I'm sorry to interrupt this fascinating conversation about jerks with fake tans, but I need some advice. (I didn't mean for that to make me sound like a jerk :/)

 

 

 

 

 

I'm 16 years old. I've never really had any friends or been in any kind of relationship and didn't care until recently. Now I'm kind of in an awkward position. I won't see anybody until school starts again (early september). Until then, I'm kind of stuck at home. I've kind of been branded as a loner by my peers. Should I try to do something to try to change the way people think of me or just give up on ever having a "normal" relationship? I really have no clue how the "getting a girlfriend" thing works. Any advice on what I should do would be appreciated.

 

^Background information

 

 

 

Stuff on the internet keeps saying I should try to find something in common with people and talk about that. I consider this worthless because I don't know how to start a conversation in the first place. Going up to a girl and complementing her on something would be weird because I've never talked to any of them, so that won't work. Obviously nobody will come to me, so I really don't know what to do. I've heard that you should try to sit next to her in class or something (I'm in high school, so I don't need any of that "getting laid at work stuff) and ask about homework or something related to the class. I don't know what kind of school these people go to where they can just break out in conversation in the middle of class, please don't suggest this. I've heard that you could ask her to hang out with you and your friends, but I don't have any friends and I've never "hung out". The only thing I can think of would be to say "hi", but I don't really know what to do after that. I guess I'm just asking for a way to have a conversation with somebody with these circumstances. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

 

I'm afraid that at your level on the social ladder there is no easy way out for you, all I can think of is joining a club at school and then talking to people there about the club itself to start a conversation. This gives you a way to see the same people at least every week who (if you chose a club that you like) should at least share a basic interest with you.

 

That's what I was afraid of :/ Oh well, thanks for being honest :)

I'm sorry to interrupt this fascinating conversation about jerks with fake tans, but I need some advice. (I didn't mean for that to make me sound like a jerk :/)

 

 

 

 

 

I'm 16 years old. I've never really had any friends or been in any kind of relationship and didn't care until recently. Now I'm kind of in an awkward position. I won't see anybody until school starts again (early september). Until then, I'm kind of stuck at home. I've kind of been branded as a loner by my peers. Should I try to do something to try to change the way people think of me or just give up on ever having a "normal" relationship? I really have no clue how the "getting a girlfriend" thing works. Any advice on what I should do would be appreciated.

 

^Background information

 

 

 

Stuff on the internet keeps saying I should try to find something in common with people and talk about that. I consider this worthless because I don't know how to start a conversation in the first place. Going up to a girl and complementing her on something would be weird because I've never talked to any of them, so that won't work. Obviously nobody will come to me, so I really don't know what to do. I've heard that you should try to sit next to her in class or something (I'm in high school, so I don't need any of that "getting laid at work stuff) and ask about homework or something related to the class. I don't know what kind of school these people go to where they can just break out in conversation in the middle of class, please don't suggest this. I've heard that you could ask her to hang out with you and your friends, but I don't have any friends and I've never "hung out". The only thing I can think of would be to say "hi", but I don't really know what to do after that. I guess I'm just asking for a way to have a conversation with somebody with these circumstances. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

 

I'm afraid that at your level on the social ladder there is no easy way out for you, all I can think of is joining a club at school and then talking to people there about the club itself to start a conversation. This gives you a way to see the same people at least every week who (if you chose a club that you like) should at least share a basic interest with you.

 

That's what I was afraid of :/ Oh well, thanks for being honest :)

 

 

 

No problem, me lying isn't gonna get you anywhere now is it? :D

You might want to try making some friends before going for girls. Also, stop poking things into your gums and any other from of self-mutilation you do.

You might want to try making some friends before going for girls. Also, stop poking things into your gums and any other from of self-mutilation you do.

 

I don't really get how the "friend-making" thing works :/ If somebody could give me some advice that would be great :) As for the gum poking thing... I don't really think I'd consider it mutilation, it just kind of reduces swelling and feels cool :/

Well, does everyone at your school think you're a loser and that they'd never be friends with you?

 

And just stop poking your gums, it's not good for you.

