Is that what it means? If so that is not helpful to me. I have never even been on a date, so [doing] 10 other girls is not a very easy option.

Thank you for trying though, I understand what you're getting at, that I should just move on.

 

 

"gftog" isn't meant to be taken litterally (how terrible a person would you have to be to even be able to do that?).

 

He's just saying there are plenty of other girls out there, and you're too focussed on ONE. This can lead to all sorts of unhealthy habits and behaviour, commonly reffered to as "oneitis". But I think you understand that he most of all jsut meant "move on with your life" or "get over it".

She didn't actually reject him or anything, I think he should give it a try. But I should never give relationship advice.

She didn't actually reject him or anything, I think he should give it a try. But I should never give relationship advice.

 

 

My advice would be to get over her by the non-literal means of "gftog". Myabe she'll get jealous and then you'll get what you want anyway.

 

But if I were in his shows, I wouldn't have the capacity to do that. I have a weakness to girls. Especially ones I like a lot. I'd end up having a really awkward moment of trying to hookup with her whilst having a "moment" (you'll know what I'm talking about when you feel it). Then she'd either be a "yay" or a "nay". The "yay" meaning a happily ever after. The "nay" meaning I'd spend a few weeks away from her, spend a month apologizing and looking like a douche, and then slowly crawling back into the friendzone. Assuming I knew it wouldn't happen after that experience. This is not what you should do, but I think that's what I would do.

Okeey, where to begin :/

 

Basically I'm a quiet dorky guy at work because I'm not a fan of the job and all I'm really thinking about is the end of my shift. I still dress well and have confident body language, so I seem to attract the nice quiet girls at work. Even if I was interested in being more than colleagues, I'd just corrupt them :thumbdown:

 

(this goes to show how important the way you dress and carry yourself is - along with word of mouth (social proof) these are the reasons why girls I barely even know are interested in me)

 

This is all fine, but 1 girl decided to act on it. She told her friend she likes me, and gave her her number to give to me. Not only am I forcefully reminded of grade 5, but I have to let her down nicely. She's so freaking nice though, it's like trying to strangle a puppy :(

 

I started texting her out of politeness, being as nice and boring as possible and she hasn't brought it up yet but I'm trying to figure out what I'm gonna do. I know it's just a matter of saying I'm not interested, but she's so niiice. Like, sweet old grandma nice :wall:

 

Is that what it means? If so that is not helpful to me. I have never even been on a date, so [doing] 10 other girls is not a very easy option.

Thank you for trying though, I understand what you're getting at, that I should just move on.

 

 

"gftog" isn't meant to be taken litterally (how terrible a person would you have to be to even be able to do that?).

 

He's just saying there are plenty of other girls out there, and you're too focussed on ONE. This can lead to all sorts of unhealthy habits and behaviour, commonly reffered to as "oneitis". But I think you understand that he most of all jsut meant "move on with your life" or "get over it".

 

^

Argh, I screwed up. The girl whom I mentioned last page (Or page before) was over for my 19th tonight, went out on dinner and she was staring at me alot, came home, longed around on my bed and she kept hugging and cheering me up. I dont know weather I should just ask her straight if she'd ever consider going out with me again or not. she seems to hint at it alot but then counters it saying "Alot of guys suck/ horrible boyfriends" etc. :mellow:

Okeey, where to begin :/

 

Basically I'm a quiet dorky guy at work because I'm not a fan of the job and all I'm really thinking about is the end of my shift. I still dress well and have confident body language, so I seem to attract the nice quiet girls at work. Even if I was interested in being more than colleagues, I'd just corrupt them :thumbdown:

 

(this goes to show how important the way you dress and carry yourself is - along with word of mouth (social proof) these are the reasons why girls I barely even know are interested in me)

 

This is all fine, but 1 girl decided to act on it. She told her friend she likes me, and gave her her number to give to me. Not only am I forcefully reminded of grade 5, but I have to let her down nicely. She's so freaking nice though, it's like trying to strangle a puppy :(

 

I started texting her out of politeness, being as nice and boring as possible and she hasn't brought it up yet but I'm trying to figure out what I'm gonna do. I know it's just a matter of saying I'm not interested, but she's so niiice. Like, sweet old grandma nice :wall:

 

I'm bad, I'm s[racist term]ing a bit. Sweet old grandma nice, exactly the quality any guy wants in his girlfriend.

