Love�s power and influence over People

[trapical]

This is not a duplicate thread! I though Id try something different, sure in the past I did ten threads in ten days... but I have never done two sister threads at the same time. I don't mean to spam the forum with multiple threads, and in actuality the two threads are totally separate topics, they just share a background theme. Here I share a story and hope to read some of yours , while in the other thread I post some some amusing observations of the world around us. I hope you enjoy them both :

 

 

 

Love is a pretty crazy thing. Sure its a Hallmark idea now but it still has a basis in something unlike anything else. While it may seem at first like Im writing these two threads because I have fallen in love, the truth is sort of the opposite. I believe I have had sufficient experience with love to now report on it as an unbiased observer, and being a scientist by degree, I feel the need to report on my findings to someone :).

 

 

 

In truth love's affect on a man (or woman) really cant be defined or measured just like it cant be overestimated or ignored. For many women, love is a required part of life, something they are told to fantasize about and something they need to be whole. There is nothing wrong with this, and I almost wish it was that easy for men. You see for men it is different, they seem to think that love is an indulgence that is available if they have the time. I see men broken up into three groups: those in love, those who wish they were in love, and those who ignore it. Iv been in all three at one time or another and it is amazing when I look back at just what a person can do for the sake of that four letter word. To cut to the chase, heres my anecdote about how out of my way I went and how it affected my life. Hopefully you guys have similar stories to relate to:

 

 

 

Freshmen year I met a flawless girl, petite and skinny with a smiling personality and a 4.0 GPA. Me and seemingly half the freshmen class tried courting her a few years ago. It was a vicious battle really, and after two years it ended with me finishing a close second, heh. The point of the story is how it ended. At the end of sophomore/juinor year, pre-medical students in colleges across the nation take the dreaded MCAT. Its essentially the SAT on steroids, a 6 hour test of insane difficulty on the sciences, and you pretty much need to ace it to pass. It is the sole reason why only about 3% of kids who say they want to be doctors, grow up to become doctors. Anyway, summer vacation started with my and this other guy still courting this girl. Well, I figure that since she is a 4.0 premed student, it would be best if I did good on the MCAT, for the sole reason that everyone knows everyones scores by word of mouth, and if she heard I had a good score she'd look up to me. So, since the test is in September, students usually start studying early August or late July, giving them like plenty of time to review the material for 4 hours a day, 5-6 days a week. Yea know when I started studying? The first of May, for 6 hours a day, 7 days a week :lol:. I utterly destroyed that test when the day came, finishing almost an hour early. Most people left the testing center in shambles, I left with my hands twitching waiting for more.

 

 

 

School started back up and my insane studying over the summer put me in a position where I already knew the material for the classes that I signed up for, it was a boring semester rereading stuff I taught myself, but it was glorious the day the exam results came. Needless to say, I did very well on the test and the score carried me into an acceptance at a medical school the following summer. Wanna know the funny thing? I didnt get the girl. While I was studying my butt off (for her) she was out jet skiing with this other guy. They are currently engaged, but the fact that neither of them got accepted into any post graduate programs still makes me smirk.

 

 

 

Its still amusing for me to think about, I seriously have the worst ADD in the world, but it was gone that summer. And I mean gone. My mind was so focused on studying to win her heart I honestly don't remember anything else from that entire summer. Sure we learn from stories that love can start wars or convince kings, but apparently it can also make you study harder than a Buddhist Monk for an entire summer, and for that, I thank love. Sure I didn't get that girl, but there are others, and god knows there is no way I would have gotten into medical school without that ridiculous MCAT score.

 

 

 

Ah, good times. But what about you guys? Surly some of you have stories of things you have done for love? We dont second guess them when we do them, but wow, do they seem amusing in hindsight.

[Rebdragon]

Blah, okay, I'll stop.

[Dexek]

Definitely an interesting read. I can't say that I've gone too far out of my way to impress a girl. I generally believe that if she didn't notice me the first time around, I shouldn't expect much more the second time. I seem to find myself wavering between the categories of being in love, or ignoring it altogether. I never seem to be wanting that feeling, but when I least expect it, it occurs. I used to be more of a multiple girl kind of guy, but after meeting a small town farm girl (being a small town farm boy) I have changed my ways. Since meeting her I seem to spend any time that I can with her. I don't particularly attempt to impress her, as you did in your instance, but I do go out of my way to make her feel good. So far things are working out, and have been for the past 8 months. I can only hope for more of the same.

 

 

 

Glad to know that your situation was beneficial regardless of the result with the girl. The studying does sound a tad extreme, but I suppose that is the way of love. A roller coaster of extreme feelings.

