issy2

IVF should be banned. :oops: If you give a minute's thought to the massive amounts of babies and children without real homes or families, it just seems incredibly counter-productive, not to mention selfish, to go to such (expensive) lengths to have a baby. And this isnt exactly unethical but private schools should definitely be illegal. What a waste of money...

Gah look this is exactly what I mean. There's absolutely no point saying 'it wasnt your best' unless you can be bothered to say WHY it wasn't his best. Just think about - what was really good about it, what didn't work that well, what you liked and didn't like. Not really helpful at all otherwise. Sorry if that sounds nasty. Have a nice day :)

And issy likes it, so you win :D Lol! It's not that I don't like anything I read, but I really am a perfectionist and I want other people to be, as well? Gah sounds stupid I know... But, everytime someone fails you get a cookie... and what heppens when some one wins? two cookies? No-one fails in the Arts... *looks pompous* But seriously. What do you mean, someone fails? It's not about winning or losing... just about saying something interesting and true. But you win a cookie anyways. ;) Lol not sure if thats a good or bad thing. I'll assume the former :) Thanks!

And issy likes it, so you win :D Lol! It's not that I don't like anything I read, but I really am a perfectionist and I want other people to be, as well? Gah sounds stupid I know... But, everytime someone fails you get a cookie... and what heppens when some one wins? two cookies? No-one fails in the Arts... *looks pompous* But seriously. What do you mean, someone fails? It's not about winning or losing... just about saying something interesting and true.

And issy likes it, so you win :D Lol! It's not that I don't like anything I read, but I really am a perfectionist and I want other people to be, as well? Gah sounds stupid I know...

It's not bad, but your main problem is shot sentences. You really need to use a mixture of short and long - in general your sentences should be 2+ clauses, only just short ones for effect. To solve this problem, read the first paragraph to yourself, several times over if necessary. Experiment with it in your head; mix up the clauses, remove full stops, add commas, switch commas for colons - there's so, so much you can do without even changing any of the text. And chances are, once you've spent a while experimenting, you'll have made ALOT of changes. Certainly not because it's bad to start with, but whatever you write can almost always be made better. In general just... say things slightly more implicitly? Example; "He was wearing a dark hood, which matched his dark clothes, therefore he couldn't see his eyes". This should be more like - " He was wearing dark clothes and a hood, which hid his eyes from view". It's basically the same but use of the words 'so', 'therefore' and 'however' can be very patronising to the reader. Leave some things unsaid, and others hinted at, others said outright so they're a shock to the reader. C/c aside, I do think it's good :) Keep working on it but IMO there's a great ratio of description, dialogue, events etc. Spelling and grammar good, I like it.

Nvm actually.

Films getting better as the books got worse... Seriously, books 4-6, every other line is like "Harry and Ron laughed, but Hermione looked severe" or "Harry and Ron exchanged a glance" and incessant repetition of names ... it's so annoying! The first one is far and away my favourite, the 'magical world' was introduced with so much subtlely, brilliant. I don't think the films have got too dark...The beginning of GoF definitely, but after that back to normal :) The kid who's playing Tom Riddle looks really good. I love that stare he gives before Dumbledore comes in.

You could watch 'Extras' on YouTube. It's rubbish but...

Oh yeah forgot to say... I might be misunderstanding so if so my apologies, but you're saying 50% of a good book is description? Sorry but no way...

Is this a story or a list? You can't start a story like that. It's completely Runescape-based, making it totally unaccessible to the vast majority of people outside this forum. It's also based simply and solely on war and fighting, there's no emotional involvement whatsoever. It's not exactly original, plot is non-existent as yet. Excuse this pretentious quote but it's so true; 'Storytellers don't speak, they whisper'. You just can't start with a list of people and a massive load of info about them. Each one should be introduced gradually into the story, any necessary facts being subtlely slotted between their actions, dialogue, or maybe descriptions of their physical form. Sorry if I'm being overly-critical but you need a lot more 'padding' than this to consider this a story. However if you have written anything that's not Runescape-based I can see that it would be good, your description is interesting and spelling and grammar basically perfect. Nice one :)

