Nakamura Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 This is my first post here on the TipIt forums. I hope to become an active member here and that I'll make some new friends and have a good time here. Here's my first post. I've eaten some sick things in my life... a pig brain, a dead fish on the beach, and a sheep testicle, but 5 year old Easy Mac took the cake. Every night when I go to my cupboard looking for something to eat... a packet of Easy Mac falls to the counter and teases me with its potential cheesy goodness. But, I don't eat it because of all the Thiamin. Last night I had to eat something quick to get to the bar in time to catch the end of the Pistons game. Pistons won... and I had to make something "easy". Some food I could "mac" on. Some Easy Mac. I was excited. I was going to eat the Easy Mac. I opened my cupboard in anticipation waiting for it to fall down to the counter, yet tonight... it stayed put. It sat there and taunted me like a little annoying butthole. A little annoying butthole I would devour. I snatched it out, emptied the crusty noodle into a bowl, splashed some water in, and nuked. As I kept my face pressed against the leaky microwave I caught a glimpse of the noodle wrapper. I saw what I thought was the serial number and started thinking to myself what a huge dork would understand what that [cabbage] actually meant. I mean honestly, how boring of a person would that have to... I emptied the cheesey pack into the bowl and stirred. It wouldn't be long now. A cloud of cheese powder floated into the air with the toxicity of what I could only guess was that of asbestos. I took my first bite. It didn't taste like easy mac at all. It tasted like Satan. I ate three more chomps wondering if maybe I just hadn't had the [cabbage] in so long my body needed to build up a tolerance. The third bite kind of sat in between my lungs. Almost like there was some sort of problem down below... I waited for my food tube to push the easy mac down yonder and started looking at the serial number again. Maybe I could decipher it... "EXPMAR01" Hmmmm... before I could let the realization of my own stupidity sink in, it felt like I'd been shot in the stomach. I keeled over and stared at my trash can for a couple seconds and as quickly as it came, it went away. I got up, threw away the easy mac, and ate a sandwich. The next day I was at the Secretary of State renewing my licesnse plate. I'd taken my number and was sitting in the row of chairs that face the wall, when a little thimble of gas arrived to my rectum. It was a minor disconfort and I was sure nothing would come of it. I put my arm over the chair next to me, lifted my right cheek as I acted like I was looking behind me, and released. I hadn't noticed but a small black kid was curled up behind my chair, I had probably just killed half his brain cells. I soon realized that was the least of my worries. I could watch the smell move through the room as people one by one became extremely uncomfortable. I finally smelled it, it smelled like death. My number was called. I sat motionless deciding on my next move. Would I sit and wait for the smell to leave and then get another number? Or would I give away the culprit. There was no was I was about to sit here for another hour in this room, besides it smelled like [cabbage] now. I walked through the aisles and approached the counter. As I walked through the aisles I heard comments behind me. "Oh for Christ's sake..." "Dang, that boy needs a Doctor!" That one got people laughing. "Yes, I need to renew my plates." "Ok sir..." she looked at me with a skeptical look, "here's a pass to leave and come back, you won't even have to wait in line. Go out that door, use the bathroom NEXTDOOR, and come back after you've made sure that won't happen again." "Yes maam," Id just gotten a Federal pass because of my [wagon]. As I walked out I saw the little black kid's eyes roll into the back of his head. He fell over and the mother exploded in agony... "naw NAW NAAAAWWW!!! MUH BABY BOY!" she turned to look at me, "you did this, cracka!" "No maam, Thiamin did this. Thiamin." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knives669 Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 I took my first bite. It didn't taste like easy mac at all. It tasted like Satan. :lol: That made me laugh so hard... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indy500fan Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 well, i found that quite hilarious :lol: . have fun here, and put some more stories up :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sebbeberg Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 Thank me 8) it was me that linked him here :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakamura Posted January 29, 2006 Author Share Posted January 29, 2006 Thank me 8) it was me that linked him here :lol: Yes. I've known Sebbe since October 2005. He has just unleashed a monster upon this forum :lol: . I think I'm gonna like it here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godslayer Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 My lungs! Can't..stop... :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevester77 Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 Great story, I was laughing almost the whole way through :lol: . I think we've all been through a situation like that before.. just not a situation like that :o . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam007 Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 That actually made me laugh out loud a few times, which I rarely do from forums. You're a great story teller. :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helmut4lyfe1988 Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 Dude you're a great storyteller, keep it up :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubsa Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 Very well written, I enjoyed that a lot :D This is how much you all raised for charity. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercifull Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 Maybe its because im getting a lot older now but that was just childish rubbish. Mercifull <3 Suzi "We don't want players to be able to buy their way to success in RuneScape. If we let players start doing this, it devalues RuneScape for others. We feel your status in real-life shouldn't affect your ability to be successful in RuneScape" Jagex 01/04/01 - 02/03/12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Necromagus Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 All stories should go in the Library ;) My Tip.It Times Articles (10 and counting) || The Varrock Library Author Index projectDo you dare to dream? - Part 19 added. || The Hospital (WIP) - New story!Necromagus looks like a viking ... with glasses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anesthesia Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 Maybe its because im getting a lot older now but that was just childish rubbish. You'll have to be going in a home soon grandpa. Some people are changed by being a moderator. I wouldn't be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WutangFlu Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 oh god.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercifull Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 Maybe its because im getting a lot older now but that was just childish rubbish. You'll have to be going in a home soon grandpa. And may your wonderful taxes pay for me to have care ^_^ Mercifull <3 Suzi "We don't want players to be able to buy their way to success in RuneScape. If we let players start doing this, it devalues RuneScape for others. We feel your status in real-life shouldn't affect your ability to be successful in RuneScape" Jagex 01/04/01 - 02/03/12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocketman089 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Maybe its because im getting a lot older now but that was just childish rubbish. You'll have to be going in a home soon grandpa. And may your wonderful taxes pay for me to have care ^_^ Actually, taxes don't pay for that, that comes straight out of the family's pocket (well, in the US at least). Gamertag: King Arizona Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lionheart_0 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Maybe its because im getting a lot older now but that was just childish rubbish. You'll have to be going in a home soon grandpa. And may your wonderful taxes pay for me to have care ^_^ Actually, taxes don't pay for that, that comes straight out of the family's pocket (well, in the US at least). He in England, and if its liek Canada, (more then likely is), taxes pay for almost everything. And too bad im in Canada, my taxes dont pay for you merc :wink: Sig by IkuraiYour Guide to Posting! Behave or I will send my Moose mounted Beaver launchers at you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GhostRanger Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Maybe its because im getting a lot older now but that was just childish rubbish. You'll have to be going in a home soon grandpa. And may your wonderful taxes pay for me to have care ^_^ Actually, taxes don't pay for that, that comes straight out of the family's pocket (well, in the US at least). Er...are you familiar with our Social Security plan in the United States? Funded by taxes? :? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocketman089 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Actually, taxes don't pay for that, that comes straight out of the family's pocket (well, in the US at least). Er...are you familiar with our Social Security plan in the United States? Funded by taxes? :? I'm talking about nursing homes, not social security..... Gamertag: King Arizona Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GhostRanger Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Actually, taxes don't pay for that, that comes straight out of the family's pocket (well, in the US at least). Er...are you familiar with our Social Security plan in the United States? Funded by taxes? :? I'm talking about nursing homes, not social security..... Ah...I see what you're saying. Its a combined effort in the US :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bloodkilla87 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I'd taken my number and was sitting in the row of chairs that face the wall, when a little thimble of gas arrived to my rectum. It was a minor disconfort and I was sure nothing would come of it. I put my arm over the chair next to me, lifted my right cheek as I acted like I was looking behind me, and released. I hadn't noticed but a small black kid was curled up behind my chair, I had probably just killed half his brain cells. Too funny :lol: welcome to tip.it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devilheart14 Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 rofl and u do a really bad one and look around at others, or u pretend like its not there and some1 is like something stink, u take a really loud and obvious sniff like u didnt notice and start going "ohh damb that stinks dude". Worst is when people can hear it and every1 just starts giving u heaps!! owwww btw welcome to tip.it Aussie Aussie Aussie, :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Althalus Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I've been in a situation like that before. I was in a 3-hour final and I had to release some gas from lunch time ( I love campus food) and instead of trying to ease it out I held it in with my superior anal muscles. The reasult: the biggest groaning noises coming out of my intestines ever. The girl next to me gave me a look, it was AWESOME. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runesmithie Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 I've been in a situation like that before. I was in a 3-hour final and I had to release some gas from lunch time ( I love campus food) and instead of trying to ease it out I held it in with my superior * muscles. The reasult: the biggest groaning noises coming out of my intestines ever. The girl next to me gave me a look, it was AWESOME. My stomach rumbles regularly at 3rd and 4th hour :lol: "I've got the rumblehs in my tumbleh" if anyone looks I just posted something! ^_^ to the terrorist...er... kirbybeam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greatsilverwyrm Posted January 30, 2006 Share Posted January 30, 2006 Maybe its because im getting a lot older now but that was just childish rubbish. I wholeheartedly agree.. Fart jokes haven't been seriously funny since I was in.. let's see.. 4th grade-ish.. :-/ The story also seems to have some underlying racism, but, I won't go there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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