[trapical]

Blah, okay, I'll stop.

 

You would edit your post just when I hit quote :shame:

 

 

 

Lol, oh Rebdragon, I need to make some more silly threads don't I

[Rebdragon]

i iz 2fast muahaha.

[Wongtong]

Hey, maybe you should thank the girl, she helped you with your determination to pass with flying colours. (Grats on getting into med school too)

 

 

 

I don't think I have done anything remotely crazy for actual love because I've never truely fallen in love with anybody. But I do some crazy things for people that I love in a platonic way.

 

 

 

Oh wait. I just realised it was 'Love's power and influence over Men'. I'm out. -.-

[trapical]

Yea sorry about the chavonistic 'men' title. I meant it like man in 'mankind', you know, general.

 

 

 

It also matched nicely with "media" in the title :

[aquariusman]

Second thread, and it's another good one.

 

 

 

I personally think that love is the same for men and women, girls and boys. Although I obviously lack the experience on one side of things, I would still assume that it would be the same. Women, as I think, just put more thought into love. From talking with my friends, females simply talk more about sex, think more about it, and plan more for everything love-related. One talk with my two (girl) friends lead to me finding out about their ideal weddings. I don't just mean general ideas, both of them had it planned down to times, locations, and clothing for everyone. Even a follow up conversation leading to honeymoons. As I guy, I honestly can't say I've ever put that much thought into love. Sure, I've thought about ideal dates and girlfriends, but nothing completely specific.

 

 

 

Love effects men and women the same. You take it away from either of their lives, I'd say both genders react to the same degrees, but maybe just in different ways. What I'd say this boils down to (And this is a bridge to your other thread) is that society has for centuries tried to specify how everyone should react to certain things, and when it comes to love, there are many double standards. Women should always be thinking about it, they should favour romantics entirely over sex, and should only bear with it for their partner's sake. Men, on the other hand, should have nothing to do with romantics, unless of course it is in the pursuit of sex. God forbid a man holds a women simply for the embrace and not for the progression towards the goal of sex. That is how I'd sum up this past century's view on love when it comes to men and women.

 

 

 

Now, to change the topic to something similar, 'Love's power and influence' - the exclusion is important - I would say that you are a good example of love being a good motivator, if you look at it in an optimistic light. You went through all those months of mind-numbing studying, just to impress a girl. At the end of it, you don't get the girl, but you do achieve something great; you've easily passed the MCAT, along with making your later classes easier. From your description, you find that it was worth it, and love just made achieving your goal more readily achieved. Sure, some people might not take something like that as well as you did, but I like to think that many more would rather than not. I'd say that the rose is the perfect symbol for love. Hold it lightly and you probably won't get torn, but hold on too tight and in the wrong spot, and you will just get hurt. In the end, you still have a rose, it just depends on how much you value the rose.

 

 

 

To quote my cousin, and my favourite quote concerning love:

 

"Love isn't someone else making you happy. Only you can make yourself happy. Love is finding someone else that you can be happy with."

[brunokiller]

I don't think love will ever change me that much.

[Racheya]

Yea sorry about the chavonistic 'men' title. I meant it like man in 'mankind', you know, general.

 

 

 

It also matched nicely with "media" in the title :

 

Sexist :o

 

 

 

I am now purposely going to talk about women. Fight the powa!

 

 

 

All I know really is my personal experience about love, and to be honest it holds little influence over me. As my kind best friend tends to remind me, I'm 17 without ever having a boyfriend. There have been times when I've just wanted love as you would call it... but most of the time I'm far too content to stay here all the time. Love makes you vulnerable. If I wouldn't dream of sharing my laptop password with a lover, then I why would I want to share my life? Love is just... something that other people have... that I don't need. It just makes me awkward, I don't even want love from my parents.

 

 

 

So it has little influence over me, but the same best friend has been in crying fits over her ex-boyfriend. Get this, he even told her that talking to me (over the internet) was a bad idea. Apparently I'm possessive, narcissistic, needy and taking advantage of her. And she believed him and barely talked to me for a while... (even though he's probably right), she listened to him. I've been her best friend for 2 years, spoken to her almost every day but being in love with him held that much influence over her. She still can't bring herself to delete him off her msn contacts, noob. -.-

[a_bert]

You see for men it is different, they seem to think that love is an indulgence that is available if they have the time.

 

 

 

I stopped reading at this point. I'd be surprised if even 30% of men (and I mean men, not teens) who thought that.

