All I'm confused about is why the good girls always fall for the idiot guys.

 

They don't. Not that this is always the case, but most of the time when you think a guy's a jerk, you just don't really know them that well. I could say the same thing for guys falling for idiot girls, but I know most of the time it's just they way I perceive the girl, and that I don't actually know her. Most of the time. Then there are cases when people are in it just for how hot the other person is.

 

 

 

Nah, the dude's a bum.

[hide=Blah, blah, blah...]

So here's the deal.

 

 

 

A couple of months ago, I dated a girl (We'll call her Kate). It built up for about a week, then we actually dated. We broke up after 2 days. Kate plays water polo one helluva a lot. Right now, she plays for her club, and Team Ontario. She even played for Team Canada over the March break. The reason we broke up was exactly because of this. School and water polo took up all of her time. Even though we went to the same school, the most I'd be able to see her/talk to her is about an hour, during lunch. So we broke up, but are still good friends (We both still have feeling for eachother). Once schools ends and summer starts, so do her all-day practices (As in 18-20 hours a week), since she's going to Hungary with Team Ontario for two weeks (Was originally four, then six, now two). She gets back August 1st. We're still good friends, I still have feelings for her, I'm almost certain she still has feelings for me. We talk on msn every other day or so. About two, three weeks ago, we get talking about us, and she ends up revealing that she broke up with me with the intention of getting back together, but she's realized something (About her, not us, she did tell me what it is), so she's decided against the getting back together. By now I'm over her in the sense that I still want to date her, but it's no the end of the world.

 

 

 

Then comes Mary. I met her at a party last Wednesday. We've talked on msn quite a bit over the past couple of days. Saw a movie with her Monday, we had an awesome time. I've decided that I'm going to try and date her, I'm not going to wait the rest of the summer for Kate (She gets back August 1, but there's something else), especially if I'm not sure what's going to happen. We're still very good friends, so I'm worried about what her reaction to me and Mary will be, in case Kate still has feelings for me. I want to keep the friendship, since I'd say she probably is the person I trust the most right now.

 

 

 

Just thought I'd put some context as to how much water polo Kate plays. Since late April to mid-May, I've seen Kate about 5-6 times outside of school. Of those, I've talked/hung out with her 4 times (Walked her home, after my rugby game, she passed by on a run, going to her house for fireworks last Friday). The most I've talked to her face to face was going to her house for fireworks, which was about 2.5 hours.

 

 

 

So advice is welcome, but right now I've made up my mind. I'm going to try and date Mary. Again, there's just the nagging little corner of my mind worrying about Kate. Telling you this is one of those it-feels-better-to-let-it-out kind of things.

 

 

 

In a complete turn of events, me and Kate are now dating, or at least trying to date :lol: Something we both realized is that if we stay away from each other, we are actually able to start forgetting about each other. The only problem is that once we talk, the feelings come up again. Which is a problem since we both either want to date or still remain good friends. So, we just decided "[bleep] that" to the whole not dating thing, and now we're going to try again. And we couldn't have chosen a worse time to try. She leaves for Hungary Thursday, is gone for two weeks, goes up north to her friend's cottage (Which luckily is ~20 minutes from mine), then goes down to Vermont to another friend's cottage. Not to mention that she's busy until Thursday, mainly because of practice.

 

 

 

Not to mention that almost all of her guy friends (Which pretty much is all her friends, she finds girls too [bleep]) like her, so this just screws things over on that side of the fence. I really can only laugh at how screwed things are whenever we try to date.

[/hide]

 

 

 

*facepalm*

 

 

 

Well, against my better judgement, I wish you luck with this endeavor. Like you said this was horrible timing. And timing in life is everything.

 

I was expecting that response from someone (Pretty much everyone actually). Thanks for the wish though :thumbup:

I need an adult to speak to, someone who's in a relationship and knows what they're speaking about. I have made a huge mistake and I just need some decent information.

 

 

 

PM me, please.

[edit] The post I was talking about got deleted I think...

[edit] The post I was talking about got deleted I think...

 

 

 

Yeah, I was a little too rude.