Well, does everyone at your school think you're a loser and that they'd never be friends with you?

 

And just stop poking your gums, it's not good for you.

 

People just kind of ignore me :/ I don't really know what they think of me. I still don't understand how you're supposed to make friends though.

Conversations. Ask questions that can't be answered with yes/no, and don't answer to questions with yes and no. Well unless you have to, you don't want to answer "Monday. Bright day too, isn't it?" if someone asks you if you're in the same class as them. I guess you could sit with a few people at lunch. Preferably not people too high on the social scale, else they'll probably just switch tables. You could try joining a youth group. Introduce yourself, tell people what you're into, where you're from... This is particularly good because you're starting off with a blank slate, while at school you may have a bad reputation. Tell them you've never really been at a youth group, ask them how it works and what they generally do. You might want to pick a few hobbies too.

Well, does everyone at your school think you're a loser and that they'd never be friends with you?

 

And just stop poking your gums, it's not good for you.

 

People just kind of ignore me :/ I don't really know what they think of me. I still don't understand how you're supposed to make friends though.

 

 

 

 

 

Hell just talk to people the same way you do on here, you don't seem awkward to me. Try playing basketball, I make so many friends just going to local courts and playing pick-ups. If you're not athletic try the skating rink or something, just anywhere there will be people your age.

 

 

 

It's funny how you are all judging this guy and calling him a douche based on 1 picture, just because you don't like his pose and style. Plus you know nothing about him other than that 1 pose. You my friends, are the douches :lol:

 

 

 

 

 

Dude if you can't spot a tool when you see it then maybe you're one yourself. If you can say he's good with the girls just off of the picture why can't I say he's a douche just based on the picture? I don't know why anyone feels the need to defend this nameless guy but cool it, insulting people on here isn't going to make that guy look like any less of a tool. Besides dude, you're from Australia...

Well, does everyone at your school think you're a loser and that they'd never be friends with you?

 

And just stop poking your gums, it's not good for you.

 

People just kind of ignore me :/ I don't really know what they think of me. I still don't understand how you're supposed to make friends though.

 

 

 

 

 

Hell just talk to people the same way you do on here, you don't seem awkward to me. Try playing basketball, I make so many friends just going to local courts and playing pick-ups. If you're not athletic try the skating rink or something, just anywhere there will be people your age.

 

 

 

Unfortunately real life isn't an open forum :( I've never really left my house other than taking out the trash or something, so I don't really think I'd fit in anywhere else :/ To be honest, if I could somehow start a conversaton with somebody, I think I'd be okay... I just don't really know how to talk to people. If anybody could try to point me in the right direction I would appreciate it :) Thank you funphish for making me realise that at the very least I know HOW to talk :)

 

Dude if you can't spot a tool when you see it then maybe you're one yourself. If you can say he's good with the girls just off of the picture why can't I say he's a douche just based on the picture?

 

Because he could be very nice.

 

 

 

I don't know why anyone feels the need to defend this nameless guy but cool it, insulting people on here isn't going to make that guy look like any less of a tool.

 

You're calling a guy a douche because of how he dresses. Is that because he seems superficial to you? Isn't superficial to say that about someone you don't know?

 

 

 

Besides dude, you're from Australia...

 

wat

 

 

 

Though you do have a good point about abc's ability to converse.

Posted wrong link in my post at the top of the page, changed it, ill put it here too... http://www.officialdatingresource.com/douchebag-syndrome-causes-symptoms-and-treament/

I'm sorry if I'm kind of getting off topic here... I know I can have a conversation if I tried, I just don't really know how to start one irl. I don't really have anything in common with anybody. Can somebody at least suggest a neutral topic?

I'm sorry if I'm kind of getting off topic here... I know I can have a conversation if I tried, I just don't really know how to start one irl. I don't really have anything in common with anybody. Can somebody at least suggest a neutral topic?

 

 

 

Just be yourself :thumbup:

 

 

 

You don't need things in common, just confidence. Neutral comments could be anything from suggesting that the weather looks good today, or its been hot recently. Another could just be a story in the news, or a recent sporting event - or something like that.