 

(Edit: s[racist term]ing = snickering, but the Brit spelling *sigh*)

 

Anyhow. You made a really bad move by starting to text her, because she'll interprete this as you being interested for sure. So whatever you decide on doing, do it quick, or be labelled the "bastard", probably attracting even more of those girls. Mwaha.

 

So what to do? You could be straight with her and just tell her you're looking to be friends, but not more. Won't be appreciated much though. Or maybe hint that there's another girl, like in "I have to run now, I'm going on a date with a girl I've been having eyes for for ages now."

 

I don't know. I generally suck at this sort of thing. Either I'm completely straight "I have the feeling you're looking for more than friendship. I'm not." or I go into ignore mode and show my disinterest with cold body language. But I'm a girl, so yeah.

 

Argh, I screwed up. The girl whom I mentioned last page (Or page before) was over for my 19th tonight, went out on dinner and she was staring at me alot, came home, longed around on my bed and she kept hugging and cheering me up. I dont know weather I should just ask her straight if she'd ever consider going out with me again or not. she seems to hint at it alot but then counters it saying "Alot of guys suck/ horrible boyfriends" etc. :mellow:

 

Body language > words. From the way you describe her body language, she wants you. The words are there as a decoy and serve to make it clear to you what she's looking for: good boyfriend material. "A lot of guys suck" may mean "but you don't, right?". It all depends on the delivery, and the looks, and the accompanying body language, of course...

Well thank you for the advice Iamdan. I know that no one here as an obligation to give advice, but it seems like any time I've posted here I've gotten the response "There's more than one girl out there, move on", for whatever situation.

If she's saying a lot of her boyfriends were [bleep]s, it's not necessarily a bad thing for you.

It's called oneitis and it is avoided for good reason. There is no 'good game' to attract a girl who you are good friends with unless you really know what you're doing, other than breaking contact and coming back later. You might bumble though and do it by chance, but the odds are stacked against you. You're much more likely to get your own heart broken and possibly ruin the friendship. So there is no good advice that can be given other than that, if we gave you different advice then it would probably be bad advice.

 

If you had a lot of experience with girls then it would be different, but then again you wouldn't need the advice in the first place.

 

I mean you can look through my posts about stuff like attraction switches, flirting, touch escalation and asking a girl out and try it if you really want. I don't recommend it though.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, it's just how things are generally. I've made every mistake many times, and I can see the issues that will arise for you a mile a way. Ultimately up to you, but I'd keep the friendship and move on.

 

I'm bad, I'm s[racist term]ing a bit. Sweet old grandma nice, exactly the quality any guy wants in his girlfriend.

 

(Edit: s[racist term]ing = snickering, but the Brit spelling *sigh*)

 

Anyhow. You made a really bad move by starting to text her, because she'll interprete this as you being interested for sure. So whatever you decide on doing, do it quick, or be labelled the "bastard", probably attracting even more of those girls. Mwaha.

 

So what to do? You could be straight with her and just tell her you're looking to be friends, but not more. Won't be appreciated much though. Or maybe hint that there's another girl, like in "I have to run now, I'm going on a date with a girl I've been having eyes for for ages now."

 

I don't know. I generally suck at this sort of thing. Either I'm completely straight "I have the feeling you're looking for more than friendship. I'm not." or I go into ignore mode and show my disinterest with cold body language. But I'm a girl, so yeah.

I'm considering getting one of my friends with benefits to come into the store when we are near each other, kissing me and asking me if 'we're still on for tonight.' Or I could start telling people in the store that I'm gay :-|

 

I predict however, that her friend will ask me about it and the girl will find out that way. Grade 5 style :thumbsup: #-o

I've been able to flirt with girls recently due to my being single, I'm getting back into the hang of flirting, don't necessarily feel good about flirting, doesn't give me the same feeling of accomplishment it used to. Probably due to the fact I've spiraled into a hardcore fit of really bad depression again, but oh well.

I'd ask for advice on things, but I've realized there's absolutely no advice any of you could give me. I hardly even know what I'd be wanting advice for.

I gave a girl a hug the other day, and she was all like, strokey on my arms when she let go, made me giggle.

deathdrow I made a post in this thread about how I used my limited knowledge of the brain to get over depression. It's effective and easy to do, but it's not overnight. You'd probably find it works faster for you, because I had mine for years before I tried it.

