I'm Worried About My Mom

[deloriagod]

Honestly, you don't have to read this. This is just me getting some things off my chest here, because I'd rather not have all my rl friends know what's going on..

 

 

 

5 or 6 years ago, my mom was the nicest person you could meet (she could talk for hours about anything) and really social. My dad and her would go out every weekend to clubs, have a few drinks, and just have fun. When she was checking out at a store, she would talk to the cashiers and I could tell she never wanted to wrap up the conversations.

 

 

 

Well a couple of years ago she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia (which basically means she's in constant pain and her muscles don't heal like a healthy persons' would). She's on all kind of medications, she's always being taken off one and put on another. She works full time for her own business (that she runs with my dad) and I can tell it's stressful as hell.

 

 

 

But for the past year or so she hasn't wanted to go out. She hasn't been as talkative. She just hasn't been herself. She was always stressing out, always going to the doctor, but I didn't think too much of it. But now I'm getting worried. For the past few months she gets stressed too easily, she's in more pain than ever, and she just doesn't seem to know when to keep her mouth shut. I know, it's great that she's talking but I wish she'd shut up. She's been saying nothing but bad things that drive my parents' friends away and she even says things to my friends that make them not want to hang out at my place. Then she gets mad when they people don't come around, and she's worse to them when they do come around, then gets even more mad when they don't come around again.

 

 

 

At first, I just thought it was the kind of person she was becoming.. But now I'm almost thinking it's more of a mental condition. I could see being in constant pain having negative affects on your brain. Now, there's one more thing that makes matters worse. My dad doesn't understand what I'm thinking about this. He thinks she's just becoming a [bleep] (his words). He even mentioned a divorce if she didn't straighten up.

 

 

 

Now I'm going to throw a few things out there that, connected, having got me worried out of my mind:

 

 

 

-Too much stress can lead to depression

 

-Depression can cause suicidal thoughts. It can fog the brain, thinking death is the only way out of a mess

 

-Divorce (or even the idea of having one) can be really hard on a person

 

 

 

My mom is stressed like crazy, which could possibly lead to depression. Then my dad said something about a divorce to her if she didn't straighten up. I'm sure you all can make that last connection that's I'm thinking of.

 

 

 

However, if things are not as I fear they might be and she doesn't straighten up as my dad wants, if my dad goes through with a divorce I don't know what side I'd take. My little list of pros/cons:

 

 

 

Mom:

 

-Has been there for me through everything I've ever done, never once turned on me.

 

-Doesn't question what I want to do for a living, what I want to do to my body, or who I want to be with.

 

-May have a serious problem, might not be able to provide for herself and me if she really has a mental problem.

 

-Tried to get a job when I was little to make things easier on the family (money was more than tight).

 

 

 

Dad:

 

-Has only been there for me when I'm doing things he wants me to.

 

-Basically has a plan for my life, and hates when I don't follow it.

 

-Could possibly provide for the both of us if actually tried to get a job.

 

-Hasn't bother to try to get a job since being layed-off 3 years ago (we're now living off savings cause business is bad).

 

 

 

Just a small list, but after next year I'll be out of the house and I won't have to decide who to go with. You never think anything is going to hurt, until it hits home. Just the idea sucks like no other..

 

 

 

And I know, I'm over-reacting to a lot of things, but I just can't help it this time. I don't want to lose my mom in any way, but I'm really afraid something is wrong with her. And then my dad doesn't bother to help, he just tells her whats on his mind and leaves it at that..

[Lionheart_0]

Medications can be pretty sneaky things. I'm willing to bet the constant change in meds plays a large role here.

 

 

 

Sorry to here it man.. Looks like the next little might be hard :(

[Omar]

I feel for you. My parents are divorced, but that didn't strike that hard on me because I didn't like my dad that much, but I know how hard it can be to live off savings and seeing problems in your parents. I can't tell what your mom's problems are, but I can really say that I'm sorry for you.

 

You might wanna ask a doctor, or maybe your school's nurse what's wrong with your mother, they should know I think.

[AWMAGWD]

lifes a biatch eh?

[NightHawK]

The main thing is that you stay strong.

 

 

 

This is up to you, since I dont know the relationship between you and your father I dont know if its an option. But if you had a conversation with your father about the situation. Ask him to get a job or help out with your moms business.

 

 

 

As for your mom, Im sure you help out as much as you can but if there is any other way you could help her try and do it.

 

 

 

I hope everything turns out well for you.

[kelem_ryu]

It's my firm believe that everything going on with your body is the result of what's going on in you emotional. Seeing that your mother "suddenly" had some health issues that cause her a lot of pain translates to me that she had supressed emotional pain starting some time earlier. (Oh damit! i'm hungry.. orders pizza..)

