"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Levon_]

I'm back but without an actual problem this time :

 

 

 

So anyways there is this girl in the other class (grade 8 we are in different homerooms) and I've noticed that she has been going out of her way to hit or push me somewhat playfully and for no good reason. She then dashes away quickly and looks and back at me for a moment. I almost never talk to her.

 

 

 

So I'm kinda thinking she might like me, but I'm not at all interested in her, I'm just curious. So could you guys tell me some stuff I could look out for to confirm that she likes me?

[llcoolguy972]

OK, there's this guy at work that I'm interested in (and I'm pretty sure the feelings are mutual) and I want to ask him out. However, I've never been on a date so I have no idea what to do. We're both 18 and I would prefer to avoid the cliche dinner and a movie. Any advice is appreciated.

 

 

 

Also, I really don't care if you laugh or make fun of me, I know I'm socially [developmentally delayed]ed. :P Just please help lol.

[Iamdan]

OK, there's this guy at work that I'm interested in (and I'm pretty sure the feelings are mutual) and I want to ask him out. However, I've never been on a date so I have no idea what to do. We're both 18 and I would prefer to avoid the cliche dinner and a movie. Any advice is appreciated.

 

 

 

Also, I really don't care if you laugh or make fun of me, I know I'm socially [developmentally delayed]. :P Just please help lol.

 

 

 

When he says/does something attractive, reward him with ioi's but still be a challenge. As for asking him out, just invite him to come along with something you and your friends are doing.

[RpgGamer]

Well there is one way.

 

 

 

Flip a coin.

 

 

 

Heads you tell her, tails you don't.

 

 

 

 

I don't usually like leaving this kind of thing up to chance, but chance is the only way to control fate, and many other superstitious flimflam. I kinda like the flip a coin idea.

 

 

 

I'm back but without an actual problem this time :

 

 

 

So anyways there is this girl in the other class (grade 8 we are in different homerooms) and I've noticed that she has been going out of her way to hit or push me somewhat playfully and for no good reason. She then dashes away quickly and looks and back at me for a moment. I almost never talk to her.

 

 

 

So I'm kinda thinking she might like me, but I'm not at all interested in her, I'm just curious. So could you guys tell me some stuff I could look out for to confirm that she likes me?

 

 

 

I'd say she likes you. It's that kind of imature thing that a teenage girl would do for your attention. If you really have no interest, just ignore it and she'll move on and go away.

 

 

 

OK, there's this guy at work that I'm interested in (and I'm pretty sure the feelings are mutual) and I want to ask him out. However, I've never been on a date so I have no idea what to do. We're both 18 and I would prefer to avoid the cliche dinner and a movie. Any advice is appreciated.

 

 

 

Also, I really don't care if you laugh or make fun of me, I know I'm socially [developmentally delayed]. :P Just please help lol.

 

 

 

I'm going to assume that you're a girl (hope that's okay). Honestly, I think it's really awesome when girls ask out guys, it shows initiative and makes life easier. It's p[ossible that the guy will be so pleased at the very concept, it won't matter where you go or what you do. I still hold my ground on saying that movie dates are best for a first timer, although everyone else who posts on the thread will strongly disagree. may I suggest a swimming pool? Bowling? Skating? Walking? Hiking? Picnic? ummm... :( that's about all I got...

[Kenshinjapan]

Is it odd to not enjoy making out with someone?

[Furah]

Is it odd to not enjoy making out with someone?

 

No, not at all. The person may be a poor kisser or maybe you don't really like them in that way, or it may have felt akward.

[Kenshinjapan]

Is it odd to not enjoy making out with someone?

 

No, not at all. The person may be a poor kisser or maybe you don't really like them in that way, or it may have felt akward.

 

 

 

Then what's it suppose to feel like? :?

[Howlin0001]

Well there is one way.

 

 

 

Flip a coin.

 

 

 

Heads you tell her, tails you don't.

 

 

 

If you don't like making the decision, do it that way. Though I wouldn't reccomend it.

 

 

 

I have already started to write out what I want to say to her but I could have it all written out and it don't matter what I do up till that point. It's the second/minute before I press send is the truly the hardest part for me.

[Da_Latios]

Oshi- wrong thread. You guys didn't see anything. :?

[Furah]

See what?

 

 

 

Is it odd to not enjoy making out with someone?

 

No, not at all. The person may be a poor kisser or maybe you don't really like them in that way, or it may have felt akward.