Ok, well thanks for the advice Dan. I know you weren't trying to be hard, I suppose what I was looking for was to be told "Go for it! She'll say yes!", but that's probably not realistic. I disagree that it would ruin the friendship if she said no though. It might be awkward for a short time, but she would get over it.

Ok, well thanks for the advice Dan. I know you weren't trying to be hard, I suppose what I was looking for was to be told "Go for it! She'll say yes!", but that's probably not realistic. I disagree that it would ruin the friendship if she said no though. It might be awkward for a short time, but she would get over it.

It could make her think that the only reason you were hanging out with her was because you were interested though. If you do happen to ask her and she does happen to say no, I'd make sure to let her know that you appreciate time spent with her regardless of whether or not there is the potential for anything else to happen.

I left here eight months ago (I don't regret it either), but whilst I cancelling the subscriptions I still receive from here, I decided to check this thread.

 

Can I speak out against this pseudoscientific term 'oneitis' please? I remember when it first used on here, and it was in reply to someone who was desperately trying to get back with their femme after a break up from a long relationship. He was struggling to cope with the intense emotions that kind of thing brings on a person, seemed to genuinely believe she was his "One" (hence the term) and he needed to be told to isolate himself from her otherwise he'd only be adding to the anxiety.

 

Since then, people seem to have taken this term to mean that only "fancying" (or whatever term you use depending on geography) one person is a bad thing. Yes, it's a good idea to experiment with your emotions with lots of people at a young age so you're properly experienced to deal with those situations later on in life, and I'm not suggesting that the girl you first fancy at the start of puberty is destined to have your kids fifteen years down the line.

 

But please stop being ridiculous! The vast majority of successful relationships in most countries are entirely monogamous. Yes, we guys look at other attractive women even when we're with girlfriends in town (or other guys, depending on sexual orientation), but at no point would we ever seriously consider starting a relationship with that other person. It would devalue the relationship between your actual girlfriend, not to mention the pain she would feel if she knew you'd been doing it with someone else.

 

It is entirely natural, for mostly religiously inspired cultural reasons, for a person to have the intense feelings we call 'love' for one person only - indeed, it is regarded the social norm. When mixed with a little bit of realism (most relationships don't last until "death do us part"), that's perfectly healthy, so long as you accept that if the relationship falls apart, it's probably not your personal fault - it was just never meant to be because of conditions surrounding the relationship.

 

If you're struggling after a relationship falls apart, then see a counsellor, and don't be ashamed of having this 'oneitis'. The vast majority of them are trained, are bound by the same confidentiality rules a doctor or a nurse has to abide by, and most importantly, have a warm interest in other people.

 

There is nothing wrong with grief, and there is nothing wrong with feeling grief.

[hide]

I left here eight months ago (I don't regret it either), but whilst I cancelling the subscriptions I still receive from here, I decided to check this thread.

 

Can I speak out against this pseudoscientific term 'oneitis' please? I remember when it first used on here, and it was in reply to someone who was desperately trying to get back with their femme after a break up from a long relationship. He was struggling to cope with the intense emotions that kind of thing brings on a person, seemed to genuinely believe she was his "One" (hence the term) and he needed to be told to isolate himself from her otherwise he'd only be adding to the anxiety.

 

Since then, people seem to have taken this term to mean that only "fancying" (or whatever term you use depending on geography) one person is a bad thing. Yes, it's a good idea to experiment with your emotions with lots of people at a young age so you're properly experienced to deal with those situations later on in life, and I'm not suggesting that the girl you first fancy at the start of puberty is destined to have your kids fifteen years down the line.

 

But please stop being ridiculous! The vast majority of successful relationships in most countries are entirely monogamous. Yes, we guys look at other attractive women even when we're with girlfriends in town (or other guys, depending on sexual orientation), but at no point would we ever seriously consider starting a relationship with that other person. It would devalue the relationship between your actual girlfriend, not to mention the pain she would feel if she knew you'd been doing it with someone else.

 

It is entirely natural, for mostly religiously inspired cultural reasons, for a person to have the intense feelings we call 'love' for one person only - indeed, it is regarded the social norm. When mixed with a little bit of realism (most relationships don't last until "death do us part"), that's perfectly healthy, so long as you accept that if the relationship falls apart, it's probably not your personal fault - it was just never meant to be because of conditions surrounding the relationship.