 

 

 

Anyway, I think it would be better for you to post the problem here, this gives more chance of multiple insights from different users, and will actually give your problem more attention.

 

 

 

Besides, someone doesn't need to be in a relationship to help.

Did you switch sigs and avatars with mageman? Dammit, that confuses me. I recognize users by their sigs :|

I was bored so I asked him if he'd consider doing it.

 

 

 

We get confused at times too :oops:, but it's pretty fun.

I need an adult to speak to, someone who's in a relationship and knows what they're speaking about. I have made a huge mistake and I just need some decent information.

 

 

 

PM me, please.

 

tell everyone! :thumbup:

Did you switch sigs and avatars with mageman? Dammit, that confuses me. I recognize users by their sigs :|

 

This is only half of the confusion. :D

.

My text in Orange.

 

 

 

Hey,

 

 

 

I'm hoping the wise people of the Tip It forums can help me out here:

 

 

 

There is this girl I really like, and I seem to be thinking about her an awful lot, and my problem would be the typical lack of confidence, don't know to how to talk to her, etc. but for a few extra problems:

 

 

 

- Our Age difference: I'm 15 and a half, and I think she's 14, or just turned 14. So that's a 1 to 1 and a half year age difference. At our ages, is this too much? I've heard that girls like slightly older boys, but how much is "slightly"?Depends on the personality of the girl. But some girls are more flirtatious to older, guys with cars etc. so usually 17-18 is the "older" for your age group.

 

- I only see her for a couple of hours once a week at our local badminton club. Is once a week to long? I'm sure that if I did start talking to her things could change, but is it still feasible?Any amount of time is better then none.

 

- It is mainly an adult club: I feel awkward trying to have a conversation about such a topic, when there are a lot of adults around. It isn't helped by the fact that my Dad also goes there.Are there opportunites where you can talk with her away from the adults?

 

- Getting the oppurtunity to talk: She's always there before me, and usually playing. There is no set 'finish time' for the club. People just keep playing as long as they want, but she always leaves at a set time, which is always before me. We do have breaks, where there is a chance to socialize, but in the occasion that she has a break at the same time as me, I have the problem above. There are adults around, and I feel awkward trying to talk to her.Same as above

 

- Lack of experience: I've never had a girlfriend before, and am a naturally shy person. I'm not even very good socializing with boys my own age, so I think you can see how I feel about trying to talk to girls I like.It can be hard, believe me. but it will get harder if you postpone it into your late teens

 

- Don't know if she has a boyfriend: This isn't too much of a problem, but as I hardly see her, I have no idea what her personal life is like.get to know her more is proberly your first step

 

 

 

Thankfully, there is a couple of good things in my favour:

 

 

 

- Her parents don't come to the club: So I don't have the extra awkwardness of her parents being around.Thats good, helps break the ice without the dauthing thought that her dad might be behind the next corner

 

- I am fairly sure she likes me: I've caught her looking at me several times, and whenever our eyes meet, she averts her eyes. (Although are there other things I should be looking for to enforce this fact?)dont be too hasty, she might be shy, just like you.

 

 

 

Well, there's my problem, and looking at it like this, it isn't very good from my point of view. I try and tell myself not to get my hopes up, but as I said, I can't stop thinking about her. I go to a single-sex school (I think she does too), and there aren't many other girls in my life.

 

 

 

Thank you for reading, and I hope you can help.This service costs one cookie

Hey,

 

 

 

I'm hoping the wise people of the Tip It forums can help me out here:

 

 

 

There is this girl I really like, and I seem to be thinking about her an awful lot, and my problem would be the typical lack of confidence, don't know to how to talk to her, etc. but for a few extra problems:

 

 

 

- Our Age difference: The age difference isn't a problem, when most people say slightly older the mean about a year.

 

- I only see her for a couple of hours once a week While you're just getting to know her, that's not a problem. But it would be a good idea to get a phone number or something, so you can still talk to her.

 

- It is mainly an adult club: Well, don't talk about liking her there. Just say hi, ask if she wants to play with you or something. I doubt the adults would think there's anything wrong with the only kids at the club talking to each other.