 

 

 

Then what's it suppose to feel like? :?

 

Really good, put me in a good mood for a while.

[Zimbu]

[hide=quotes]

I get yelled at for stupid things; eating more than 1 pie in a day, not unlocking my door the moment I got dressed, getting up rather late, even though I got home from an all nighter the previous night, staying up past 12, (...) I've been yelled at for asking what food there was as I couldn't find any. Right now I'm wanting to move out (legally can) problem is I have no job, and nowhere to move to. What's some good ways to get them to calm the [bleep] down and to keep them out of my face? I am legally an adult in 11 months and they still treat my like some 11 year old who hasn't got a clue how to look after themselves.

 

Usually people won't keep yelling at you if you talk to them in a calm manner and keep telling them that there is nothing to be upset about. They are looking for a strong defence response and not giving them one is an excellent way of making them stop. You can also leave the house for a short while to give your parents some time to cool off.

 

I've tried that, I never raise my tone at my mum because the moment I do she starts yelling (which at night wakes up dad) and I try to get out of the house often to let things cool down, which doesn't seem to work well. :?

[/hide]

 

Well, I can't really come up with that much more good advice (since I'm a horrible person and would probably just try to manipulate my mother in your situation). Just try not to let the yelling get to you. For all you know, the yelling about small things could just be a case of letting some steam out.

 

[hide=quotes]

They never listen to my reasoning

 

Are you sure that there is no conceivable circumstances in which your parents would listen to you, or are you just picking the wrong moments and the wrong ways to reason with them? You need to reason with them in a relaxed atmosphere in a calm way, not when you are at each other's throats. Just pick a moment like when your parents are reading the paper or watch TV and say something along the lines of " We need to talk. I know you have been upset because I've been staying up so late and I would like to explain myself. You see, I feel very relaxed late in the evening and I enjoy that feeling. I understand that you fear that it might make me tired, but I'm confident that I can listen to my body and adjust the time I go to sleep accordingly. Would it be possible for you to allow me to have my relaxing late evenings if I promise it won't cause any disturbances? It would mean a lot to me and it wouldn't require any action on your part." Talking to your parents about your feelings and needs in a calm adult-to-adult fashion goes a surprisingly long way. They won't let you do everything, but having these types of conversations does help them realize that you are becoming an adult and should be treated as such.

 

 

 

If it has got to a point where you don't want to have anything to do with them once you move out, then you should make them realize the severity of the problem. You can for example contact your grandparents or some other family members that you know your parents will listen to if you are having trouble getting through to them. Tell them how you feel about your parents and ask that they will talk about the problem with your parents.

 

They just won't listen, I have tried something similar to that, but all mum does is argue till she is right,or until it becomes a because-I-said-so arguement, dad just says that when he was my age he would never dream of doing such a thing, and then he also goes to the because-I-said-so arguement. Also they know it's a big problem, letting relatives know just means my parents will be told what they already know, my mum knows I would move out given the opportunity.

 

[/hide]

 

It's awful if your parents know that you're not happy at home and aren't doing anything about it. You get one cyberhug from me.

 

 

 

If you want to, you could look into different ways of getting a place of your own at a young age. Of course you can't move out just yet, but having a plan of how to get out of your predicament could help you endure it. If you're looking to study programming at a computer science department of a university then you could probably get a student home from somewhere and get subsidies to pay for the basic stuff you need. You could also get a part time job and rent a small place if you are confident that you keep up with your studies at the same time. I personally have a job in the early morning postal delivery and study at the university. I don't live in a student home, but I can still afford my rent because the job is physically demanding and therefore pays well. The only real downside is the small amount of free time.

[Furah]

Thanks Zimbu , and if things get too bad my friend said I could probably move in to his mum's place for a bit, fist thing I would do if I did would be get on Youth Allowance so I could pay rent. The only downside is my friend spends half his time at his mum's the other half at his dad's and the brother who lives with the mum has a really nasty cough from smoking. The best part will be a short walk to the station to Tafe (which reminds me, I need to find out about handing in my resume as they have some job thing where local companies tell them of positions they have that people taking a Tafe course could do, just recently there was an email sent to staff as a company urgently needed someone for a helpdesk position.)

 

 

 

Worst case senario would be my dad kicking me out, other then that I can easily handle things.

