"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[thestig0]

All I can say is,

 

Parents are often douches.

 

You bring up the most logical, obvious answer to their queries and they still think they're right - or they just wont admit to being wrong. :|

 

 

 

For my side. Apparently, this girl in my year-level has liked me for quite a while, her friends always do the 'we know she likes him so we'll do her a favour' thing, and ask me out for her. This has went on for like 6 weeks and has finally got me wondering, do I like her myself?

 

I'm stuck between yes and no. It's difficult, I havent been in a relationship before :? , not only that, but I dont want to know what it feels like being dumped and all if it turns out good for me :|

 

 

 

I had the same dilemma a couple of months back, except this girl was 2 years younger than me. Her friends all told me she liked me and tbh, so did I. I knew her for a year and I knew I wasn't interested in her back then. Then a couple of months ago, my feelings had changed and I asked her out, she told me she didn't like me in that way.

 

 

 

So my advice is to get to know the girl yourself and don't just believe what other people say, and rethink the situation before rushing into it.

[Zimbu]

I get yelled at for stupid things; eating more than 1 pie in a day, not unlocking my door the moment I got dressed, getting up rather late, even though I got home from an all nighter the previous night, staying up past 12, (...) I've been yelled at for asking what food there was as I couldn't find any. Right now I'm wanting to move out (legally can) problem is I have no job, and nowhere to move to. What's some good ways to get them to calm the [bleep] down and to keep them out of my face? I am legally an adult in 11 months and they still treat my like some 11 year old who hasn't got a clue how to look after themselves.

 

Usually people won't keep yelling at you if you talk to them in a calm manner and keep telling them that there is nothing to be upset about. They are looking for a strong defence response and not giving them one is an excellent way of making them stop. You can also leave the house for a short while to give your parents some time to cool off.

 

 

 

They never listen to my reasoning

 

Are you sure that there is no conceivable circumstances in which your parents would listen to you, or are you just picking the wrong moments and the wrong ways to reason with them? You need to reason with them in a relaxed atmosphere in a calm way, not when you are at each other's throats. Just pick a moment like when your parents are reading the paper or watch TV and say something along the lines of " We need to talk. I know you have been upset because I've been staying up so late and I would like to explain myself. You see, I feel very relaxed late in the evening and I enjoy that feeling. I understand that you fear that it might make me tired, but I'm confident that I can listen to my body and adjust the time I go to sleep accordingly. Would it be possible for you to allow me to have my relaxing late evenings if I promise it won't cause any disturbances? It would mean a lot to me and it wouldn't require any action on your part." Talking to your parents about your feelings and needs in a calm adult-to-adult fashion goes a surprisingly long way. They won't let you do everything, but having these types of conversations does help them realize that you are becoming an adult and should be treated as such.

 

 

 

If it has got to a point where you don't want to have anything to do with them once you move out, then you should make them realize the severity of the problem. You can for example contact your grandparents or some other family members that you know your parents will listen to if you are having trouble getting through to them. Tell them how you feel about your parents and ask that they will talk about the problem with your parents.

 

waking my mum up, who yelled and me so dad woke up, who threatened to destroy my tv, PC and xbox, for not overly caring about my school grades,

 

I personally would have unplugged my xbox and given it to my dad along with a hammer and told him to show me what kind of a dad I have. (Okay, actually I would have just let it go because people sometimes say things they don't really mean, but it would be cool in a dramatic sort of a way.)

[Furah]

I get yelled at for stupid things; eating more than 1 pie in a day, not unlocking my door the moment I got dressed, getting up rather late, even though I got home from an all nighter the previous night, staying up past 12, (...) I've been yelled at for asking what food there was as I couldn't find any. Right now I'm wanting to move out (legally can) problem is I have no job, and nowhere to move to. What's some good ways to get them to calm the [bleep] down and to keep them out of my face? I am legally an adult in 11 months and they still treat my like some 11 year old who hasn't got a clue how to look after themselves.

