Day 7: About Love

[stan18]

ladder theory, much? =)

[CampbellMC]

This is an amazing read and I really felt like I was "Tom". I am sure that I am not the only person in this situation (as shown by this thread).

 

 

 

The girl I had (and still do) a crush on was in 3/4 of my classes, we talked constantly and instead of getting towards the relationship side of her, we became very good friends.

 

 

 

After realizing how bad of a hole I was digging myself into I made a bad decision and asked her if she wanted to go out. She knew it was coming and just calmly responded that we were good friends, and she couldnt really think of us as more. This knocked our friendship down a few notches with the awkwardness of being with eachother for 3-4.5 hours a day.

 

 

 

It has taken me over a month to get back to where we were in our friendship and she now knows that I have feelings for her, but it is no longer awkward. The only thing I can hope for is that maybe she will see something in me she likes someday. Until then I'll just try and keep my eyes open for girls showing interest in me, without losing hope on the girl I wish to be with.

 

 

 

In the end I think it is atleast better to be friends than nothing at all, but I still wish that we had something between us more than just a good friendship. This is the first of your articles I have read and I think I will take a look at some of the others now.

 

 

 

PS: Wow, I wrote that in essay form, maybe her helping me with english is finally paying off.

[darkblob0]

I've gotta say, you're a great writer

[Bloodredsword]

Exccelent work

 

 

 

"couldn't" stop reading :P =D>

[Kwisatz]

I really can't seem to make much sense of any of this anyway, and I was talking about this on the other thread. Unfortunately unlike you I don't have much going for me, at all, because around here it seems that girls are even more shallow than in other places (or so I'm told ;)) and everybody cares solely about athletics, and not really music which at this point I'm getting really into. The other bit is that I'm not really clingy and physically flirtatious with people that I don't know well or haven't established any such relationship with - and that's not really anybody at this point. I was always raised that you don't touch a woman unless it's something consensual and in a gentle manner - too damn bad that's not the way anything works. I guess I really can't tell where the actual line is -.- .

 

 

 

In fact at the rate at which I'm going I won't have a date to prom. But hopes are coming in my 20s when you don't have to deal with molesting women - you can actually HAVE CONVERSATIONS with people in BARS and BE MEANINGFUL! I also think that it'll help when I don't have to deal with the same 500 people anymore talking about me constantly behind my back so I have less to lose by screwing up.

[Father_Time89]

Can you feel the love tonight?

 

 

 

Reminds me of the forbidden boradway parody of it (Can you feel the pain tonight?)

 

 

 

Also when you were talking about the hostage situation when they were screaming "kill me instead" it instantly reminded me of the scene in 1984 (spoilers for those of you haven't read it), where Winston screamed "do it to Julia" while in room 108 (or whatever the number was).

 

 

 

Psychiatrists say you can't be happy without love? I call foul on this, if they mean simply companionship then I'm pretty sure having my best friend as a roomate would suffice. I think the only reason we think we need love is because of envy for people who do have love. How many times has love entered the picture in any movie, story, book, or play? A LOT. Love makes a very convenient plot device especially since two people can appraently fall in love with each other no matter what their characteristics are like. How many times have we told the regurgitated Disney trash about how love is the sweetest thing on the planet, or that it can conquer all. Even more. We are frequently bombarded with this until we think we need love, or that we think love is the greatest thing in the universe bar none. If we don't have such a great thing we envy people who do have it to the point where it becomes a need.

 

 

 

Let me tell you I have been screwed over by love so many times I think it's turning me bitter, but it has made me very weary of love, so I try to avoid it even though that seems impossible.

[trapical]

First off, BTTF man, donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t loose hope. Once you leave HS it does get a lot easier, this is a fact :)

 

 

 

 

 

Father_Time89, I am going to have to disagree with you on that one. Sure, I can be loveless and still have the time of my life with my buddies out on a boat. Yet this does not mean love is not needed in life. Saying that would be like saying humans do not need legs since you can be perfectly happy just sitting down playing GTA for hours on end, oh and as long as you have a wheelchair and arms you can live life just fine, right?