 

 

 

From what you tell her pain is also reflected in her interaction with others. It's just a distortion of how she used to be.

 

 

 

Well stress is bad, love is curative. Humans are very delicate beings. I guess the financial pressure put some strain on your family.

 

 

 

Your mother needs to get more aware of what is going on with her. You could theoretically take some pressure off her by loading it on you, as cold your father. This will drain energy off you though, energy that you'll need yourself. So instead of doing that, it would be better to use your energy to make her aware of how she changed. She needs to find out what it is that ails her. If she keeps going into this direction nobody will be able to love her anymore. It seems you to love her more for who she was then for what she became. You can help her, but ultimately she'll have to help herself. The doctors and the medication won't cure her. They are doctors, not healers.

[Bubsa]

Mate, no-one here is gonna be able to give you sound advice. The only people that might are the friends you know the best. There's always one friend you can trust to tell anyone without the need to tell others.

 

 

 

This isn't a 'don't post crap here' post, I'm genuinelly advising you find that friend, because the majority of advice here could be ill-faced.

[The Real ET]

Mate, no-one here is gonna be able to give you sound advice. The only people that might are the friends you know the best. There's always one friend you can trust to tell anyone without the need to tell others.

 

 

 

This isn't a 'don't post crap here' post, I'm genuinelly advising you find that friend, because the majority of advice here could be ill-faced.

 

 

 

Amen to that, and if all else fails, there are counslers and such around. I can garentuee those options are much better than getting advice via TIF.

[speedofsound]

It saddens me to hear things are going so bad for you and your family. Whats probably causing your mother to act this way, is the combination of meds and the stressfulness of work. I don't doubt this is causing depression. All you can do is try to cheer her up and listen to her when she wants you to do something. In all honesty, you can't do much of anything, shes a adult and she'll want to, no, she needs to figure things out herself or with the help of other adults. Trained adults such as psychologists.

[hellbellz]

Sorry to hear about that Del. :(

 

 

 

My mother also has some mental problems. She isn't always the best person to be around, violent mood swings, short attention span sometimes, and can never stay down the right road.

 

 

 

Best of luck for your family and yourself.

[Kill_Thomas9]

Tell your dad to get a [bleep]ing job.

 

 

 

Not to be mean, but it sounds like your did really doesn't give a [cabbage] about what happens. If he wants your mom to straighten up, then he needs to get a job.

[deloriagod]

Mate, no-one here is gonna be able to give you sound advice. The only people that might are the friends you know the best. There's always one friend you can trust to tell anyone without the need to tell others.

 

 

 

This isn't a 'don't post crap here' post, I'm genuinelly advising you find that friend, because the majority of advice here could be ill-faced.

 

 

 

It's not so much I need advice, it's more or less I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm not quite ready to tell any rl friends (other than one or two I may talk to in the next few days) but I can't stand keeping things like this to myself. When I do it just keeps going around and around in my head and I can't concentrate on anything else.. At least since I've laid it out on the table here, I can keep my head straight for a while..

 

 

 

But thanks everyone for your support.

[The Dark Lord]

That's horrible that your father would say that. She doesn't seem to be mentally stable at the moment, and he is only causing more psychological harm.

[Craiglowery]

Tell your dad to shape his arce up. He needs to step up and support you guys. But I would suggest having a night out with your mom every once in a while just to take stress off her. It might sound lame but it might be the best thing for her right now.

[angryjoe]

Is there not a family member like an auntie or uncle or even family friends that you could talk to about it?

 

 

 

Also I'm sure you wouldn't have to take sides if your parents did get a divorce, unless you mean who whould you live with, in which case I have no clue pal.

[BlueTear]

My mother has a manager position on a fairly large company that sells electricity. A bit more than a year and a half back, she became too sick to work. Pain, nausea, problems concentrating, and a loss of words among other things. She was, months later, diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and takes a number of medicines for it today.

 

 

 

As usual, advice given over the internet is a bit dodgy at best, but knowing a bit about the strenght of the medication used to treat fibromyalgia and the nature of the pain, the fact that your mother is still working full time is both an impressive display of character as well as worrying. They need to talk about it with eachother, rather than leave it in situation that'll only get worse.

[Futurama]

If your dad has been unemployed for 3 years I wouldn't follow his "life plan" for you because look where his got him.

 

Have you had anyone in your family die in the past year or so? Maybe your mums going through PMT or something? Not being funny or nothing, just saying it could be that.

 

A lot of people I know have been in a similar situation to you where their parents have divorced and instead of living with their parents, they've gone to live with their grandparents, or rented a room for 60 pound a month/flat for 300 a month (more apartments really, not block flats.) It's not a dead end choice just yet or your mum or dad, but my suggestion, if it comes to it, is to go with your mum. Your dad will probably be after a new bird and out of all the people's divorced parents I know, the dad was usually the one making all the mistakes and screwing their lives up a bit, whereas most of the mums have found decent boyfriends/husbands and one or two have even started families no problem.

