"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Ginger_Warrior]

Can you honestly say, hand on heart, that sleeping with her would have resulted in no strings attached sex, given you've already known her for three months?

 

Personally, I think that would have ended up badly.

 

If you like her apart from the sex, ask her out for a date instead.

 

Can't have your cake and eat it.

[muggiwhplar]

Why are you a wuss for choosing not to take advantage of a one night stand?

Because his choice was based on fear, not rationality.

[Giordano]

Yeah, he had the advantage and the opportunity and he didn't take it.

 

Similar thing happened to me a couple of weeks back (not a one-night stand, much lesser than that) and I admit it was my fault.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Fear is a rational reaction within context. As in 'I am afraid of sleeping with you because I think it will make things too complicated between us'. Even if you can isolate feelings which you aren't findinghelpful, you can't assume others will share your attitude.

 

Unless he really did just want to have sex with her and to [bleep] with the rest of it; in which case I agree, he's a wuss.

 

I don't get the impression that's really what he was after though, in all honesty.

[RpgGamer]

Saq, would you honestly regret it as much if you had slept with her? Sex isnt everything. If anything, understand your frustration. If you never want to feel this again, understand what you have to do to make that so. It's better to be rejected and respectful than miserable and untrying

[muggiwhplar]

Fear is a rational reaction within context. As in 'I am afraid of sleeping with you because I think it will make things too complicated between us'. Even if you can isolate feelings which you aren't findinghelpful, you can't assume others will share your attitude.

 

Unless he really did just want to have sex with her and to [bleep] with the rest of it; in which case I agree, he's a wuss.

 

I don't get the impression that's really what he was after though, in all honesty.

 

Yes context matters. In this case, the context is of someone who has a proven track record of wimping out, whining about everything, and refusing to make changes to his life; even when the opportunities are handed to him on a silver platter. So I think it's safe to say that he was making his decision based on his emotions, rather than his rationality, as always.

[Estonian dude]

I have probably left out some or actually pretty large bits of information.

I really like this girl.

I have been out on a few dates with her.

Problem isn't that I didn't have sex with her or anything.

Even though she practically asked me if I wanted to. And we ended up sleeping together.

Problem is that for once I was actually much more constrained and like keeping us down, if we could have had been. Like she actually liked me more and wanted more than I did. Even though I quite sure it was not the case.

But I was afraid.

 

And she moves away...

[Noxx]

She moves away because you didn't make a move. Chances are she probably wanted you to do something more. Chances are she expected you to spend the night but go to bed late, if you catch my drift.

I understand why you are scared though. It's human nature. It happens to a lot of people. And regret usually follows. Will you make this mistake again? Probably. But each time you'll get closer and closer.

Many of us have been there. Heck, when i was in Florida the same thing happened to me and Claire, a few times.

She'd sleep over at my house, and i'd be too scared to actually make a move. It was complicated because sometimes she really just wanted to sleep. So it kind of turned into a guessing game. Does she want it tonight or not? Should i bother trying? Do i want to get shot down? Do i want the awkward vibe between us when she tells me to put it back in my pants and go to sleep?

Only way to find out is by going for it.

[bleep]ing out will create bad habits. Take my word for it.

I've been with my GF for almost 9 months now and i still have trouble reading these situations. I still have trouble figuring out when she wants it or not. Why? Because i didn't take my chances in the past. I didn't get to learn from my mistakes. I preferred to be the "gentleman" (in my own mind).

 

Chances are if you posted "I tried to [bleep] her and got shot down, now she hated me" you would have been greeted with much more positive replies. "At least you tried" "Can't win 'em all".

[Estonian dude]

The fact that she has to move away was already decided before I got to know her.

But, she will be living close to my real home.

[Noxx]

The fact that she has to move away was already decided before I got to know her.

But, she will be living close to my real home.

Oh, she's moving away as in...moving.

I thought you meant moving as in getting distant. I misunderstood.

[Estonian dude]

I am really not even wishing that much for advice or anything. I just want to let you guys know that I am yet again one step closer to a relationship and I know a bit more about them. The last 2 evenings were the best ones I've had since... October I think. Since my trip to Indonesia, my dream land. And I feel like I have learned something, even though my mind tries to reject it, since it changes pretty much everything I know about myself...

I am writing here because in real life I am a complete introvert. As I think I have said before, I have never really expressed my feelings or anything. I keep it all bubbling in me. And this is a place to vent.

