Family Communication - Am I the Only One?

[wakka102]

So I get a date for homecoming about a week ago, I finally tell my mom about this today and she pretty much flips out (more in a good way though), she asks about name, place were meeting, when, where, the whole works. I pretty much blow her off with the "I don't knows". I refuse to show her a picture of the person that I'm going with and for some reason I'm just a jerk to her about it. My dad later comes down and talks to me about it and thinks I'm trying to hide something but I'm honestly not, I just get very defensive about stuff like that. Does anyone else have communication issues with their parents? I have no reason to get so defensive about something like that but for some reason I can't help it. I love my parents but I can't talk to them at all and when I do I usually end up arguing with them (which I generally start).

 

 

 

How can I stop doing this?

[Aquiel]

Just say "I have nothing to hide, it's just I become defensive about this kind of stuff" :mrgreen:

[wakka102]

Just say "I have nothing to hide, it's just I become defensive about this kind of stuff" :mrgreen:

I do, but I still feel bad and I'm sure i'll do it again next time, I just want to hear what others have to say about it, or if anyone else has the same problem and what they do about it.

[Bubsa]

If you call "not talking to either parent for the last 15 months" a communication issue, then yeah.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Just try to be a bit more understanding. While you live under their roof, you are technically their responsibility. They'd be being neglegant if they didn't check on these things. Surely, if you actually do love them, you'd understand their care for you?

 

 

 

Instead of saying, "I don't know", do one of two things. Either give a justifiable reason to explain why you don't want them to know that information, or say, "If you want that information, I'll get it to you.", to demostrate you don't want to keep things hidden that they should know.

 

 

 

I'll leave you to decide what those things are. In my experience, two people drawing red lines and stubbornly sticking to those lines never gets anywhere. Negotiation is much more effective, and that's how I get on with my parent. It's much more respectful to both sides; you acknowledge their viewpoint, they acknowledge your own ability to forumlate judgements.

[wakka102]

If you call "not talking to either parent for the last 15 months" a communication issue, then yeah.

don't you live on you're own though? I'm living with my parents.

 

 

 

Just try to be a bit more understanding. While you live under their roof, you are technically their responsibility. They'd be being neglegant if they didn't check on these things. Surely, if you actually do love them, you'd understand their care for you?

 

 

 

Instead of saying, "I don't know", do one of two things. Either give a justifiable reason to explain why you don't want them to know that information, or say, "If you want that information, I'll get it to you.", to demostrate you don't want to keep things hidden that they should know.

 

 

 

I'll leave you to decide what those things are. In my experience, two people drawing red lines and stubbornly sticking to those lines never gets anywhere. Negotiation is much more effective, and that's how I get on with my parent. It's much more respectful to both sides; you acknowledge their viewpoint, they acknowledge your own ability to forumlate judgements.

I agree with you, theres just something about the topic of females that makes me very defensive, I have never been able to talk to my parents about girls and I don't think that I ever will be able to. To me its just personal and not something they need to be involved with.

[Ginger_Warrior]

That's perfectly justifiable, and I have trouble talking to my parent about my relationships. But you have to explain why you feel that way to your parents.

[Bubsa]

Well, I do now. To be honest, it's better when we don't talk.

 

 

 

The fact is this: You have to tell them the reason why you don't want to tell them about her. You know what it is, embarrassment, insecurity etc. There's no shame in admitting to it, and it takes big, big courage to digress it with anyone, even your parents.

 

 

 

Tell them the reason and they'll respect you for it. Now if they don't, well, you have every right to tell them to GTFO. What's worse, not talking to your parents or you being compromised for who you are? We all know the answer to that, but that's exaggerating it slightly. They will respect your decision and find it admirable in you doing so, if you tell them why you don't want to talk about her.

[reaper88888]

It's personal. Tell 'em that.

[wakka102]

That's perfectly justifiable, and I have trouble talking to my parent about my relationships. But you have to explain why you feel that way to your parents.

and thats what I'm trying to figure out, I have no reason to be like that, they are very nice and much more lenient than most parents, but I tend to just blow them off, I guess if I can avoid playing 20 questions with them I tend to keep my mouth shut, which is all the time.

