BlackDawn]

I would raise my child under the ways of dragoonson's church of awesome, amen brudda.

[Distracted]

 

jewish morals and ethics

 

jewish traditions

 

 

 

 

That reminds me.. I have frankly no idea whether it's a good idea to teach my languages & traditions to my kids or not.

 

 

 

I mean... It'd be pretty awkward living, say, in the US surrounded by english & spanish speaking families, teaching the kid finnish (which is pretty much my 1st language), or serbian/croatian, possibly russian... They'd have absolutely nobody to communicate in the language with except me, and distant cousins in mainland Europe. Sure they'd grow bilingual and learn english anyways, but what use would their 2nd language be?

 

 

 

A dilemma really, because I wouldn't want to butcher my roots & make my offspring oblivious to where they came from. But I don't want to make my kids confused either, & it'd be really weird if your wife can't talk the language you're speaking to your kids.

 

 

 

Gotta decide that in due time later probably :lol:

 

 

 

My parents taught me Arabic, even though I've been living in Belgium ever since I was like... 2 years old maybe. I'm proud they did, since I grew up in a bilingual way like that. Also, my cousins who live in Canada, they were never tought Arabic, so they only speak English, so basically I grew up trilingual. Both help me when I visit relatives, but ofcourse my Arabic and English are close to useless here in Belgium, it can be useful for a later career, and to me it's also a great help when learning a new language. You'd be surprised how many Arabic words are close to their French counterparts.

 

 

 

Well, the way I'd raise my children is not to spoil them and treat them in a soft strict-but-just manner. I mean I wouldn't punish them for something small, but when they do certain things, they need to get punished so they don't do it again. My parents have close to no authority over me, since they never punish me or anything.

[Foxtrot17]

Lift him over my head.

[Sentry_Wolf]

I'd raise my child to be not afraid of me, I think that is the most important thing in a parent, I would know.

 

If they are throwing a tantrum, I'd listen to what was wrong and tell them what is needed to say; calm them down, and praise them for being a good boy/girl. :P

 

 

 

I'd listen to there problems with life and stuff, I don't want them to think of me just as their Father, I want them to think me as their friend who they can talk to.

 

 

 

I wouldn't spoil them at all. It would be a good life lesson to show that hard work gets you places, not getting everything handed to them when they want. But if they do something fit for a reward, they will get it. But still, I'll be a Father which makes time, like a family Sunday where the whole family goes out for the day. Do what the kids want, not something boring which I'd want to do, lol. (But of course there will be still candle-lit dinners for the wife and I on the Saturday night. Spoil the wife, not the kids!)

 

 

 

I'd educate them at a young age; I want them to be the best they can be.

 

Displacing them in a calm-verbal way, explain what could go wrong.

 

Make sure they are poliet, respectful to others and table manners!

 

 

 

I don't want to be anything like my Father, I want my kids to love me. Still, my Father is ok, but he has done some bad things to us. I will never throw out my first born son over to England with no more then £100 in his pocket.

 

 

 

Thank you for making this thread, I learned alot. It's also very rare I make a post in off-topic. :P

[RpgGamer]

I'd raise my child to be not afraid of me, I think that is the most important thing in a parent, I would know.

 

If they are throwing a tantrum, I'd listen to what was wrong and tell them what is needed to say; calm them down, and praise them for being a good boy/girl. :P

 

 

 

I'd listen to there problems with life and stuff, I don't want them to think of me just as their Father, I want them to think me as their friend who they can talk to.

 

 

 

I wouldn't spoil them at all. It would be a good life lesson to show that hard work gets you places, not getting everything handed to them when they want. But if they do something fit for a reward, they will get it. But still, I'll be a Father which makes time, like a family Sunday where the whole family goes out for the day. Do what the kids want, not something boring which I'd want to do, lol. (But of course there will be still candle-lit dinners for the wife and I on the Saturday night. Spoil the wife, not the kids!)

 

 

 

I'd educate them at a young age; I want them to be the best they can be.

 

Displacing them in a calm-verbal way, explain what could go wrong.

 

Make sure they are poliet, respectful to others and table manners!

 

 

 

I don't want to be anything like my Father, I want my kids to love me. Still, my Father is ok, but he has done some bad things to us. I will never throw out my first born son over to England with no more then £100 in his pocket.

