Reveal Confessions, Secrets & Regrets...

[Happysniff]

I've trimmed the hair in my [wagon]. :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

 

 

Perfectly and painlessly? cuz I've been trying like hell to get it done properly and I always end up getting in 'funny' positions and cut myself pretty bad. :-w

 

 

 

Takes practice and a steady hand. :thumbup:

 

Have you people learned nothing from being on Tif? STOP SHAVING YOUR ASSHAIR

 

 

 

[hide=]

Don't Shave That Hair!!!

 

My friend recently made a mistake in his life, and I offer his story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with him having trouble dumping. These are in his words. I tried to clean it up some.

 

 

 

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

 

 

 

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

 

 

 

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my butt of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My cheeks were smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

 

 

 

Little did I know.

 

 

 

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two cheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

 

 

 

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic turd- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky brown/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. It felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

 

 

 

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my crack off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own turds blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

 

 

 

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for this hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my cheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

 

 

 

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your butt having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

 

 

 

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR BUTT-HAIR!

[/hide]

 

 

 

Funniest thing ever written on Tip it, evar.

[BlueLancer]

I'll never make a decision based solely off "is it against the rules/law or not?".

 

 

 

Same here.. I consider "will this hurt anyone" or "what's the collateral damage". If it doesn't hurt anyone, such as speeding 30mph over the limit on an absolutely empty road with no cars in sight anywhere, I don't particularly pay attention to what the local legislation says about it.

 

 

 

I don't think it's very practical to blindly obey the law in every single small thing without taking shortcuts, especially when your crime has no victims (say, you are in a hurry to take your kid to soccer practice & a sign on a road that would make your trip faster says "trespassing not allowed - only for residents", and you decide to take that route.. It's not like the road knows if you're a resident or that those people even really care)

 

 

 

Drug use is often mentioned as another 'victimless' crime, I only agree to some extent.. Your usage of the drug causes no harm to anybody, but you have to consider the chain of events and the flow of money that happens when millions of people do it, unless you grow your own weed or have a lab where you make drugs.

 

 

 

A lot of the people at the top of those distribution networks are not just cold, calculating businessmen. They are often psychopaths who don't hesitate to kill their own members for discipline or disagreements, etc... By funding those people a lot of harm is indirectly caused to dozens of other people who ensure you get the drug.

[dsavi]

^ Drug use does have an affect on other people, especially in countries with socialized healthcare. Don't think I need to explain that. But otherwise it still effects the people around you that (Hopefully) worry about you, if it becomes chronic.

[UnknownRemoval]

I clicked on this thread and thought I was in /b/.

 

 

 

GTFO my life. :wall:

[Guest]

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[Laura]

Well, I never really talked about this incident, except between family and high school journal topics. But, now that I look back it is slightly funny.

 

 

 

Anyways.

 

 

 

It was during my sophomore year and I was the role of a proud stag. The day of the play happened to coincide with Halloween, but it ended at roughly 6 o'clock. My friends and I had decided to go trick or treating but I didn't have time to get a different costume, so I figured I'd just be dressed as the deer(two of my friends went as belly dancers). After going door-to-door for the majority of an hour, we became blanketed by darkness. Of course, it was around this time that the MPs (Military Police) began urging kids to go back home; it was past curfew. So we began our adventure back to my house for what I had planned to be a slumber party.

 

 

 

On our way back, one of the belly dancers threw her pillow sack (used for the candy) the street into the parade field. Figuring that I was being funny, I pranced my way across the street much in the way that deers cross the street, to fetch the bag. After I had successfully received it, I gladly skipped my way back across the street. But a car just happened to be in my immediate path, without my knowledge (cars are required to turn their headlights off upon base entry, when they check ID cards). It was only after I jumped into the street did I notice the car heading straight towards me - no headlights.

 

 

 

The car did hit me that night, causing a fractured rib and a broken leg. Thankfully it wasn't worse. We did have our slumber party that night at the hospital. And I received quite the laughter from doctors and nurses.

