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Great Quotes - Post Here


kidurdude

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I give you bitter pills in sugar coating. The pills are harmless; the poison is in the sugar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Ã

This is the way the world ends. Look at this [bleep]ing shit we're in man. Not with a bang, but with a whimper. And with a whimper, I'm splitting, Jack.

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"Real N*ggas do what they wanna do, B*tch N*ggas do wat they can do" ~TuPaC~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Basically in less vulgar wording...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

real people do what they want to do regardless if society allows them to and tries there hardest to stop them, Fake people only do what society allows them to do

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Woman: Sir, if you were my husband I would place poison in your coffee.

 

 

 

Churchill: Madam, if I were your husband, I would gladly drink it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wolves.

 

 

 

- Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

 

 

 

- Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

 

 

 

- Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

 

 

 

- Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

 

 

 

- Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

 

 

 

- Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

 

 

 

- Jack Handey (aka Jack Handy)

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My heart is broken by the terrible loss I have sustained in my old friends and companions and my poor soldiers. Believe me, nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won. -Sir Arthur Wellesley

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Groucho Marx once uttered these great words:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read."

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My heart is broken by the terrible loss I have sustained in my old friends and companions and my poor soldiers. Believe me, nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won. -Sir Arthur Wellesley

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"A man of Vision is like a king amongst the blind"

 

 

 

Pretty profound, I guess. I don't know who actually said it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To a man of action, the scent of danger is like freshly cut grass after a summer rain

 

 

 

That one always appealed to me for some reason.

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I doubt many people are even still reading these, they just come to post their own thinking that its the coolest one yet when in fact barly anyone will even read it :?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway, I actually try to live by these quotes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. "You only want you don't have" Seriously I can NEVER day that enouph. I don't care if your talking about an iPod, a girlfriend, the size of your bank account, PS2 games, the time of the day, your skill total in RS, advances in technology, or even world peace. From personal experiance 95% of people who I tell the quote to will say "Well duh, you can't want a glass of water if there's already one in your hand" Common sense. But a rare few will actually get it. It just clicks with them and they will remember it forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. People find life entirly too time consuming Also known as "Don't dwell on the past or dream about the future, Live in the present" I am totally guilty of this. I am always looking foward to what's going to happen next. I never really enjoy the moment until it passes me by :(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But thats just me. Go ahead and post your own comidic quotes thinking everyone will love them. Chances are they will read the quote and move on without even looking at the name of the poster. I wonder why I still post here :/

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"A man of Vision is like a king amongst the blind"

 

 

 

Pretty profound, I guess. I don't know who actually said it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you mean by the sense of "sight" then thats' not true, since living your life if you're blind is the life you're used to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Think of this, if you got given sight, You'd be like a kid in disneyland, but eventually you'll get sick of it, and want to go outside, back to what you're familiar with, with what you're comfortable with. I actually know this from personal experience.

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2. People find life entirly too time consuming Also known as "Don't dwell on the past or dream about the future, Live in the present" I am totally guilty of this. I am always looking foward to what's going to happen next. I never really enjoy the moment until it passes me by :(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift, that's why we call it the present.

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to make eggroll, push it

 

 

 

man who puts detergent on top shelf, jumps for joy

 

 

 

he who sneezes without handkerchief, takes matters into own hands

 

 

 

man who fart in church, sit on pew

 

 

 

man who run in front of car, get tired

 

 

 

man who run behind car, get exhausted

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and my favorite one is one i coined myself

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"food is important to a balanced diet"

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