 

 

 

There are millions on conversation starters, and it would depend whether you are going for a friend, or a stranger.

I'm sorry if I'm kind of getting off topic here... I know I can have a conversation if I tried, I just don't really know how to start one irl. I don't really have anything in common with anybody. Can somebody at least suggest a neutral topic?

 

 

 

Just be yourself :thumbup:

 

 

 

You don't need things in common, just confidence. Neutral comments could be anything from suggesting that the weather looks good today, or its been hot recently. Another could just be a story in the news, or a recent sporting event - or something like that.

 

 

 

There are millions on conversation starters, and it would depend whether you are going for a friend, or a stranger.

 

So you just go up to someone and randomly say one of those things? That wasn't supposed to be sarcastic, I'm serious :/ If that's really all there is to it, then thank you :) It just seems to cliche too be real :/

 

I don't know why anyone feels the need to defend this nameless guy but cool it, insulting people on here isn't going to make that guy look like any less of a tool.

 

You're calling a guy a douche because of how he dresses. Is that because he seems superficial to you? Isn't superficial to say that about someone you don't know?

 

 

 

Though you do have a good point about abc's ability to converse.

 

 

 

The way you dress determines the way you're labeled. If he was dressed in all black with makeup I would call him a goth, but instead he's in a wife-beater with [bleep]ed hair, therefore labeled a tool(or douche, same diff). Not to mention the guy looks like 12-pack from VH1.

 

I don't know why anyone feels the need to defend this nameless guy but cool it, insulting people on here isn't going to make that guy look like any less of a tool.

 

You're calling a guy a douche because of how he dresses. Is that because he seems superficial to you? Isn't superficial to say that about someone you don't know?

 

 

 

Though you do have a good point about abc's ability to converse.

 

 

 

The way you dress determines the way you're labeled. If he was dressed in all black with makeup I would call him a goth, but instead he's in a wife-beater with [bleep]ed hair, therefore labeled a tool(or douche, same diff). Not to mention the guy looks like 12-pack from VH1.

 

 

 

Goth is a style, 'a douche' is not.

I'm sorry if I'm kind of getting off topic here... I know I can have a conversation if I tried, I just don't really know how to start one irl. I don't really have anything in common with anybody. Can somebody at least suggest a neutral topic?

 

 

 

Just be yourself :thumbup:

 

 

 

You don't need things in common, just confidence. Neutral comments could be anything from suggesting that the weather looks good today, or its been hot recently. Another could just be a story in the news, or a recent sporting event - or something like that.

 

 

 

There are millions on conversation starters, and it would depend whether you are going for a friend, or a stranger.

 

So you just go up to someone and randomly say one of those things? That wasn't supposed to be sarcastic, I'm serious :/ If that's really all there is to it, then thank you :) It just seems to cliche too be real :/

 

 

 

you should join a bunch of people.

 

sport club or something.

Abc, just open your mouth and let words come out. It'll take practice, since you're essentially a total virgin to anything social. It isn't hard to make friends. Even though we're teenagers, a lot of us are still kids. Of course, if we were eight it would be much easier to make friends. You ask someone if they want to get some juice and BAM best friends for life.

So you just go up to someone and randomly say one of those things? That wasn't supposed to be sarcastic, I'm serious :/ If that's really all there is to it, then thank you :) It just seems to cliche too be real :/

 

I had the same problem as you when I started high school. One thing that worked for me was being completely honest, and saying something along the lines of "Hi, I really don't talk to people very much, but this summer I told myself I would make friends with people. Would you mind being my friend?" But say it with confidence, and show that you won't be hurt at all if they said no. It should work most of the time, and if you look good and say it with confidence it should work with most girls.

 

 

 

I know it's easier said than done, I've been there. But it's totally worth it; friends are awesome. :P

Dan, we are now making douche a style. That guy dresses like one.

 

 

 

Abc, there are plenty of simple conversation starters. If you're in the hall and see someone who's in one of your classes, go say hi and ask about the homework, notes, or whatever. Try to keep the conversation going for a bit, then if you think they're a pretty cool person ask them if they want to hang out sometime, or if you two are still talking about the class you could ask them to study with you sometime.