 

 

 

I may sound like a hypocrite, saying one needs love when I myself have never actually been in a formal relationship. Yet I think this has widened my eyes a bit. Those who have dated on and off with relationships that lacked true love will push the concept of love aside, while me as an observer can see the couples that really are in love, and grow extremely envious of them. In addition to these observations of others, the love I have experienced (see Day 2), while being awkward, has also helped define love for me. Let me explain:

 

Like any other college student studying was not exactly a fun thing to do, and most people certainly donÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t look forward to it. But the girl I was infatuated with studied in the library for 8 hours every day before a big test. I learned of this and since we were in the same classes we began to study together before every major test. These 8 hours, every 3 weeks, became the highlight of my semesters. We would sit together in a quiet study room, just the two of us, sharing a footrest in-between two couches. There was no flirting, no kissing, no sex. Just silent studying, and once an hour or so one of us would ask the other a question out loud, but afterwards we went back reading our notes. As the semester wore on I looked forward to these night more and more. Soon the words from a professorÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢s mouth ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅWe will have a test next weekÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

[IGoddessI]

What an awesome thread I prefer the ladder theory myself, as it's more blunt and to the point :P

 

 

 

Hmm what type of love are you?

 

 

 

Eros love - beauty and sexuality

 

Ludus love - entertainment and excitement

 

Storge love - peaceful and slow

 

Pragma love - practical and traditional

 

Manic love - elation and depression

 

Agapic love - compassionate and selfless

 

 

 

Men have been found to score higher on erotic and ludic love, whereas women score higher on manic, pragmatic and storic love Duck (1986).

[Father_Time89]

I don't think it's fair to compare the need for love to the need of legs, legs help you get from one place to another, you can't climb stairs without them, and they usually don't serve as entertainment. Also if I wanted to be a nuisance i could just mention peg legs (too late). Anyway sure requited love can be great, or unrequited ones like you said, but that doesn't mean it's a necessity. If a man leads a happy life and never falls in love is his life suddenly lacking or incomplete because of it? I don't think so. Like I said before I think most people think they need love out of envy (which is ironic because envy is one of the seven deadly sins and love is considered pure and god-like). I was exaggerating when I said love turned me bitter, I have had a good experience with love (although it didn't last long and could've easily turned bad if it weren't for certain events), but I don't think love is something that should be required of every human being.

[Heerlijk]

Agapic and Ludus describes my current relationship. Him nor me hardly live a life normal enough for a "normal" and "traditional" relationship. :lol:

[Father_Time89]

What an awesome thread I prefer the ladder theory myself, as it's more blunt and to the point :P

 

 

 

Hmm what type of love are you?

 

 

 

Eros love - beauty and sexuality

 

Ludus love - entertainment and excitement

 

Storge love - peaceful and slow

 

Pragma love - practical and traditional

 

Manic love - elation and depression

 

Agapic love - compassionate and selfless

 

 

 

Men have been found to score higher on erotic and ludic love, whereas women score higher on manic, pragmatic and storic love Duck (1986).

 

 

 

Defiently stooge love those guys crack me up.

 

 

 

Joking aside, I think I'd be storge and agapic, although I'm not in love at the moment so I really can't tell.

[insane]

I was always raised that you don't touch a woman unless it's something consensual and in a gentle manner - too damn bad that's not the way anything works. I guess I really can't tell where the actual line is -.-

 

 

 

When you grow up, that becomes something women really appreciate. They may act like they enjoy the flirting/dirty talk/touching, but it's (mostly) because they're desperate for some sort of male affirmation.

 

 

 

I prefer agape love - unconditional. No long-term relationship will work if you love the person on conditions.

[CampbellMC]

 

The semester ended and as Christmas vacation began, I soon began to actually miss school, and began counting the days down until school began. Something I had never done ever since school started and I learned the concept of ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅvacationÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

[Led-Zeppelin]

I have my doubts about love. I think it's something shoved down our throat to keep monogamy going in society.

 

 

 

Humans are animals. There are only 4 things we need. Food, Water, Sex, shelter. Anything else is there because we want it to.

 

The whole point is to gain happiness. A relationship can make one lastingly happy. A one night-stand is merely physical pleasure, no happiness involved.

