It's called social anxiety-- I had it for an unfortunately long period of my life. It'll take a long time to improve yourself, but it's a fun and rewarding journey. The best way to do it is to surround yourself with friends. More specifically, you should constantly try to hang out with people whom you admire, and people whom you get along very well with. If you want to become more social, start spending as much time as possible with the most social person you know. Their characteristics will begin to rub off on you without you even knowing. You'll indirectly become more social just by spending time with them. The more comfortable you become with yourself, the more comfortable you'll become around others. To start becoming closer to others, try to think of how you act around people you're already comfortable with. If I'm with my family in the car and it's dead silent, it isn't awkward. When you meet someone new and a silence occurs, do you find it awkward? Learn to become comfortable in otherwise awkward situations. Your aloofness will make it less awkward for the other person. Sometimes they'll break the silence for you. I also never drank alcohol till I got to college. I noticed when I was drunk, I would transform into the fully-matured person who I strove to become. As time went on, the transformation became less and less dramatic. Now, there's little-to-no change in my personality when I'm drunk. The only difference between my sober and drunk self is that while drunk, boring situations become a lot more fun and entertaining. My sober self is now the same person as the fully-matured person I would evolve into when I was drunk. Maintaining a conversation isn't always too easy-- it just becomes easier w/ more and more experience. The other day I had a girlfriend over to my apartment and we were alone on the couch when a silence hit. If she wasn't dating one of my friends it would've been an opportunity for me to make a move :P but that was not the case-- it was just dead silent and I didn't really mind. I've learned to not be bothered by those awkward silences when conversations stop and observe how the other person decides to handle it. I'm not saying it's the best way to handle the situation, but it's definitely better than being uncomfortable, nervous, and avoiding people altogether because of such fears.
[hide=How I conquered my social anxiety w/o drugs or a shrink]As a kid, I was always kind of shy, but I still had a ton of close friends and was very popular in school. When I was 12 years old, I moved to a different state and I was extremely bitter about having to say goodbye to all of the friends I had made-- I didn't want to make new friends, I found it easier to be alone and sulk. As a result, I developed social anxiety which lasted for the next six years of my life. I got into a relationship my sophomore year and it lasted until the summer of my senior year before moving to college. That was the best thing I had going for me in my life at the time, so when it ended I was devastated. That was the longest summer of my life. I purposely chose to go to college back in my hometown so I could reconnect with old friends and start improving my life. I saw college as a fresh start and an opportunity to learn from all of my previous experiences and mistakes, and to start improving myself. I figured if I just lived in the dorms with a random roommate, I'd have the ability to stay in my room all day and avoid social interaction. Because of this, I joined a fraternity so I'd be forced to make a bunch of new friends. Moving back to my hometown to go to college was probably the 2nd-best decision of my life. Joining my fraternity was the best decision of my life. All of the people I met were so friendly-- they treated me with the utmost kindness and respect. There was such a variety of people who were all mature in their own different ways-- there were guys who could get any girl they wanted, guys that could benchpress double their bodyweight, guys who had a 4.0 college GPA and had never gotten a B in their life. Basically for every personal goal I had, there was someone in the house who had already mastered that aspect and could help guide me towards my goal. Because of this, I learned that the first step in improving myself was to swallow all of my pride and basically humble myself in any situation where I'd otherwise be nervous. At the peak of my social anxiety I'd be terrified of asking strangers questions for fear of being seen as stupid. Instead, I reframed such situations as myself being the student, and the other person being the teacher. I basically assumed the role of the humble learner, rather than trying to pretend I was good at things I wasn't. It worked out very well... The first close friend I made was a total ladies-man. He can say anything he wants to any girl and she'll melt. He would always wander into my room and we'd play video games for hours in the afternoon after classes. He was a total "natural"-- he didn't give a [cabbage] about what others thought of him. When I first met him, I was shocked at some of the things he'd say to girls and how positively they'd react to him. If I had said the same things, I'd get slapped. Though after knowing him for two years now, I could do the same things he does and get much better results than I would have two years ago :) The second close friend I made was the strongest, toughest guy in the house. Nobody [bleep]ed with him-- everybody was afraid of making him mad for fear of getting their ass kicked, despite the fact that he's not a bully. Quite the contrary-- he weighs about 180 lbs, looks like he only weighs 150 lbs, and can benchpress 360 lbs. His philosophy: "Would you rather be underestimated or overestimated? What's the point of looking ripped if you're not as strong as you look? What are you going to do if someone picks on your friends and you can't protect them?" Basically he got me into bodybuilding-- after my first year of training with him, I could benchpress 80 lbs more than I could when I started. Being fit and healthy significantly boosted my mood and self-confidence. My long-term bodybuilding goal is to be able to lift double my bodyweight. Hopefully I'll have completed that by the time I graduate. The third close friend I made is also very friendly and outgoing. He's got a very unique sense of humor which is the main reason why people like him-- basically he's known for being very obnoxious. Yet, not obnoxious in a disrespectful way-- rather, in a way to laugh at the things he does. Anybody ever watch Jackass on MTV? Think of things along the lines of that-- except he doesn't really do stupid things, and people laugh with him-- not at him. Speaking of Jackass, though-- we both own a pair of tear-away pants for when we decide to go "partyboying": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5i2eZPtvloE :D I've become much more social with strangers after hanging out with him-- it's really easy for me to talk to people now because I have strong sense of self and how I appear to others. It's kind of like a role I've created for myself, and most people I meet respond positively to the role. If the person responds negatively, they aren't the kind of person I want to get to know better. Thus, after living with these guys for two years, their personalities started to rub off on me. I became more outgoing and social just by hanging out with them. That probably wouldn't have happened if I had just met them at school and went to hang out with them a couple of times a week. Psychological studies have demonstrated a strong correlation between the amount of time spent with someone and how much you like them. So if you get along well with someone and you spend all your time with them, you'll become very close to them. If you don't like someone, you'll like them less the more time you spend with them. This principle applies to attracting women too btw ;) Because of the friends I have made at college, the person I am now is a completely different person than the person I was in high school. You could say that moving to college killed the anti-social part of me, and joining my fraternity and making new friends put the final nails in his coffin. Two years ago I was lonely and afraid. This summer I've had friends over to my new apartment to come go to the pool and/or party almost every night since my lease started. Life is good :)[/hide]