 

 

 

Your gonna be quite lost for what to do and noone can really tell you what's best for you, it's something you're gonna have to decide yourself.

[R_I_O_T]

Sounds like your mum needs to change jobs at the least. My mum use to be really stressy at her old job providing for 3 children. She's divorced. Her old job was 40kÃÆââ¬Å¡Ãâã and then she changed jobs to a job she always wanted to do but for only 28kÃÆââ¬Å¡Ãâã Now she's much better although we are living on the verge of 0ÃÆââ¬Å¡Ãâã per month because me and my bother go to a private school.

 

 

 

I hate medication, I use to take some medication which I didn't was affecting me. I was taking them for 8months or so, and school just became terrible and I was breaking down quite a few times. I finally read the information about my medication and decided to stop. Not only was the reason I took the medication had gone, I felt really good.

 

 

 

But I hope all the best for you.

 

R_I_O_T

[Omar]

Oh, and I forgot to tell you, make sure you tell your dad about it. It may not be an easy thing to do, but try and sensiblize him to the fact that your mother has a lot to do already.

[andufusthebronze]

LOL SHE GOT FKING OWNED BY HERSELF AND HER OWN BODY LOL that amsues me

 

 

 

Die down a well you insensitive jerk!

 

 

 

Anyway, I think your mum is going to the doctor more and more, and the medications are too much for her to handle, making her worse and worse. It sucks about the disease, and your dad doesnt seem very supportive.

 

 

 

The one thing I would suggest is to go to a local counsil, I'll admit I have been to one before. They are a great help.

 

 

 

Hope everything turns out okay.

[iqrg]

LOL SHE GOT FKING OWNED BY HERSELF AND HER OWN BODY LOL that amsues me

 

 

 

Die down a well you insensitive jerk!

 

 

 

Anyway, I think your mum is going to the doctor more and more, and the medications are too much for her to handle, making her worse and worse. It sucks about the disease, and your dad doesnt seem very supportive.

 

 

 

The one thing I would suggest is to go to a local counsil, I'll admit I have been to one before. They are a great help.

 

 

 

Hope everything turns out okay.

 

 

 

 

 

SORRY BUT WE DON'T LIVE IN A 3RD AGE WORLD, WELLS ARE ONLY IN THE COUNTRYSIDE NOT EVERYWHERE.

 

 

 

I'm not actually walking more than 5 minutes to kill myself, jeez, i'm too busy posting, newbie!

[andufusthebronze]

LOL SHE GOT FKING OWNED BY HERSELF AND HER OWN BODY LOL that amsues me

 

 

 

Die down a well you insensitive jerk!

 

 

 

Anyway, I think your mum is going to the doctor more and more, and the medications are too much for her to handle, making her worse and worse. It sucks about the disease, and your dad doesnt seem very supportive.

 

 

 

The one thing I would suggest is to go to a local counsil, I'll admit I have been to one before. They are a great help.

 

 

 

Hope everything turns out okay.

 

 

 

 

 

SORRY BUT WE DON'T LIVE IN A 3RD AGE WORLD, WELLS ARE ONLY IN THE COUNTRYSIDE NOT EVERYWHERE.

 

 

 

I'm not actually walking more than 5 minutes to kill myself, jeez, i'm too busy posting, newbie!

 

 

 

Erm, what?

 

So, I fail how to see how "Mr. 144 IQ" Can find someone dying halarious. And, it was sarcasm. And, Newbie? I'm a hell of a lot older than you in this forums.

[Bubsa]

Feed the Troll!

 

Feed the Troll!

 

Feed the Troll and he will post! (a flame war!)

 

Feed the Troll and he will post!

[Jaziek]

Feed the Troll!

 

Feed the Troll!

 

Feed the Troll and he will post! (a flame war!)

 

Feed the Troll and he will post!

 

 

 

wow.. been a while since i've heard that..

[pfilc23]

I don't know a whole lot about Fibromyalgia, but I do know one of the symptoms is severe fatigue. On top of that, another symptom is sleeping disorder (not trouble falling asleep, but trouble staying in deep sleep cycles, because of bursts of brain activity). Between running a business and a family, I'm sure she's tired as hell (heck, that's tiring for someone without a chronic disease). If you are concerned (and it sounds like you sincerly are), do what you can to help alleviate some of her workload (either helping out at their business if possible or simply around the house). Also, talk to her about it...express your concerns and ask what you can do to help. If nothing else, I'm sure she'll be touched by your concern and desire to help, which in itself may be helpful simply by reminding her that someone cares.