Twilight.

[saif]

Remember to hide spoilers

 

 

 

I thought movie was rubbish.

 

 

 

post your thoughts and opinions

[ElkNight]

I haven't read the books or seen the movie. I don't plan on doing either.

[Cup Lion]

With all the girls in my class talking about it, I doubt I'll read or watch Twilight.

[whiteguy]

It sucks. As I'm not that good in English, I'll quote what other people said about the books. But i must say that i did read the first book.

 

 

 

It's bad.

 

 

 

 

 

Written by Phoenix native Stephenie Meyer, the popularity of the young-adult series comprised of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and the newly-released Breaking Dawn has reached critical mass. With a Twilight film adaptation coming to theaters this winter and an opening days sales of 1.3 million books for her latest installment, Meyer can be left with no doubt of her success. From a first-time novelist to a mainstay on the best sellers list, she has risen through the ranks like a veritable juggernaut.

 

 

 

But why? To figure out why the books were inspiring legions of fans and a dozen fan-sites (including the recently hacked Twilight Lexicon), I read the books myself to see whats what.

 

 

 

To put it simply, dear reader, I was horrified. Not just by the sickeningly purple prose or the lack of general writing quality, but the books themselves are insulting on every level-as a woman, as a teenager, as a literature student, and as a graduate of the Harry Potter craze. Whats worse is that so few seem to realize it.

 

 

 

Twilight is the story of the so-called average new girl Bella Swan (Ha, ha, get it? Beautiful Swan?), who finds herself as the object of not one, not two, but a total of five boys romantic designs (because shes so plain, see?). The most important of these is the mysterious, hilariously-Byronic Edward Cullen. Bella plays the pitiful damsel in distress a few times and after 200 pages of thinly written suspense, we learn that Edward is in fact a vampire. Never fear, though, because Bellas Adonis-like admirer is no Nosferatu. Instead, he and his vampire family are so-called vegetarian vampires, feeding off of animals instead of humans and inexplicably attending high school (during lunch periods they buy trays of food and stare at each other so that Bella can conveniently get a glimpse of Edward from across the cafeteria). The first novel deals with Bella and Edwards romance and is capped off by a hastily tacked-on plot designed to shove Bella into the damsel in distress role yet again so that her vampire lover can save her.

 

 

 

Okay, youre saying. Its a little cheesy. But why is that so bad?

 

 

 

First and foremost, the books present a female heroine who can hardly take a step without needing some boy to rescue her. In fact, the books represent sexist views in almost every way-from the fact that Bella gives up her ambitions and plans for college to get married to Edward, the fact that she is portrayed as a modern Eve, begging the noble, moral gentleman for sex while he desires to preserve their virtue, the fact that their relationship is dangerously unhealthy, and finally to the fact that nearly every single female character in the book is a hopelessly negative caricature.

 

 

 

The series does not improve with subsequent books, either. In New Moon, Bella enters a self-described zombie state when Edward leaves her. In fact, the author oh-so-cleverly inserts blank pages with the months names as a poorly conceived plot device for showing the depths of her heroines pain and also to avoid having to write the hard stuff. Bella turns near-suicidal; she purposely puts herself in harms way-going so far as to jump off a cliff-to hear her lovers imagined voice in her head.

 

 

 

What does this say to readers, bearing in mind that the target audience is the tragically impressionable 12-17 year old girls? That they should fall apart at the seams for months if their boyfriend leaves them? That reckless self-endangerment is okay, so long as its to be close to your lover? What a lovely message to send to young women.

 

 

 

The sole bright spot of New Moon is the lovable Jacob Black, a member of the nearby La Push reservation and newly-turned werewolf. It is in Bellas scenes with Jacob that readers see a glimpse of actual personality, and the burgeoning romance is certainly much more true to real-life teen romances than the lofty ideals of the star crossd lovers Edward and Bella. But add another half-forgotten plot into the mix and Edward and Bella are reunited, with Jacob left by the wayside like a kicked puppy. Pun intended.

 

 

 

Eclipse. It is in this tome that Edward and Bellas relationship takes a decidedly worse turn. Edward goes so far as to remove Bellas engine from her car to prevent her from seeing her friend, Jacob, and even has his vampire sister kidnap her from a weekend. Bella is a little peeved at this, sure, but she writes off Edwards atrocious behavior with the terrifying hes just a little overprotective and he does it because he loves me. Reader, I actually felt a little sick while reading this, despite these so-called good intentions (theyre always leading to hell, remember). Not only does Meyer give her two characters an obviously unhealthy-even abusive-relationship, but she romanticizes and idealizes it, and not only with Bella and Edward, but with Bella and Jacob as well.

 

 

 

Jacob, in fact, gets a bizarre personality transplant (lycanthropic dissociative identity disorder, maybe?) and turns into a real [wagon] in this book. He actually forcibly kisses Bella-twice-while ignoring her protests and actually threatens suicide should Bella refuse him. But not once does the thought of abuse, sexism, or inequality even occur to her main character! In fact, halfway through Jacobs forced kiss (sexual assault, mind you) Bella actually decides that shes in love with him. What is this??

 

 

 

I threw down my copy of Eclipse in disgust and I was ready to forget that the books existed until the Twilight-mania began anew in the lead-up to August 2nds release of Breaking Dawn. I can write this article just having read the first three, I told myself. In the end, though, partly due to morbid curiosity and partly a result of wildly irrational hope that somehow Meyer would redeem herself, I gave in.

 

 

 

I was wrong. In Breaking Dawn, Meyer gives us an honestly bewildering and at times horrifying close to the series. The several hundred pages are filled with sickly-sweet self-indulgence and a blatant dismissal of continuity and realism. In brief, Bella and Edward get horizontal at long last (but only after theyre married, of course-we cant have the naughty temptress taking away Edwards 107 year-old virginity) and Bella somehow gets pregnant. Please, Meyer says, never mind the fact that all the vampires body fluids are replaced with their venom or that sperm dies after three days, much less a century. Even more fantastically, the vampire/human spawn grows at an alarming rate, so fast in fact that Bella feels it nudging her at approximately two weeks of gestation. Now, Ive never been pregnant but I did take health class back in high school and Im pretty sure that theres something wrong with that picture.

 

 

 

Ill spare you the details of the rest of this horror show. Trust me, the birthing scene is something I desperately wish I could un-see (after the loosely-called baby breaks Bellas pelvis, spine, and ribs from the inside, Edward ends up clawing his way to a surely-unsanitary vampire version of a Caesarian section using his teeth). Im sorry. I had to share my pain. Bella becomes a super-special vampire with super-special powers and she wins the not-conflict of the not-climax. And dont forget her nifty ability to go hunting in a forest in a cocktail dress and heels.

 

 

 

Thankfully, the Twilight series is over. Not as great is the fact that millions of girls are reading this sexist tripe without a care in the world, obsessing over the perfect Edward Cullen and the hot Jacob Black, pretending to be Bella Swan and ignoring the unhealthiness of the relationship just as successfully as the character does. What happened that two hundred years after feminist hero Elizabeth Bennet is put down on the page, we get one of the most awful excuses for a female literary hero that Ive ever seen?

