Solidus_77

I'm jet-lagged to hell right now so I don't have any input for the awkward girl puking. Besides, I honestly have no idea what to say :shock: For the first kiss thing I'll say one thing though: don't make it a big deal. Well I like to base my principles on my experiences, and at my school there were countless guy that I labeled as a jerk turned out to be a nice guy, or had a sensitive side, basically was not a jerk. So I guess I'm guilty of exaggerating. ;) None-the-less, that's why I think that you should always make sure and get to know the person first before you decide to label them as a jerk. Of course, I recognize that there are all kinds of people in this world, some people are the scum of all scums however I have noticed a trend of calling people jerks a little too quickly when in fact they could turn out to be fine people if you can gain the necessary comfort. It would be cool if I could end the stereotype with just a few examples but I know that ain't gonna happen :lol: . All I hope for is that people act a little more open minded and make the effort to meet these people instead of stamp a label on them and stay away (in the end it's your loss so this can only help). However even then it can be tricky because the person might seem like a jerk merely because of how you acted. Like if you act easily offended, or defensive he's going to act bitter and I know I've considered countless guys jerks based on only that.

I think you should put things in perspective here before tossing stereotypes around, I did and thus figured out why girls are attracted to these "jerks". So now I've got two stories to tell: One concerning the so-called "jerks", the other about the reason why girls find them attractive. I never felt part of the "popular kids" (referred to the guys there as "jerks" as you do) and I'm sure a majority of this forum can relate to that, but then things got interesting: At the end of my junior year, as I was starting to be more outgoing. I went to an amusement park with 4 other kids. All of which were probably considered some of the most popular kids in school. One of which I was on pretty bad terms with too. Since amusement parks = long-as-hell queues they ended up talking a lot. Then they started to introduce me into the conversation, first asking why they never see me around at social events and relating to my video game pastime, I relate to their TV shows and we talk in the same way that I talk to good friends of mine. The more I talked, the more I felt comfortable and socially accepted around them. Even the guy who I was on bad terms with, it turns out that as long as I can stop being defensive and insecure, he's really fun to be around. So either I'm living in some sort of parallel universe, or a lot of the guys that you label as jerks are actually really decent people but you haven't taken the trouble of getting to know them (this goes for girls too, not all girls are shallow just because they fall for a jerk). If you'd like to become a social person (and thus meet loads of girls and have a LOT more fun around people), stop labeling people as jerks and try to get to know them. The popular kids got popular through their social skills, so could it be possible that you undervalued them? The only way to know is with through practice, open mind attitude and making people feel comfortable around you. Now, about girls. Actually about this same guy that I use to be on bad terms with, well eventually with the new school year the upper-classmen all went to an activity place to do all sorts of stuff (the example in this case is basket ball). Now this guy and I both happened to be on the same team for the mini-basketball. He's an experienced player and I can't aim for [cabbage], yet he was the one encouraging me all along, giving me shots (I did dunking, which was so fun) and so I gave it all I had, running up and down and the two of us ran the team. This not only showed me how this guy was better than just "decent guy" and NOT, as I previously thought, a jerk but also gave me an opportunity to see where he had this strange charm that girls loved. Whilst he was chosen to be ref for one game, I noticed how he was running his own comedic commentary about the game, flirting with and occasionally teasing the girls (that's what they call Cocky & Funny). And they laughed back and showed other signs of interest. But why? was it because he was a jerk? No, and this is where the misconception ends: They were showing a response because of other qualities: His sense of humor (he made good jokes on the spot), his leadership and his confidence (someone who can tease all the girls like that sure has confidence, and they know it!). Now it should be noted that he had a crush on none of these girls, he was just having fun and so were they. I remember hearing someone say (on an internet forum) "OMG it's rude to flirt with a girl like that". Trust me, it isn't. I've done it many times and gotten such positive responses too. So here's the problem, you said: Perhaps my stories have helped solve the mystery, but I've bolded the part of the text because I think that you totally miss the point (and this is the part where I'm very blunt). You're (and dark aura as well, both of you are) claiming that: 1) these guys are jerks. However I don't think you know them well enough to come to that conclusion and I suspect that they are similar to the "jerks" in my story. 2) "the girls are not emotionally developed enough" which is pretty condescending on your part. (Who are you to judge their emotional development?) and flat out wrong. The girls simply don't show their "emotional" side because they are not comfortable around you. They are comfortable around a guy who is confident, funny and leader who is considered a "jerk" by people like you. I'm not going to judge you any longer, but honestly you (and dark aura who felt the same way) should ask yourself: 1. Do you know these guys well enough to call them "jerks"? 2. Have you been around them and talked to them in a totally comfortable way and made them feel comfortable around you? 3. Do you know these girls well enough to call them "emotionally undeveloped? (remember, girls tend to be considered "emotional beings") 4. Have you ever been around them and talked to them in a totally comfortable way and made them feel comfortable around you? 5. Do you have an open mind when you engage in conversation with any of these people? 6. Do you look down upon these people, do you envy them or are you apathetic? 7. Do you enjoy being around these people? Why or why not? Those were all rhetorical questions, but here's one that is addressed to all guys who are not part of "the cool kids", who are labeled as "unpopular" or label other people as "jerks" but welcome to anyone for input: If given the chance, would you like to become one of the people at the top of the social ladder? Perhaps now we can get rid of pathetic stereotypes and labels once and for all.