[Barrellchest]

This isnt as much "I want a girlfriend" advice, but more like "I got a girlfriend - now what" advice lol. We had been really good friends for a few months, and both started liking each other, so I asked her out, she said yes, were both really happy and everything. Now, I'm not sure how to go about things, like the first kiss or even holding hands because I am nervous/shy lol. Its my first girlfriend, so its a new experience. What im looking for is like should I just grab her hand when Im walking next to her, how to do stuff like that. Thanks :

[Baconxl]

How old are you? And really it will pretty much come naturally, it really did with me at first. As long as you aren't shy with her it shouldn't be a problem so don't worry about stuff like that because you'll just know when.

[Barrellchest]

16. And thats what I was thinking, just wait for the right time. Ill try not to be as nervous haha, Im not very shy at all, just more nervous.

[Iamdan]

This isnt as much "I want a girlfriend" advice, but more like "I got a girlfriend - now what" advice lol. We had been really good friends for a few months, and both started liking each other, so I asked her out, she said yes, were both really happy and everything. Now, I'm not sure how to go about things, like the first kiss or even holding hands because I am nervous/shy lol. Its my first girlfriend, so its a new experience. What im looking for is like should I just grab her hand when Im walking next to her, how to do stuff like that. Thanks :

 

 

 

Ehh.. Read my kino post a few pages back about touching. Use that to escalate, if she's your girlfriend all you have to do is kiss her.

 

 

 

A cool thing you can do, is this trust test. It's kino escalation, ioi test and a compliance test all in 1. I only use it when I'm on the border between attraction and comfort but you can use it with a girlfriend if you want.

 

 

 

Take her hand so yours are in front of you palms up and hers are palms down, squeeze let go and lower your hands. If she squeezes back, ioi. If she follows your hands with hers, bigger ioi. You don't even have to tell her what you were doing. If she asks just tell her it was a psychological trust test, make sure you never give a negative response. So if she doesn't squeeze, or she doesn't lower her hands with yours then tell her she is still building a connection with you.

 

 

 

If you are really that nervous when it comes to kissing, here is a quote from my book on that aspect. I didn't come up with this but I can't remember where I got it from.

 

After you have built up comfort and escalated kino, lean in and smell her. Tell her she smells good. Go on to talk about how animals smell each other before they mate, and evolution has it to trigger arousal for us.

 

Then talk about how lions bite their manes before sex, and pulling at the back of the hair is another trigger. Run your fingers up the back of her neck through the base of her hair, grab a good handful at the roots and give a firm tug.

 

Then go on to say that the most sensitive parts of the body are the parts hidden from sunlight and air, not many people know this. For example, the crease on the inside of your elbow. Take her arm and give her an erotic bite. She might pull away, but its not necessarily a bad thing. Its sensitive so she might be pulling away because it feels so good.

 

If she has gone along so far you can continue.

 

Tell her that the best thing is a bite right here, and point to your neck. Tell her to bite your neck and point to it. If she refuses, do a small freezeout.

 

This is when you cut off all escalation, cat string theory basically. If you dangle a piece of string a cat will chase it all over the house, if you drop it, it walks away.

 

If she refuses, punish her by turning your head away for a few seconds. Then turn back and calmly repeat yourself. Bite me right here. She will do it, almost guaranteed. If she doesnt you ****ed up in either attraction, qualification or comfort.

 

Usually you will get a pathetic bite, and tell her she did it wrong. Sweep her hair aside and show her how its done. Take a large amount of flesh, then bring your teeth together so the skin sort of slides out and youre left with only a little amount of skin. Then tell her to try again on you.

 

If you do it right, you will both be so aroused and into the natural escalation that the kiss will just come.

[Flyingjj]

This isnt as much "I want a girlfriend" advice, but more like "I got a girlfriend - now what" advice lol. We had been really good friends for a few months, and both started liking each other, so I asked her out, she said yes, were both really happy and everything. Now, I'm not sure how to go about things, like the first kiss or even holding hands because I am nervous/shy lol. Its my first girlfriend, so its a new experience. What im looking for is like should I just grab her hand when Im walking next to her, how to do stuff like that. Thanks :

 

My advice? Don't listen to a word Dan just said, as well as anything else from his book or anything from "The Game". Things happen naturally over time without manipulation. You shouldn't manipulate your partner to get what you want in any situation. I suppose the things he recommends would be okay on rare occasions and for some people, but you don't sound like the kind of person who would have a girlfriend who would fall for such things. And if you do, don't listen to me. Just because someone is your girlfriend doesn't mean you have an automatic right to kiss them, as Dan appears to claim. If you want anything other than just a fooling around relationship and wish to have a real relationship, things take time and you can't rush it by trying to manipulate the situation. Big thing: communicate. Talk with your girlfriend about things, as much as you feel comfortable. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it, you're probably not ready to do it. If you aren't even holding hands, you might need to get more comfortable with each other. I'm not exactly sure how to get over that hurdle, I ended up holding hands with my girlfriend before we were officially dating. But even that was a build-up. I started by asking her if I could just see her hand, just so I could look at it, and that initiated contact, and it built from there.