 

 

 

thanks for the quick responses, it helps alot :)

[Lenin64]

Do we have communications issues? Well, sorta. i don't tell them anything, social life, how school is going, etc. No major details or anything. Politics? Nope. religion? I try to keep that closed off.

[warri0r45]

I'm kind of similar. I generally don't like talking to parents about most things. I haven't talked to my mother for a very long time (parents divorced, *cut cut cut* :P ) You could call me wierd but sometimes I just don't see the point in talking. They seem to know what I'm like and don't push me. I don't know how many different ways I can answer "how was your day".

 

 

 

Oh well, such is life.

[Intriguing]

I can't really relate. I have a tonne of friends, but no really good friends, so I tend to talk to mum about my personal issues, and she gives good advice.

 

Personally, I think you should just tell your parents about it if they want to know. It's not like you have anything to be ashmed of, right?

[wakka102]

I can't really relate. I have a tonne of friends, but no really good friends, so I tend to talk to mum about my personal issues, and she gives good advice.

 

Personally, I think you should just tell your parents about it if they want to know. It's not like you have anything to be ashmed of, right?

I would like to, its like someone with anger management, they don't know what they did until after its done, it just sorta sets me off, its my personality I guess.

[amoeba_009]

I've just learnt to lie. Very very well.

[Adam007]

I think it's weird for you because you're talking on their terms. They're rightfully excited for you, and it makes you feel a little weird I'm guessing, because you don't want to make a big deal about it. I would just bring it up in casual conversation if you can, just make sure it's on your terms, not them asking you about it, because I can relate to that and it's hard to talk about it when your parents are prodding and all excited because you don't feel that way from your perspective.

[Bloodredsword]

I am EXACTLY the same as you dude...and I don't know why either. Its weird :(

 

 

 

Same thing happens when they ask to see my h/w. Even if i've done it and done it well..I get defensive. I'll take advice given on this thread aswell :)

[Lionheart_0]

:? I would really think your trying to hide something if you didn't tell me and was my son. There has to be a sense of trust between parents and offspring, if that trust isn't there, it is like all relationships and it just falls apart. Plus, why not tell them the stuff. Saves everyone the hassle of them having to intarigate(sp?) you and worry, and you having to defend yourself.

 

 

 

If my parents ask me these questions, I always answer. They always back off after I tell them the answers, and everyone is happy.

[PaperClipsYaaaar]

If my parents ask me these questions, I always answer. They always back off after I tell them the answers, and everyone is happy.

 

That's because you're a girl. Your parents trust you more.

[blade995]

If my parents ask me these questions, I always answer. They always back off after I tell them the answers, and everyone is happy.

 

That's because you're a girl. Your parents trust you more.

 

 

 

Um, Lionheart is a guy.

[Adam007]

:? I would really think your trying to hide something if you didn't tell me and was my son. There has to be a sense of trust between parents and offspring, if that trust isn't there, it is like all relationships and it just falls apart. Plus, why not tell them the stuff. Saves everyone the hassle of them having to intarigate(sp?) you and worry, and you having to defend yourself.

 

 

 

If my parents ask me these questions, I always answer. They always back off after I tell them the answers, and everyone is happy.

 

I don't think it's an issue of wanting to hide something. It's just weird for some people to talk to their parents about things like that if you hadn't much before.

[superson]

If my parents ask me these questions, I always answer. They always back off after I tell them the answers, and everyone is happy.

 

That's because you're a girl. Your parents trust you more.

 

 

 

Um, Lionheart is a guy.

 

 

 

It's a joke that was started a while ago. :P

[Nadril]

If my parents ask me these questions, I always answer. They always back off after I tell them the answers, and everyone is happy.

 

That's because you're a girl. Your parents trust you more.

 

 

 

Um, Lionheart is a guy.

 

 

 

Than explain the boobs.

 

 

 

And lady parts.

[fgfuyfyuiuy0]

I have the same problem, so I can't help you there. I like not talking to my parents and being left alone.

[Adam007]

I have the same problem, so I can't help you there. I like not talking to my parents and being left alone.

 

I don't think that's what wakka means? It sounds like he normally talks to his parents about most stuff, but this he's having trouble with. It doesn't sound like he's like you in the sense that you don't like interacting with your family and prefer being left alone by yourself.