 

- Getting the oppurtunity to talk: If you do have a break together, say hi and ask if she wants to play with you. Unless the matches are all set, there shouldn't be much of a problem. Then you two could talk while you play. You already have something in common, badminton. If you cant think of anything to talk about, talk about that.

 

- Lack of experience: There's a first time for everything. Just do it.

 

- Don't know if she has a boyfriend: Well when you get to talking, eventually you could ask this.

 

 

 

Thankfully, there is a couple of good things in my favour:

 

 

 

- Her parents don't come to the club: :thumbup:

 

- I am fairly sure she likes me: Well, this just gives you more of a reason to go talk to her.

 

 

 

Well, there's my problem, and looking at it like this, it isn't very good from my point of view. I try and tell myself not to get my hopes up, but as I said, I can't stop thinking about her. I go to a single-sex school (I think she does too), and there aren't many other girls in my life.

 

 

 

Thank you for reading, and I hope you can help.

[hide=]

Cant be stuffed with numbers so lets toss some red writing in instead.

 

 

 

EDIT: Change to orange, I cant even read the red without squinting >.<

 

 

 

 

After me & her broke up, we both kinda went emo (in taking terms of the stereotype where theyre all depressed and stuff) in terms of personality for a while. We sulked, never were happy when we didnt need to be, so on and so on. Eventually we started getting more stable w/o each other, but idk about her, but I cant give up so easily. I gave this girl everything but my virginity; heart, mind, bold, soul. I [bleep] meant it in this relationship, and I think she did too. I mean, everything sets me off into thinking about this girl, because our relationship was everything to me.

 

Never throw the "emo" word around carelessly (Due to a multitude of differrent meanings, people get offended etc), If you mean you became emotional, its totally normal. First thing you need to do is take a step back and clear your head for a moment. This exact thing happened with one of my ex's a few years back and in fact were meeting up thursday to catch up as friends. Even though a relationship may end, It doesn't mean your friendship has to, and who knows, something may happen a few years later.

 

 

 

Shes extremely cautious around guys, because of her father. (her father cheated on her mother secretly for ~9 years and they got a divorce about 3-4ish years ago.) She has that mindset of "all guys are pigs" and such and such, but somehow I was different :-k

 

Although you proberly know it, this isn't your fault. She merely just has trust issues due to family serverances (Big word, isn't it?) that have been caused because of trust, give her time. It might not be for weeks, months or even years but she'll see one day not all men are pigs.

 

 

 

 

 

She told me she loved me before she can even tell her own father the same line. Which is why I still see things the way I do. I know this is getting into TMI but there were times where if I was there with her, and not on the phone she would have been willing to lose it to me (yeah, hopefully you guys take the hint L0L)

 

TMI?

 

 

 

If me, a guy, can make so much difference on a girl like that, I refuse to accept the answer of that she loves me as a friend, because I know its more then that.

 

Women are difficult. We cannot read their mind, and if we could, all form of love and curiosity would just dissapear

 

 

 

Now shes heading off for college (Towston in MD i think?) but theres a catch. After we broke up, through the "emo" mood, and even up untill graduation she was claiming she "didnt want to talk to anyone from [my town] when she goes off to college" Another catch; We all, including me and her, got back recently from marching in Washington DC for the Independence Day Parade (exciting, huh?), which would really be the last time I would see her in person. At midnight Monday morning, despite leaving instantly because she had work at the local YMCA summer camp, she went over to a few close friends as they were leaving, and gave each a hug and said some stuff, which idk what it was nor was it any of my business. But then she came over to me. With a face as if she was worried I was going to leave without saying goodbye. I somehow got a big hug that night, with a message of my own.

 

You did leave a impact on her life, and not a bad one either. what was the message exactly? (if its not too personal)

 

 

 

Despite the fact I will never forgive her for what she put me through, I still love her. I told her that. She still loves me . She also said to stay strong and to "keep in touch"

 

You say so now, but trust me in time you'll forgive.