Personally the long-cut scenes are awesome. 90 minutes sounds long but it's really bad considering what you get. Well apparently not long cut-scenes are not everyone's cup of tea: (warning, as awesome as he is, he DOES NOT show MGS4 any mercy; watch at your own risk) http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/ ... ar-Solid-4 ... :( I was afraid he'd crucify the game like that.

I prefer to take a more objective standpoint here: on one side there's sex on the other there's no sex. Make your choice :lol: JK, I can see here attitude can seem questionable but if you like flirtatious and open then that's exactly what you've got. I'm not to interested in debating the morals of sex vs friendship what does bother me, however, is: Now that is not a good reason to have sex. I may have questionable morals about relationships, but there's something that I never approve of and that's peer pressure. That combined with her insistent nature seems to imply that she's doing it for the sake of the social ladder (which is generally associated with people who've never had sex before).

Honestly, nothing. I don't do any drugs and I can go to parties without drinking if needed. Video games are things that I can go without, but would be bored without (No MMORPGs and becoming more and more casual with my gaming), same goes for my anime/manga love. Yes, I can go for as long as I want without the internet (although for practical purposes it would be tricky). The only "urge" that I have really is jerking off, but that isn't very frequent and I often give myself endurance challenges to see how long I can go without it. What I do find I have instead of addictions is "phases". At one point I'll be totally into something, say right now it would be metal gear solid series (doesn't take a genius to figure out why ;) ). Then I'll grow bored and move onto something else. This goes for more than just video games, variable in length, and varies according to context (like, I'll drop my MGS fixation when I go to the states without any MGS games to satisfy my needs, but it will come back later on).

Fine, apparently things weren't vague enough so I just tagged it all.

Heh, apparently MGS4 managed to double the sales of PS3 during the week following it's release. That should say something. I went over to a friends house to see it, it was truly an epic conclusion for the series! [hide=vague spoilers]The thrill and suspense was something that surpassed many movies that I have watched recently, especially the split-screen battle (snake vs Gekkos and Raiden vs Vamp) or the part near the end of the game where EVERYONE is fighting, as well as the final showdown and more! Each of the 4 bosses had such a moving emotional story. The one that got to me the most would be Crying wolf. Probably as she reminds me of sniper wolf (and her story is just plain sad). Action in the cutscenes were simply off the charts, the fist fight near the end of the game was totally brutal and well done (stopping a punch by slamming his head forward? Ouch!) and all of it was using the game engine![/hide] Gameplay and awareness of detail is so amazing and complex as well, and my absolute favorite fight: [hide=spoilers]REX vs RAY! Words cannot describe how awesome it is for two giant metal gear robots to fight to the death, and the sequence after that where raiden sacrifices his second arm to stop Outer Haven was just awesome.[/hide] That complete with a whole gun mod system and all sorts of fun extras was just amazing, and if that wasn't enough, there are SO many comical/nostalgic references to the previous games (especially when ingame characters break the 4th wall). Loved every moment of it.