 

 

 

So frankly, excuse me if I bow out of the Twilight mania. Im going to go sink my teeth into Wollstonecrafts A Vindication of the Rights of Woman and pretend that Stephenie Meyers terrible series did not set gender equality back two hundred years in the minds of millions.

 

 

 

And:

 

 

 

After sound rebukes from those who commented on my previous article (Twilight Sucks And Not In A Good Way), like Sydnie and Kalo, who wrote, All of your opinions are completely FALSE! and YOU JUST THINK TOO MUCH JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ! respectively, I decided to listen to those like Melissa who demanded that I write a bookseries[sic] that is that popular and, in [their] opinion, genious[sic] before earning the privilege to criticize Stephenie Meyers dismal oeuvre.

 

 

 

You know what? Theyre right. What right do I have to dislike a published novel? How dare I exercise my 1st Amendment rights and express my opinion about the Twilight series without also having sold 1.3 million books in a single day?

 

 

 

And what about all of those who agree with me? They arent allowed to dislike the books either if their own work hasnt yet spawned millions of fan-sites.

 

 

 

I decided that it was only right for me (as the author of the original article) to try and help out all those people who would love to engage in literary criticism but dont yet have that right to freedom of thought. So, here it is:

 

 

 

How to Write a Bestseller Just Like Twilight:

 

 

 

1. Abuse the thesaurus (correct word usage optional; purple prose is a must). If you want to spice up your writing so that it sounds just like Meyers, a handy thesaurus is key. Then you too can write glorious and dazzling (and dazzlingly glorious) passages like the following:

 

 

 

He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didnt sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.

 

 

 

If you do not have at least three modifiers* for every noun, youre doing it wrong. Some authors like George Orwell (1984, Animal Farm) have rules like Never use a long word where a short one will do and If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out, but since Stephenie Meyer is apparently the golden standard for writing young adult literature these days, its probably best to ignore Orwell and follow her example instead.

 

 

 

* Bonus points if you use the same modifier multiple times in close proximity of one another. Good examples of words to use this way include chagrin, murmured, and chuckled.

 

 

 

2. Do not research. It is not necessary to waste time getting biology facts, cultural lore, or cultural history correct. For example, if you choose to set your novel in a real-life place, dont bother visiting it. If you incorporate the ideas of another culture, such as that of the Sioux Native Americans, absolutely do not speak to any Sioux elders or Sioux scholars-as the author, you have no responsibility to accurately portray anything. Instead, take what history you can find out on the Internet and feel free to bastardize their cultural lore so that it fits into your story. Also, if you decide to use science to explain some of your fantasy elements, dont bother making it logically or factually sound.

 

 

 

3. Do not give your characters personalities. Instead, make sure that your female lead is as perfect as possible (but dont forget to give her a contrived sense of humility). Obviously she must be pretty and smart, but dont bother giving examples of her intelligence; all you have to do to tie up that loose end is mention bad interpretations of classic literature. To make sure that she isnt TOO perfect, she needs a flaw. This is where it gets tricky; if you give her a true flaw, like hubris, she is less appealing. Therefore, use a flaw like clumsiness so that a) she is endearingly klutzy (allowing socially awkward young girls to put themselves in her shoes) and B) you have a great deus ex machina that allows your male lead* to swoop in and save the heroine from impaling** herself on a pencil after an attempt at a magic trick.

 

 

 

* It is sometimes helpful to give your female heroine an Electra complex, as this further romanticizes the idea of the male hero carrying her around, watching her as she sleeps, being 100+ years older than her, etc., etc.

 

 

 

** It is important to note that the heroine should not have to sacrifice anything besides her ambition. If you think she SHOULD sacrifice something, make sure that shes only giving up her family and friends so that the she can devote her entire life and purpose of being to the hero. She should NOT have any kind of hobbies, interests, etc. outside of the hero, and if he leaves her she should become suicidal.

 

 

 

That brings me to the male lead. While its a given that he must be a perfect physical specimen, be careful not to give him any actual identifying characteristics because this will reduce your readers ability to superimpose the image of her own perfect man over the hollow shell of your character. As for personal traits, its extremely effective to write him as a caricature of the Byronic hero. Your hero should be brooding, pseudo-dangerous, and have a deep, dark secret to cement his status as a sexy bad boy. Additionally, he must be extremely wealthy, drive fast cars, and enjoy watching the heroine sleep unawares.

 

 

 

4. Ensure that your heroine and heros relationship is abusive. An effective way to do this is to make sure that your male hero fulfills several of the requirements for relational abuse. A good definition of that is this one, from Wikipedia:

 

 

 

Abusive relationships are often characterized by jealousy, emotional withholding, lack of intimacy, infidelity, sexual coercion, verbal abuse, broken promises, physical violence, control games and power plays.

 

 

 

Personally, I recommend using jealousy, lack of intimacy, sexual coercion, broken promises, and controlling behavior because those are all quite easy to justify; all the hero must do is claim that he acts out of his desire to protect the heroine from danger because of his overwhelming love for her. Additionally, if there is another possible romantic interest for the heroine outside of the hero, isolating the heroine from him is a particularly effective method for the hero to use. One example might be siphoning the gasoline from the heroines moped to prevent her from leaving her house.

 

 

 

It is especially important to note that the heroine must not find fault in the hero for his abusive actions, as that would make him much less appealing. Instead, she should excuse his behavior by saying he just loves me and then continue to submit to his will.

 

 

 

If youre worried that this might send a bad message to young, hormonal teenagers struggling through their own romantic relationships, dont be. After all, as Heather says, This is a BOOK a FICTIONOUS BOOK, and no one has ever been influenced by a work of fiction in the history of the world, ever. Not even people back in the 1800s who read books like Uncle Toms Cabin. In the same way that people are not influenced by advertising or by peer pressure, reading novels does not have the least bit influence on anyone, least of all teenagers whose brains havent finished developing.

 

 

 

5. There should be no plot. Even though you may think that rising action, climax, falling action, and character development are important in a novel, theyre not. Instead, focus on the perfection of the male hero. If your editor forces you to write a plot, make sure its just another opportunity for the hero to save the heroine.

 

 

 

6. Profit!

 

 

 

Well, there you have it! I hope this helps those of you hoping to write your own Twilight. And to those of you who were concerned over my literary critique of the series, I promise to follow the steps above before I even think about publically disliking something again in the future.

[ElkNight]

Where are those articles or whatever from?

[Wongtong]

I've read all the books in the series.

 

The only book I ACTUALLY liked in the series was the first book.

 

But then I realised I was deluded and the books are absolute [cabbage].

 

She overdescribes everything and the screaming fan girls at school really does put me off the book.

 

2 of my friends have been infected by this fan-girl syndrome. -shudder-

 

They're hyped up about the movie. I might tag along so that I can facepalm/groan at every possible moment.

 

 

 

This represents how stupid the book/movie is:

 

 

 

[hide=Some of Stephenie Meyer's FAQ's]What happens when Bella gets her period?

 

 

 

This has been addressed by Stephenie Meyer. She states that this is "dead blood" and isn't as potent to Edward, though it is a bit uncomfortable for him. He's too much of a gentleman to say anything about it, and she's too embarrassed to ask about it.

 

 

 

Does Bella ingest the venom when she kisses Edward?