[l0rd]

Well, I never really talked about this incident, except between family and high school journal topics. But, now that I look back, it is slightly funny.

 

 

 

Anyways.

 

 

 

It was during my sophomore year, and I was the role of a proud stag. The day of the play happened to coincide with Halloween, but it ended at roughly 6 o'clock. My friends and I had decided to go trick or treating, but I didn't have time to get a different costume, so I figured I'd just be dressed as the stag(two of my friends went as belly dancers). After going door-to-door for the majority of an hour, we became blanketed by darkness. Of course, it was around this time that the MPs (Military Police) began urging kids to go back home; it was past curfew. So, we began our adventure back to my house, for what I had planned to be a slumber party.

 

 

 

On our way back, one of the belly dancers threw her pillow sack (used for the candy) the street into the parade field. Figuring that I was being funny, I pranced my way across the street much in the way that deers cross the street, to fetch the bag. After I had successfully received it, I gladly skipped my way back across the street. But a car just happened to be in my immediate path, without my knowledge (cars are required to turn their headlights off upon base entry, when they check ID cards). It was only after I jumped into the street did I notice the car heading straight towards me - no headlights.

 

 

 

The car did hit me that night, causing a fractured rib and a broken leg. Thankfully it wasn't worse. We did have our slumber party that night at the hospital. And I received quite the laughter from doctors and nurses.

 

 

 

"Hello *crying* I broke my leg and my rib feels broken, DOCTOR, help! it hurts!"

 

 

 

"HAHAHAHAHAHA, chuckle-chuckle"

 

 

 

Sadistic

 

 

 

?????

 

 

 

Profit!!!

 

 

 

I find some of my past injuries pretty funny too. Like the time I busted my forehead open in 4th grade and my teacher got his favorite tie covered in blood when he carried me. And there is still a trail of my blood to the door. MWAH-HAHAHA

[Laura]

Well, I never really talked about this incident, except between family and high school journal topics. But, now that I look back, it is slightly funny.

 

 

 

Anyways.

 

 

 

It was during my sophomore year and I was the role of a proud stag. The day of the play happened to coincide with Halloween, but it ended at roughly 6 o'clock. My friends and I had decided to go trick or treating but I didn't have time to get a different costume, so I figured I'd just be dressed as the deer(two of my friends went as belly dancers). After going door-to-door for the majority of an hour, we became blanketed by darkness. Of course, it was around this time that the MPs (Military Police) began urging kids to go back home; it was past curfew. So, we began our adventure back to my house, for what I had planned to be a slumber party.

 

 

 

On our way back, one of the belly dancers threw her pillow sack (used for the candy) the street into the parade field. Figuring that I was being funny, I pranced my way across the street much in the way that deers cross the street, to fetch the bag. After I had successfully received it, I gladly skipped my way back across the street. But a car just happened to be in my immediate path, without my knowledge (cars are required to turn their headlights off upon base entry, when they check ID cards). It was only after I jumped into the street did I notice the car heading straight towards me - no headlights.

 

 

 

The car did hit me that night, causing a fractured rib and a broken leg. Thankfully it wasn't worse. We did have our slumber party that night at the hospital. And I received quite the laughter from doctors and nurses.

 

 

 

"Hello *crying* I broke my leg and my rib feels broken, DOCTOR, help! it hurts!"

 

 

 

"HAHAHAHAHAHA, chuckle-chuckle"

 

 

 

Sadistic

 

 

 

?????

 

 

 

Profit

The laughter came after I got out of the costume, and when everything settled down. :P

[Lenticular_J]

That's pretty funny. Must be crazy, living on a base. AT LEAST IT WASN'T A TANK.

 

 

 

I think I just overdosed on NyQuil. There's a penguin in my room.

[l0rd]

That's pretty funny. Must be crazy, living on a base. AT LEAST IT WASN'T A TANK.