 

 

 

Thank you for making this thread, I learned alot. It's also very rare I make a post in off-topic. :P

 

 

 

O_o

 

 

 

Your last statement baffles me. I'm not sure you learned anything from the discussion my methods rose. You sound like you took liberal and made it even more liberal. It all sounds great in theory, but I can tell you now, your kids will not take you seriously at all if you raise them in that manner.

[thrash-boy]

i wouldn't discipline with anger. (which i was)

 

i would make sure they not afraid of me at all.

 

ill give them independence and let them learn from mistakes. (i was sometimes, but rarely)

 

ill make sure they never feel like they shouldn't do something reasonable because there afraid i might not approve. ill make sure im not a restriction to them living their lifes. (i remember feeling like this when i was really young)

 

Hopefully they wont end up as shy as me with all that.

 

 

 

Ill make sure they know education is very important, and even if they want to muck around and throw things at teachers in unimportant classes, i wont let them do it in maths or English (English for the first 10 or so years atleast).

 

 

 

I wont send them to any expensive rich school full of [bleep]s who know it all (or think they do) and think their so much better than anyone. Ill send them to a state school with kids from other hard working middle class family's.

 

 

 

Ill make sure they develop a social life (which i didnt very well untill 3rd or 4th grade) as early as possible. Ill do everything they can to make sure they dont ever become a 'follower' (which i admittedly was). i dont expect, or even want a leader, but as long as they can make their own choices on things, and not give in to peer pressure easily.

 

 

 

ill let them know computers are a good resource, and teach them about them from an early age. ill also let them know they arnt the whole world. Ill give them there own cheap computer from no less than 14 years old. ill stop monitoring there internet usage when they hit 11 or 12.

 

 

 

ill certainly in force my love, my dads love, and my grandfathers love (and possibly hes dads love) of technical things (mechanics, technical drawing, engineering etc). he will be drawing basic technical drawings as soon as he can, and ill have him changing car wheels (except tightening nuts and lifting on and off of studs) by the age of 6.

 

ill help him build billy carts at younger ages, while teaching him a lot about cars. in the mid teen years ill do a car project with him (complete build from ground up), just like my dad is doing with me and my grandfather done with my dad.

 

cars are my biggest passion, probably my dads biggest passion, and ill keep that family tradition going.

 

 

 

ill make sure he doesn't waste his holidays on runescape like i did upto 2 years ago. i never knew how great life was untill i quit runescape.

 

 

 

most importantly ill be a cool dad. his mates will come to me in later teen life asking for help with their cars and wanting repair jobs done. ill be the cool car dude lol.

 

 

 

im sure theres other things i can think of but ive been here for atleast 30 minutes thinking and writing this post, so that will do for now.

[leila]

I'd probably spoil them.

 

I'd probably leave him out too long, i'm a terrible cook.

[AdamMonkey0]

I'd probably try to keep them within a healthy balance of technology and pshyical activity. I've seen what no-lifing for a few days can do to me, and I don't want my children to do the same mistake I did. Probably the best idea for punishments would be to get them to go somewhere to calm down, like play a videogame or read. If there is one mistake I've learned from my parents is that the bad kid doesn't get grounded when the good ones are being told to clean something up. For that, I will do the reverse, and use the cleaning as a punishment. For money, I would want to expose them to good savings skills, so I won't use credit cards. Instead, I will pay with cash or use debit.

 

 

 

There's some others too, but I would like to thank my parents for letting me learn from their mistakes :?

[Forerunner]

The two golden rules I would follow:

 

 

 

1. Do drugs - get a slap.

 

2. Listen to your mother.

[Shazarabbit]

As a mother I think i'd be alot different from the way my mum raised me. I for one would not aggravate my children. I'm not sure if anyone has experienced it, but when you tell your mother the truth so much to the point you are in tears when she accuses you of being wrong and she keeps going. You feel like you are going to die inside, because they keep belittling you.

 

 

 

I believe in discipline, but i don't believe in using objects to do it. A well balanced meal every night, meat and vegetables. I wouldn't force my children to eat a whole plate of food. As long they had a bit of everything they could leave the table without being forced to eat a meal they just weren't hungry for.

 

 

 

I also wouldnt be so overprotective that my children weren't allowed to have social lives until they were eighteen and dating. :wall:

 

 

 

As you can probably tell i did not like my childhood.

[ididnotlol]

Well I'd take the baby to the elders who would examine them to see if they were strong if they were strong by day I would raise them as a spartan warrior and by night I would teach them stuff such as maths, literature, philosophy and business ect.

 

 

 

If the elders did not think they were stong we would dump them on mountins.