 

 

 

Again, that's trivial. If we were raised to 'love' one-night-stands then what?

 

 

 

The whole idea of love is still being shoved down our throats, especially by the media and religion.

 

 

 

You love somebody? Get married. You love somebody? Be with them forever.

 

 

 

When in fact, we're animals, and the whole point is to spread our seeds as much as we can.

 

 

 

I do agree with the animal instinct, our main purpose in life is to reproduce. But you DO know there are animals in the animal kingdom which take up life long partners? Whats up with that hmmm?

[Devilsdragon]

I have my doubts about love. I think it's something shoved down our throat to keep monogamy going in society.

 

 

 

Humans are animals. There are only 4 things we need. Food, Water, Sex, shelter. Anything else is there because we want it to.

 

The whole point is to gain happiness. A relationship can make one lastingly happy. A one night-stand is merely physical pleasure, no happiness involved.

 

 

 

Again, that's trivial. If we were raised to 'love' one-night-stands then what?

 

 

 

The whole idea of love is still being shoved down our throats, especially by the media and religion.

 

 

 

You love somebody? Get married. You love somebody? Be with them forever.

 

 

 

When in fact, we're animals, and the whole point is to spread our seeds as much as we can.

 

 

 

I do agree with the animal instinct, our main purpose in life is to reproduce. But you DO know there are animals in the animal kingdom which take up life long partners? Whats up with that hmmm?

 

 

 

A little late, that point has already been brought up ;)

[Grim_Jokes]

I have my doubts about love. I think it's something shoved down our throat to keep monogamy going in society.

 

 

 

Humans are animals. There are only 4 things we need. Food, Water, Sex, shelter. Anything else is there because we want it to.

 

The whole point is to gain happiness. A relationship can make one lastingly happy. A one night-stand is merely physical pleasure, no happiness involved.

 

 

 

Again, that's trivial. If we were raised to 'love' one-night-stands then what?

 

 

 

The whole idea of love is still being shoved down our throats, especially by the media and religion.

 

 

 

You love somebody? Get married. You love somebody? Be with them forever.

 

 

 

When in fact, we're animals, and the whole point is to spread our seeds as much as we can.

 

 

 

I do agree with the animal instinct, our main purpose in life is to reproduce. But you DO know there are animals in the animal kingdom which take up life long partners? Whats up with that hmmm?

 

 

 

I agree. Those animals exist, I overlooked them. My apologies. Altough I'm confident that those animals are more of a minority than majority. But.. do you think they love each other? Or are they together for the sole purpose of mating and ensuring that their off-springs are going to make it to reproduce themselves.

[assassin_696]

I agree. Those animals exist, I overlooked them. My apologies. Altough I'm confident that those animals are more of a minority than majority. But.. do you think they love each other? Or are they together for the sole purpose of mating and ensuring that their off-springs are going to make it to reproduce themselves.

 

 

 

The latter. But if you look I think they tend to be the 'higher' (in terms of evolution) animals, and since we seem to be the natural progression of that love is just an overreaction of the brain for that need to be together with someone. That said, it's become a lot more than that now.

 

 

 

@trapical, I absolutely agree and can relate to that feeling of just being happy being with someone. There's a big thing with teenagers about my age seeing how 'far' you can get with your girlfriend, sex seems to be the pinnacle of a relationship. I think that's naive and shallow, my only experience of what I'd consider love was where it was enough to make me just happy, perfectly content just to sit with the girl I liked, or just be on the phone to each other while we did other stuff, just listening to her breathing. I didn't care about all that other stuff, some of my happiest memories are doing things like you described, just being with her was always enough to me, i'd never have expected more.

[Giordano]

Grat post mate, I can relate to that a lot.

 

 

 

 

 

The couples I see in high school, and now college, are rarely in love. Sure there are a few, and IÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢m sure you know them at your schools. The couples really in love seem more together than the other couples. Whereas the average ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅcoupleÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

[The Dark Lord]

What an awesome thread I prefer the ladder theory myself, as it's more blunt and to the point :P

 

 

 

Hmm what type of love are you?

