Dear Amy: I am a 40-year-old divorced father of 14-year-old twin sons.

 

 

 

Recently, a new neighbor moved in next door. She is a very nice, charming and easy to get along with 30-year-old single woman whom I'll call "Martha." A problem has arisen, and I need some advice. On weekend afternoons when my sons play baseball in our back yard, Martha sunbathes topless in her back yard (always while lying on her stomach, as far as I know).

 

 

 

The tall wooden fence between our yards provides her some privacy. However, when the boys hit a foul ball into her yard, she allows one of them to come over to retrieve it.

 

 

 

Even though the fence is tall enough to prevent the boys from peering in at her, and even though she stays lying on her stomach whenever she is topless, the boys seem to hit more than their fair share of foul balls over the fence. This past weekend while they were retrieving a ball from her yard, Martha allowed one of the boys to apply sunscreen lotion on her back.

 

 

 

I found her behavior inappropriate, because my boys are at the age when they notice girls, and because she doesn't always keep her arms tightly at her side when sunbathing.

 

 

 

When I spoke to her about this, Martha said that it isn't a big deal and that the boys are perfect gentlemen.

 

 

 

Now what do I do? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Should I prohibit my sons from backyard baseball and make them go to the playground field a few blocks away?

 

 

 

- Concerned Dad in Pa.

 

 

 

Dear Concerned: The lotion spreading is not good at all.

 

 

 

If your sons were daughters, and if your neighbor was a 30-year-old man, you would see this behavior as worse than inappropriate. You might see it as predatory. Of course "Martha" doesn't think this is a big deal. But she is in no position to judge.

 

 

 

Your sons should not have any physical contact with your neighbor.

 

 

 

As their dad, you should make this extremely clear to all parties, and then you should be vigilant to make sure that their contact remains nothing more than a neighborly "howdy" over the back fence.

 

 

 

...

 

 

 

Dear Amy: Last winter, I bumped the car behind me while backing into a parking space. I don't believe I bumped it hard enough to damage it. Just then, the owner arrived; I think he checked the car over, and, as he drove off, he called something out to me.

 

 

 

I should have gotten out of my car and apologized, but I didn't, and to this day, I don't know why. I think I was in a state of shock.

 

 

 

I have never done anything like this before. I felt so bad that I didn't take responsibility at the time this happened. I am still beating myself up over this.

 

 

 

I hope that if you print this, the driver might read it. I don't expect forgiveness; I just want him to know how sorry I am.

 

 

 

- Seeking Closure

 

 

 

Dear Seeking: I'll quote a friend of mine when I did something similar: "They're called 'bumpers' for a reason." If he had an opportunity to knock on your window to talk about the situation and chose not to, then you don't have a problem. The fact that the other guy drove off before you did proves that he suffered from aggravation

 

 

 

your oppion?

That's what it looks like when all the crazy worries of people go out on paper.

 

 

 

It's silly to ask a stranger about things like that. Amy's opinions are just opinions, it's all subjective. The people writting those letters should take the occasion to think for themselves instead of asking for others'. By example, me as a father I wouldn't mind if my boys go peek on the neighbour, I don't want them to be complexed about nudity when they grow up, and breasts it's really no big deal, the boys can see much worse on internet. And apparently for Amy it's a big deal. Okay, so we got two opinions. And the dad who wrote that letter should just grow some brains and decide for himself. Where does he thinks he's going with someone's else opinion?

ROFL....

 

The title got me thinking something else :P

ROFL....

 

The title got me thinking something else :P

 

 

 

 

 

naughty boy :shame:

ROFL....

 

The title got me thinking something else :P

 

 

 

 

 

naughty boy :shame:

 

Oh get off it, that title wasn't intentional :P ?

 

 

 

Very odd, perplexing stories :-k . Amy doesn't seem like all that valuable of a responder, especially with that comparison to a thirty-year old man. For one thing, men don't exactly have something to hide in the chest region, and for another young guys actually like seeing female adults, unlike the vice-versa scenario :| . Amy couldn't think of anything to say, so she just went to the general societal method of switching the genders, which is, in all honesty, a bullcrap answer.

 

 

 

If I were the dad I'd talk to the boys about it, ask why they're hitting "more foul balls than usual", maybe give 'em a lecture about privacy and personal space, but if no one's getting hurt drastic measures need not be taken.

Lol. The first one reminded me of the father like in Napoleon Dynamite, and the second one made me think of a guy like Ned Flanders :lol:

ROFL....

 

The title got me thinking something else :P

 

 

 

 

 

naughty boy :shame:

 

I thought th same thing, mostly because sexual contact is judged by "bases", home run could mean getting it all, if you know what I mean.

 

But yea, these guys should just think for themselves. Amy seems like the super-coservative type, though she does have a point with the whole daughter-30 year old man thing.

Regardless of whether or not the topless next door neighbor thought it was ok to have the boys rub lotion on her back, she should have realized that their parents might not view it in the same light. The boys aren't hers, afterall.

man i wish i had a neighbor like that.. i got a neighbor thats like 2 million years old and as fat as hell

its not a homer, its a foul ball. Also, is "Martha" hot, id hope so. :wink:

Lol @ the title. Also at Amy's response. "Omfgz physical contact are bad!!!111!" They're helping her put suntan lotion on. Jeez. It's not like they're having sex with her. (They haven't hit a home run, they're only on first base :P )

 

And that dad obviously phails as a parent if he has to ask Amy about an issue like this. It's obvious what her response is gonna be.