 

Usually people won't keep yelling at you if you talk to them in a calm manner and keep telling them that there is nothing to be upset about. They are looking for a strong defence response and not giving them one is an excellent way of making them stop. You can also leave the house for a short while to give your parents some time to cool off.

 

I've tried that, I never raise my tone at my mum because the moment I do she starts yelling (which at night wakes up dad) and I try to get out of the house often to let things cool down, which doesn't seem to work well. :?

 

 

 

They never listen to my reasoning

 

Are you sure that there is no conceivable circumstances in which your parents would listen to you, or are you just picking the wrong moments and the wrong ways to reason with them? You need to reason with them in a relaxed atmosphere in a calm way, not when you are at each other's throats. Just pick a moment like when your parents are reading the paper or watch TV and say something along the lines of " We need to talk. I know you have been upset because I've been staying up so late and I would like to explain myself. You see, I feel very relaxed late in the evening and I enjoy that feeling. I understand that you fear that it might make me tired, but I'm confident that I can listen to my body and adjust the time I go to sleep accordingly. Would it be possible for you to allow me to have my relaxing late evenings if I promise it won't cause any disturbances? It would mean a lot to me and it wouldn't require any action on your part." Talking to your parents about your feelings and needs in a calm adult-to-adult fashion goes a surprisingly long way. They won't let you do everything, but having these types of conversations does help them realize that you are becoming an adult and should be treated as such.

 

 

 

If it has got to a point where you don't want to have anything to do with them once you move out, then you should make them realize the severity of the problem. You can for example contact your grandparents or some other family members that you know your parents will listen to if you are having trouble getting through to them. Tell them how you feel about your parents and ask that they will talk about the problem with your parents.

 

They just won't listen, I have tried something similar to that, but all mum does is argue till she is right,or until it becomes a because-I-said-so arguement, dad just says that when he was my age he would never dream of doing such a thing, and then he also goes to the because-I-said-so arguement. Also they know it's a big problem, letting relatives know just means my parents will be told what they already know, my mum knows I would move out given the opportunity.

 

waking my mum up, who yelled and me so dad woke up, who threatened to destroy my tv, PC and xbox, for not overly caring about my school grades,

 

I personally would have unplugged my xbox and given it to my dad along with a hammer and told him to show me what kind of a dad I have. (Okay, actually I would have just let it go because people sometimes say things they don't really mean, but it would be cool in a dramatic sort of a way.)

 

If I did that my dad would have broken it, he hates technology, and thinks all my problems are because of the xbox and PC.

 

 

 

EDIT: Fixed up some quotes.

[Furah]

Oops, comp is being annoying today.

[RayOxide]

All I can say is,

 

Parents are often douches.

 

You bring up the most logical, obvious answer to their queries and they still think they're right - or they just wont admit to being wrong. :|

 

 

 

For my side. Apparently, this girl in my year-level has liked me for quite a while, her friends always do the 'we know she likes him so we'll do her a favour' thing, and ask me out for her. This has went on for like 6 weeks and has finally got me wondering, do I like her myself?

 

I'm stuck between yes and no. It's difficult, I havent been in a relationship before :? , not only that, but I dont want to know what it feels like being dumped and all if it turns out good for me :|

 

 

 

I had the same dilemma a couple of months back, except this girl was 2 years younger than me. Her friends all told me she liked me and tbh, so did I. I knew her for a year and I knew I wasn't interested in her back then. Then a couple of months ago, my feelings had changed and I asked her out, she told me she didn't like me in that way.

 

 

 

So my advice is to get to know the girl yourself and don't just believe what other people say, and rethink the situation before rushing into it.

 

 

 

I've known her for a little over a year, and everyone who knows her says she likes be in "that way" :P

[Furah]

All I can say is,

 

Parents are often douches.

 

You bring up the most logical, obvious answer to their queries and they still think they're right - or they just wont admit to being wrong. :|

 

 

 

For my side. Apparently, this girl in my year-level has liked me for quite a while, her friends always do the 'we know she likes him so we'll do her a favour' thing, and ask me out for her. This has went on for like 6 weeks and has finally got me wondering, do I like her myself?