 

 

 

...I did carry on reading though. I like your anecdote, however you've confused love with something lesser. You don't *love* someone you met in your freshman year, without even being in a relationship with them. You studied so hard because you wanted to be a doctor, and "impressing" the girl was as you said earlier (for yourself) an "indulgence that is available if they have the time".

 

 

 

/shrug

[trapical]

You see for men it is different, they seem to think that love is an indulgence that is available if they have the time.

 

 

 

I stopped reading at this point. I'd be surprised if even 30% of men (and I mean men, not teens) who thought that.

 

 

 

...I did carry on reading though. I like your anecdote, however you've confused love with something lesser. You don't *love* someone you met in your freshman year, without even being in a relationship with them. You studied so hard because you wanted to be a doctor, and "impressing" the girl was as you said earlier (for yourself) an "indulgence that is available if they have the time".

 

 

 

/shrug

 

 

 

I don't know, I'm willing to bet quite a few men don't want love. Sex, sure. Friends, sure. But love? It's not for everyone. Two of some of my closest friends are virgins at the age of 24, not because they are that bad looking or that anti-social, but they just don't want to get into a relationship. If the opportunity for a cheap lay comes up, they'd take it, but they wouldn't want anything past a one night stand. Likewise, ever play World of Warcraft? 12 million players (11 million of them guys) all aged 13-50 (the average is 22). Are they looking for love? I'm sure a few of them could be, but most of them seem content with doing dungeon runs with their guild every night.

 

 

 

I do somewhat agree with a part of your second point. Love is a two way street, you really can't 'love' someone who doesn't love you back. But I disagree with you on the reason I studied, and stand by what I wrote there. Trust me, I'm not THAT good of a student. And you know what? At all times I had a picture of the girl in question on the desk next to the textbook I was reading. Ever try to read an Organic Chemistry book for 6 hours strait, day after day? You go insane and just need to get out of the house, well unless you look to the right and see a picture of her, remember why your doing what your doing, and get back to work. That may not be love in the true sense of the word, but dam, its pretty powerful

[Flyingjj]

This one girl might possibly maybe be the reason I attend Catholic mass on Sunday, eat vegetarian, gave up sweets for lent, and am taking a course in Philosophy of Human Rights... :? *shifty eyes*

 

 

 

She's not the sole reason for those things, but she definitely had an influence. And I'm now in a relationship with another girl. But a lot of those things turned out quite well. Giving up sweets for Lent means I have an excuse to make cookies this afternoon with the girl I'm in a relationship with now, and I enjoy both Catholic mass and the Philosophy course. As for eating vegetarian, I think I'm going to finish out the semester vegetarian, and then start eating meat again in the summer. It has become nothing more than me challenging myself. We'll see if I continue it in fall semester.(It's just way too difficult to not eat meat around my family. Every meal they make has it as the main course.)

[Da_Latios]

Crazy stuff there, trapical. My story's a bit like yours, though in many ways different, as at the time it was merely a close friendship, as we were both very young (around 8).

 

 

 

At the time, I had been living in an area where there were many people involved with gambling, gangs, and drugs. My friends' families were involved in local gangs, taking part in local gambling sessions and trafficking drugs.

 

At the school I attended (and still attend), I befriended a girl who we visited often. She'd introduced me to RuneScape also. I was 8.

 

Quickly, I became addicted. And at the right time, too. Recently I had been involved in small gang fights (sort of like a "Fight Club" kind of thing, though remember I was still very young). This addiction quickly led me to halt my involvement with my neighborhood friends, which, in itself may sound bad, but considering the then circumstances, it was a good thing.

 

I'd taken a growing interest in this girl over the years. My attempts to impress her consisted of talking properly, typing properly, and doing what people have considered to be "posh" in a way, as I do not swear, fight, talk about sex or make rude remarks. She introduced me to Tip.It in early 2005. I joined the forums in 2006.

 

Now over the years, our friendship has slipped. My recent involvement with her brother in exposing their father's scams has, I fear, made her afraid of talking to me, as I now know too much of her past - which, mind you is not all that bright either.

 

 

 

Even though we're no longer great friends, she'd made me, through my interests in her, into a better person than I would be now. If not for her, I would be out on the street doing drugs, gambling, probably even in prison.

 

I will thank her eternally, but I know that there is nothing in store for us in terms of a relationship.

[a_bert]

[hide=earlier stuff]

You see for men it is different, they seem to think that love is an indulgence that is available if they have the time.

 

 

 

I stopped reading at this point. I'd be surprised if even 30% of men (and I mean men, not teens) who thought that.