 

 

 

Stephenie Meyer has clearly stated that the venom has no effect on the human body unless it gets into the bloodstream. Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward's kisses are fairly chaste; they do not "French" kiss. Edward is extremely careful not to cut Bella with his incredibly sharp teeth or the venom would get into her bloodstream.[/hide]

 

 

 

:wall:

[deloriagod]

I've got some friends who want to go see the movie tonight. My gf and I don't really want to see it so I think we're going to just bail on them and find something else to do. The movie looks boring, the books look long, and reading what those people (in whiteguy's post) said makes me not want to read the book nor watch the movie.

[Kazel]

I just went to see the movie a few hours ago. I didn't really want to, but my friends managed to drag me along anyways. I've only read the first quarter of the book, so I didn't know what to expect, but I did expect a bit more than this.

 

 

 

From what my friends told me, more key elements from the book were left out than in any other movie. Also, the special effects were as lame as you can get. Simply fast-forwarding a scene to make it look like the vampires are running super-fast? No.

 

 

 

On the plus side, I thought the acting was fair, apart from one scene in the hospital. Overall however, based on my thoughts and the people I went with, stick to the books.

[Nom]

It sucks. As I'm not that good in English, I'll quote what other people said about the books. But i must say that i did read the first book.

 

 

 

It's bad.

 

 

 

[hide=Thank you whiteguy]

Written by Phoenix native Stephenie Meyer, the popularity of the young-adult series comprised of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and the newly-released Breaking Dawn has reached critical mass. With a Twilight film adaptation coming to theaters this winter and an opening days sales of 1.3 million books for her latest installment, Meyer can be left with no doubt of her success. From a first-time novelist to a mainstay on the best sellers list, she has risen through the ranks like a veritable juggernaut.

 

 

 

But why? To figure out why the books were inspiring legions of fans and a dozen fan-sites (including the recently hacked Twilight Lexicon), I read the books myself to see whats what.

 

 

 

To put it simply, dear reader, I was horrified. Not just by the sickeningly purple prose or the lack of general writing quality, but the books themselves are insulting on every level-as a woman, as a teenager, as a literature student, and as a graduate of the Harry Potter craze. Whats worse is that so few seem to realize it.

 

 

 

Twilight is the story of the so-called average new girl Bella Swan (Ha, ha, get it? Beautiful Swan?), who finds herself as the object of not one, not two, but a total of five boys romantic designs (because shes so plain, see?). The most important of these is the mysterious, hilariously-Byronic Edward Cullen. Bella plays the pitiful damsel in distress a few times and after 200 pages of thinly written suspense, we learn that Edward is in fact a vampire. Never fear, though, because Bellas Adonis-like admirer is no Nosferatu. Instead, he and his vampire family are so-called vegetarian vampires, feeding off of animals instead of humans and inexplicably attending high school (during lunch periods they buy trays of food and stare at each other so that Bella can conveniently get a glimpse of Edward from across the cafeteria). The first novel deals with Bella and Edwards romance and is capped off by a hastily tacked-on plot designed to shove Bella into the damsel in distress role yet again so that her vampire lover can save her.

 

 

 

Okay, youre saying. Its a little cheesy. But why is that so bad?

 

 

 

First and foremost, the books present a female heroine who can hardly take a step without needing some boy to rescue her. In fact, the books represent sexist views in almost every way-from the fact that Bella gives up her ambitions and plans for college to get married to Edward, the fact that she is portrayed as a modern Eve, begging the noble, moral gentleman for sex while he desires to preserve their virtue, the fact that their relationship is dangerously unhealthy, and finally to the fact that nearly every single female character in the book is a hopelessly negative caricature.

 

 

 

The series does not improve with subsequent books, either. In New Moon, Bella enters a self-described zombie state when Edward leaves her. In fact, the author oh-so-cleverly inserts blank pages with the months names as a poorly conceived plot device for showing the depths of her heroines pain and also to avoid having to write the hard stuff. Bella turns near-suicidal; she purposely puts herself in harms way-going so far as to jump off a cliff-to hear her lovers imagined voice in her head.

 

 

 

What does this say to readers, bearing in mind that the target audience is the tragically impressionable 12-17 year old girls? That they should fall apart at the seams for months if their boyfriend leaves them? That reckless self-endangerment is okay, so long as its to be close to your lover? What a lovely message to send to young women.

 

 

 

The sole bright spot of New Moon is the lovable Jacob Black, a member of the nearby La Push reservation and newly-turned werewolf. It is in Bellas scenes with Jacob that readers see a glimpse of actual personality, and the burgeoning romance is certainly much more true to real-life teen romances than the lofty ideals of the star crossd lovers Edward and Bella. But add another half-forgotten plot into the mix and Edward and Bella are reunited, with Jacob left by the wayside like a kicked puppy. Pun intended.

 

 

 

Eclipse. It is in this tome that Edward and Bellas relationship takes a decidedly worse turn. Edward goes so far as to remove Bellas engine from her car to prevent her from seeing her friend, Jacob, and even has his vampire sister kidnap her from a weekend. Bella is a little peeved at this, sure, but she writes off Edwards atrocious behavior with the terrifying hes just a little overprotective and he does it because he loves me. Reader, I actually felt a little sick while reading this, despite these so-called good intentions (theyre always leading to hell, remember). Not only does Meyer give her two characters an obviously unhealthy-even abusive-relationship, but she romanticizes and idealizes it, and not only with Bella and Edward, but with Bella and Jacob as well.

 

 

 

Jacob, in fact, gets a bizarre personality transplant (lycanthropic dissociative identity disorder, maybe?) and turns into a real [wagon] in this book. He actually forcibly kisses Bella-twice-while ignoring her protests and actually threatens suicide should Bella refuse him. But not once does the thought of abuse, sexism, or inequality even occur to her main character! In fact, halfway through Jacobs forced kiss (sexual assault, mind you) Bella actually decides that shes in love with him. What is this??

 

 

 

I threw down my copy of Eclipse in disgust and I was ready to forget that the books existed until the Twilight-mania began anew in the lead-up to August 2nds release of Breaking Dawn. I can write this article just having read the first three, I told myself. In the end, though, partly due to morbid curiosity and partly a result of wildly irrational hope that somehow Meyer would redeem herself, I gave in.

 

 

 

I was wrong. In Breaking Dawn, Meyer gives us an honestly bewildering and at times horrifying close to the series. The several hundred pages are filled with sickly-sweet self-indulgence and a blatant dismissal of continuity and realism. In brief, Bella and Edward get horizontal at long last (but only after theyre married, of course-we cant have the naughty temptress taking away Edwards 107 year-old virginity) and Bella somehow gets pregnant. Please, Meyer says, never mind the fact that all the vampires body fluids are replaced with their venom or that sperm dies after three days, much less a century. Even more fantastically, the vampire/human spawn grows at an alarming rate, so fast in fact that Bella feels it nudging her at approximately two weeks of gestation. Now, Ive never been pregnant but I did take health class back in high school and Im pretty sure that theres something wrong with that picture.

 

 

 

Ill spare you the details of the rest of this horror show. Trust me, the birthing scene is something I desperately wish I could un-see (after the loosely-called baby breaks Bellas pelvis, spine, and ribs from the inside, Edward ends up clawing his way to a surely-unsanitary vampire version of a Caesarian section using his teeth). Im sorry. I had to share my pain. Bella becomes a super-special vampire with super-special powers and she wins the not-conflict of the not-climax. And dont forget her nifty ability to go hunting in a forest in a cocktail dress and heels.

