issy2

And issy likes it, so you win :D Lol! It's not that I don't like anything I read, but I really am a perfectionist and I want other people to be, as well? Gah sounds stupid I know...

It's not bad, but your main problem is shot sentences. You really need to use a mixture of short and long - in general your sentences should be 2+ clauses, only just short ones for effect. To solve this problem, read the first paragraph to yourself, several times over if necessary. Experiment with it in your head; mix up the clauses, remove full stops, add commas, switch commas for colons - there's so, so much you can do without even changing any of the text. And chances are, once you've spent a while experimenting, you'll have made ALOT of changes. Certainly not because it's bad to start with, but whatever you write can almost always be made better. In general just... say things slightly more implicitly? Example; "He was wearing a dark hood, which matched his dark clothes, therefore he couldn't see his eyes". This should be more like - " He was wearing dark clothes and a hood, which hid his eyes from view". It's basically the same but use of the words 'so', 'therefore' and 'however' can be very patronising to the reader. Leave some things unsaid, and others hinted at, others said outright so they're a shock to the reader. C/c aside, I do think it's good :) Keep working on it but IMO there's a great ratio of description, dialogue, events etc. Spelling and grammar good, I like it.

Nvm actually.

Films getting better as the books got worse... Seriously, books 4-6, every other line is like "Harry and Ron laughed, but Hermione looked severe" or "Harry and Ron exchanged a glance" and incessant repetition of names ... it's so annoying! The first one is far and away my favourite, the 'magical world' was introduced with so much subtlely, brilliant. I don't think the films have got too dark...The beginning of GoF definitely, but after that back to normal :) The kid who's playing Tom Riddle looks really good. I love that stare he gives before Dumbledore comes in.

You could watch 'Extras' on YouTube. It's rubbish but...

Oh yeah forgot to say... I might be misunderstanding so if so my apologies, but you're saying 50% of a good book is description? Sorry but no way...

Is this a story or a list? You can't start a story like that. It's completely Runescape-based, making it totally unaccessible to the vast majority of people outside this forum. It's also based simply and solely on war and fighting, there's no emotional involvement whatsoever. It's not exactly original, plot is non-existent as yet. Excuse this pretentious quote but it's so true; 'Storytellers don't speak, they whisper'. You just can't start with a list of people and a massive load of info about them. Each one should be introduced gradually into the story, any necessary facts being subtlely slotted between their actions, dialogue, or maybe descriptions of their physical form. Sorry if I'm being overly-critical but you need a lot more 'padding' than this to consider this a story. However if you have written anything that's not Runescape-based I can see that it would be good, your description is interesting and spelling and grammar basically perfect. Nice one :)

Hello, I was on youtube the other day and I try to open a video, the video doesn't appear and this does instead; "You either have JavaScript turned off or an old version of Adobe's Flash Player." It was working fine about three days ago and happens on all videos. Firstly could someone tell me all the possible causes of this, if there are any others from the two mentioned above? Secondly, how do I find out which of the problems it is? And then how do I fix it? Thanks very much for your help! Issy

My brother got his! \ 1 A, 2 B's and a C :

Hello! Long time no read! Well I quite liked it, it certainly does immerse you in a different world. There's a handful of s/g mistakes and I think you need to have longer clauses, will make it flow a bit more, only use short sentences when it's necessary and for effect. I LOVE the first couple of paragraphs about the classified file, what a great opener, its so realistic and really sets the stage for something spectacular :) The next bit, though, Preamble; is it supposed to be the file itself? As in, is this "Our character, Jackie, was twenty five. Her mother is on benefits, her father died six months before she was born..." in the file itself? I'm assuming it is. If so it's a little hard to know whether its actually a story, written by someone/Jackie about Jackie, or whether it's a police file written by the authorities, for the authorities? It's very scientific, impressive :) Nice one

I think that's quite accurate really. I just felt a little cynical about how you could get an accurate answer with only two choices, yes and no. In some personality tests there's a range of four or five, so you know how strong/weak their feelings are. Psychology Counselor Journalist/Reporter - thats actually what I want to do... Art Literature/Writer Film Producer Management Marketing Public Relations Specialist Wow a writer and a feminist...

Well Mock the Week is full of 'em... Hugh Dennis in particular! Dara's face at .34... :P

I can't stand posh English accents... except when Hugh Dennis does it <3: I love the Welsh and French accents too, french music is nice. This guy has the coolest accent ever!

See quote in my sig. It's a more original/interesting way of saying you gotta live life to the full. Also I'm sure everyone knows this one, Theodore Roosevelt; "Mimicry is the lowest form of wit." This is so true. Sarcasm looks pretty clever when compared with this. Still I guess they're quite similar really.