So Flametrooper, would you let your teen daughters put suntan lotion on a single 30 year old male neighbor's back when he asked them to if their Frisbee went in his yard when he was sunbathing?

she doesn't always keep her arms tightly at her side when sunbathing.

 

This guy wouldn't last a day in Europe. :|

 

 

 

EDIT: Ambassadar, see Rebdragon's post.

I just looked at his answer which was this:

 

Amy couldn't think of anything to say, so she just went to the general societal method of switching the genders, which is, in all honesty, a bullcrap answer.

 

 

 

Randomly saying "oh that's bullcrap" isn't anything beyond an opinion. Someone needs to explain why they think it is a bullcrap answer.

Advice columns make me laugh at the sheer stupidity of most of them but then most of them are sensationalised and made up by the writers themselves anyway. The worst ones are in girls teen magazines though, we used to read them and laugh when I was in the 6th form in the common room. I mean really, if your a girl and you "lost" a pen lid go and see a frakin' doctor lol.

 

 

 

 

Daily Mirror Agony Aunt Miriam

 

^^ above image is actually a spoof from Viz magazine

Advice columns make me laugh at the sheer stupidity of most of them but then most of them are sensationalised and made up by the writers themselves anyway. The worst ones are in girls teen magazines though, we used to read them and laugh when I was in the 6th form in the common room. I mean really, if your a girl and you "lost" a pen lid go and see a frakin' doctor lol.

 

 

 

 

Daily Mirror Agony Aunt Miriam

 

^^ above image is actually a spoof from Viz magazine

 

 

 

That Agony Aunt Miriam thing is the funniest thing ive seen all week. \

The gender switching example is stupid. Not many 14 year old girls would want to put sunscreen on some 30 year old mans back. Quite a few 14 year old boys would be glad to put sunscreen on the back of a woman tanning topless. It was the boys decision to put the sunscreen on, its not like she forced them to. As for the she doesnt hold her arms in tight, that is her personal decision.

I just looked at his answer which was this:

 

Amy couldn't think of anything to say, so she just went to the general societal method of switching the genders, which is, in all honesty, a bullcrap answer.

 

 

 

Randomly saying "oh that's bullcrap" isn't anything beyond an opinion. Someone needs to explain why they think it is a bullcrap answer.

 

Here's a repeating of my point, which I admittedly did rush into two lines:

 

 

 

The gender switching example is stupid. Not many 14 year old girls would want to put sunscreen on some 30 year old mans back. Quite a few 14 year old boys would be glad to put sunscreen on the back of a woman tanning topless. It was the boys decision to put the sunscreen on, its not like she forced them to. As for the she doesnt hold her arms in tight, that is her personal decision.

 

The scenarios are completely different; you can't just switch the genders and hope what your reaction to one scenario should be the same for the other. It just doesn't work.

The dad is just over-reacting.

 

 

 

I'd be more worried if she threw the ball back over.

Honestly, from the first dude's reaction and the columnist's response, I'd say they're both mad that the boys aren't gay like they seem to be. I'd be more worried if they DIDN'T want to put the lotion on her! That sort of thing's normal for a 14 year old dude. Also, anyone who provides the "gender switch" argument is obviously either too immature or too senile (as in the attitudes) to know better. Nuff said?

ROFL....

 

The title got me thinking something else :P

 

 

 

 

 

naughty boy :shame:

 

Oh get off it, that title wasn't intentional :P ?

 

 

 

Very odd, perplexing stories :-k . Amy doesn't seem like all that valuable of a responder, especially with that comparison to a thirty-year old man. For one thing, men don't exactly have something to hide in the chest region, and for another young guys actually like seeing female adults, unlike the vice-versa scenario :| . Amy couldn't think of anything to say, so she just went to the general societal method of switching the genders, which is, in all honesty, a bullcrap answer.

 

 

 

If I were the dad I'd talk to the boys about it, ask why they're hitting "more foul balls than usual", maybe give 'em a lecture about privacy and personal space, but if no one's getting hurt drastic measures need not be taken.

 

 

 

Relly you mean "sex" not gender.

Not many 14 year old girls would want to put sunscreen on some 30 year old mans back. Quite a few 14 year old boys would be glad to put sunscreen on the back of a woman tanning topless. It was the boys decision to put the sunscreen on, its not like she forced them to. As for the she doesnt hold her arms in tight, that is her personal decision.

 

You admit not many 14 year old girls would want to do that(I agree) which means there are actually some that would want to do it. The example is only bullcrap if there isn't a single girl out there that would want to do it. Since there are some then the question "Now imagine it is your daughter. Would you be cool with that?" is still applicable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aside from that where do ya'll draw the line of inappropriate contact between a younger teenager and a 30 year old woman?

Title made me think of something else >_>.

 

 

 

 

 

Lucky kids.

These kind of responses just reinforce the double standard. A 14-year-old boy isn't "normal" if he isn't sexually interested in his neighbour who is more than twice his age? And a girl is never interested in a man twice her age? A boy must think about and desire sex constantly, but a girl shouldn't?

 

 

 

BS, please. Her metaphor was perfectly valid. If a relationship between a 30 year old man and a 14 year old girl is inappropriate, so is a relationship between a 30 year old woman and a 14 year old boy.