If you're going to try and bash the final fantasy series, at least come up with decent arguments and not the repetitive "OMG HOW DO THEY KEEP THE SERIES GOING ON FOR SO MANY GAMES!!!!". short answer: PLAY THE DAMN GAMES Long answer: (see below) Same, I don't understand how those games are fun. And 12 freaking games? Jesus, and they say their milking the Halo series! Fantastic storyline with great characters and level/stat gameplay with elements of strategy produce the immersion makes a game interesting. If you prefer games that involve big guns and killing masses of enemies before they all kill you then obviously it's gonna appear slow-paced. I'm by no means all for role-playing games and I do find it quite annoying that the FF games contain SO many missibles and random calculations that I need to have a guide right next to me while playing the games (or else I'll miss crazy stuff like Anima in X, Alchemist Dresssphere in X-2 or Zodiac Spear in XII) but the epic story-telling in FFX, for example, is my second favorite story of all times, the first being the Metal Gear Solid series. Steering away from mainstream stuff just because everyone else is doing it doesn't make you cool. Also assuming that 12 consecutive games qualifies as "milking the series" is completely ignorant. In all final fantasy games there has only been ONE game that was a direct sequel: final fantasy x-2 for final fantasy x (and even, the sequel's battle system was very different). The world, characters and even sometimes the battle system is different in each final fantasy game. Saying "final fantasy 12 is milking off final fantasy 7" is like saying "Halo 3 is milking off Call of Duty 4". Incredible, so a few ignorants are ranting about a series they don't even play makes the entire game series overrated. Yhatzee (from Zero Punctuation) put up some convincing and valid arguments and he was bashing the entire J-RPG sub-genre!

In and Out burgers > Wendy's Although Wendy's at least has an ounce of decency.

ive hugged a male friend before XD except like, 75% of my friends are bi. so they don't really care. i hugged one who wasn't, didnt seem to care either Hugging guys means you're confident about your sexuality. Not wanting to just means you're insecure about your sexuality. I hug plenty of male friends, just like some people would do a handshake. Heck I'll even dance with them, and I'm not gay :lol:

Egg, I've had the same thing happen to me. I had a crush on a girl and once I danced with her quite a bit at one party (she danced only a bit with other guys, but it was mostly the two of us) and SHE was the one coming to ME. I then made a half-assed approach, rejected and from then on my interest in her was made clear to her and everyone. Not a problem, but it never went anywhere from there. She seemed a LITTLE different and frankly didn't act all comfortable around me, so getting to know her was harder. Eventually I was able to move on from her and forget the silly crush I had. I even danced with her again, but this time with no strings attached (as in, I KNEW that it meant nothing relationship-wise and it was just fun) and it felt a lot different for me. So, now the question is: is having a girl dancing with you a sign of interest? It might or might not be. Depends a lot on the girl, and depends a lot on your mind. If she knows you already like her then I'd lean towards her just having fun rather than a clear sign of interest. I haven't read the previous page to keep up with the thread, but this comment [bleep]ed a little interest in me, simply because I've had the same problem so often. I'm not one for keeping secrets, and aren't very good at it even when I do try, so usually when I like a girl, she knows before I manage to ask her out. Sometimes, it still works out okay, but as often as not, it ends up that she'll be a little weirded out by it, and turn a little awkward and stop wanting to hang out with me so much. Now, it's not an overly pronounced difference, but their entire attitude is affected and my chances of going out with them ever drop a good amount. I suppose the best idea is to keep it to yourself until you manage to ask her out, but honestly, that's just personal experience and I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. Hmm... Actually, a lil' bit of advice for Klan wouldn't go awry here either. Well yes and no. Yes, you should build a little more comfort before you ask her out and look for signs that she is interested in you before you show interest in her. That doesn't mean you need to be ABSOLUTELY sure that she likes you and there's always a chance she could reject you (or say "let's just be friends" if you built too much comfort without showing interest). And even when you do show interest, I think it would be wise to make it a little deeper than "I like you", find something interesting about her or explain why you like being around her. However, if things don't work out well, immediately move onto the next girl. Well you're just gonna have to get over that mate ;) . I can already say that you are ahead of some people I know, who seem to think females are a terrifying species and wouldn't dare speak to them. "I'm shy" is an easy excuse to use when finding a reason not to approach girls. So I'd say stop denying the potential that you have and go meet more girls.