Luckily, I have found one other person that I hope I can trust and who is willing to slap or punch me in the face for being such a wuss. Someone who listens, and gets my problems. But even she knows just as much as you guys here.

[RpgGamer]

You call yourself an idiot, yet you admit youre learning. Learning cures idiocracy.

[The_Gabe]

You call yourself an idiot, yet you admit youre learning. Learning cures idiocracy.

Learning cures ignorance. Idiocy cannot be fixed.

 

I think?

[Ginger_Warrior]

I am writing here because in real life I am a complete introvert. As I think I have said before, I have never really expressed my feelings or anything. I keep it all bubbling in me. And this is a place to vent.

Luckily, I have found one other person that I hope I can trust and who is willing to slap or punch me in the face for being such a wuss. Someone who listens, and gets my problems. But even she knows just as much as you guys here.

Being introverted is not a weakness. Convincing yourself, as an introvert, that introversion is a weakness which should be 'corrected' in order to become more outgoing is itself a weakness in character. It's also consistent with other posts you've made on this thread, and others, which point to a degree of low self-esteem.

 

Here is something which might help you, over a very long-term and (hopefully) permanent basis, to realize you have much more to offer people than you currently believe. There's other strategies you can resort to if you feel that won't help.

 

Here is a video about the strengths of introversion. Occasionally, it borders on the narcissism which extroverts are commonly accused of, but overall it's a great watch. I've not read the book, though.

[RpgGamer]

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2014/01/how-to-hack-okcupid/

 

Fascinating

[muggiwhplar]

the irony..

[Estonian dude]

Here is something which might help you, over a very long-term and (hopefully) permanent basis, to realize you have much more to offer people than you currently believe. There's other strategies you can resort to if you feel that won't help.

 

I don't think I would ever go through with something like that.

I don't trust anyone IRL enough for that. There is one person that knows a bit about what I feel and what I think. But she knows maybe half of what this thread has heard from me. And she thinks I am the most introverted person she has ever met.

I've been hurt by my best friends way too much to ever even dare to admit I have such problems. My best mate thinks I have been with multiple girls. And that I have no problems whatsoever.

 

I actually somewhat feel like I have dual personalities or something. Since when I am out with someone, I get along with everybody. Literally. Tonight I went out drinking with some punk dudes. Like serious, hardcore, mohawk and blue hair and chains punk dudes. And I didn't really feel too much out of place. I suit with everybody.

Last freshmen party, called Retro at the finest nightclub in city - I knew half the bloody dancefloor. I get along with everybody really easily.

And that makes everything so bloody hard to comprehend for me.

[RpgGamer]

And If you get along with most everyone, start looking for someone you can talk to like us. Even if it's a female friend and not a girlfriend. Ignore gender. Ignore your desire for sex. Just find someone to connect with on a deeper level than you've done before. Its actually quite refreshing.

[muggiwhplar]

And If you get along with most everyone, start looking for someone you can talk to like us. Even if it's a female friend and not a girlfriend. Ignore gender. Ignore your desire for sex. Just find someone to connect with on a deeper level than you've done before. Its actually quite refreshing.

 

IDK if that's necessarily a good idea. Developing a "close" friendship with a woman whom you're not having sex with is playing with fire. Even if she's unattractive, sooner or later he's probably going to develop feelings for her.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Only if he's the type of guy who wants to date anything with a pulse. Which is an asinine approach to dating in the first place.

 

I'd say getting to know things from a female perspective would help with this problem of over thinking and obsessing over non-issues.

[muggiwhplar]

He's going to have a hard time getting to know things from a female perspective without having a sexual relationship with a girl.

 

The "female perspective" you're referring to is just going to confuse him. Girls telling him what they "want" and then having their actions completely contradict everything they tell him. e.g. "I just want a nice boyfriend!" *goes and hooks up with a jerk and starts dating him*

[Estonian dude]

I am not 13 anymore. I have learned enough here and elsewhere and I can maintain friendly relationships with females.

 

I was told by a girl to be more of a jerk before. To be more direct, not so polite.

 

And gonna meet a girl tomorrow. I ain't so useless or socially awkward or shy to know basic psychology.

[Tim]

I was told by a girl to be more of a jerk before. To be more direct, not so polite.

Then she's clearly an idiot with an infatuation for "bad boys".

[RpgGamer]

I feel like a lot of the phrases on this page work under the assumption that all girls are similar

[RpgGamer]

I feel like a lot of the phrases on this page work under the assumption that all girls are similar