 

 

 

Eros love - beauty and sexuality

 

Ludus love - entertainment and excitement

 

Storge love - peaceful and slow

 

Pragma love - practical and traditional

 

Manic love - elation and depression

 

Agapic love - compassionate and selfless

 

 

 

Men have been found to score higher on erotic and ludic love, whereas women score higher on manic, pragmatic and storic love Duck (1986).

 

 

 

I have agapic love. This is the most powerful love of them all - the kind of love in which you willingly sacrifice yourself to save what you love and have no regrets.

 

 

 

This is the only love I've experienced so far. I don't fully understand it though.

 

 

 

Trapical, that was an excellent article. I guess that I don't have the same problem as you because I have the courage to ask a girl out, even if the possibilty of rejection is high. One girl said she would but never called back and another told me she just wanted to become a friend of mine. She is no doubt at all the best friend I've had in a long time.

 

 

 

I'm the kind of guy (Sophomore in high school) that is attractive. I have a good personality and get along easily with almost everyone.

 

 

 

Can you give me advice though? My friend said she thought I should just wait and not really think about it and I'll eventually find myself in a relationship. However, I'm afraid that I'll mess up and not get a high school relationship because of one minor mistake. Is it always bad to make a lot of female friends? I tend to get a lot of girls talking to me lately and some become friends, though some are just mere aquaintances and cannot amount to a friendship. Girls flirt with me all the time and I've been talking to a lot of single girls lately. I'm not sure when I should go in and ask one out - I usually like to wait and get to know them better first. But I'm afraid that I'll become a friend with all of them and they wouldn't want to date me. I'm the kind of guy that wants to date someone that I can love - really love. There's no such thing as "love at first sight" and therefore takes time to love...

 

 

 

Any help? Do you know what I should do, Trapical/I Goddess I?

[Ginger_Warrior]

Thank you... this thread has really helped me with my problem right now. see, me and my girlfriend split up on Sunday. She said it because she didn't have any feelings for me anymore, but that's a different topic. Ever since then, it's been really, really tense. I've been kinda clingy. We were going out for over a year. Since I'm only 17, that's a very long time. I guess it came kinda natural for me to spend lots of time with her, because we spent almost all our time with each other, so that's how it's been so hard for me to accept that I can't really do that anymore.

 

 

 

But I've also been troubled because me and her were very close friends. Ever since we met after she had comforted me over a relationship that broke up between me and another girl two and a half years ago, we've had a very special and unique bond. We share everything with each other - our emotions, everything. But obviously, in the past week, that has been tested to its upmost durability, and I've been wondering whether it was gonna break up. Without her, I don't know what I'd do. She really is the thing that keeps me ticking everyday. I don't just say that because I still love her (and yes, I would say it's real love), but because I mean it. I'm renouned for being quite a cocky, arrogant and elf-confident individual, but one of the weird things about me is that I'm also incredibly self-conscious and insecure. She's the one who removes that fear from me, so I really can't live without her.

 

 

 

Anyways, your post made a lot of sense regarding my current situation. At the moment, we're stuck in limbo. I see it as a standdown from being a relationship, so now we're just close mates. She's having a much more difficult time with me, she keeps asking for time to herself, and I think it might be for this reason. The fact is, it was weird that me and her got together in the first place, since, as your post shows, I should only ever have been a best friend to her, but we developed sexual feelings for each other. Now that she doesn't have those feelings for whatever reason, she's struggling to pinpoint where exactly our friendship lies, and I'm being made upset because her own inability to do that makes me insecure and puts me in a difficult decision where I have no idea how to act around her. Am I still someone she wants to hug when she's stressed, or someone she only wants to talk to on MSN? The fact it, I have no idea.

 

 

 

I'm purng my heart out here, and I don't believe you can have an emotional relationship on the internet. I've tried a long-distance relationshiop (as did she once)... it didn't work. The fact is, you can't see the other person face-to-face, and that leaves a big hole in terms of trust between the two individuals. How dyu know they're not slagging you off behind their back, for example?

 

 

 

But thanks for this post, and I hope that me and her can still have a close friendship, maybe in the future, even a relationship again. I realise now that she's struggling to make that decision, and my actions are only antagonising her. I need to let her be now.

 

 

 

Thanks