Hello, I was on youtube the other day and I try to open a video, the video doesn't appear and this does instead; "You either have JavaScript turned off or an old version of Adobe's Flash Player." It was working fine about three days ago and happens on all videos. Firstly could someone tell me all the possible causes of this, if there are any others from the two mentioned above? Secondly, how do I find out which of the problems it is? And then how do I fix it? Thanks very much for your help! Issy

My brother got his! \ 1 A, 2 B's and a C :

Hello! Long time no read! Well I quite liked it, it certainly does immerse you in a different world. There's a handful of s/g mistakes and I think you need to have longer clauses, will make it flow a bit more, only use short sentences when it's necessary and for effect. I LOVE the first couple of paragraphs about the classified file, what a great opener, its so realistic and really sets the stage for something spectacular :) The next bit, though, Preamble; is it supposed to be the file itself? As in, is this "Our character, Jackie, was twenty five. Her mother is on benefits, her father died six months before she was born..." in the file itself? I'm assuming it is. If so it's a little hard to know whether its actually a story, written by someone/Jackie about Jackie, or whether it's a police file written by the authorities, for the authorities? It's very scientific, impressive :) Nice one

I think that's quite accurate really. I just felt a little cynical about how you could get an accurate answer with only two choices, yes and no. In some personality tests there's a range of four or five, so you know how strong/weak their feelings are. Psychology Counselor Journalist/Reporter - thats actually what I want to do... Art Literature/Writer Film Producer Management Marketing Public Relations Specialist Wow a writer and a feminist...

Well Mock the Week is full of 'em... Hugh Dennis in particular! Dara's face at .34... :P

I can't stand posh English accents... except when Hugh Dennis does it <3: I love the Welsh and French accents too, french music is nice. This guy has the coolest accent ever!

See quote in my sig. It's a more original/interesting way of saying you gotta live life to the full. Also I'm sure everyone knows this one, Theodore Roosevelt; "Mimicry is the lowest form of wit." This is so true. Sarcasm looks pretty clever when compared with this. Still I guess they're quite similar really.

Christopher Eccleston was so much better... and Paul McGann (sp?) was great. I hate David Tennant. Cute but dull methinks...

Dara's face at 0.34. Wow :lol:

Tons of people I liked, most of them aren't here anymore though. Vik, Suzi, Byrs and Panda. People who are still here; Andufus and Archimage from the VL, and Assasin, and people who taught me a good lesson... you know who you are :) Not expecting anyone to say me, I was really hated back then, and believe me I now know why! Anyway to any of those people - I've changed, I promise! :)

Hi Cad. Won't waste time pretending we were buddies but .. Welcome back.

Well I'm far too hotheaded for my own good. I think I've improved on that although though \ I'm very strong-minded and opinionated, my mum thinks that's why I want to be a journalist (subliminal messaging or something, or just making people agree with me :? ) I jump to conclusions too soon and because of the first couple of things I said I tend to offend people alot, but always accidentally. Other than that I'm alright really. #-o Please believe me lol

Mine has changed too.. 1. Fleet Foxes 2. Tyler Ramsey 3. Benjamin Koppel 4. Gabriella Cilmi 5. Beth Rowley 6. Laura Marling 7. Duke Special 8. Feist 9. Turin Brakes 10. The Fratellis

rofl that or... Either tell her you can't manage the relationship because she lives to far away. or Keep in touch on msn, text, and phone, and visit her/she visits you every so often As wolfmon said it is kinda rofl, but do do something romantic, she'll love you even more! Ride over there with a rose or something, give it to her and take her out for a meal, or something along those lines. But DO NOT do that unless the distance doesn't bother you, don't get her hopes up and then break her heart. How far away does she live? Are we thinking other side of town, or 5 hours drive? You have to decide which is more important - the fact that you might not be able to see her all the time, or her personality. I'm not trying to indicate anything, it's totally your choice, but you have to decide.