Christopher Eccleston was so much better... and Paul McGann (sp?) was great. I hate David Tennant. Cute but dull methinks...

Dara's face at 0.34. Wow :lol:

Tons of people I liked, most of them aren't here anymore though. Vik, Suzi, Byrs and Panda. People who are still here; Andufus and Archimage from the VL, and Assasin, and people who taught me a good lesson... you know who you are :) Not expecting anyone to say me, I was really hated back then, and believe me I now know why! Anyway to any of those people - I've changed, I promise! :)

Hi Cad. Won't waste time pretending we were buddies but .. Welcome back.

Well I'm far too hotheaded for my own good. I think I've improved on that although though \ I'm very strong-minded and opinionated, my mum thinks that's why I want to be a journalist (subliminal messaging or something, or just making people agree with me :? ) I jump to conclusions too soon and because of the first couple of things I said I tend to offend people alot, but always accidentally. Other than that I'm alright really. #-o Please believe me lol

Mine has changed too.. 1. Fleet Foxes 2. Tyler Ramsey 3. Benjamin Koppel 4. Gabriella Cilmi 5. Beth Rowley 6. Laura Marling 7. Duke Special 8. Feist 9. Turin Brakes 10. The Fratellis

rofl that or... Either tell her you can't manage the relationship because she lives to far away. or Keep in touch on msn, text, and phone, and visit her/she visits you every so often As wolfmon said it is kinda rofl, but do do something romantic, she'll love you even more! Ride over there with a rose or something, give it to her and take her out for a meal, or something along those lines. But DO NOT do that unless the distance doesn't bother you, don't get her hopes up and then break her heart. How far away does she live? Are we thinking other side of town, or 5 hours drive? You have to decide which is more important - the fact that you might not be able to see her all the time, or her personality. I'm not trying to indicate anything, it's totally your choice, but you have to decide.

Wow nice job! Really interesting to read, especially as my dad and I started growing things this year. Bit restricted though as we have about 5 square metres to grow things in, just got tomatoes and beans. If you have any tips I'd love to hear them :)

My mother decided to divorce with my biological father because of a drinking problem at the time I was aged 1. At first there was co-parenting, him picking me up every two weeks but eventually he started to "forget" me. He just wouldn't show up for picking me up and not let know about anything to my mother. He goes to the [bleep] he never paid the money that he was supposed to pay to my mother (Three children) and he still drinks. I never really cared about him because I barely knew him. Divorces never are easy and 99% of the cases never come good again. (I don't have a source. I made that up) You should try to handle the problem, get him over it. If you can't... I'm sorry but it's inevitable that if your mom can't take it anymore that a divorce will follow. The worst thing you could do is to get angry at him as that will probably make him worse. Try to make him understand how much this means to you, but be supportive, not critical. Talk to your mum about it, she will be able to help. If and when he admits his problem, you could get him to see a GP who'll help and advise him about how to give up.

I've never had a near death experience but half an hour I walked on hot coals... was making a barbecue, not wearing shoes, and I was just about to put the kebabs on so I moved the briquette-thingies around a bit, split them all over my feet...

*looks at location* Yeah, it'd be pretty hard for me to find controversial British customs consider I'd have been brought up with them. However, there can be other countries that think of some of ours as barbaric. My point is not to [cabbage] over other's customs just because they aren't the same as ours. If you had been brought up to believe in those customs as right, then surely you would follow them without question? 1. Well, you were talking to an American, so let's hear some 'controversial' American customs? (And please don't say gun-carrying). And are you trying to say there's nothing in western society you think is morally wrong? We're alot better off (morally, not financially) that other countries but that doesn't make us perfect because we've grown up here. 2. We can cabbage other countries customs because - let's face it - America/Britain are developed, democratic countries, where everyone is allowed access to basic human rights. Not perfect, but good. You may think this is a total contradiction to my first point.. but I don't think it is. I know that in the western world we have many problems, but in other countries basic rights are non-existent for many people, and in terms of what's right and wrong, you could say we have a better idea than others. Officially, at least. 3. If I had been brought up to believe something was right, I wouldn't question it? What?! The breaking of apartheid, the Peasants Revolt, the Suffragists and Suffragettes in the 19 and 20th century, the abolition of the slave trade, American Civil War, and numerous other examples. Subject people to cruelty and sooner or later they will realise their own rights. Morality is not relative to culture - it may be flexible around the world but there are things that should never be allowed, regardless of time or place.