 

 

 

Thankfully, the Twilight series is over. Not as great is the fact that millions of girls are reading this sexist tripe without a care in the world, obsessing over the perfect Edward Cullen and the hot Jacob Black, pretending to be Bella Swan and ignoring the unhealthiness of the relationship just as successfully as the character does. What happened that two hundred years after feminist hero Elizabeth Bennet is put down on the page, we get one of the most awful excuses for a female literary hero that Ive ever seen?

 

 

 

So frankly, excuse me if I bow out of the Twilight mania. Im going to go sink my teeth into Wollstonecrafts A Vindication of the Rights of Woman and pretend that Stephenie Meyers terrible series did not set gender equality back two hundred years in the minds of millions.

 

 

 

And:

 

 

 

After sound rebukes from those who commented on my previous article (Twilight Sucks And Not In A Good Way), like Sydnie and Kalo, who wrote, All of your opinions are completely FALSE! and YOU JUST THINK TOO MUCH JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ! respectively, I decided to listen to those like Melissa who demanded that I write a bookseries[sic] that is that popular and, in [their] opinion, genious[sic] before earning the privilege to criticize Stephenie Meyers dismal oeuvre.

 

 

 

You know what? Theyre right. What right do I have to dislike a published novel? How dare I exercise my 1st Amendment rights and express my opinion about the Twilight series without also having sold 1.3 million books in a single day?

 

 

 

And what about all of those who agree with me? They arent allowed to dislike the books either if their own work hasnt yet spawned millions of fan-sites.

 

 

 

I decided that it was only right for me (as the author of the original article) to try and help out all those people who would love to engage in literary criticism but dont yet have that right to freedom of thought. So, here it is:

 

 

 

How to Write a Bestseller Just Like Twilight:

 

 

 

1. Abuse the thesaurus (correct word usage optional; purple prose is a must). If you want to spice up your writing so that it sounds just like Meyers, a handy thesaurus is key. Then you too can write glorious and dazzling (and dazzlingly glorious) passages like the following:

 

 

 

He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didnt sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.

 

 

 

If you do not have at least three modifiers* for every noun, youre doing it wrong. Some authors like George Orwell (1984, Animal Farm) have rules like Never use a long word where a short one will do and If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out, but since Stephenie Meyer is apparently the golden standard for writing young adult literature these days, its probably best to ignore Orwell and follow her example instead.

 

 

 

* Bonus points if you use the same modifier multiple times in close proximity of one another. Good examples of words to use this way include chagrin, murmured, and chuckled.

 

 

 

2. Do not research. It is not necessary to waste time getting biology facts, cultural lore, or cultural history correct. For example, if you choose to set your novel in a real-life place, dont bother visiting it. If you incorporate the ideas of another culture, such as that of the Sioux Native Americans, absolutely do not speak to any Sioux elders or Sioux scholars-as the author, you have no responsibility to accurately portray anything. Instead, take what history you can find out on the Internet and feel free to bastardize their cultural lore so that it fits into your story. Also, if you decide to use science to explain some of your fantasy elements, dont bother making it logically or factually sound.

 

 

 

3. Do not give your characters personalities. Instead, make sure that your female lead is as perfect as possible (but dont forget to give her a contrived sense of humility). Obviously she must be pretty and smart, but dont bother giving examples of her intelligence; all you have to do to tie up that loose end is mention bad interpretations of classic literature. To make sure that she isnt TOO perfect, she needs a flaw. This is where it gets tricky; if you give her a true flaw, like hubris, she is less appealing. Therefore, use a flaw like clumsiness so that a) she is endearingly klutzy (allowing socially awkward young girls to put themselves in her shoes) and B) you have a great deus ex machina that allows your male lead* to swoop in and save the heroine from impaling** herself on a pencil after an attempt at a magic trick.

 

 

 

* It is sometimes helpful to give your female heroine an Electra complex, as this further romanticizes the idea of the male hero carrying her around, watching her as she sleeps, being 100+ years older than her, etc., etc.

 

 

 

** It is important to note that the heroine should not have to sacrifice anything besides her ambition. If you think she SHOULD sacrifice something, make sure that shes only giving up her family and friends so that the she can devote her entire life and purpose of being to the hero. She should NOT have any kind of hobbies, interests, etc. outside of the hero, and if he leaves her she should become suicidal.

 

 

 

That brings me to the male lead. While its a given that he must be a perfect physical specimen, be careful not to give him any actual identifying characteristics because this will reduce your readers ability to superimpose the image of her own perfect man over the hollow shell of your character. As for personal traits, its extremely effective to write him as a caricature of the Byronic hero. Your hero should be brooding, pseudo-dangerous, and have a deep, dark secret to cement his status as a sexy bad boy. Additionally, he must be extremely wealthy, drive fast cars, and enjoy watching the heroine sleep unawares.

 

 

 

4. Ensure that your heroine and heros relationship is abusive. An effective way to do this is to make sure that your male hero fulfills several of the requirements for relational abuse. A good definition of that is this one, from Wikipedia:

 

 

 

Abusive relationships are often characterized by jealousy, emotional withholding, lack of intimacy, infidelity, sexual coercion, verbal abuse, broken promises, physical violence, control games and power plays.

 

 

 

Personally, I recommend using jealousy, lack of intimacy, sexual coercion, broken promises, and controlling behavior because those are all quite easy to justify; all the hero must do is claim that he acts out of his desire to protect the heroine from danger because of his overwhelming love for her. Additionally, if there is another possible romantic interest for the heroine outside of the hero, isolating the heroine from him is a particularly effective method for the hero to use. One example might be siphoning the gasoline from the heroines moped to prevent her from leaving her house.

 

 

 

It is especially important to note that the heroine must not find fault in the hero for his abusive actions, as that would make him much less appealing. Instead, she should excuse his behavior by saying he just loves me and then continue to submit to his will.

 

 

 

If youre worried that this might send a bad message to young, hormonal teenagers struggling through their own romantic relationships, dont be. After all, as Heather says, This is a BOOK a FICTIONOUS BOOK, and no one has ever been influenced by a work of fiction in the history of the world, ever. Not even people back in the 1800s who read books like Uncle Toms Cabin. In the same way that people are not influenced by advertising or by peer pressure, reading novels does not have the least bit influence on anyone, least of all teenagers whose brains havent finished developing.

 

 

 

5. There should be no plot. Even though you may think that rising action, climax, falling action, and character development are important in a novel, theyre not. Instead, focus on the perfection of the male hero. If your editor forces you to write a plot, make sure its just another opportunity for the hero to save the heroine.

 

 

 

6. Profit!

 

 

 

Well, there you have it! I hope this helps those of you hoping to write your own Twilight. And to those of you who were concerned over my literary critique of the series, I promise to follow the steps above before I even think about publically disliking something again in the future.[/hide]

 

 

 

Saves me having to write it out. Where are those articles from? I need to check out the site if it's a site like A-S devoted to criticizing Twilight.

 

 

 

I was going to go see it this weekend for [cabbage]s and giggles and then have an excuse to write a negative review for the book and the movie in my school paper, but it's sold out. SOLD OUT. Not even the HP movies sold out in the week before the premeires.