 

I'm stuck between yes and no. It's difficult, I havent been in a relationship before :? , not only that, but I dont want to know what it feels like being dumped and all if it turns out good for me :|

 

 

 

I had the same dilemma a couple of months back, except this girl was 2 years younger than me. Her friends all told me she liked me and tbh, so did I. I knew her for a year and I knew I wasn't interested in her back then. Then a couple of months ago, my feelings had changed and I asked her out, she told me she didn't like me in that way.

 

 

 

So my advice is to get to know the girl yourself and don't just believe what other people say, and rethink the situation before rushing into it.

 

 

 

I've known her for a little over a year, and everyone who knows her says she likes be in "that way" :P

 

Why are you sitting here? GO FOR HER!

[PURESMITHER]

All I can say is,

 

Parents are often douches.

 

You bring up the most logical, obvious answer to their queries and they still think they're right - or they just wont admit to being wrong. :|

 

 

 

For my side. Apparently, this girl in my year-level has liked me for quite a while, her friends always do the 'we know she likes him so we'll do her a favour' thing, and ask me out for her. This has went on for like 6 weeks and has finally got me wondering, do I like her myself?

 

I'm stuck between yes and no. It's difficult, I havent been in a relationship before :? , not only that, but I dont want to know what it feels like being dumped and all if it turns out good for me :|

 

 

 

I had the same dilemma a couple of months back, except this girl was 2 years younger than me. Her friends all told me she liked me and tbh, so did I. I knew her for a year and I knew I wasn't interested in her back then. Then a couple of months ago, my feelings had changed and I asked her out, she told me she didn't like me in that way.

 

 

 

So my advice is to get to know the girl yourself and don't just believe what other people say, and rethink the situation before rushing into it.

 

 

 

I've known her for a little over a year, and everyone who knows her says she likes be in "that way" :P

 

 

 

I go to a boys school but theres a girls school down the road and we hang out with the girls from another class at the weekend. I think (probably due to lack of female contact) everyone in our "friend circle" is obsessive about boyfriends and girlfriends - I'm the only one of the boys in our group that doesn't have a girlfriend - mainly because I tell people its stupid to have a girlfriend when your 14.

 

 

 

Anyway, don't listen to friends, in the last 2 months I've been told about 3 different girls who "really like me". I know most people don't have this sort of stupidity going on, but its probably not worth listening to friends unless they go on about it for several months.

[RayOxide]

My friend basically just confrenced me in asking her if she really does like me.

 

:\ She said yes lol

[Howlin0001]

I'm not sure how this post is going to turn out like when I post it but here goes.

 

 

 

Is it possible to lose your feelings for a friend, when you still like them?

 

Like I like one of my bestfriends but I don't want to like them that way. Is there any way them feeling can kinda of go away and soon?

[Kiriyama]

Can you explain more?

 

 

 

Are you in love with your best friend? Sorry, I've seen the word "like" used in that way before, and I just want to clarify.

[Howlin0001]

Yes

[Kiriyama]

Easiest thing is just to forget about it.

 

 

 

It is possible to lose them over time, but there is no magic trick to it. It can be hard, just treat her/him as you normally do.

 

 

 

I can't say how long it will take, just try not to let the feelings take over you.

 

 

 

On the other hand, I'd suggest trying for the relationship with him/her (I don't know your sex, and I'm assuming your friend is the opposite, if not, then just say and I'll try edit this). It could be a good move, or it could help you get over the feelings.

 

 

 

My main advice is try to not let things feel akward. Its only that way if you make it so. Don't treat your friend differently from how you have in the past if you do not want to pursue a relationship.

 

 

 

Its silly to lose a friend over something as trivial as teenage love (again, I'm assuming, but I'm using the basis that you used "like" rather than "love").

[Howlin0001]

On the other hand, I'd suggest trying for the relationship with him/her (I don't know your sex, and I'm assuming your friend is the opposite, if not, then just say and I'll try edit this). It could be a good move, or it could help you get over the feelings.

See below.