 

 

 

I think I just overdosed on NyQuil. There's a penguin in my room.

 

 

 

So your denying the possibility that the penguin is real? Have you touched it....go ahead and touch it, caress it. OH HELL YEAH!

[Wisp]

I really like this girl who works at my hardware store. She looks kinda like a dude and she even has a 'stache but that just makes me want her even more.

 

How are you sure "she's" female if she looks like a dude and has a moustache? :? I mean usually it's pretty obvious but still... :?

 

Read up a few posts.

[Guest]

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[l0rd]

That's pretty funny. Must be crazy, living on a base. AT LEAST IT WASN'T A TANK.

 

 

 

I think I just overdosed on NyQuil. There's a penguin in my room.

 

 

 

So your denying the possibility that the penguin is real? Have you touched it....go ahead and touch it, caress it. OH HELL YEAH!

 

 

 

 

 

Just make sure its not a bear first :thumbup:

 

 

 

[/pathetic attempt at humor]

 

 

 

Penguins don't look anything like bears!

[Guest]

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[Wisp]

I'm social, but I hate being alone.

 

I like thunderstorms.

 

I hate the dark, but like it at the same time. Hard to explain this one.

 

When I was 12 or so a stranger tried to grab me when I was walking alone on my street, but he heard a siren in the distance, got scared, and he ran off. I was really [bleep]ing lucky. After that I took three years of self defense class, and I usually carry a knife with me.

 

I've never done illegal drugs though I've tried salvia.

 

I'm good with money

 

I'm a fast runner

 

I'm usually bad with relationships.

[Guest]

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[Wisp]

 

I like thunderstorms.

 

 

 

 

I love them. Sitting in bed, listening to the crash of thunder is very comfortable to me :

 

I like being in sort of an enclosed space, like a car, or my room where I can hear the rain pounding on the roof/whatever all around me. It makes me feel safe for some reason.

[ThurinEthir]

 

I like thunderstorms.

 

 

 

 

I love them. Sitting in bed, listening to the crash of thunder is very comfortable to me :

 

They're great if I'm inside and safe.

 

Actually, no, scratch that. I love thunderstorms, even if I'm outside.

 

I just like rain in general. Hate snow though.

 

(I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that I'm Taiwanese. I actually find myself to be pretty dry - my humor, my writing (according to my English teacher :wall: ), and my physical body - and that might somehow be my counter to the humid, humid climate of Taiwan.

 

Or not. Maybe I'm just weird like that. :?

[Guest]

.

[Orpheus]

I have a confession from last school year, sometime in April. This chick thought I had a tiny [bleep] and she kept bothering me about it. Boy, did I prove her wrong :lol:

 

 

 

Her face was like O_O

[Returned3]

 

I like thunderstorms.

 

 

 

 

I love them. Sitting in bed, listening to the crash of thunder is very comfortable to me :

 

 

 

For some strange reason, lying in bed before you sleep while hearing a thunderstorm is very satisfying.

[dsavi]

I like thunderstorms.

 

I hate the dark, but like it at the same time. Hard to explain this one.

 

I know exactly what you mean by both of those.

[Furah]

I once sent a message to all of my XBL friends telling them that I was having issues and only named me being social as the reason, I ment it at the time too.

[H2PM]

I like thunderstorms.

 

I hate the dark, but like it at the same time. Hard to explain this one.

 

I know exactly what you mean by both of those.

 

I have the same feeling! :

 

But I dont really like the REALLY big severe thunderstorms at night. I like to see everything coming my way durning those. :?

 

 

 

I can remeber we had a thunderstorm in october that produced a microburst that left a 3 mile path of damage and ended right in my town. Boy it was awesome! intill my bike started to get picked up into the air and land a couple of yards form my house into someone's front door...>.> :shock:

[Pinkbullet3]

Boy it was awesome! intill my bike started to get picked up into the air and land a couple of yards form my house into someone's front door...>.> :shock:

 

What do you mean "until"? That still is pretty awesome!