The key issue is gaining enough confidence to approach a woman. Any woman will tell you, confidence is the most important aspect in a man approaching them. A girl looks for strength, pride, virtue, all of which can be reflected by showing that your confident and able to approach them. By being confident they will relax, just remember, they go to the toilet just as you do, the're human too. (To be fair though, I've been in a long term relationship for a while, so I'm probably making it sound easy when its actually very difficult!!) You're sort of preaching to the choir here :lol: . I know all the techniques all too well. I practice them every time I go to clubs/bars and other special events. I don't have the same "comfort" when I'm on public transportation or just in the street which is exactly why I'm trying to approach more so that I can get use to it. It's a lack of experience in that area but not a lack of technique.

Ah yes. That's pretty insensitive and clearly not something I would condone. That makes sense.. That's why I've considered approaching women at places other than clubs/bars. So far I do it if it feels "right", but ideally I'm looking at meeting girls at places like sports gyms or activities that I'm interested in which is pretty different from the club/bar atmosphere.

Nice to meet you Mel. Heh, I would actually want that as a bartender. Often times I'll spend a night out without having a sip of alcohol (I prefer to spend my time on the dance floor or getting to meet interesting women rather than getting totally smashed) and when I ask for a glass of water they give me a funny look like I must be totally out of my mind for asking for anything but an alcoholic beverage. Btw since I'm currently on vacation I spent some time looking at other Dr Phil shows. The one that caught my interest was "Out of control male egos" showing two males that see themselves at the center of their universe. The first one was just a ego-freak who shows off his various assets and sells freaking action figures of himself :lol: , the second one was more interesting. He clearly understood pickup artist stuff and practiced it but in a different way. More blunt, less connection. That's fair enough. So what would you consider to be an "unfair advantage"? I also feel a bit the same about "the system", for me it just doesn't work to memorize a system, you need some basic tools at your disposal (openers, lines, tips on how to touch a girl) but eventually you have to build your OWN "method" that is unique to you. You know (and the guys interviewed at the Dr Phil show did a pretty good job at expressing this), a lot of the PUA stuff is geared towards calibration and seeing what works and what doesn't on the field. Guys who just read the stuff learn thousands of "lines" but those serve no use to them. The advice they give brings the horse as close to water but doesn't make the horse drink. Remember when I was asking about how I was insecure about touch? I've been focusing on that these past few months starting off with just a few technical tips which helped but it was only after practice, experience and trial & error which has lead me to learn how to read body language MUCH better and learn basically how to touch a girl. Since then I've been able to do all sorts of things. And learned how asking for a specific method or system just doesn't work. I don't think "bar" tactics would be the best word, that's just one of the many places to meet women (and not even the best, apparently). In fact "tactics" might be a bit off too since it's honestly so much more.

You do, and it's a little annoying. No I actually do not feel associate with my online "persona" but feel free to judge me as you see fit.

Unlikely to happen, even the girls who I play video games with dislike runescape (no, that's not why I left ;) ). But if it did happen I guess I would have mixed feelings. In a way I feel Solidus_77 died back in January after I left this game and after that happened, the whole "immersion" effect sort that video games cast fell apart with it. Now, I merely think of this account as a medium through which I talk about stuff on this board. For practical reasons I will not share my password, but I don't really feel so associated with my online "persona" in fact I don't really think I have a "persona" much at all.