 

 

 

I'm scared of the effects these books have on society. Guys, never try to date a girl who reads Twilight. You will never live up to their expectations. You will never be Edward. Thank God you won't, but it still sucks to be judged that way.

[LP]

Horny teen chicks just want in the dude vampires pants

 

and guys who read it, probably just the same.

[Wongtong]

 

 

 

Thankfully, the Twilight series is over.

 

 

 

Not really. There's still a book that's coming out by Stephenie Meyer.

 

It's Twilight, but from Edward's perspective. :thumbdown:

 

 

 

 

Horny teen chicks just want in the dude vampires pants

 

and guys who read it, probably just the same.

 

 

 

That sounds about right.

 

-Points to my friends-

[Evil_Sabre]

What the hell is the hype about? Like everyone I've ever met went to see it opening night at midnight....what is wrong with people? This movie sucked.

[LP]

I could tell it was going to suck just by the previews

 

Terrible makeup...

 

Emerging Actors...

 

Cheesy as [bleep] special effects (flying in the air like in the crouching tiger movie, but more sucky)

[Skull]

 

[hide=]

After sound rebukes from those who commented on my previous article (Twilight Sucks And Not In A Good Way), like Sydnie and Kalo, who wrote, All of your opinions are completely FALSE! and YOU JUST THINK TOO MUCH JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ! respectively, I decided to listen to those like Melissa who demanded that I write a bookseries[sic] that is that popular and, in [their] opinion, genious[sic] before earning the privilege to criticize Stephenie Meyers dismal oeuvre.

 

 

 

You know what? Theyre right. What right do I have to dislike a published novel? How dare I exercise my 1st Amendment rights and express my opinion about the Twilight series without also having sold 1.3 million books in a single day?

 

 

 

And what about all of those who agree with me? They arent allowed to dislike the books either if their own work hasnt yet spawned millions of fan-sites.

 

 

 

I decided that it was only right for me (as the author of the original article) to try and help out all those people who would love to engage in literary criticism but dont yet have that right to freedom of thought. So, here it is:

 

 

 

How to Write a Bestseller Just Like Twilight:

 

 

 

1. Abuse the thesaurus (correct word usage optional; purple prose is a must). If you want to spice up your writing so that it sounds just like Meyers, a handy thesaurus is key. Then you too can write glorious and dazzling (and dazzlingly glorious) passages like the following:

 

 

 

He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didnt sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.

 

 

 

If you do not have at least three modifiers* for every noun, youre doing it wrong. Some authors like George Orwell (1984, Animal Farm) have rules like Never use a long word where a short one will do and If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out, but since Stephenie Meyer is apparently the golden standard for writing young adult literature these days, its probably best to ignore Orwell and follow her example instead.

 

 

 

* Bonus points if you use the same modifier multiple times in close proximity of one another. Good examples of words to use this way include chagrin, murmured, and chuckled.

 

 

 

2. Do not research. It is not necessary to waste time getting biology facts, cultural lore, or cultural history correct. For example, if you choose to set your novel in a real-life place, dont bother visiting it. If you incorporate the ideas of another culture, such as that of the Sioux Native Americans, absolutely do not speak to any Sioux elders or Sioux scholars-as the author, you have no responsibility to accurately portray anything. Instead, take what history you can find out on the Internet and feel free to bastardize their cultural lore so that it fits into your story. Also, if you decide to use science to explain some of your fantasy elements, dont bother making it logically or factually sound.

 

 

 

3. Do not give your characters personalities. Instead, make sure that your female lead is as perfect as possible (but dont forget to give her a contrived sense of humility). Obviously she must be pretty and smart, but dont bother giving examples of her intelligence; all you have to do to tie up that loose end is mention bad interpretations of classic literature. To make sure that she isnt TOO perfect, she needs a flaw. This is where it gets tricky; if you give her a true flaw, like hubris, she is less appealing. Therefore, use a flaw like clumsiness so that a) she is endearingly klutzy (allowing socially awkward young girls to put themselves in her shoes) and B) you have a great deus ex machina that allows your male lead* to swoop in and save the heroine from impaling** herself on a pencil after an attempt at a magic trick.

 

 

 

* It is sometimes helpful to give your female heroine an Electra complex, as this further romanticizes the idea of the male hero carrying her around, watching her as she sleeps, being 100+ years older than her, etc., etc.

 

 

 

** It is important to note that the heroine should not have to sacrifice anything besides her ambition. If you think she SHOULD sacrifice something, make sure that shes only giving up her family and friends so that the she can devote her entire life and purpose of being to the hero. She should NOT have any kind of hobbies, interests, etc. outside of the hero, and if he leaves her she should become suicidal.

 

 

 

That brings me to the male lead. While its a given that he must be a perfect physical specimen, be careful not to give him any actual identifying characteristics because this will reduce your readers ability to superimpose the image of her own perfect man over the hollow shell of your character. As for personal traits, its extremely effective to write him as a caricature of the Byronic hero. Your hero should be brooding, pseudo-dangerous, and have a deep, dark secret to cement his status as a sexy bad boy. Additionally, he must be extremely wealthy, drive fast cars, and enjoy watching the heroine sleep unawares.

 

 

 

4. Ensure that your heroine and heros relationship is abusive. An effective way to do this is to make sure that your male hero fulfills several of the requirements for relational abuse. A good definition of that is this one, from Wikipedia:

 

 

 

Abusive relationships are often characterized by jealousy, emotional withholding, lack of intimacy, infidelity, sexual coercion, verbal abuse, broken promises, physical violence, control games and power plays.

 

 

 

Personally, I recommend using jealousy, lack of intimacy, sexual coercion, broken promises, and controlling behavior because those are all quite easy to justify; all the hero must do is claim that he acts out of his desire to protect the heroine from danger because of his overwhelming love for her. Additionally, if there is another possible romantic interest for the heroine outside of the hero, isolating the heroine from him is a particularly effective method for the hero to use. One example might be siphoning the gasoline from the heroines moped to prevent her from leaving her house.

 

 

 

It is especially important to note that the heroine must not find fault in the hero for his abusive actions, as that would make him much less appealing. Instead, she should excuse his behavior by saying he just loves me and then continue to submit to his will.

 

 

 

If youre worried that this might send a bad message to young, hormonal teenagers struggling through their own romantic relationships, dont be. After all, as Heather says, This is a BOOK a FICTIONOUS BOOK, and no one has ever been influenced by a work of fiction in the history of the world, ever. Not even people back in the 1800s who read books like Uncle Toms Cabin. In the same way that people are not influenced by advertising or by peer pressure, reading novels does not have the least bit influence on anyone, least of all teenagers whose brains havent finished developing.

 

 

 

5. There should be no plot. Even though you may think that rising action, climax, falling action, and character development are important in a novel, theyre not. Instead, focus on the perfection of the male hero. If your editor forces you to write a plot, make sure its just another opportunity for the hero to save the heroine.

 

 

 

6. Profit!

 

 

 

Well, there you have it! I hope this helps those of you hoping to write your own Twilight. And to those of you who were concerned over my literary critique of the series, I promise to follow the steps above before I even think about publically disliking something again in the future.