 

If you see a group of people sitting together at lunch (not too high on that social ladder) and there are some empty chairs, go over and say "Hey, do you guys mind if I sit with you?" or something like that. if they say go ahead, then sit down, listen, talk, and sit with them the next day. If they say you cant sit with them then say ok and try it with someone else. After all, you need to sit somewhere during lunch.

 

Play a sport! If you're not very athletic try one of the less popular sports like volleyball, swimming, track, cross country, etc. so you have a good chance of actually making the team. When you start talking with your teammates, you already have one thing in common, the sport. Talk about that. Ask how long they've been playing, why they started, what position they play or what races they're best at...

 

Join a club! Clubs don't require anything but some of your time. If you join the lego club (yes my school has one) talk about legos. If you join the book club talk about books. If you join the fashion club talk about fashion.

 

The most important thing is to say whatever it is you're saying with confidence, looking at the person and not at your shoes, not mumbling, and smiling (or at least not frowning.) Be yourself, make some jokes, and make sure you tell them your name :P

The way you dress determines the way you're labeled. If he was dressed in all black with makeup I would call him a goth, but instead he's in a wife-beater with [bleep]ed hair, therefore labeled a tool(or douche, same diff). Not to mention the guy looks like 12-pack from VH1.

 

 

 

Goth is a style, 'a douche' is not.

 

 

 

Actually bruh tool is a style, that must be a picture of you, because you are dead set on defending him.

 

 

 

 

 

And ABC honestly man you are best learning this all on your own, you never want to seem rehearsed. Just talk to anyone, if it goes sour big deal, it was good practice. The only way to learn social conpetence is through experience and trial-n-error. Don't be afraid of rejection or looking wierd, odds are you will never see the person again anyways. Just be confident and talk about what you like and know, don't try and be fake and pretend to like things you don't.

The way you dress determines the way you're labeled. If he was dressed in all black with makeup I would call him a goth, but instead he's in a wife-beater with [bleep]ed hair, therefore labeled a tool(or douche, same diff). Not to mention the guy looks like 12-pack from VH1.

 

 

 

Goth is a style, 'a douche' is not.

 

Actually bruh tool is a style, that must be a picture of you, because you are dead set on defending him.

 

 

And you're dead set on saying he's a tool without knowing him. Why can someone not [bleep]e their hair and be nice at the same time?

The way you dress determines the way you're labeled. If he was dressed in all black with makeup I would call him a goth, but instead he's in a wife-beater with [bleep]ed hair, therefore labeled a tool(or douche, same diff). Not to mention the guy looks like 12-pack from VH1.

 

 

 

Goth is a style, 'a douche' is not.

 

Actually bruh tool is a style, that must be a picture of you, because you are dead set on defending him.

 

 

And you're dead set on saying he's a tool without knowing him. Why can someone not [bleep]e their hair and be nice at the same time?

 

 

 

I said he is a tool because that is what style he has, I don't have to know him to see his style. [bleep]ing your hair doesn't make you a tool, but wearing a wife-beater with that [bleep]ed hair aswell as the hair coloring does make you a tool. But no, you guys keep defending him, I'd defend my crush too.

Thanks for the advice :) (again, not sarcastic) It seems so simple, I guess I was just too shy to talk to people :/ You've answered all of my questions and then some ^^ I am truly grateful.

Thanks for the advice :) (again, not sarcastic) It seems so simple, I guess I was just too shy to talk to people :/ You've answered all of my questions and then some ^^ I am truly grateful.

 

 

 

Good luck man, I really think you're going to be suprised at how well you do. You seem like a smart enough guy by the way you post, I really wish you the best man :thumbsup: . I know what it's like to be lonely and I don't wish it upon my worst enemies, honestly feeling alone sometimes seems worse than being dead. But like i said, you're a good guy from what I've seen, you're gonna' make some damn good friends man. if you get nervous just remember, we all got your back wish you only the best. ;)