 

 

 

In general, I have two keys to a successful, real, relationship:

 

1) Communicate

 

2) Be genuine, and by that I mean go with what feels natural, you can't do something because someone tells you that's how or when you should do it.

[Wongtong]

If you are really that nervous when it comes to kissing, here is a quote from my book on that aspect. I didn't come up with this but I can't remember where I got it from.

 

After you have built up comfort and escalated kino, lean in and smell her. Tell her she smells good. Go on to talk about how animals smell each other before they mate, and evolution has it to trigger arousal for us.

 

Then talk about how lions bite their manes before sex, and pulling at the back of the hair is another trigger. Run your fingers up the back of her neck through the base of her hair, grab a good handful at the roots and give a firm tug.

 

Then go on to say that the most sensitive parts of the body are the parts hidden from sunlight and air, not many people know this. For example, the crease on the inside of your elbow. Take her arm and give her an erotic bite. She might pull away, but its not necessarily a bad thing. Its sensitive so she might be pulling away because it feels so good.

 

If she has gone along so far you can continue.

 

Tell her that the best thing is a bite right here, and point to your neck. Tell her to bite your neck and point to it. If she refuses, do a small freezeout.

 

This is when you cut off all escalation, cat string theory basically. If you dangle a piece of string a cat will chase it all over the house, if you drop it, it walks away.

 

If she refuses, punish her by turning your head away for a few seconds. Then turn back and calmly repeat yourself. Bite me right here. She will do it, almost guaranteed. If she doesnt you ****ed up in either attraction, qualification or comfort.

 

Usually you will get a pathetic bite, and tell her she did it wrong. Sweep her hair aside and show her how its done. Take a large amount of flesh, then bring your teeth together so the skin sort of slides out and youre left with only a little amount of skin. Then tell her to try again on you.

 

If you do it right, you will both be so aroused and into the natural escalation that the kiss will just come.

 

That is REALLY creepy. If someone I had only just started dating tried to do that with me, I'd slap them/kick them in the crotch and yell rape. Funny read though, "BITE ME RIGHT HERE."

[Iamdan]

 

That is REALLY creepy. If someone I had only just started dating tried to do that with me, I'd slap them/kick them in the crotch and yell rape. Funny read though, "BITE ME RIGHT HERE."

 

what the..

 

Age:

 

15

 

 

 

oh

[Lenticular_J]

[this]

 

If he's that uncomfortable, I don't think he should quite consider her his girlfriend. I hate that, when people my age call people they might have gone on one date with their perfect matches, when they aren't even comfortable around each other. That's what dating is for. Seeing if you're actually a good couple together, and it's easy to be comfortable. I mean, I still feel a little uncomfortable one-on-one with girls, but you just gotta remember that 9 out of 10 teenage girls are actually just as insecure, if not more so, than the guys they're dating. They think we're judging them and that we're gonna tell all our friends the next day, just like we think they will. But if either one is an alright person, there's no way in hell they'll go back to their friends and laugh at the other's expense.

 

 

 

I don't get why you hate our stuff so much, flying. Being genuine and communicating will work great - when he's actually comfortable around women. He's clearly not. He needs something to help him, and whether that's a book or an alligator, I really think we should help him find that alligator. Wait, what?

 

 

 

On a lighter note. Barrell, you just have to get comfortable around her. Remember that she's nervous, too. You could ask her if she really wants to call you her boyfriend, because just saying you're dating helps.

[Panzerlord]

If you are really that nervous when it comes to kissing, here is a quote from my book on that aspect. I didn't come up with this but I can't remember where I got it from.

 

After you have built up comfort and escalated kino, lean in and smell her. Tell her she smells good. Go on to talk about how animals smell each other before they mate, and evolution has it to trigger arousal for us.

 

Then talk about how lions bite their manes before sex, and pulling at the back of the hair is another trigger. Run your fingers up the back of her neck through the base of her hair, grab a good handful at the roots and give a firm tug.