[/hide]

 

This writer pretty much wins.

[anonymous1234]

Horny teen chicks just want in the dude vampires pants

 

and guys who read it, probably just the same.

 

I feel your pain :wall:

 

 

 

I almost reported this thread because of the disappointment in the OP. Twilight has brought nothing but obsession and arguments to my school, specifically over one of the characters that can "see the future," but only based on events currently happening

[whiteguy]

It sucks. As I'm not that good in English, I'll quote what other people said about the books. But i must say that i did read the first book.

 

 

 

It's bad.

 

 

 

[hide=Thank you whiteguy]

Written by Phoenix native Stephenie Meyer, the popularity of the young-adult series comprised of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and the newly-released Breaking Dawn has reached critical mass. With a Twilight film adaptation coming to theaters this winter and an opening days sales of 1.3 million books for her latest installment, Meyer can be left with no doubt of her success. From a first-time novelist to a mainstay on the best sellers list, she has risen through the ranks like a veritable juggernaut.

 

 

 

But why? To figure out why the books were inspiring legions of fans and a dozen fan-sites (including the recently hacked Twilight Lexicon), I read the books myself to see whats what.

 

 

 

To put it simply, dear reader, I was horrified. Not just by the sickeningly purple prose or the lack of general writing quality, but the books themselves are insulting on every level-as a woman, as a teenager, as a literature student, and as a graduate of the Harry Potter craze. Whats worse is that so few seem to realize it.

 

 

 

Twilight is the story of the so-called average new girl Bella Swan (Ha, ha, get it? Beautiful Swan?), who finds herself as the object of not one, not two, but a total of five boys romantic designs (because shes so plain, see?). The most important of these is the mysterious, hilariously-Byronic Edward Cullen. Bella plays the pitiful damsel in distress a few times and after 200 pages of thinly written suspense, we learn that Edward is in fact a vampire. Never fear, though, because Bellas Adonis-like admirer is no Nosferatu. Instead, he and his vampire family are so-called vegetarian vampires, feeding off of animals instead of humans and inexplicably attending high school (during lunch periods they buy trays of food and stare at each other so that Bella can conveniently get a glimpse of Edward from across the cafeteria). The first novel deals with Bella and Edwards romance and is capped off by a hastily tacked-on plot designed to shove Bella into the damsel in distress role yet again so that her vampire lover can save her.

 

 

 

Okay, youre saying. Its a little cheesy. But why is that so bad?

 

 

 

First and foremost, the books present a female heroine who can hardly take a step without needing some boy to rescue her. In fact, the books represent sexist views in almost every way-from the fact that Bella gives up her ambitions and plans for college to get married to Edward, the fact that she is portrayed as a modern Eve, begging the noble, moral gentleman for sex while he desires to preserve their virtue, the fact that their relationship is dangerously unhealthy, and finally to the fact that nearly every single female character in the book is a hopelessly negative caricature.

 

 

 

The series does not improve with subsequent books, either. In New Moon, Bella enters a self-described zombie state when Edward leaves her. In fact, the author oh-so-cleverly inserts blank pages with the months names as a poorly conceived plot device for showing the depths of her heroines pain and also to avoid having to write the hard stuff. Bella turns near-suicidal; she purposely puts herself in harms way-going so far as to jump off a cliff-to hear her lovers imagined voice in her head.

 

 

 

What does this say to readers, bearing in mind that the target audience is the tragically impressionable 12-17 year old girls? That they should fall apart at the seams for months if their boyfriend leaves them? That reckless self-endangerment is okay, so long as its to be close to your lover? What a lovely message to send to young women.

 

 

 

The sole bright spot of New Moon is the lovable Jacob Black, a member of the nearby La Push reservation and newly-turned werewolf. It is in Bellas scenes with Jacob that readers see a glimpse of actual personality, and the burgeoning romance is certainly much more true to real-life teen romances than the lofty ideals of the star crossd lovers Edward and Bella. But add another half-forgotten plot into the mix and Edward and Bella are reunited, with Jacob left by the wayside like a kicked puppy. Pun intended.

 

 

 

Eclipse. It is in this tome that Edward and Bellas relationship takes a decidedly worse turn. Edward goes so far as to remove Bellas engine from her car to prevent her from seeing her friend, Jacob, and even has his vampire sister kidnap her from a weekend. Bella is a little peeved at this, sure, but she writes off Edwards atrocious behavior with the terrifying hes just a little overprotective and he does it because he loves me. Reader, I actually felt a little sick while reading this, despite these so-called good intentions (theyre always leading to hell, remember). Not only does Meyer give her two characters an obviously unhealthy-even abusive-relationship, but she romanticizes and idealizes it, and not only with Bella and Edward, but with Bella and Jacob as well.

 

 

 

Jacob, in fact, gets a bizarre personality transplant (lycanthropic dissociative identity disorder, maybe?) and turns into a real [wagon] in this book. He actually forcibly kisses Bella-twice-while ignoring her protests and actually threatens suicide should Bella refuse him. But not once does the thought of abuse, sexism, or inequality even occur to her main character! In fact, halfway through Jacobs forced kiss (sexual assault, mind you) Bella actually decides that shes in love with him. What is this??

 

 

 

I threw down my copy of Eclipse in disgust and I was ready to forget that the books existed until the Twilight-mania began anew in the lead-up to August 2nds release of Breaking Dawn. I can write this article just having read the first three, I told myself. In the end, though, partly due to morbid curiosity and partly a result of wildly irrational hope that somehow Meyer would redeem herself, I gave in.

 

 

 

I was wrong. In Breaking Dawn, Meyer gives us an honestly bewildering and at times horrifying close to the series. The several hundred pages are filled with sickly-sweet self-indulgence and a blatant dismissal of continuity and realism. In brief, Bella and Edward get horizontal at long last (but only after theyre married, of course-we cant have the naughty temptress taking away Edwards 107 year-old virginity) and Bella somehow gets pregnant. Please, Meyer says, never mind the fact that all the vampires body fluids are replaced with their venom or that sperm dies after three days, much less a century. Even more fantastically, the vampire/human spawn grows at an alarming rate, so fast in fact that Bella feels it nudging her at approximately two weeks of gestation. Now, Ive never been pregnant but I did take health class back in high school and Im pretty sure that theres something wrong with that picture.

 

 

 

Ill spare you the details of the rest of this horror show. Trust me, the birthing scene is something I desperately wish I could un-see (after the loosely-called baby breaks Bellas pelvis, spine, and ribs from the inside, Edward ends up clawing his way to a surely-unsanitary vampire version of a Caesarian section using his teeth). Im sorry. I had to share my pain. Bella becomes a super-special vampire with super-special powers and she wins the not-conflict of the not-climax. And dont forget her nifty ability to go hunting in a forest in a cocktail dress and heels.

 

 

 

Thankfully, the Twilight series is over. Not as great is the fact that millions of girls are reading this sexist tripe without a care in the world, obsessing over the perfect Edward Cullen and the hot Jacob Black, pretending to be Bella Swan and ignoring the unhealthiness of the relationship just as successfully as the character does. What happened that two hundred years after feminist hero Elizabeth Bennet is put down on the page, we get one of the most awful excuses for a female literary hero that Ive ever seen?