 

 

 

...I did carry on reading though. I like your anecdote, however you've confused love with something lesser. You don't *love* someone you met in your freshman year, without even being in a relationship with them. You studied so hard because you wanted to be a doctor, and "impressing" the girl was as you said earlier (for yourself) an "indulgence that is available if they have the time".

 

 

 

/shrug

[/hide]

 

 

 

I don't know, I'm willing to bet quite a few men don't want love. Sex, sure. Friends, sure. But love? It's not for everyone. Two of some of my closest friends are virgins at the age of 24, not because they are that bad looking or that anti-social, but they just don't want to get into a relationship. If the opportunity for a cheap lay comes up, they'd take it, but they wouldn't want anything past a one night stand. Likewise, ever play World of Warcraft? 12 million players (11 million of them guys) all aged 13-50 (the average is 22). Are they looking for love? I'm sure a few of them could be, but most of them seem content with doing dungeon runs with their guild every night.

 

 

 

Sure, though I don't remember saying everyone wants love - just that it's ignorant to assume the majority of men don't mind.

 

 

 

Also, people may think that they don't want love, but I'd say that out of the people who find love, just as many people are taken by surprise than those who go looking for love. In fact, perhaps more, as those who "look" for love are more likely to take an image of a certain person and love that, rather than the person for who they are.

 

 

 

I do somewhat agree with a part of your second point. Love is a two way street, you really can't 'love' someone who doesn't love you back.

 

 

 

This isn't actually what I meant - unrequited love does exist. I meant that I find it unlikely you would have been fully emotionally involved with her without knowing her entire self, something that really only happens after a (normally) long period of time where both of you are extremely close.

 

 

 

But I disagree with you on the reason I studied, and stand by what I wrote there. Trust me, I'm not THAT good of a student. And you know what? At all times I had a picture of the girl in question on the desk next to the textbook I was reading. Ever try to read an Organic Chemistry book for 6 hours straight, day after day? You go insane and just need to get out of the house, well unless you look to the right and see a picture of her, remember why your doing what your doing, and get back to work. That may not be love in the true sense of the word, but dam, its pretty powerful

 

 

 

I think that what you felt when looking at her photo was not feelings for her, per say - but a natural human tendency to want to have that relationship with someone. While I don't doubt you wanted to be in a relationship with her, I'm not fully convinced it was for the reasons you describe.

[Kaida23]

I once gave up smoking for a girlfriend. We were together for almost two years after that, and when we broke up I was so depressed that I went back to it stronger than ever (from a half pack a day when I quit to a full pack after we split up). That wasn't her fault of course, it was my own lack of will power, but it illustrates how strong emotions like love, can influence your life for better and for worse.

 

 

 

Trapical, maybe you should rename the thread "Love's power and influence over people" if you don't want to give people the wrong impression.

[BlueLancer]

Too many people confuse lust with love. This leads to the miserable divorce statistics in the US. Even real love can fade over time and the two people involved become frustrated with each other's flaws and habits after being together for so long.

 

 

 

Personally, I think the only true, purest love is that between a parent and his/her child. I can only imagine putting my child in front of anything else in my life and giving my life for him/her instantly if forced to make the choice. The wife/mother would be important but the kids would always be more important.

 

 

 

Don't have kids yet but this has been pretty clear to me for a long time. Women and their whims come and go, divorces can happen, but a real man will never stop loving his kid no matter what hardships or difficulties you must survive.

 

 

 

I could survive 10 years in prison easy knowing I have a sweet kid at home playing and learning who can visit me once a year. Alone with nothing and nobody I'd probably hang myself to death with a sheet within a year or two.

[darksonic45]

This might not really contribute to the thread, but I remember your "Day 2" about this girl and I felt kind of bummed that you didn't get her in the end. Keep on keepin' on brother. :thumbup:

[Zierro]

Personally, I think the only true, purest love is that between a parent and his/her child. I can only imagine putting my child in front of anything else in my life and giving my life for him/her instantly if forced to make the choice. The wife/mother would be important but the kids would always be more important.

 

 

 

I see that as more of an obligation. I find it more amazing how two strangers can meet and fall in love.

[Kaida23]

Personally, I think the only true, purest love is that between a parent and his/her child. I can only imagine putting my child in front of anything else in my life and giving my life for him/her instantly if forced to make the choice. The wife/mother would be important but the kids would always be more important.

 

I see that as more of an obligation. I find it more amazing how two strangers can meet and fall in love.

 

An obligation is something you do because you have agreed to. You pay your mortgage out of obligation, you sacrifice for your children out of love.