 

Then go on to say that the most sensitive parts of the body are the parts hidden from sunlight and air, not many people know this. For example, the crease on the inside of your elbow. Take her arm and give her an erotic bite. She might pull away, but its not necessarily a bad thing. Its sensitive so she might be pulling away because it feels so good.

 

If she has gone along so far you can continue.

 

Tell her that the best thing is a bite right here, and point to your neck. Tell her to bite your neck and point to it. If she refuses, do a small freezeout.

 

This is when you cut off all escalation, cat string theory basically. If you dangle a piece of string a cat will chase it all over the house, if you drop it, it walks away.

 

If she refuses, punish her by turning your head away for a few seconds. Then turn back and calmly repeat yourself. Bite me right here. She will do it, almost guaranteed. If she doesnt you ****ed up in either attraction, qualification or comfort.

 

Usually you will get a pathetic bite, and tell her she did it wrong. Sweep her hair aside and show her how its done. Take a large amount of flesh, then bring your teeth together so the skin sort of slides out and youre left with only a little amount of skin. Then tell her to try again on you.

 

If you do it right, you will both be so aroused and into the natural escalation that the kiss will just come.

 

That is REALLY creepy. If someone I had only just started dating tried to do that with me, I'd slap them/kick them in the crotch and yell rape. Funny read though, "BITE ME RIGHT HERE."

 

 

 

I agree with wongtong, that probably qualifies as rape. I'm pretty sure Dan is joking but if not... :-#

[Barrellchest]

I am not nervous at all around her, just nervous to kiss her. I'm fine around girls, ive just never kissed a girl (except for when I was drunk so that doesnt even count). We held hands today, so thats good. If I tried the lion thing, I think we would both start cracking up laughing in the middle (plus it is a little on the creepy side). We are completely fine hanging out with each other, its not awkward or anything. I dont know why im nervous to kiss her haha. We arent nervous or uncomfortable when we are alone, or with other people. We have been friends for a while now, and we just started dating, so I think thats why its a little awkward.

[20Rice04]

I am not nervous at all around her, just nervous to kiss her. I'm fine around girls, ive just never kissed a girl (except for when I was drunk so that doesnt even count). We held hands today, so thats good. If I tried the lion thing, I think we would both start cracking up laughing in the middle (plus it is a little on the creepy side). We are completely fine hanging out with each other, its not awkward or anything. I dont know why im nervous to kiss her haha. We arent nervous or uncomfortable when we are alone, or with other people. We have been friends for a while now, and we just started dating, so I think thats why its a little awkward.

 

 

 

It's much like an exam, once your in it's fine ;) My advice however is don't make the first move, when you're looking into her eyes I can guarantee you it will just sort of happen. Try not to get your jaw to wide otherwise you might hit your teeth of her teeth and I guarantee you that is one of thee single most cringing feelings I've ever had (and i've had a suppositry...I kid, but still you get the point :P ) I think it's an unconcsious thing, when you get going you just can kinda follow her lead. Eww slippy n sloppery >.< have fun

[Furah]

I am not nervous at all around her, just nervous to kiss her. I'm fine around girls, ive just never kissed a girl (except for when I was drunk so that doesnt even count). We held hands today, so thats good. If I tried the lion thing, I think we would both start cracking up laughing in the middle (plus it is a little on the creepy side). We are completely fine hanging out with each other, its not awkward or anything. I dont know why im nervous to kiss her haha. We arent nervous or uncomfortable when we are alone, or with other people. We have been friends for a while now, and we just started dating, so I think thats why its a little awkward.

 

It'll come naturally, for me I was sitting with my girlfriend out by a river and it was windy, so she kinda cuddled up for warmth, next thing we know we were kissing. If you're nervous about kissing, don't even think about it till it happens. It'll catch you by surprise, and is alot more easy to do then Dan's arousal method, which I'd take as assult if a girl did it to me. The 3rd option is the blunt "Do you want to kiss me?" routine. You straight out ask her, if she says yes then you kiss, if she says maybe then you say "let's find out" and kiss her, if she says no then you say "I didn't say you could, you just looked like you had something on your mind" (leave out "I didn't say you could" if you think it may offend her.)

[Iamdan]

I agree with wongtong, that probably qualifies as rape. I'm pretty sure Dan is joking but if not... :-#

 

 

 

I'm not joking. I did say my advise is for the more mature, and no it's not rape unless you have maturity issues and think it is.