 

 

 

So frankly, excuse me if I bow out of the Twilight mania. Im going to go sink my teeth into Wollstonecrafts A Vindication of the Rights of Woman and pretend that Stephenie Meyers terrible series did not set gender equality back two hundred years in the minds of millions.

 

 

 

And:

 

 

 

After sound rebukes from those who commented on my previous article (Twilight Sucks And Not In A Good Way), like Sydnie and Kalo, who wrote, All of your opinions are completely FALSE! and YOU JUST THINK TOO MUCH JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ! respectively, I decided to listen to those like Melissa who demanded that I write a bookseries[sic] that is that popular and, in [their] opinion, genious[sic] before earning the privilege to criticize Stephenie Meyers dismal oeuvre.

 

 

 

You know what? Theyre right. What right do I have to dislike a published novel? How dare I exercise my 1st Amendment rights and express my opinion about the Twilight series without also having sold 1.3 million books in a single day?

 

 

 

And what about all of those who agree with me? They arent allowed to dislike the books either if their own work hasnt yet spawned millions of fan-sites.

 

 

 

I decided that it was only right for me (as the author of the original article) to try and help out all those people who would love to engage in literary criticism but dont yet have that right to freedom of thought. So, here it is:

 

 

 

How to Write a Bestseller Just Like Twilight:

 

 

 

1. Abuse the thesaurus (correct word usage optional; purple prose is a must). If you want to spice up your writing so that it sounds just like Meyers, a handy thesaurus is key. Then you too can write glorious and dazzling (and dazzlingly glorious) passages like the following:

 

 

 

He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didnt sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.

 

 

 

If you do not have at least three modifiers* for every noun, youre doing it wrong. Some authors like George Orwell (1984, Animal Farm) have rules like Never use a long word where a short one will do and If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out, but since Stephenie Meyer is apparently the golden standard for writing young adult literature these days, its probably best to ignore Orwell and follow her example instead.

 

 

 

* Bonus points if you use the same modifier multiple times in close proximity of one another. Good examples of words to use this way include chagrin, murmured, and chuckled.

 

 

 

2. Do not research. It is not necessary to waste time getting biology facts, cultural lore, or cultural history correct. For example, if you choose to set your novel in a real-life place, dont bother visiting it. If you incorporate the ideas of another culture, such as that of the Sioux Native Americans, absolutely do not speak to any Sioux elders or Sioux scholars-as the author, you have no responsibility to accurately portray anything. Instead, take what history you can find out on the Internet and feel free to bastardize their cultural lore so that it fits into your story. Also, if you decide to use science to explain some of your fantasy elements, dont bother making it logically or factually sound.

 

 

 

3. Do not give your characters personalities. Instead, make sure that your female lead is as perfect as possible (but dont forget to give her a contrived sense of humility). Obviously she must be pretty and smart, but dont bother giving examples of her intelligence; all you have to do to tie up that loose end is mention bad interpretations of classic literature. To make sure that she isnt TOO perfect, she needs a flaw. This is where it gets tricky; if you give her a true flaw, like hubris, she is less appealing. Therefore, use a flaw like clumsiness so that a) she is endearingly klutzy (allowing socially awkward young girls to put themselves in her shoes) and B) you have a great deus ex machina that allows your male lead* to swoop in and save the heroine from impaling** herself on a pencil after an attempt at a magic trick.

 

 

 

* It is sometimes helpful to give your female heroine an Electra complex, as this further romanticizes the idea of the male hero carrying her around, watching her as she sleeps, being 100+ years older than her, etc., etc.

 

 

 

** It is important to note that the heroine should not have to sacrifice anything besides her ambition. If you think she SHOULD sacrifice something, make sure that shes only giving up her family and friends so that the she can devote her entire life and purpose of being to the hero. She should NOT have any kind of hobbies, interests, etc. outside of the hero, and if he leaves her she should become suicidal.

 

 

 

That brings me to the male lead. While its a given that he must be a perfect physical specimen, be careful not to give him any actual identifying characteristics because this will reduce your readers ability to superimpose the image of her own perfect man over the hollow shell of your character. As for personal traits, its extremely effective to write him as a caricature of the Byronic hero. Your hero should be brooding, pseudo-dangerous, and have a deep, dark secret to cement his status as a sexy bad boy. Additionally, he must be extremely wealthy, drive fast cars, and enjoy watching the heroine sleep unawares.

 

 

 

4. Ensure that your heroine and heros relationship is abusive. An effective way to do this is to make sure that your male hero fulfills several of the requirements for relational abuse. A good definition of that is this one, from Wikipedia:

 

 

 

Abusive relationships are often characterized by jealousy, emotional withholding, lack of intimacy, infidelity, sexual coercion, verbal abuse, broken promises, physical violence, control games and power plays.

 

 

 

Personally, I recommend using jealousy, lack of intimacy, sexual coercion, broken promises, and controlling behavior because those are all quite easy to justify; all the hero must do is claim that he acts out of his desire to protect the heroine from danger because of his overwhelming love for her. Additionally, if there is another possible romantic interest for the heroine outside of the hero, isolating the heroine from him is a particularly effective method for the hero to use. One example might be siphoning the gasoline from the heroines moped to prevent her from leaving her house.

 

 

 

It is especially important to note that the heroine must not find fault in the hero for his abusive actions, as that would make him much less appealing. Instead, she should excuse his behavior by saying he just loves me and then continue to submit to his will.

 

 

 

If youre worried that this might send a bad message to young, hormonal teenagers struggling through their own romantic relationships, dont be. After all, as Heather says, This is a BOOK a FICTIONOUS BOOK, and no one has ever been influenced by a work of fiction in the history of the world, ever. Not even people back in the 1800s who read books like Uncle Toms Cabin. In the same way that people are not influenced by advertising or by peer pressure, reading novels does not have the least bit influence on anyone, least of all teenagers whose brains havent finished developing.

 

 

 

5. There should be no plot. Even though you may think that rising action, climax, falling action, and character development are important in a novel, theyre not. Instead, focus on the perfection of the male hero. If your editor forces you to write a plot, make sure its just another opportunity for the hero to save the heroine.

 

 

 

6. Profit!

 

 

 

Well, there you have it! I hope this helps those of you hoping to write your own Twilight. And to those of you who were concerned over my literary critique of the series, I promise to follow the steps above before I even think about publically disliking something again in the future.[/hide]

 

 

 

Saves me having to write it out. Where are those articles from? I need to check out the site if it's a site like A-S devoted to criticizing Twilight.

 

 

 

I was going to go see it this weekend for [cabbage] and giggles and then have an excuse to write a negative review for the book and the movie in my school paper, but it's sold out. SOLD OUT. Not even the HP movies sold out in the week before the premeires.

 

 

 

I'm scared of the effects these books have on society. Guys, never try to date a girl who reads Twilight. You will never live up to their expectations. You will never be Edward. Thank God you won't, but it still sucks to be judged that way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://psa.blastmagazine.com/2008/08/23/twilight-a-follow-up-and-a-promise/

 

 

 

http://psa.blastmagazine.com/2008/08/16/twilight-sucks-and-not-in-a-good-way/

[ThurinEthir]

Like basically all of you, all I know is that all the girls at my school, both popular and unpopular, are screaming "TWILIGHT EDWARD CULLEN SEXY OMG OMGOM OMGOMO VAMPIRES YAY TWILIGHT YAY YYAYHAYYAYYAYYAYY"

 

...Yea. While all I've said to them is "Screw Twilight. Lord of the Rings kicks the crap out of Twilight any day. Aragorn would rape Edward Cullen without even thinking."