[brunokiller]

Love is just... something that other people have... that I don't need.

 

 

 

I feel exactly that way :geek:

[Who]

Love is a two way street, you really can't 'love' someone who doesn't love you back.

 

It depends what 'love' really is. If you love someone in that way, but they don't share the same feelings for you, would it not be unrequited love? The so called two way street would then become a one way ticket to pain.

 

 

 

Experiencing unrequited love is probably one of the worst feelings you can ever get. This isn't the feeling you get when you go to a bar and ask to buy someone a drink, and then get rejected. Sure your confidence may be lowered, but that pain is insignificant compared to what unrequited love can bring.

 

 

 

But unrequited love is another form of love, and that itself can influence many a person. During the first two years of my high school life, I was anti social, bad at school (C grade bad), and completely cold towards everyone. But then I became friends with a girl, who really changed my life (4.0 GPA now thanks to her influence). Our personalities would probably be like opposite sides of a magnet, yet she still befriended me. This of course made me want to change for the better. I 'love' her for helping me turn my life around, and it would be a dream to spend the rest of my days with her. But I know she doesn't feel that way about me, and I love her enough to want what makes her happy, not what makes me happy; I already have enough to thank her for.

 

 

 

You must take the good times with the bad ones, as the bad ones make you cherish the good ones even more.

[Zierro]

An obligation is something you do because you have agreed to. You pay your mortgage out of obligation, you sacrifice for your children out of love.

 

 

 

Or out of the fear of being charged with child neglect. And an obligation doesn't necessarily need a tangible agreement to be considered an obligation. Here's a nice definition: something (as a formal contract, a promise, or the demands of conscience or custom) that obligates one to a course of action

 

 

 

Your conscience can make you obligated to do something and so can customs. For example, some parents sacrifice for their children only because that's what they see everyone else doing - it's a custom. Some parents do it because they don't want to feel like a bad person - your conscience speaking.

 

 

 

I do think that the love between family members is strong, but not as pure as the love between a couple* because there is less of an obligation to love them than there is to love your family.

 

 

 

*By couple I don't mean your average high school romance - I mean legitimate and intimate relationships.

[Kaida23]

An obligation is something you do because you have agreed to. You pay your mortgage out of obligation, you sacrifice for your children out of love.

 

Or out of the fear of being charged with child neglect. And an obligation doesn't necessarily need a tangible agreement to be considered an obligation. Here's a nice definition: something (as a formal contract, a promise, or the demands of conscience or custom) that obligates one to a course of action

 

 

 

Your conscience can make you obligated to do something and so can customs. For example, some parents sacrifice for their children only because that's what they see everyone else doing - it's a custom. Some parents do it because they don't want to feel like a bad person - your conscience speaking.

 

Doing something out of fear of being arrested is hardly an expression of love. When you love someone, you do things for them because you *want* to not because the state dictates you *have* to. Doing something out of the dictates of conscience or custom is, once again, doing it because you feel you have to not because you want to.

 

 

 

Yes, many people pay their child support and see their kids every other weekend only because that's what the agreement with their ex says they have to do. These people only do the absolute minimum they can do without getting into trouble. That's hardly doing something out of love for their children, and it's definitely not sacrificing. People do not sacrifice out of some sense of conscience or custom either. If those are the only driving forces, they also do as little as possible. If the only reason you do something is because someone else told you to, then they do only what they have to.

 

I do think that the love between family members is strong, but not as pure as the love between a couple* because there is less of an obligation to love them than there is to love your family.

 

Who said "family"? BlueLancer and I were referring to the unconditional love you have for your children. The love you have for your family members is definitely not the same as the love you have for your spouse, and even that is different from the love you feel for your children. Love is not an "obligation". If it feels that way, then you've done something wrong.

 

 

 

From your statements, I assume that you have no children of your own. I have two wonderful children that I would, and have, gladly give up anything for. The love of a child is unconditional. Anyone who does anything for their children out of obligation or custom does not love them. They simply think it makes them a better person to do what everyone else thinks is right.

[EdgedThesis]

I believe I break your three categories of Men.

 

 

 

I am not in love. I do not wish to be in love. But I will never, ever ignore love.

 

 

 

I know and study love in great detail, see how it works its way through the social environment, but I don't see myself making a specific attachment to another person. Not a specific attachment.

 

It is something broader. Love in slight defocus, from laser to floodlight. A beam being spread upon every sentient being out there. Compassion, is it?

 

 

 

I drown myself with that. I try to. I love the idea of love.

 

Yet I do not partake in it.