 

If you're struggling after a relationship falls apart, then see a counsellor, and don't be ashamed of having this 'oneitis'. The vast majority of them are trained, are bound by the same confidentiality rules a doctor or a nurse has to abide by, and most importantly, have a warm interest in other people.

 

There is nothing wrong with grief, and there is nothing wrong with feeling grief.

[/hide]

 

I agree fully with this. If your attracted to a girl (as in you have a girlfriend for example), I would not consider it to be a good thing if you looked at another girl and felt just as strongly about her as the girl your with. Oneitis is not being able to get over someone after your relationship hit the fan and it all ended. My borther is marrying a girl who had a boyfriend like that. He was calling her and emailing her from most of the way accross Canada (which is a pretty long distance) for the first few months of my brothers relationship. At somepoint they both put there foot down and pointed out they were living together and he could basicly go [bleep] himself and stop calling at 4am in a druken stupor. THATS oneitis, or one form of it.

 

 

Now about me :thumbsup:

 

Right before the posts got deleted, I talked about a girl I met at frosh week, whom I really like (though shes not strictly the only one, just #1). Problem: Shes got a boyfriend. I don't know anything about him, never met him, I don't know if hes still in highschool, gratuated and gone to another university, or graduated and not going to post-secondary education. I know he dosn't go to the uni we go to, and to me that says their days of a relationship are probably numbered.

 

Anyways, I pretty much came to terms that my chances of having a relationship with her are about zero for the next few months anyways, so I moved on, but descided being good friends would still be completly worthwhile (shes not that different from what I would be if I were a girl, cept that im half a foot taller). Anyways, at some point she started suggesting things to do (which is good, means she must at least like me as a friend I guess). Well, at University this also makes sense too. For example, we both like to skate but neither of us really has anyone to skate with (worse for her, I live practlicly on campus, as in I can spit out my window and hit the largest residence, she live like a 30min+ drive away), so doing stuff together at University makes sense. Well, maybe she like me more than I thought, I am suffering wishful thinking, or her bf just dosn't like hockey because she mentioned she would like to go see a game sometime. So thats together at night, downtown in the city. I still doubt I would get her into my house (she said no the first time, and I think she'll tell me if that changes). Did mention these tickets pretty much appeared out of thin air, for free, the day after she told me she wanted to see a game (and this is why you should be on good terms with your parents :D ).

 

So I wonder if im imagineing things, because this dosn't seem typical for a girl in a relationship whos already told you her boyfriend dosn't want her going over to other guys houses.

Randox.

It's hard to really judge the situation in just reading that, also that I am not as old as yourself, but I have a bit of input I suppose. It seems to me that she does like you, and that ""MAYBE"" she likes you more then just a friendship. I mean, you have a lot in common it sounds like, think about it like this. She could really like you, but she is tied down with another guy and still, at the same time, wants to be with you :S Yeah, maybe this is coming out like 'Oh really Sherlock?' but its true. She might just wanna be mates, and doesn't think anything more of it, like most girls do. I suppose just let it go on for a bit longer and see how things work out. But you don't really want to get in the middle of an affair, because you will have more then just her to deal with. Never think you don't have a chance with her, because as I see it, I think you do, just stay friends with her and go with the flow. To be honest, don't even think about it to much.

Thats my two cents anyway, no matter how useless it may be ^.^

<snip>

Of course it's OK to be very attracted to only one person. But it's unhealthy when that person isn't into you and never will be, I think we can agree that loving someone that doesn't love you back isn't a good feeling. There's no reason to dwell on it, finding a partner that's just as good is probably a better idea - and it's not impossible.

Hey guys. So, i have a bad situation at my school.

See, what happend was I told a friend who my secret crush was.

And, guess what happend? My friend went and told my entire grade, and know im embarrassed whenever she glances at me.

 

What do I do?

(BTW, the way my crush found out is that my firend asked her if she liked me, and apparently, she said she kind of liked me)

Hey guys. So, i have a bad situation at my school.

See, what happend was I told a friend who my secret crush was.

And, guess what happend? My friend went and told my entire grade, and know im embarrassed whenever she glances at me.

 

What do I do?