 

Obviously, they're not even comparable.

 

That said, I've never even touched one of the books, I have no intention of (Unless I'm burning them), nor do I wish to see the movie. Other than for some laughs at how much it sucks.

 

So how do I know they suck? I don't. But I can tell.

[Nom]

I was reading through the comments on the first article (thanks for the links) and would like to share some with the good users of tis forum.

 

 

 

how the hell could u write that!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ur such a freaking [developmentally delayed]!!!! thsi is the worst thing ive ever read in my life. im a true twilight fan and there i nothing wrong with these series. if u do thing that (which obviously u do) u just have to remember that this is a FICTIONAL book!!! and U DONT HAVE TO BE A FAN OF IT!!!! we dont care-of course we disagree and we think that u should see or view of the books but apparently ur past resoning. but i will tell u this and i know other twilighters will agree with me- stephenie meyer is a wonderful author and she is a great mom and is just writing for herself and to make a living. of course she is very happy when others enjoy her books but if they dont.thats ok with her. contrary to what u think SHE IS NOT A WITCH TRYING TO SUCK US TEENS INTO WANTING A BAD REALATIONSHIP LIKE BELLA HAS!!!!!!!!! this book is just for enjoymentnothing more!! yeah, fans do fall in love with edward (like me!) and jacob (im team switz) and they do want to be bella but so what??/ if u dont agree witht he books views and ideas of stephenies writing then u shouldnt have even finished them of even have written this review. thats all i have to say. one thing though-i do have to give u this- breaking dawn wasnt that great. dont get me wroing im still a twihard twilighter but not a breakingdawner im not mad at the plot she took- im just mad that the way she wrote was not the same and it wasnt as magical (yes, magical-just like twilight, new moon, eclipse) as the others. thats all. i really do feel bad for all u anti-twilight people. ur really missing out of a good part of ur life-reading these books and enjoying them just because theyre books. I LOVE TWILIGHT, NEW MOON, ECLIPSE, BREAKING DAWN, EDWARD, JAOCB, BELLA, ALICE, JASPER, EMMETT, ROSALIE, CARLILSE, EMSE, RENESMEE, CHARLIE, SETH, AND STEPHENIE MEYER!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

I think that Twilight is AMAZING you people dont get it do you SHE LOVES HIM!!!!!! Stephenie is a clever author and whatever you have against her is really idiotic!!!!!

 

 

 

ITS A BOOK!!!! Get over it!!! Why do people seem to love to degrade books that just happen to be cheesy or too feminist!!! Its f*cking fiction!! Not real!!! People like it, thats what matters!!! Yes, it will never live up to Harry Stupid Potter, but no book will!! Does that mean you get to bash on a series that has success even if you dont understand it? Stephanie Meyer is a great writer, no need to be jealous because shes better than you.

 

 

 

Its no real!! Its not hurting anyone! If you didnt want to read it, then no one forced you to. Does that you mean you get to come online where the author and millions of fans are going to see who bash on there book? NO!!! People like to get lost into it, get over it!!!

 

 

 

And Get A LIFE!!

 

 

 

I can't go on.

[ThurinEthir]

I have to be honest though...If someone wrote something like that to bash Lord of the Rings, I would most likely respond in the same way.

 

But Twilight is not Lord of the Rings. It doesn't even compare to Lord of the Rings. Or Harry Potter. Or any other [bleep]ing good series.

[stevepole]

I dislike all vampire movies.

[AdioLovesSquall]

Like basically all of you, all I know is that all the girls at my school, both popular and unpopular, are screaming "TWILIGHT EDWARD CULLEN SEXY OMG OMGOM OMGOMO VAMPIRES YAY TWILIGHT YAY YYAYHAYYAYYAYYAYY"

 

...Yea. While all I've said to them is "Screw Twilight. Lord of the Rings kicks the crap out of Twilight any day. Aragorn would rape Edward Cullen without even thinking."

 

Obviously, they're not even comparable.

 

That said, I've never even touched one of the books, I have no intention of (Unless I'm burning them), nor do I wish to see the movie. Other than for some laughs at how much it sucks.

 

So how do I know they suck? I don't. But I can tell.

 

 

 

lol Tolkien was such a boring and pretentious writer

[ThurinEthir]

Like basically all of you, all I know is that all the girls at my school, both popular and unpopular, are screaming "TWILIGHT EDWARD CULLEN SEXY OMG OMGOM OMGOMO VAMPIRES YAY TWILIGHT YAY YYAYHAYYAYYAYYAYY"

 

...Yea. While all I've said to them is "Screw Twilight. Lord of the Rings kicks the crap out of Twilight any day. Aragorn would rape Edward Cullen without even thinking."

 

Obviously, they're not even comparable.

 

That said, I've never even touched one of the books, I have no intention of (Unless I'm burning them), nor do I wish to see the movie. Other than for some laughs at how much it sucks.

 

So how do I know they suck? I don't. But I can tell.

 

 

 

lol Tolkien was such a boring and pretentious writer

 

My sarcasm detector is beeping, but that may be because it's out of batteries.

 

If you were serious, to each his own. At least LotR is generally accepted as good, while Twilight...Is not...

[AdioLovesSquall]

Like basically all of you, all I know is that all the girls at my school, both popular and unpopular, are screaming "TWILIGHT EDWARD CULLEN SEXY OMG OMGOM OMGOMO VAMPIRES YAY TWILIGHT YAY YYAYHAYYAYYAYYAYY"

 

...Yea. While all I've said to them is "Screw Twilight. Lord of the Rings kicks the crap out of Twilight any day. Aragorn would rape Edward Cullen without even thinking."

 

Obviously, they're not even comparable.

 

That said, I've never even touched one of the books, I have no intention of (Unless I'm burning them), nor do I wish to see the movie. Other than for some laughs at how much it sucks.

 

So how do I know they suck? I don't. But I can tell.

 

 

 

lol Tolkien was such a boring and pretentious writer

 

My sarcasm detector is beeping, but that may be because it's out of batteries.

 

If you were serious, to each his own. At least LotR is generally accepted as good, while Twilight...Is not...

 

 

 

no, i'm serious, i'd rather pop out war and peace or a kafka book. regardless; yeah, twilight sucks.

[ThurinEthir]

Now we're getting a tad off-topic, but all I have to say is that I like Tolkien better for that fact that he created such an in-depth world than for his writing. (I admit, I was bored at some points too)

 

I can't wait for some Twilight fangirl to come in here and try to start pulling apart all our posts.

[AdioLovesSquall]

Now we're getting a tad off-topic, but all I have to say is that I like Tolkien better for that fact that he created such an in-depth world than for his writing. (I admit, I was bored at some points too)

 

I can't wait for some Twilight fangirl to come in here and try to start pulling apart all our posts.

 

 

 

he certainly wasn't a bad writer, rather too ambitious for his own good with lots and lots of filler.

 

 

 

Well, i think we've discussed twilight as deeply as we could, so we can only diverge from the topic. :D