 

 

 

 

 

Its silly to lose a friend over something as trivial as teenage love (again, I'm assuming, but I'm using the basis that you used "like" rather than "love").

 

That's why I want to loose the love feelings for her but keep the friends feelings for her. The friendship is perfect but it's just that small side effect I don't.

 

 

 

My main advice is try to not let things feel akward. Its only that way if you make it so. Don't treat your friend differently from how you have in the past if you do not want to pursue a relationship.

 

I'm not going to, or at least try my best

[Kiriyama]

Honestly, its going to be hard to lose the feelings for her. The best thing to do is just not act upon them.

[Howlin0001]

Honestly, its going to be hard to lose the feelings for her. The best thing to do is just not act upon them.

 

I don't think the acting upon them feelings will be a problem seeing as she lives about 7217Km (4484 miles) away form me. But still....

[Kiriyama]

So I'm just curious now, is this primarily an online thing? (Not going to judge anyway, just curious)

[RpgGamer]

Honestly, its going to be hard to lose the feelings for her. The best thing to do is just not act upon them.

 

I don't think the acting upon them feelings will be a problem seeing as she lives about 7217Km (4484 miles) away form me. But still....

 

 

 

Believe it or not, that can actually make it harder. I'm assuming one reason you want to just be friends is the fact that there is so much distance. My advice is to figure out your "turn-offs". Look for flaws in her. Superficial or otherwise. This way you can be friends with her, without having that pesky romantic influence in the back of your head. I used to have a crush in this girl until I found out she had god-forsaken-awful hygenic habits. We've been just friends ever since.

[Howlin0001]

No. It didn't begin that way. She is my penpal. We started writing to each other a little over three years ago. Then we got talking over E-mails and MSN etc. She was here to visit me over the weekend (a weekend I will NEVER forget). It wasn't until last night (she left yesterday afternoon/evening) that I realised how much I do care for her and will miss her. In a (very)small way I do kinda of wish she never came over to visit me now.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm assuming one reason you want to just be friends is the fact that there is so much distance.

Nope there is other reasons...

[Kiriyama]

What are the other reasons?

[Howlin0001]

What are the other reasons?

 

I don't want anything to change, the friendship we have is perfect, if I say this(or even hint it) to her it will change things.

 

There's are some more but I would prefer not to share it here.

[Kiriyama]

Honestly, I'm thinking you should tell her, it'd be better for you to talk to her about it.

[Howlin0001]

Sure better for me, but what about her? The last thing I want to do is make it awkward between us.

[Kiriyama]

It'd only become akward if she makes it so. God, I say that a lot, don't I?

 

 

 

Theres two roads.

 

 

 

Either talk to her about it, and you can then stop worrying. I told someone once, and well, it didn't change much. Might not be the same for you, but its worth trying.

 

 

 

Or you can just keep it to yourself and let it eat slightly ever more away at you.

 

 

 

Its your call either way.

[Howlin0001]

It'd only become akward if she makes it so. God, I say that a lot, don't I?

 

 

 

Theres two roads.

 

 

 

Either talk to her about it, and you can then stop worrying. I told someone once, and well, it didn't change much. Might not be the same for you, but its worth trying.

 

 

 

Or you can just keep it to yourself and let it eat slightly ever more away at you.

 

 

 

Its your call either way.

 

Yea figured as much. I guess that means another while debating it with myself. I want to tell her but at the same time I don't want to tell her. Earlier today I started to write down what I was wanting to say but a minute into writing it I folded it up and threw it in the bin :(

 

 

 

But yesterday when I said I missed her and if she hadn't noticed I loved her she asked did I mean it in a friendship way. I wanted to say no it was a lot more then that but I just couldn't. I'll most likely end up thinking about this tonight and probably all day tomorrow and probably start writing down what I want to say as well once or twice.

 

 

 

I just want to scream.

[Kiriyama]

Well there is one way.

 

 

 

Flip a coin.

 

 

 

Heads you tell her, tails you don't.

 

 

 

If you don't like making the decision, do it that way. Though I wouldn't reccomend it.