(BTW, the way my crush found out is that my firend asked her if she liked me, and apparently, she said she kind of liked me)

 

So what's the problem .. ? Ask her out. Worst she can say is no.

 

Besides, what's the point of liking someone "secretly"?

You like her. She kind of likes you.

Build more attraction. Then ask her out. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

Hey guys. So, i have a bad situation at my school.

See, what happend was I told a friend who my secret crush was.

And, guess what happend? My friend went and told my entire grade, and know im embarrassed whenever she glances at me.

 

What do I do?

(BTW, the way my crush found out is that my firend asked her if she liked me, and apparently, she said she kind of liked me)

 

So what's the problem .. ? Ask her out. Worst she can say is no.

 

Besides, what's the point of liking someone "secretly"?

well, um, the problem is that im shy when it comes to girls...like, extremely. :( :( :sad: and, im not so shure my friend is trusworthy

Hey guys. So, i have a bad situation at my school.

See, what happend was I told a friend who my secret crush was.

And, guess what happend? My friend went and told my entire grade, and know im embarrassed whenever she glances at me.

 

What do I do?

(BTW, the way my crush found out is that my firend asked her if she liked me, and apparently, she said she kind of liked me)

 

So what's the problem .. ? Ask her out. Worst she can say is no.

 

Besides, what's the point of liking someone "secretly"?

well, um, the problem is that im shy when it comes to girls...like, extremely. :( :( :sad: and, im not so shure my friend is trusworthy

 

So the best way to change that is to just start talking to her. Don't worry about it at all.

 

The earlier you learn not to be shy the better. Think of it this way: if you meet someone new, and you're shy to talk to them, are you going to become friends with them? No. If you aren't shy, then you'll become friends, and if they're a girl, you may begin liking each other, so on so forth.

 

In general, the more outgoing and personable you are, the more friends you'll have.

 

And yeah, I don't think you can trust your friend.

 

(Just curious, how old are you?)

Hey guys. So, i have a bad situation at my school.

See, what happend was I told a friend who my secret crush was.

And, guess what happend? My friend went and told my entire grade, and know im embarrassed whenever she glances at me.

 

What do I do?

(BTW, the way my crush found out is that my firend asked her if she liked me, and apparently, she said she kind of liked me)

 

So what's the problem .. ? Ask her out. Worst she can say is no.

 

Besides, what's the point of liking someone "secretly"?

well, um, the problem is that im shy when it comes to girls...like, extremely. :( :( :sad: and, im not so shure my friend is trusworthy

 

So the best way to change that is to just start talking to her. Don't worry about it at all.

 

The earlier you learn not to be shy the better. Think of it this way: if you meet someone new, and you're shy to talk to them, are you going to become friends with them? No. If you aren't shy, then you'll become friends, and if they're a girl, you may begin liking each other, so on so forth.

 

In general, the more outgoing and personable you are, the more friends you'll have.

 

And yeah, I don't think you can trust your friend.

 

(Just curious, how old are you?)

im 13, soo, yeah, kind of extra aquward

Hey guys. So, i have a bad situation at my school.

See, what happend was I told a friend who my secret crush was.

And, guess what happend? My friend went and told my entire grade, and know im embarrassed whenever she glances at me.

 

What do I do?

(BTW, the way my crush found out is that my firend asked her if she liked me, and apparently, she said she kind of liked me)

 

So what's the problem .. ? Ask her out. Worst she can say is no.

 

Besides, what's the point of liking someone "secretly"?

well, um, the problem is that im shy when it comes to girls...like, extremely. :( :( :sad: and, im not so shure my friend is trusworthy

 

So the best way to change that is to just start talking to her. Don't worry about it at all.

 

The earlier you learn not to be shy the better. Think of it this way: if you meet someone new, and you're shy to talk to them, are you going to become friends with them? No. If you aren't shy, then you'll become friends, and if they're a girl, you may begin liking each other, so on so forth.

 

In general, the more outgoing and personable you are, the more friends you'll have.

 

And yeah, I don't think you can trust your friend.

 

(Just curious, how old are you?)

im 13, soo, yeah, kind of extra aquward

 

Talk to her. When you see her next, don't start thinking 'Oh geez, there's that girl I like'. Tell yourself to get over your fear, and, what's the worst that can happen? If she sort of likes you back, then there's a good chance you can get her to like you.

ok, thanks for the advice, il try that this monday when i get back to school