First of all Goddess I must say I'm really enjoying this discussion, it's pretty interesting stuff and I think I have a better understanding of what it means to be yourself. A few comments I have: Alright fine. Experience is the better word since I don't have concrete proof of the matter. Now that's interesting. So it is possible to change and still remain true to yourself. I guess there is some truth in that. I won't dive into specifics but PUA stuff tends to focus on the moment now rather than the future husband/wife. Well to each his own. Oh and you can call me Will : Is this it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNAi1Lso1IU http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwB2xMFv ... re=related As for only the younger girl raising her hand? Heh, not surprising. Society has a habit of disliking "players". Reminds me of an interview of "The Pickup Artist" (a TV reality show). At the end of the interview this bald (one of the three interviewers) suddenly states that he found the pickup artists incredibly disturbing, thought they needed a haircut/shave and said "Don't ever go double dating with these guys you will never get a girl". The female interviewer also added "I dunno, it wouldn't work on me but hey, that's just me". Shows you what society thinks of PUAs :lol: (and these guys were highly respected PUAs with a long list of successes). Yeah, I've seen a lot of similarities in how you both approach a problem and try to figure out the what the person is really thinking. Age could very well be a factor, I'll see what happens as I get older. Ah! So not only is it possible to change and "be yourself" but one leads to the other.

Here's one that hasn't been mentioned which has a very unique and powerful style. In fact it's a graphic novel, not a comic: Sarah Zero Dracion1: thanks for The Noob. It's a good MMORPG parody. jjrox32: Wow, it's like he tries to come up with punchlines and fails miserably.

It's not baseless at all. It's based on my constant observation as well as what many female friends have told me. No articles or scientific method though so it's not a concrete proof. Frankly I don't even bother trying to prove it, and could care less if you believed it. If you'd like to believe that all girls want is a nice guy then go right ahead. Perhaps the idea of "being yourself" is not so much towards your personality but instead how you interact. I'll get back to you on that. I use to identify as a shy person who rarely talked to anyone except my friends (use to have a huge struggle getting along with people) and everyone else I would feel uncomfortable around. Nowadays I'm the center of a large social circle and many of my new friends have told me how glad they are that I have changed. I feel more confident now more so than ever and have almost reversed my situation socially. After such a drastic change, I don't like the idea of limiting yourself to who you identify as, although I never really acted as someone who I was not, I did evolve into a very different person. It's not about being more attractive to one specific person, it's about being a more attractive person to all women or in my case of all the people around me and all those who I have yet to meet. "being myself" refers to a very different personality now. But perhaps I should consider the possibility that you can have such drastic changes AND still be yourself. If you consider thinking outside the box, perhaps that all along I was being myself I think that we need to establish a difference between a fake personality and a change in personality. Of course, I perfectly agree that someone who decides to act different just because others do it or for whatever reason isn't good, and I've felt annoyed when someone acts nice alone but tries to act tough in a group. However, if a person gradually acts in a different way or builds on his personality he could end up acting completely different due to his change in personality. The problem I have with "be yourself" is that it suggests we shouldn't change our personality, however I am considering the possibility for one to change personality and still be himself even though drastic changes have occurred. So basically. Acting like a sensitive jerk to impress a girl goes nowhere, but becoming a sensitive jerk whilst at the same time being yourself can go very far. That is, of course, if is possible for the two to co-exist. It puzzles me, because I'm very secure about who I am (in fact one of the drastic changes left people saying that I have much more confidence than before), which would lead me to believe perhaps I have always "been myself".