 

 

 

Now here comes the question. Does anyone think, that if I casually keep contact with her, that in a "good-case" scenario (she doesnt fall head-over-heels over someone new, dies, etc [lol on dying]) that I may have another chance 3-5 years down the road, when we both get into the real world?

 

Theres ALWAYSa chance (continued next orange text)

 

 

 

If theres a chance, shes worth waiting that amount of time for her. As one of my friends said, its either love or obsession. As much as I personally think its obsession, I think the true love feeling will come out and show itsself eventually.

 

However, waiting for her could be bad on the heart (emotionally), She could fall for another guy, or you could fall for another girl. We cant plan the future, only prepare for what lies ahead.

 

 

 

opinions/rate/hate lol, well opinions please :

 

I can take negative opinions, Its not like I'll commit suicide if it doesnt work, I'll just move on. It would bee as tough as it has been, but I can make it, because I have so far.

 

On the lighter side of things, I ate your cookies.

 

[/hide]

 

 

 

Thanks. Thats been a big help. She keeps loggin onto AIM but I never take the chance to PM her. I guess its just going to take a long time.........

 

 

 

On the lighter side, I made more cookies :

 

 

 

But I already eated half of them :twss:

.

Thanks for the replies.

 

 

 

- It is mainly an adult club: I feel awkward trying to have a conversation about such a topic, when there are a lot of adults around. It isn't helped by the fact that my Dad also goes there.Are there opportunites where you can talk with her away from the adults?

This I feel is the most difficult thing. Aside from playing, people have their 'rest' in a communal lounge. Conversations are usually quite open and involve most people that are in it. This is why I feel quite awkward trying to start my own conversation with her. Even if it's just about badminton or something, I still feel self-conscious.

 

 

Funny enough, the best way to start a conversation is to not plan one. If you plan one your always thinking "What if it goes wrong? What if Im boring her?". Its best to throw yourself at her (not litterally) and just pop open a simple "Hi"

Thanks for the replies.

 

 

 

- It is mainly an adult club: I feel awkward trying to have a conversation about such a topic, when there are a lot of adults around. It isn't helped by the fact that my Dad also goes there.Are there opportunites where you can talk with her away from the adults?

This I feel is the most difficult thing. Aside from playing, people have their 'rest' in a communal lounge. Conversations are usually quite open and involve most people that are in it. This is why I feel quite awkward trying to start my own conversation with her. Even if it's just about badminton or something, I still feel self-conscious.

 

 

Funny enough, the best way to start a conversation is to not plan one. If you plan one your always thinking "What if it goes wrong? What if Im boring her?". Its best to throw yourself at her (not litterally) and just pop open a simple "Hi"

 

Yeah, don't plan conversations; it's really easy to tell when someone's planned one, everything sounds rehearsed. And who gives a [bleep] what other people think.

Thanks for the replies.

 

 

 

- It is mainly an adult club: I feel awkward trying to have a conversation about such a topic, when there are a lot of adults around. It isn't helped by the fact that my Dad also goes there.Are there opportunites where you can talk with her away from the adults?

This I feel is the most difficult thing. Aside from playing, people have their 'rest' in a communal lounge. Conversations are usually quite open and involve most people that are in it. This is why I feel quite awkward trying to start my own conversation with her. Even if it's just about badminton or something, I still feel self-conscious.

 

 

Funny enough, the best way to start a conversation is to not plan one. If you plan one your always thinking "What if it goes wrong? What if Im boring her?". Its best to throw yourself at her (not litterally) and just pop open a simple "Hi"

 

 

 

I disagree partly, though the part about being spontaneous is important. Pre planned conversations, or routines work well when inexperienced because you can concentrate on things like your voice speed and tone, your body language, their body language, what you're going to do next etc. Almost all of the communication is non vocal, what you say is much much less important than how you say it.

 

 

 

Pre planned stories also allow you to be more efficient in flipping the attraction switches when not used to talking a lot.

 

 

 

Actual conversations can't really be planned, but once you start using the same routines over and over on new people you learn all the possible conversation threads and already have responses for them.