Other- Real Life :

I understood that, I'm telling you that there are benefits to being touchy-feely ;)

good. No concrete evidence, just stuff that I noticed. It's pretty common that girls want a guy with confidence and NOT the 'nice guy'. Instead, they are looking for the ideal "sensitive jerk". Right, but if you identify yourself as an insecure shy person, then how will being yourself help anything? You see, that's the problem. I know that often guys will go out of their way to be nice and in that case "be yourself" can help. But what if 'be yourself' encourages the person to be too nice? it could play against them. I think people should just go out in a social environment and experiment, see what works and what doesn't and then change the stuff that doesn't work. If they can do that then I guess I don't have a problem with a person being who they are. It depends how the advice is interpreted. It sounds like it's supposed to mean stay true to who you are but to a certain degree people can change and still be true to who they are. That's what I'm looking for.

You don't even tolerate hugs? Good grief, it's just a hug. I hug any of my friends - male or female, it's not reserved for partners. Although I do admit I was quite insecure about physical contact before, I've since learned that it's socially acceptable and not a big deal at all, at least where I live.. Is it just you who things hugs are a no-no or is it a cultural thing? It's not that I'm intolerant of them or frown upon them, I just don't like doing it so I don't initiate it or make myself easily available for them. If someone wants to hug me then I'm not going to tell them that they can't. I don't think it's a cultural thing, I just don't see the need for that kind of contact, but like I said I'm not militant about it. Ah ok, you just don't initiate it. I thought you just didn't tolerate it. My bad. Still, it's something I'd recommend you get use to it, especially when you want to get closer to someone.

You don't even tolerate hugs? Good grief, it's just a hug. I hug any of my friends - male or female, it's not reserved for partners. Although I do admit I was quite insecure about physical contact before, I've since learned that it's socially acceptable and not a big deal at all, at least where I live.. Is it just you who things hugs are a no-no or is it a cultural thing?

Might not get me many girlfriends, but otherwise what exactly is wrong in being a 'nice guy'? I'd find such a person more pleasant company than an ego-maniac who just can't get enough of himself. I think we may be able to discuss an interesting topic, so I want to make sure you're not talking about me as the "ego-maniac". If not, good. You've sort of answered the question anyways, since getting a girlfriend is sort of the entire point here, the nice guy is an unfavorable. Sure, girls like being around them (and apparently for you as well) but when it comes to an actual relationship, that's a different story. Girls have no problem being around them since they're comfortable, non-threatening and do nice things. I've literally witnessed a scene where one guy was acting nice and comfortable to quite an extreme, whilst I had fun making bold-ish comments and leading all the conversation. I was able to stimulate them and was getting quite a good response. It was quite a fun experience and showed me the risks of being "too nice". (note: I didn't go towards the other extreme and act rude/offensive, I was looking for that perfect middle.) Paraphrasing what goddess posted ages ago about the sensitive jerk: "the nice guy will appear to the girls as more of a girlfriend than a boyfriend". So it's great for making friends, but if you're interested in a relationship, you run a high risk of "let's just be friends". I prefer to stick midway between the nice guy and the jerk and have fun talking to these girls whilst at the same time be far more likely to pursue a relationship. Well my original advice was pointed towards someone who's goal was to get a girlfriend, but even so I still think it's quite an important part of life. That's true, but evidence leads me to believe that far more girls (including those who feel "comfortable" around a nice guy) are looking for a guy who shows confidence. Plenty of nice guys have girlfriends, but were they able to do so with ease? or did they have to try their luck with a lot of girls? My money's on the confident sensitive jerk. So in the end, if being yourself means to be a nice guy (although sometimes guys will actually act overly nice in attempts to woo a girl, so in that context "be yourself" would be something I agree with) I'd HIGHLY recommend you get some more confidence or be stuck with a lot of "I'm sorry, but let's just be friends" even if that means acting like you don't normally act (within reason). Right, now onto the main question: Scenario here is a little iffy, not bad, just not a favorable situation. After talking to her (or whenever):"My friends an I are doing xyz this Sunday, wanna come along?" or "I'm going to xyz this afternoon, wanna come along?". That's my favorite way of asking. It's casual, I don't even mention the word "date". You could of course do the traditional "I wanna go on a date with you" but that tends to be a little more awkward. The only thing that's important is that you do it in person. No texting, MSN or letters. Those make her less likely to say yes since you don't show enough confidence.