 

 

 

With a little knowledge and practice you can make it look natural. It's done all the time by people who tell a story more than once.

 

 

 

Conversing for beginners is just about taking one or more of the key words from the other person's sentence and talking about those.

I disagree with the above post. It's just not being yourself.. If you practice you'll get used to it, and it will be very hard to break the habit of planning conversations.

- It is mainly an adult club: I feel awkward trying to have a conversation about such a topic, when there are a lot of adults around. It isn't helped by the fact that my Dad also goes there.Are there opportunites where you can talk with her away from the adults?

This I feel is the most difficult thing. Aside from playing, people have their 'rest' in a communal lounge. Conversations are usually quite open and involve most people that are in it. This is why I feel quite awkward trying to start my own conversation with her. Even if it's just about badminton or something, I still feel self-conscious.

As everyone else said, I guess your best bet is to just say hi. The adults won't think anything's wrong with two people talking to each other

 

- I am fairly sure she likes me: I've caught her looking at me several times, and whenever our eyes meet, she averts her eyes. (Although are there other things I should be looking for to enforce this fact?)dont be too hasty, she might be shy, just like you.

Well OK. Although can there be subtle signs I can look out for that can enforce/deforce this theory?

There are some, but I'm not very good with them. sorry :(

 

- Getting the oppurtunity to talk: If you do have a break together, say hi and ask if she wants to play with you. Unless the matches are all set, there shouldn't be much of a problem. Then you two could talk while you play. You already have something in common, badminton. If you cant think of anything to talk about, talk about that.

Well games are usually set by a senior club member who's resting at that time. And generally people don't really talk about non-badminton related things while actually playing.

 

 

 

I do think my best bet is to 'break the ice' and try and talk to her about badminton. Any advice on how I should approach this? (I.e should I try and talk to her for awhile, or just briefly?)

I agree, your best bet is to talk about badminton. As for how to approach it, talk for as long as you can. If you two are playing together, talk while the match goes on if it's normal to do that. If you talk outside of a match, just talk until one of you has to go to play a match, or leave the club.

To mattie and his problems, just talk to her, try not to plan out your conversations too much, but it's ok if you think of a topic or something you can go to if whatever your talking about sort of goes stagnant or stops interesting her or you.

 

Don't be self-conscious when you're talking. This is hard at first, but being self conscious usually only makes you look worse. Unless she's into shy guys, but even then you'll be better off if you don't sound nervous when you talk to her.

 

Ask her if she has an IM/cell/facebook, talk to her through there when you're not at the club.

.

Here's a tip, I don't know if it will apply here, but try to not only talk about badminton. It's sort of like how talking about school isn't really a great way to flirt with anyone, talking about badminton in an environment that is just a badminton club probably isn't the best way either. Don't plan the conversation out, like you have been, it will only make you seem more awkward than you may already be. Think of a couple of topics and just see where that goes.

I told you I'd keep you updated, so to continue from pages 170/171...

 

 

 

I talked to a friend of hers..who was willing to help and told me what (can't remember letter I used) A said about it. Seeing as her schedule is very full, I merely sent an email explain that I was trying to fix all that stuff. I asked her friend to read over it to make sure it was ok, corrected it twice...then sent it

 

 

 

No reply

 

 

 

Waited a week, no reply

 

 

 

She's gone to Portugal so that might explain it though

 

 

 

Email sent below:

 

[hide=]Decided just to put a summary. Apologised if I seemed obsessive, stalkerish etc. Told her I'd been trying to pull it away from being text-based. Wished her good luck for her holiday. Apologised for anything wrong I said, pointed out I have 0 experience in these matters[/hide]

 

 

 

There were a few emoticons seeing as that is supposedly "how to get through to her"

There's this pretty freshman girl that sits in the back of the classroom in Geography. I'm gonna try and get to know her on Monday. I will post updates!

There's this pretty freshman girl that sits in the back of the classroom in Geography. I'm gonna try and get to know her on Monday. I will post updates!

 

 

 

Still in school? #-o

 

 

 

Go get em anyways, tiger! (lol)